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Discussion Starter #1
How often do you find yourselves to be just a slave to letting what could happen happen instead of actively choosing a potential future and going for it?

Do you often see a million paths in front of you and just wait for one of those to reach out to you before pursuing it or is seeing possibilities a tool for a goal, and a back up plan and another 12 back up plans when/if your priorities fail?

I find myself stuck in this purgatory. The future is uncertain, and so I'm leaving it up to fate to decide. Sure, I could actively make a choice but I think perhaps it's my anxiety that's too scared to take responsibility for any future. Whatever's to come won't be boring at least, I know that much.

The title's a song my Nonna would sing, it seems fitting. It's stuck in my head now.
 

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Wow.... you really got to the root of my INdecision making here. What a excellent question.
I find often if I feel like I've got a side-kick with me or if I can BE a side-kick on a journey and I see clearly that it's a win-win for both... that it is VERY valuable to me on whether I get going on something. And I'm almost relying on that other person to continue to show interest and uphold their side... But this is the only consistent thing that works for me on jumping into one of my own ideas/or other ideas that I immediately see the "fit" and it only semi-works.... ><
Like.... and I'm going to be very specific because I need my side-kicks in order to complete my usefulness in this world and I want to complete these things....
#1. What if X isn't going to write that book with me? I'm already very attached to the idea and I know it would be important and awesome.
#2 What if I don't do what I need to working with X? I need to be a good side-kick too and uphold my end of the bargain. I will get it!
#3. What if I don't get around to editing my husband's book these days... I won't let that happen! Plus, be patient for mine to take years to write? But he knows if he listens to my research then I won't actually WRITE I'll just talk about the research to death.
#4. The "Writer's Corner" thread is going nicely even if I don't pump blood into it myself. Yay!
#5. Composing.... I am kind of alone on this... but I can at least talk about my experience with it in the Classical forum and with friends here and that can help me keep going.

Alone... hmmm... I have a harder time and I'm sure there are times I "go for it". I was alone on my Viking enbarkment (right now research journey), but right now I can't think of anything to say about choosing possibilities on my own. So what if I need to switch side-kicks? Rely on people who have been reliable before? That would work too, for me, at a cross-roads.
 
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I continuously optimize situations to the best of my ability, adjusting appropriately as Fate works its inexorable workings. To go against the tide successfully is beyond human skill to accomplish; to simply float with the tide makes one's existence mere flotsam. One must learn to swim with the tide towards one's goal.
 

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How often do you find yourselves to be just a slave to letting what could happen happen instead of actively choosing a potential future and going for it?

Do you often see a million paths in front of you and just wait for one of those to reach out to you before pursuing it or is seeing possibilities a tool for a goal, and a back up plan and another 12 back up plans when/if your priorities fail?

I find myself stuck in this purgatory. The future is uncertain, and so I'm leaving it up to fate to decide. Sure, I could actively make a choice but I think perhaps it's my anxiety that's too scared to take responsibility for any future. Whatever's to come won't be boring at least, I know that much.

The title's a song my Nonna would sing, it seems fitting. It's stuck in my head now.
Ah, I feel you, FF. For me, it’s a constant ebb and flow; I can go from speeding toward a destination, confident in the path I’ve chosen, to hitting the cruise control button at the next turn.

Seeing all the possibilities can be overwhelming as hell, especially when I’m feeling anxious and uncertain about my direction in life. What good is it to see all the options when I’m not certain about what I want or where I want to go? Why make a concrete decision when I can safely play out the hypotheticals in my mind without risk of a crash or reroute? In those moments, I’m stuck in a roundabout, circling and circling.

If there’s a balance, I’ve yet to find that middle ground. And really, maybe there isn’t one when Ne is involved? Maybe I would have whizzed past and missed something unforeseen if not for the roundabouts of life?

Is there a particular choice you’re leaving up to kismet? Or a general “come what may” regarding the future?
 

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Yep. I've never had a strong or consistent direction in my life, only things guiding me in a general direction. It's been both a good and a bad thing - it makes it very hard for me to set goals for myself, but on the other hand it's also a very comfortable place to be and has the advantage of integrating well with life's interruptions (such as marriage, which has been a very pleasant interruption Lol). It has also worked fairly well in that I'm able to get behind and support my husband in accomplishing his goals, while at the same time he works to help me set and accomplish goals for myself.
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
Is there a particular choice you’re leaving up to kismet? Or a general “come what may” regarding the future?
It's an anxious time for me right now. I wonder if making a decision would stop that anxiety because a future would be set...

You know what? I know what I have to. I've known for a long time but I've just been putting it off because of the pain and strife it'll cause. I'd rather an easier path but I can't find it. Still, making that one decision doesn't make the future anymore certain. I got asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I have no idea, I don't know what my job, what country or any of my relationships will be. I guess my decision is to completely remove all certainty and start again? But then I still need a plan...
 
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I never know what I want to do or what will make me fulfilled or happy career-wise. I also know I would pick a different studies if I were 18 again, so that doesn't help.

The only thing I know is that I want to keep progressing, keep educating myself and keep working on my skills (or lack thereoff). At the same time I am happy and think that I should be happy that I will end up in an office building, rather than on the wharfs in port around here. So whatever I will be doing, it is at least not as bad and will probably make an okay living for myself. That is sort of comforting.

Choosing your own future is being responsible for your own happiness and fulfilment. Of course that is scary! No one to blame but yourself if you end up doing things you dont want to do.
 

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Discussion Starter #8

I continuously optimize situations to the best of my ability, adjusting appropriately as Fate works its inexorable workings. To go against the tide successfully is beyond human skill to accomplish; to simply float with the tide makes one's existence mere flotsam. One must learn to swim with the tide towards one's goal.
Unless your goal is to see where life takes you. Uncertainty can be exciting when it's not anxiety taking control. If floating is keeping you in one place for too long... then it's a shallow life. If you are looking for consistancy and stability, then that's fine, but you have your goal and you aren't floating.
 
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Discussion Starter #9
I never know what I want to do or what will make me fulfilled or happy career-wise. I also know I would pick a different studies if I were 18 again, so that doesn't help.

The only thing I know is that I want to keep progressing, keep educating myself and keep working on my skills (or lack thereoff). At the same time I am happy and think that I should be happy that I will end up in an office building, rather than on the wharfs in port around here. So whatever I will be doing, it is at least not as bad and will probably make an okay living for myself. That is sort of comforting.

Choosing your own future is being responsible for your own happiness and fulfilment. Of course that is scary! No one to blame but yourself if you end up doing things you dont want to do.
I always think about my father when it comes to this. I don't think you should ever relent to the idea that it's too late to do something. My father was unhappy with his career but he was comfortable, and too scared to change anything up. It took my father decades before fate got in the way and he got made redundant, a few years later, since he went to the point of having nothing to lose he started working on himself, working towards things he'd rather be doing. I think he should have made a move earlier, fulfilled his education earlier, found a different path instead of accepting that he's too old to change things up.

It scares me because I can see myself doing the same thing that my father did... so I'm trying to move in the opposite direction, but yeah, I don't like being responsible for failure... although by doing nothing I am still.

Point being, if you want different education, do it. Do a part time course maybe? I don't know what the educational fees are like in Netherlands... they any good?
 
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I always think about my father when it comes to this. I don't think you should ever relent to the idea that it's too late to do something. My father was unhappy with his career but he was comfortable, and too scared to change anything up. It took my father decades before fate got in the way and he got made redundant, a few years later, since he went to the point of having nothing to lose he started working on himself, working towards things he'd rather be doing. I think he should have made a move earlier, fulfilled his education earlier, found a different path instead of accepting that he's too old to change things up.

It scares me because I can see myself doing the same thing that my father did... so I'm trying to move in the opposite direction, but yeah, I don't like being responsible for failure... although by doing nothing I am still.

Point being, if you want different education, do it. Do a part time course maybe? I don't know what the educational fees are like in Netherlands... they any good?
It's never too late no, but like you pointed it out, it is also part comfort. I feel like all through my teens and early twenties we've been continuously pushed in education. So the last few years off of education are nice. Challenges are fine, but walking around on your toes all day doubting whether you will make it in time is not something I look forward to again.
It is more that my bachelors degree doesn't allow me to do a follow-up masters in my field of interest. I'll have to look into work that may allow to combine my education and interests more.

Tuition fees aren't that bad, I think the regular system sets you back about 2000 euro per year (bachelors or masters). Depends a little on where or what you are doing.
 

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It's an interesting one. I find myself very comfortable floating along and letting things happen to me. But then, and I'm not sure if it's just me, I feel unfulfilled when I have my low moments. I think it's in my nature to need to see results early if I'm going to aim for something, and often times I float along because if I commit to something I'll easily get bored or frustrated. Some things I do is often not worry about specifics of the future, but gentle optimism that it'll always be better than now gets me through. And if you have a goal, as we all have our dreams, try breaking down the steps you need to take into smaller chunks. It's ok to work a bit towards something then step back for a bit, then go back to it.

This isn't flakiness, it's working towards something in a manner that is comfortable to a buzzy brain.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
It's an interesting one. I find myself very comfortable floating along and letting things happen to me. But then, and I'm not sure if it's just me, I feel unfulfilled when I have my low moments. I think it's in my nature to need to see results early if I'm going to aim for something, and often times I float along because if I commit to something I'll easily get bored or frustrated. Some things I do is often not worry about specifics of the future, but gentle optimism that it'll always be better than now gets me through. And if you have a goal, as we all have our dreams, try breaking down the steps you need to take into smaller chunks. It's ok to work a bit towards something then step back for a bit, then go back to it.

This isn't flakiness, it's working towards something in a manner that is comfortable to a buzzy brain.
I normally try this approach, but right now those 'smaller' chunks all involve moving country really. Go big or... go home... back to my parents and scrounge off of them until I sort my life out.

Also, hey! Welcome, new ENFP!
 
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I normally try this approach, but right now those 'smaller' chunks all involve moving country really. Go big or... go home... back to my parents and scrounge off of them until I sort my life out.

Also, hey! Welcome, new ENFP!
Thank you for the welcome :) I may not be able to relate so much because I'm young. But one of my recent goals is also moving away from my parents, finally. I'm floating towards it though, like someone said in this thread. Flow with the tide towards a goal, and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't make it immediately, and don't be too hard on yourself if you get distracted. I swear we do that A LOT.
 

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Thank you for the welcome :) I may not be able to relate so much because I'm young. But one of my recent goals is also moving away from my parents, finally. I'm floating towards it though, like someone said in this thread. Flow with the tide towards a goal, and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't make it immediately, and don't be too hard on yourself if you get distracted. I swear we do that A LOT.
Now that you've changed your avatar to the cutest Pikachu I can only imagine that you are a little kid who needs protecting. I don't think our ages could be that different but then whilst I think I still haven't hit adulthood and that I'm 18, a lot has changed in my life since then... it's probably going to be the biggest change for you too making that first step. Yeah, it's scary but exciting.

And getting distracted from the main goal is the best part! All those sidequests I need to do before I complete the story! No, I should focus more... but... procrastination is my life!
 
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Now that you've changed your avatar to the cutest Pikachu I can only imagine that you are a little kid who needs protecting. I don't think our ages could be that different but then whilst I think I still haven't hit adulthood and that I'm 18, a lot has changed in my life since then... it's probably going to be the biggest change for you too making that first step. Yeah, it's scary but exciting.

And getting distracted from the main goal is the best part! All those sidequests I need to do before I complete the story! No, I should focus more... but... procrastination is my life!
I'm 23. But also still a little kid that needs protecting. I've fallen for an INFJ and I'm completely all over the place about how to guess his intentions. I'm definitely struggling with "Que Sera Sera" on this topic....but thats another issue I'm sure I'll post about another time when I've been on more dates.
 

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I'm 23. But also still a little kid that needs protecting. I've fallen for an INFJ and I'm completely all over the place about how to guess his intentions. I'm definitely struggling with "Que Sera Sera" on this topic....but thats another issue I'm sure I'll post about another time when I've been on more dates.
*wipes a single tear* So young. I remember those days. Feels like it was just last year I was 23 and in love-- oh, wait, yeah, that was last year.

Hey, if you need to rant/explore/question whatever it is about this relationship, you'll find a lot of ENFPs and INFJs here willing to listen and offer advice (we attract a lot of Ni-doms to our corner).

From my experience, going with the flow doesn't neccessarily bode well with INFJs because they are the ones more likely to have a goal and be reaching for, it's good to be agreeing on this idea of the future somewhat. As @odinthor drew attention to in his comment on this topic. Unless odin disagrees? But I always just say honest conversation is all you need to clear up misunderstandings. *writes that on a his hand along with "follow your own advice!"*
 
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*wipes a single tear* So young. I remember those days. Feels like it was just last year I was 23 and in love-- oh, wait, yeah, that was last year.

Hey, if you need to rant/explore/question whatever it is about this relationship, you'll find a lot of ENFPs and INFJs here willing to listen and offer advice (we attract a lot of Ni-doms to our corner).

From my experience, going with the flow doesn't neccessarily bode well with INFJs because they are the ones more likely to have a goal and be reaching for, it's good to be agreeing on this idea of the future somewhat. As @odinthor drew attention to in his comment on this topic. Unless odin disagrees? But I always just say honest conversation is all you need to clear up misunderstandings. *writes that on a his hand along with "follow your own advice!"*
Maybe I worded it incorrectly. He's told me his intentions. I'm just finding it hard to believe them. Too much water under my own bridge, pretty much everyone I've ever fallen for has been an INFJ. I can count them on my fingers, such a rare type but definitely my type through and through...

The only thing that really indicates I'm not an ENFP is with other people. Not sure if this is common but if I am invested into somebody my whole scatterbrained aspect completely becomes focused and I'm stuck between fighting my internal want for going with the flow and being fixated upon one single damn thing. Hahaha.
 

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Maybe I worded it incorrectly. He's told me his intentions. I'm just finding it hard to believe them. Too much water under my own bridge, pretty much everyone I've ever fallen for has been an INFJ. I can count them on my fingers, such a rare type but definitely my type through and through...

The only thing that really indicates I'm not an ENFP is with other people. Not sure if this is common but if I am invested into somebody my whole scatterbrained aspect completely becomes focused and I'm stuck between fighting my internal want for going with the flow and being fixated upon one single damn thing. Hahaha.
Right, okay, I'll wait for that post with all that context then when/if you're ready to share more details.

I don't really invest in the scatterbrain stereotype of the ENFP... I mean, there are some who fit that stereotype. There's a lot of contradictions...

At this time of my life, I'm... unfocused and yet focused. I have a goal and yet no path to that goal. When I was younger I knew what I wanted and went for it, ticking off all the stages I needed to one by one, tailoring my life to acheiveing my goals and then I got it all quicker than I anticipated so now I'm wondering "Now what?"

I mean, I'm disorganised in other aspects of my life... particularly the points which hold no interest to me... like paying taxes, boring adult stuff, cleaning the house... Obviously people are important to me too, so... hm, I can be scatterbrained in terms of not responding right away to messages... (or not at all because I forgot).

If we were to entirely go with the flow I think we'd be ESFPs. I don't think it's as effortless for us as it is natural for them.
 

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Right, okay, I'll wait for that post with all that context then when/if you're ready to share more details.

I don't really invest in the scatterbrain stereotype of the ENFP... I mean, there are some who fit that stereotype. There's a lot of contradictions...

At this time of my life, I'm... unfocused and yet focused. I have a goal and yet no path to that goal. When I was younger I knew what I wanted and went for it, ticking off all the stages I needed to one by one, tailoring my life to acheiveing my goals and then I got it all quicker than I anticipated so now I'm wondering "Now what?"

I mean, I'm disorganised in other aspects of my life... particularly the points which hold no interest to me... like paying taxes, boring adult stuff, cleaning the house... Obviously people are important to me too, so... hm, I can be scatterbrained in terms of not responding right away to messages... (or not at all because I forgot).

If we were to entirely go with the flow I think we'd be ESFPs. I don't think it's as effortless for us as it is natural for them.
Actually no, you're right. If us ENFPs went with the flow for too long we will end up regreting half the stuff we did and dwell on it with a mixed feeling of nostalgia/sadness. I actually do invest in the scatterbrained aspect....because I am a firm believer it is a POSITIVE thing, and I'll be making more posts on that too I'm sure ;)
 
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