Personality Cafe banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 42 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,338 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life? Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table? It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,915 Posts
Of course it's possible.
Is it a tendency? I don't know
Is it an excuse, no, there is no 'one' way to managing familys in my opinion, there should be a way that works even for people that think different.
Am I an immature, unmarried person with no experience in this matter? Yes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
from my own experience, I only actively organize and compete in things i care about. If I can't find a reason to care or at least way to make it interesting, I tend to do mediocre in whatever it is. For example, I've always done well in school but a few months I lost interest and only did the bare minimun outside of school. Now I've decided to be interested and care about it and I have to pull up like 4 B's in a month.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,683 Posts
My Dad (ENTJ) used to be the definition of this. As I was growing up, he was always very goal oriented and went after success; he also took fabulous care of his toys, but he was not nearly as involved when it came to his family. Every chance he could, he wanted to find a sitter and do fun things "without the kids". As a parent, I understand the importance of this, but it was a constant desire of his, it seemed. We did do a lot of things as a family, especially during the summer, but it was always on his terms. Those family events are still a tradition even now, but they are still always on his terms. He's a bit of a control freak :)

As he has gotten older, he is far more loving and family oriented; however, his dreams have been reached. So, I like to think of it as age maturing him, but the truth is, he has already accomplished what he's wanted for himself and NOW he has the time to focus on family. I suppose late is better than never though :)

As for my ENTJ Husband, he is not like this...I think enneagram and the balance of the person has a lot to do with variations in personality, especially when it comes to things like this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,495 Posts
My Dad (ENTJ) used to be the definition of this. As I was growing up, he was always very goal oriented and went after success; he also took fabulous care of his toys, but he was not nearly as involved when it came to his family. Every chance he could, he wanted to find a sitter and do fun things "without the kids". As a parent, I understand the importance of this, but it was a constant desire of his, it seemed. We did do a lot of things as a family, especially during the summer, but it was always on his terms. Those family events are still a tradition even now, but they are still always on his terms. He's a bit of a control freak :)

As he has gotten older, he is far more loving and family oriented; however, his dreams have been reached. So, I like to think of it as age maturing him, but the truth is, he has already accomplished what he's wanted for himself and NOW he has the time to focus on family. I suppose late is better than never though :)

As for my ENTJ Husband, he is not like this...I think enneagram and the balance of the person has a lot to do with variations in personality, especially when it comes to things like this.
behind every good man is a good woman. And when she's an ENFP on top of it ... well ....... hey .....
:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,495 Posts
Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life? Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table? It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
What do I know? But my first reaction is that in general, ENTJs are very willing/able to be very successful on the homefront. So I don't know if this issue is type-specific. There is something more specific going on in this situation is what I'm thinking ....
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,458 Posts
Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life? Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table? It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
This also depends highly on your expectations of him / possible cultural background or upbringing differences. Who's to say what husband/father duties are?

This question is just really subjective, it frustrates me. Completely bomb when it comes to family life? Maybe he thinks he's doing a good job? IDK. Likely a communication issue between the two of you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,012 Posts
Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life? Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table? It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
Okay, take that same question and reverse everything. Do you think it's possible? I don't think it's a question of possibility rather than it is his willingness to do so.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,422 Posts
Well actually it is relevant to the point that T relates to making logical choices in life, instead of F whereas this preference indicates harmony. As one could predict, the latter might be more prone to family life.

When someone is preferred T, harmonious family life could be priority when one sees the variable family as supporting of an overal goal. E.a. Organizing a family related party/holiday;( severe) health problems; etc

For me, family is becoming more and more important. Why? I can be totally myself in company of family and be accepted as whole. Laugh, get a good advise, give a good advise, get a good feeling (may be Fi) and have a strong bond with people you'd never thought it could exist.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,683 Posts
Well actually it is relevant to the point that T relates to making logical choices in life, instead of F whereas this preference indicates harmony. As one could predict, the latter might be more prone to family life.

When someone is preferred T, harmonious family life could be priority when one sees the variable family as supporting of an overal goal. E.a. Organizing a family related party/holiday;( severe) health problems; etc

For me, family is becoming more and more important. Why? I can be totally myself in company of family and be accepted as whole. Laugh, get a good advise, give a good advise, get a good feeling (may be Fi) and have a strong bond with people you'd never thought it could exist.
This is a great point. @2eng2009 has been known to say a little tid-bit about understanding "relationships aren't business transactions"...maybe he will chime in.

I do believe this is NOT necessarily inherent to Te use; anyone can have priorities like this. I actually really think enneagram/balance/upbringing has a lot to do with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
646 Posts
This is a great point. @2eng2009 has been known to say a little tid-bit about understanding "relationships aren't business transactions"...maybe he will chime in.

I do believe this is NOT necessarily inherent to Te use; anyone can have priorities like this. I actually really think enneagram/balance/upbringing has a lot to do with it.
I think we as Te's tend to treat many things as if they can be logically spelled out and ordered. Unfortunately for us this is not how the world works. There are obviously a lot of circumstances where Te plays a great role in helping us to succeed, but relationships are not black and white, or orderly in many cases. I'm not saying that Te can't play a helpful role in any relationship whether it be parental or romantic, but we have to be careful to not let that be our only method to our madness. There is grey out there, especially in relationships and it can be a difficult pills for us to swallow. The good thing is with conscience effort and awareness we can become better at recognizing that shade. It will do nothing more than make us better people, parents, friends, and partners :)

That's my thought for what it's worth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
78 Posts
Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life? Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table? It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
I can say for 100% sure that I have failed at family in their eyes. Families require expressive emotion and presence. I'm just not wired that way. I've paid dearly for my 15 hour work days over the years when it comes to family. I think that society needs to stop expecting me to "do it all." There are 24 hours in day, 12-18 I'm at work and not just some days, EVERY DAY. My days off? From which job? And even when I'm off, I answer my phone & email from either one. It's just expected when you're the boss. I never understood, although I'm slowly coming to, how it was that people who "knew" me and supposedly understood me (they live with me afterall!) could get so upset about me not being at dinner every night, or having to cancel plans, or needing to take a call. I have to chose. They think they should win out over my job or god forbid, any slice of personal time I might get. While I'm thinking they want to be kept in a nice house, with nice cars and nice clothes...It's not like I'm chosing my work just because I'm a workaholic with nothing better to do.

I've always wondered who they thought I was killing myself for if it wasn't for them? Love is a verb. It's something that you DO.
I do.
And I "do" better than anyone else I know. It's just not enough I guess. The interesting thing for me from a societal point of view is that for men it's more acceptable. I'm far more of a villain as a mother with my career focus.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,683 Posts
I can say for 100% sure that I have failed at family in their eyes. Families require expressive emotion and presence. I'm just not wired that way. I've paid dearly for my 15 hour work days over the years when it comes to family. I think that society needs to stop expecting me to "do it all." There are 24 hours in day, 12-18 I'm at work and not just some days, EVERY DAY. My days off? From which job? And even when I'm off, I answer my phone & email from either one. It's just expected when you're the boss. I never understood, although I'm slowly coming to, how it was that people who "knew" me and supposedly understood me (they live with me afterall!) could get so upset about me not being at dinner every night, or having to cancel plans, or needing to take a call. I have to chose. They think they should win out over my job or god forbid, any slice of personal time I might get. While I'm thinking they want to be kept in a nice house, with nice cars and nice clothes...It's not like I'm chosing my work just because I'm a workaholic with nothing better to do.

I've always wondered who they thought I was killing myself for if it wasn't for them? Love is a verb. It's something that you DO.
I do.
And I "do" better than anyone else I know. It's just not enough I guess. The interesting thing for me from a societal point of view is that for men it's more acceptable. I'm far more of a villain as a mother with my career focus.

You're not a a villain. Providing for your family is how you express your love for them, right? The thing is, maybe that is simply your perception of what love is and you're projecting it on them. They don't share the same idea of love as you do, and they consider your presence and participation with the family as love. So while you feel you are showing them love greatly, it is not their idea of it which translates to the opposite of what you think you're showing them.

I would've rather had my Dad around playing with me than all the material crap that meant nothing. I look back on my childhood and my favorite memories consist of playing hide and seek with him, camping, my Mom baking my birthday cake and favorite dinner every year, my Dad telling me bedtime stories from his imagination...sadly, the memories involving my Dad were only a handful of moments, yet they are the most profound I had. So maybe your family will appreciate the time you give them more because it doesn't happen very often.

I can tell you this though, for just as many wonderful memories I have of the time he spent with us, I have 3x the memories of him being gone, stressed, locked away in his "office", irritable from stress, and absent in many activities. Even when he was home, he wasn't there; he read magazines and books, did his hobbies and talked on the phone.

Today, as his children are all adults, I see him full of regrets. He gets emotional when he remembers us as little girls and haunts himself by watching home videos. He has become a much more involved Father and I love him dearly, but it's sad that he couldn't have had this revelation 20-25 years ago.

Just thought I'd share the perspective your family (namely children) might be having.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
78 Posts
I do understand what you're saying. What is the solution? I gave up on balance and instead focus more now on the quality of my interactions, but quitting my job(s) isn't going to happen. So where does the time come from? Will I lay on my deathbed and regret not spending more time? I doubt it. I don't think that way. Recently, I've felt more alone than ever before, profoundly so at times. The business world is tough and there is truth to the phrase "lonely at the top." But I'm not here to make friends. I'm here because people are counting on me at home. At least I like to think they're counting on me. That is what gets me through the day. And the moments that I realize they don't appreciate me or care what I'm up against here? Those moments of disconnect are the worst in my life.

Just because emotion/feeling isn't dominant for me, doesn't meant that I don't have them. Without a purpose and a reason to fight, I am nothing. It's all about them. They are quick to judge me and my behavior. It would be nice if they could step outside their little Hollister filled world for a minute and put themselves in my shoes. I told the owner of my company three weeks ago that my doctor had scheduled a hysterectomy for me. Doctors don't just do surgery for no reason. I've worked here for 8 years, won all kinds of awards - I put up impressive numbers consistently and my owner said it would need to be rescheduled, possibly until next year, because I have a buisness to run. It's not convenient for him this year.

Can he do that? He did. This is business.

I think it's pretty easy for my kids to set home complaining on the cell phones and internet that this job pays for, in their ridiculously priced hoodies that they just "have to have or they'll die" about how I don't pay attention. I'm not there for them because I'm HERE for them. It's just a matter of perspective. Apparently, I'm the only one that sees the bigger picture.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,683 Posts
I do understand what you're saying. What is the solution? I gave up on balance and instead focus more now on the quality of my interactions, but quitting my job(s) isn't going to happen. So where does the time come from? Will I lay on my deathbed and regret not spending more time? I doubt it. I don't think that way. Recently, I've felt more alone than ever before, profoundly so at times. The business world is tough and there is truth to the phrase "lonely at the top." But I'm not here to make friends. I'm here because people are counting on me at home. At least I like to think they're counting on me. That is what gets me through the day. And the moments that I realize they don't appreciate me or care what I'm up against here? Those moments of disconnect are the worst in my life.

Just because emotion/feeling isn't dominant for me, doesn't meant that I don't have them. Without a purpose and a reason to fight, I am nothing. It's all about them. They are quick to judge me and my behavior. It would be nice if they could step outside their little Hollister filled world for a minute and put themselves in my shoes. I told the owner of my company three weeks ago that my doctor had scheduled a hysterectomy for me. Doctors don't just do surgery for no reason. I've worked here for 8 years, won all kinds of awards - I put up impressive numbers consistently and my owner said it would need to be rescheduled, possibly until next year, because I have a buisness to run. It's not convenient for him this year.

Can he do that? He did. This is business.

I think it's pretty easy for my kids to set home complaining on the cell phones and internet that this job pays for, in their ridiculously priced hoodies that they just "have to have or they'll die" about how I don't pay attention. I'm not there for them because I'm HERE for them. It's just a matter of perspective. Apparently, I'm the only one that sees the bigger picture.
I doubt that you're seeing a bigger picture than anyone else. I'm not sure how old you are, but my Dad is close to 60 and I am not sitting on a computer provided by him or wearing anything from Hollister :) Of course, you might've just been referring to your kids and not assuming something about me, I wasn't sure though, so I wanted to clear that up.

Let me just say this to you straight...

In the eyes of your kids (if they think the same way my family did about my Dad) then they see you choosing business over them, whether you want to admit that or not.

You say it's all about them, but I think that's only partially true because couldn't you work a lower position job that's less time consuming? Maybe downgrade cars, downsize house? You are working to maintain a lifestyle that your kids have grown accustom to. Of course they love their material things right now, because it feels nice to have nice things, but I'm betting they would still have nice things if you weren't in your high maintenance position. So, is it about them, or is it about you? Being the boss, the status, the money, the fancy things, the recognition...that's what drove my Dad. It was just convenient to say "I do all this for you guys" yeah, no he didn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
640 Posts
This discussion got way to complicated.... I'll break it down plain and simple for OP.

Is it possible for an ENTJ to be successful at work, but completely bomb when it comes to family life?
Yes, but it's possible for anyone. Please see last paragraph.

Would they fail at being able to strategize family affairs because they don't emphasize that as being more important than bringing bread to the table?
I'm a firm believer that this has more to do with upbringing than anything else. ENTJs are probably more susceptible, only because they tend put a lot of emphasis on personal goals and achievement.

It's debatable whether or not my husband is an ENTJ/INTJ, he is extremely successful but can sometimes be a little absent-minded when it comes to husband/father duties.
A lot of the time, this is all from mis-communication. For instance, he might think buying toys for his kids and presents for his wife is the best way to show how much he cares for them. And in their mind he's not really showing it because they don't care about gifts, they care about time, or maybe physical touch, or perhaps even acts of service. This is all based on the 5 Languages of Love which is a relational theory as opposed to personality theory. Which would probably be more advantageous for you to look into.
 
1 - 20 of 42 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top