As a probable INTJ I am curious about INFJs, the INTJ's feeling sibling. To me it's one of the most interesting of the types, if not the most interesting type of all types. The dominant Ni makes INTJs and INFJs similar in many respects, but because of their different judging functions they channel their Ni very differently. To me it has appeared that oftentimes this difference causes negative feelings between the two. An INFJ also said something similar to me once.I get along fine with INTJs. Y'all seem to have a kind of strange respect for how we work, though y'all don't share in all of it.
Why do you ask?
They have strong emotions....they just don't show them outwardly. It takes a lot of effort, and a long time of sifting through how they present themselves to the world in order to get down to where the emotions lie.Additionally, their tendency to not have very strong emotions can be quite disconcerting... sometimes I feel like I'm conversing with a robot.
1. I can relate to this. When I argue with people I usually understand where they're coming from. People can be weird. They have a tendency to get frustrated in arguments that deal with their values, opinions, etc. where I make rational arguments, but when I explain why they get frustrated they calm down and sometimes even take a U-turn. It's as if pointing out the cognitive dissonance makes something tick inside their brain. From personal experience, you INFJs can be a bit too easy to interpret when it comes to this.It completely depends on the INTJ but in general I rather enjoy engaging intellectual conversations with them about various topics. The majority of INTJ’s (that I know personally) can really pinpoint at which point my logic is being influenced by emotions and is therefore (possibly) faulty and/or needs elaboration/alteration.
Although I don’t always agree it can be very helpful to me in the sense that I need to verbalize my thoughts and feelings, make them tangible somehow and talking with INTJ’s has proven to be extremely useful in that pursuit.
Also; most INTJ’s I know have difficulties ‘reading’ me and will ask me questions like; “Why do you act like this in x-situation? How do you think about y-occurrence in your life?”, etc. These types of questions oblige me in way to ‘correctly’ formulate my answers (because if it doesn’t make sense, my INTJ friends will frown) allowing me to dissect my feelings and thoughts on the spot which almost always leads to insights (for me personally) regarding myself and the way I feel, behave, interact with others, etc. very useful in my quest of constant self- discovery, -confrontation and -growth.
The things they tend to like about me (in general) is that I can ‘feel’ what they are trying to explain in a very rational way and I can equally respond in their ‘own language’ using logic rather than feelings to provide them with a (hopefully useful) response. Most of my INTJ fiends therefor feel rather comfortable sharing their more ‘sensitive’ side with me, a sort of privilege in my opinion because I don’t see them doing that with many people.
My best friend (I’ve known since kindergarten) is an INTJ and even though she lives in France and I live in Belgium; we can always pick up right where we left. She told me that ‘she doesn’t always understand which demons I’m fighting’ but she respects me a lot and I her. Whenever she needs advice; I’m her gall. We don’t need many words; we pretty much understand each other and don’t force anything on one another which is something I value beyond anything else.
This kind of friendship has been very hard for me to establish with other types who tend to need more attention, affection, recognition, who are more outgoing, extraverted, etc. So; yeah I tend to get along with them just fine
I'm guessing you're in your early twenties. This shortcoming of theirs might change when they mature and become more well-rounded individuals. Also, see Nicole Hobbs' post below.For some odd reason I seem to attract them (or vice versa?) because 7 of my good friends tested as INTJs. They are great for conversations, especially if one wants to escape the shallow bullshit that one normally has to deal with. That being said, I find that prolonged encounters with them (like having one as a roommate last year) can be frustrating. Yes, I am generally a logical person (as are most INFJs) however their application of logic in EVERY situation irks me. You cannot objectively categorize and quantify everything that happens - life just doesn't work that way. Additionally, their tendency to not have very strong emotions can be quite disconcerting... sometimes I feel like I'm conversing with a robot. Like I said earlier, the majority of my close friends are INTJs, so while I did describe *what I perceive as* their shortcomings, I still much prefer their company over the vast majority of others.
I confess, I burnt a hole in the mattress. Yes, yes, it was me, I plead guilty!From personal experience, you INFJs can be a bit too easy to interpret when it comes to this.
And that is exactly why I adore my INFJ friends! I don't need a shoulder to cry on, useless "poor-you's", *huuuuuugs* or people patronizing me *twitches at the thought of it*. I need to be understood by an intellectual sparring-partner who can provide me with useful input without emo-stuff (aka INTJThat is something I can relate to, too. I can deal with emotions and people in a sort of rational way, or when arguing, or something similar, which can be great, yet if someone wants a shoulder to cry on and all that jazz I become comparatively impotent. Apparently I have come with some of the best advice possible to my friends when they have been down.
I'm not going to go too deep into the ENFJ-thing (because I don't want to start ranting again) but recently I've had 2 very bad experiences with ENFJ's who indeed became very pushy, needy, overly emotional and manipulative. They both claimed they 'knew' me (which I cannot stand) and were mainly proving the opposite so... yes there is a difference (that I can tell from up-close and personal experience - please note I am not trying to generalize here based on a study of 2-3 people).If I can generalize based on your answer, INFJs seem very different from ENFJs in this respect. ENFJs can from my experience be way too pushy, and their understanding and subsequent handling of others' personal issues can be shallow and extroverted in a sense. I think extroverts in general are bad at understanding and dealing with introverts. Everything can be solved by becoming an extrovert.
Wowser, that was quick! Strange, as well. Ni-doms tend to be a bit slow in admitting things. INTJs, at least ... Well ... I am ... But just give me the benefit of doubt ... I know this ... Alright?I confess, I burnt a hole in the mattress. Yes, yes, it was me, I plead guilty!
I think that's a good thing. Crying and strong emotional reactions aren't always a bad thing, but one ought to do something about one's problems, too. The first--in itself not anything bad--without the last is tedious, however.And that is exactly why I adore my INFJ friends! I don't need a shoulder to cry on, useless "poor-you's", *huuuuuugs* or people patronizing me *twitches at the thought of it*. I need to be understood by an intellectual sparring-partner who can provide me with useful input without emo-stuff (aka INTJ
My experience was similar albeit different. It was all the things mentioned, but it had more to do with how he thought I ought to be, which was something I strongly disagreed with. I'm not sure if it was much unpleasant as it was extremely annoying. Of course, I don't generalize based on this experience, but I would say introverts in general understand personal space and individuality much better than extroverts.I'm not going to go too deep into the ENFJ-thing (because I don't want to start ranting again) but recently I've had 2 very bad experiences with ENFJ's who indeed became very pushy, needy, overly emotional and manipulative. They both claimed they 'knew' me (which I cannot stand) and were mainly proving the opposite so... yes there is a difference (that I can tell from up-close and personal experience - please note I am not trying to generalize here based on a study of 2-3 people).
I thought I was the one asking the questions here, there is no need to thank me. It's the reverse: thank you.Anyway; thanks for your reply!