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How important is saving sex for after marriage? virginity? Would you care if your wife wasn't a virgin but you were? Feel free to talk about anything related here.
 

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Sexual penetration has nothing to do with the government's recognition of my marital status.

In relation to my religious beliefs the question is obsolete.
 

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I have developed a theory by which (based upon all the promiscuous individuals I know) sex = distrust. I think a certain amount of abstinence in a relationship leads to a higher level of trust. I suppose the amount would depend on the individuals involved and their past histories.

If I was dating someone who had had many sexual partners in the past, for example, I would want to abstain from sex in order to gain her trust that sex was not a primary motivator for me, and to prove to myself that she actually cared for me as well.

Of course I have witnessed many more fucked up relationships to base this theory on than I have had relationship experiences myself.
 

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If I was dating someone who had had many sexual partners in the past, for example, I would want to abstain from sex in order to gain her trust that sex was not a primary motivator for me, and to prove to myself that she actually cared for me as well.
Hmm, but sex is a primary motivator. It just shouldn't be the only one if one is after a relationship of the minds as well as the bodies. Excluding it from the balance, however, seems to me a good way to deceive oneself.
 

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It is a ludicrous idea to delay sex until after the signing of a legal contract (marriage). Sexual compatibility is something you and your partner should work on before deciding to spend the rest of your lives together.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
^I mean aside from sex with your partner before the legal contract, what about if your partner had sex with another person many years before she met you? i come from a socially super conservative community , so maybe I'm just drilled with the wrong conceptions.
 

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I don't understand that "save yourself for marriage" mentality at all.

Sex is a great way to get to know your partner better and to bond on a deeper level. If you two are not sexually compatible you are obviously setting yourself up for trouble if you marry first.

I would definitely not marry a virgin, as I would not buy a car without test-driving it.

I place no value on virginity. Never did.
 
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^I mean aside from sex with your partner before the legal contract, what about if your partner had sex with another person many years before she met you?
Someone once told me this little piece of wisdom: Don't begrude his former girlfriends. They are part of made him the man you love today.
Also, if they're not pathologically egocentric, a partner with experience has the great advantage of not only knowing what they like and don't like, but also having a better idea of what might please you.
 

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So far I am rather amused to hear all of these things stated so logically.

Hmm, but sex is a primary motivator. It just shouldn't be the only one if one is after a relationship of the minds as well as the bodies. Excluding it from the balance, however, seems to me a good way to deceive oneself.
I think sex is a primal motivator, I do not like to be ruled by primal instincts (says the Monkey King) and instead seek a deeper intellectual and emotional bond. Two things which could easily be buried with sex. I also dislike the use of sex as the solution to many relationship problems, I prefer to be able to find a solution without resorting to it, as my observations have shown that sex only postpones the problem till a later date.

Of course all of this depends on the emotional maturity of the individuals involved. Trust being the key.

I guess it would be easier to say I find it difficult to have sex with someone I do not share a deep connection with. It requires someone who I trust completely, and trusts me completely. Things that require time to achieve.
 

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just remembered something I heard once that amused me:

"Only virgins understand the necessity for virginity."

Which makes a bit of sense if you think about it: if there truly is a sense of purity involved with the practice, as so many different religions and beliefs around the world seem to enforce, then only a virgin would ever experience it, no?

Just a thought for your immediate dissection.
 

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I think sex is a primal motivator, I do not like to be ruled by primal instincts (says the Monkey King) and instead seek a deeper intellectual and emotional bond.
[...]
I guess it would be easier to say I find it difficult to have sex with someone I do not share a deep connection with. It requires someone who I trust completely, and trusts me completely. Things that require time to achieve.
I agree with you in thought and deed.

I'm just wary when primal motivators are being easily dismissed. We may not like them (as we may not like anything that has any power over us), but denying their power seems to me anything from idealistic to unhealthy and in any case unrealistic.
I'm aware that wasn't your approach, King of Monkeys, but I had to point it out anyway. I'm compulsive like that .:wink:
 

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How important is saving sex for after marriage? virginity? Would you care if your wife wasn't a virgin but you were? Feel free to talk about anything related here.
^I mean aside from sex with your partner before the legal contract, what about if your partner had sex with another person many years before she met you? i come from a socially super conservative community , so maybe I'm just drilled with the wrong conceptions.
If you are not religious I would say wait until you are in a loving, committed relationship, not a we've-been-together-for-so-long-so-let's-just-do-it kind of relationship.


I too come from a conservative culture, so I understand. I know about too many people who have admitted to rushing into marriage because they wanted to have sex. It's a double edged sword in my culture these days: If you do it it's okay, but don't tell anyone. If you don't do it, it's okay, but don't tell anyone. You get judged either way.
 
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1. I don't believe in marriage.
2. I definitely don't believe in waiting for sex after marriage, it is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard of, for the simple fact that it goes against human nature.
3. We are human, we fuck, we are mammals, that's what we do, to infer otherwise sets someone up for unrealistic expectations that do not coincide with reality.
 

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pssht.

10char
 

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@ Monkey Fritz: Interesting. Thank you for sharing.

With myself personally, I dislike the idea of getting married at all. Sounds like a silly mess of useless traditional disaster to me. So of course, waiting till marriage would be the road to permanent abstinence for myself, and I rather enjoy sex. I do feel that waiting for a given amount of time can gather importance for the event in a sense, mostly as it has led the urge to grow in intensity from the recurrence of denied desires.

As Monkey Fritz has voiced, it also allows portions of the mental side of the relationship to develop differently, as well as avoid one night stands laced with good intentions.

Virginity is not a matter of worry for myself either. In all actuality I prefer someone that is confident and experienced, and virgins are generally more likely to have issues with self esteem, misconceptions, and psychological discomfort regarding sexual acts. Purity in my eyes lies in one's integrity, independence, and intelligence, not in the existence of one's virginity.
 
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I think Europeans tend to find this "saving sex for after marriage" (or at least until you're 18) as being very American and don't understand this attitude.
 

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@Monkey Fritz: I completely agree

But, this is a personal view. I don't really mind what others think/do, though I do have my opinions on it. They should feel free to distribute their carryons around (I hope people realize that more experience means a higher likelihood/greater variety of STIs).

Don't begrude his former girlfriends. They are part of made him the man you love today.
His herpes are make up part of him too. "Till death do us part". Very romantic.

I think it's more important that I can have stimulating intellectual conversations with a SO. Then again, I wouldn't looking for the typical passionate lover, I'd be looking for a companion, who I wouldn't mind being in the company of--long term. In all honesty, I believe that I can die peacefully without ever having sex. I see it as an extreme invasion of privacy, but I do realize that this view is one that is not shared by most people. Which is good of course, for the continuation of our species. I guess I'm an abnormality then, as we exist to continue our gene line. Not that I mind being an abnormality, but it's a waste of otherwise good genes, eh?:cool:

I'm sorry if any of my comments were offensive. It's my humble opinion and it is not intended to be personal.

On a random note, does anyone find it sort of funny how 'bun' can be used as 'buns' or 'bun in the oven'?
 
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