[INTJ_Woman]

I have been grappling with this question for a while....I have always been out-of-place with social norms and I know I'm expected to have kids at some point. I think that having a kid is a huge responsibility which doesn't fit in with my larger vision in life. Do other INTJ women have similar thoughts?

 

[Glaukopis]

Often. I would love to have kids - but given that I am still single, that's not going to happen anytime soon. My inner argument for not having kids is also the fact that I know I will never make enough to give them the best without sacrificing some integrity in my part. Also, I feel much more comfortable at a distance.

 

[Perhaps]

Eventually, maybe, but I have many other priorities. By the time I give serious thought to this, it may be more practical to adopt.

 

[Ablysmal]

At least you guys can continue the NT lineage because most female INTPs are dead set against having kids.

 

[lolthevoidlol]

I have no interest in having kids, but if I change my mind one day I have already decided that I will adopt a pair or trio of sibling children (no babies thankyouverymuch).

 

[sorry_neither]

Nope. In fact, I'm looking into getting sterilized, even though I know it's going to be damn near impossible to find a doctor willing to do so because of my age. I've known since I was elementary school-aged that I didn't want to have kids, and haven't wavered at all over the years. I am an aunt, and I enjoy it, but I always knew I would.

I can list thousands of reasons why not to have kids (in fact, I sometimes consider keeping a running tally for kicks), but the fundamental reason is the total absence of desire to have kids. A lot of people have an inability to understand this. It reminds me of having to explain to some Christians that there isn't some hole in me where God should be. These things just aren't programmed into me. I don't grok them. I have no biological clock. I joke that the part of my brain that's supposed to light up when I see a baby misfires and only does so around cats.

Cristina said it best on Grey's Anatomy: "I don't want a baby. I don't want to be a mother." End of.

 

[Sarcastic]

Someday, maybe. I've always wanted kids. roud:
But since I'm single and have other priorities right now, I don't think it will happen anytime soon..

 

[Quierta]

I don't mind kids but I imagine my personal space would be omfggone.

I think I would like to adopt... Not sure I want that thing in me for 9 months. Is that selfish? I dunno.

Also, my family has loads of health problems. No need to pass that down.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I don't mind kids but I imagine my personal space would be omfggone.

I think I would like to adopt... Not sure I want that thing in me for 9 months. Is that selfish? I dunno.

Also, my family has loads of health problems. No need to pass that down.

Selfish? No way. I think it's awesome that so many of you want to adopt.

 

[quadrivium]

Hard to imagine myself being selfless enough to be a good mother. Maybe it will happen one day. Maybe not.

I might be the only INTJ woman who has no interest in adopting. While I think it's admirable, it's too big of a gamble for me. I trust my and my SO's genes over a stranger's. Could be the E6 in me though.

 

[beth x]

I have 3 children.

Being pregnant sucked giant dead bear's arse and giving birth wasn't all that either but the result was pretty astounding. I'd actually recommend giving birth too. Sure it's not fun but at the end you have all the natural euphoria and bonding hormones there already.

Having children does change your life completely. I stepped back from my own selfishness and intolerance a fair bit. It helped me grow as a person.

 

[luemb]

I do want to have children. I had the opportunity to hold a family friend's baby the day he was born. It was amazing.

I've been around kids enough to know that I can handle it. Furthermore, I'd like to pass on what I've learned, and it would be amazing to be teaching my child(ren) and watching them learn and grow. From my own experience having an INTJ father, they make good parents.

 

[PeacefulCynic]

I have one child who is 9. I would love to have one more but am getting older and seem to be suffering from secondary infertility. We have been trying for three years.

 

[Quierta]

I might be the only INTJ woman who has no interest in adopting. While I think it's admirable, it's too big of a gamble for me. I trust my and my SO's genes over a stranger's. Could be the E6 in me though.

Well I am a type 6. Not sure why you would think that adopting is a gamble... Is it because you're afraid that it could have some bad genes leading to diseases etc.?

The worst thing I can see about adopting is the idea that one day they might want to meet their real parents and, while I would never stop them, I imagine things might get shaky if the people aren't... very acceptable to my high standards. I imagine being pissed.

 

[quadrivium]

Well I am a type 6. Not sure why you would think that adopting is a gamble... Is it because you're afraid that it could have some bad genes leading to diseases etc.?

The worst thing I can see about adopting is the idea that one day they might want to meet their real parents and, while I would never stop them, I imagine things might get shaky if the people aren't... very acceptable to my high standards. I imagine being pissed.

Yes, and I've personally witnessed just this happening. It may not be common, but it's just not a risk I am willing to take. I'm more capable of dealing with neuroses or illnesses that run in my family, as I have at least some experience with them. I'm also not opposed to sharing my genes; it's the actual child rearing and raising that makes me nervous.

I think open adoption is really a great way to go. Maintaining at least an acquaintance with the biological mother seems beneficial to me. Sometimes this isn't possible though.

 

[mastelsa]

I have no interest in having kids, but if I change my mind one day I have already decided that I will adopt a pair or trio of sibling children (no babies thankyouverymuch).

We are in agreement. I grew up with my mother doing daycare for kids from ~4mo. to 4 yrs. old in the downstairs area of our house, so I just can't deal with kids in that age range anymore. I have experienced too many temper tantrums and the expulsion of a larger volume of bodily fluids than I ever want to remember. If I ever decide I want kids there are plenty out there who need a home and not a womb, which is just fine with me.

 

[shadowofambivalence]

I am not having kids or adopting any due to several reasons that are both personal and objective.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm a member of a private online Mom group, and there are 4 INTJ women in the group...one is married to another INTJ. Every one of them have 3-4 children. These women are fantastic Mom's (based on what they write, and from meeting a couple in person). I am naturally a slightly anxious person, and I'm always in a hurry...I admire how calm and patient they seem to be. The one homeschools her sons, which takes a TON of patience IMO.

I joined that group when I was 23, and very Ne/Fi These women are all at least 10 years older than myself and have 1 child the same age as mine, and the rest of their children are slightly older. Anyway, they are all really fantastic Mom's and I've learned a lot from them

 

[badgers]

I always wanted kids but it wasn't until very recently that I realized how much I actually don't want kids. If I did it would only be one (but knowing my luck I'll have twins).
I think that it's because I don't have the best family out there and I can't imagine bringing kids into the world not knowing their grandparents what what not.
I think I'll stick with pets, they're better.

 

[Coonsy]

I do not want, have zero (negative if there is such a thing) desire to, and have been around children from birth to adult leaving no mystery to what life is like with kids. My home situation growing up put me right in the center of raising my siblings, and all I wanted was some freedom.

Add in things like the simple fact that genetically I shouldn't be reproducing - there are enough genetic faults that were passed on to me. I don't like children, even in small doses. I have dangerous hobbies, and am not willing to give them up for anyone else - and that's not fair to a kid. I saw what happened to my mother, aunt and cousins' bodies after having children - and don't want to do that to mine (genetics rule here).

I'm sure if it was forced on me (say, something happened to my mother and I had to take in my nephew) that I'd do a perfectly good job of it, but it's not a job I'm going to volunteer for.