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Discussion Starter #1
Hey type 4's! I have a question for you!

For those of you who relate to wanting to "attract a rescuer" (or perhaps maybe even for those who don't): What Enneagram types do you find step-up to fulfill this "rescuer" role most often? I can say from my experience, I don't know many people who do - - but I had a few friends that did (as a kid). One was a 3w2 (possible 4-wing), the others were usually Type 9's (9w8 more often).

What have been your experiences? Which Enneagram types are most likely to play the role of "rescuer"?
 

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Discussion Starter #2

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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I've never felt a desire to have someone come 'rescue' me, it's just not my inclination. Unless it's just buried and I haven't realized it yet

I'm attracted to people with lots of drive, lots of energy to take what's around them and do what they need to do to get where they want to get...People with lots of focus. These are things I've had lots of trouble with up to this point in my life, so in a way, I idealize them. I enjoy having that energy and influence there. Not a rescuer, but just good energy, perhaps a goal for getting past some of my demons since the pov used to be so foreign to me

I've had this self destructive habit of using people as a kind of escape...Like they provide a fantasy or a means to fantasizing and ignoring what's around me or what I absolutely, truly hate about myself. Maybe they tell me good things and it helps me escape into what I could be rather than what I am. I think of a life with them rather than a life I have. Having that ripped away from me in my experience can lead to depression or deep anxiety because I'm left there with myself, no one else. Not a rescuer, just a provider of a means of fantasizing

I think anyone who can take the fucking mess of my inner experience and emotions is pretty damned great. I always assume I'm being a burden on people until they convince me through much much experience that I'm not. Realizing I'm not makes me feel even more connected to them. Not a rescuer, but someone who can take me? Must be a demigod

What I want in relationships is someone I can connect with, I want to see their demons and and I want to love them, I want to show them my demons and be loved for them or despite them. I want THEM and I want them to want ME and I want someone who's not gonna play games because I feel so helpless when it comes to peoples' games
 

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Discussion Starter #4
@lycanized

That's really interesting! Thank you for sharing.

Do you know which Enneagram types have provided for you, the types of experiences you are discussing?
 
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I never wanted a rescuer. I always wanted to be alone, but sometimes have the company of a very close friend. We would both understand each other, and also respect each other's needs for privacy and solitude. My partner told me he used to always dream of being a hero. He is a 9w8.

I always hated the thought of someone rescuing me, making me feel incapable of being alone and dependent.
 

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@lycanized

That's really interesting! Thank you for sharing.

Do you know which Enneagram types have provided for you, the types of experiences you are discussing?
I don't have the most experience with people in general, so this will be limited, but...

I think the fantasizing can be done with almost anyone if my heart gets attached to them. When I was really going through a hard time, I even did this with someone who probably didn't even know I existed :p. The people who direct that pure vitality in that way I talked about are probably some mix of assertive types(3,7,8). Those are the types with the most energy and connection to manipulate what's around them like that. Probably particularly 3-7, even 3-6. Fuck, even the 9 I dated had more of that energy than I did at the time, and 9s also have a steadiness to them which can influence that. Now the latter one...From my limited perspective, the person may either have to be just as much of a mess, or much more mature and these can be any types, really. If they're not as much of a mess to understand but are still not developed and settled enough in themselves to pick through it, it may fall apart

Sorry I wasn't able to give much
 
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I USED to think that someone would come along and help me get through emotional turmoil by comforting me and such. Now, I'd like to be my own damn rescuer. I'm learning how to comfort myself and get myself out of negative 4 patterns. If someone were to come along and said that they wanted to "rescue" me I would feel a bit offended because I am capable of helping myself. :p
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I USED to think that someone would come along and help me get through emotional turmoil by comforting me and such. Now, I'd like to be my own damn rescuer. I'm learning how to comfort myself and get myself out of negative 4 patterns. If someone were to come along and said that they wanted to "rescue" me I would feel a bit offended because I am capable of helping myself. :p
I like your avatar! Kitty with a flower hat ftw! :D

I'm glad you've been figuring out how to pull yourself through tumultuous times! Sounds healthy. :)

Did you ever have any "rescuers" in the past? If so, do you know which Enneagram types they were?
 

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Romantically, 7s. I like their happy, bouncy atmosphere, and how they take me out of my troubled mind. I think 7s are often portrayed as more flighty and selfish than they really are. Keep in mind that anyone who steps up to fill a "rescuer" role for a 4 will ultimately be rejected, haha. (Unless the 4 is healthy). I think sometimes there is a tension between wanting some sort of rescuer and, at the same time, truly wanting to save yourself.
 

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My friends and family ARE my rescuers, and I don't mind anyone offering to "rescue" me because I'm too sensitive for my own good.

In the past, I focused too much on trying to attract someone who would love me and all the wounds I keep. I even became a "rescuer" to my ex when she started cutting herself, only to offend her because she firmly believed that she didn't need any "saving". No help.

I admit, that one still hurts. Probably because it's still fresh after March 31.

When I entered a very unhealthy cycle after she cut ties with me, I didn't want anyone to mess with me. But after a while, I ended up letting my parents, my aunt, and my closest friends to cheer me up. To me, that was their way of rescuing me, because I wouldn't have been able to initiate self-help without their infectious happiness and jokes. So... happy and hopeful. Again.

I no longer have a problem with being "rescued" from my inner struggles.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thank you Type 4's for all the input. I guess I didn't truly understand type 4's and the rescuer dynamic. It seems many of you resent this idea. I apologize for my misunderstanding, but I appreciate you enlightening me and showing me bits and pieces of your world.

The thing is, I want an emotional rescuer, Ha Ha Ha! :tongue:

& I was just curious which Enneagram types you found stepped up the most in the past? I know none of you need rescuing anymore (or at least many of you), you're all independent and strong and beautiful. But I'm weak and needy, (lol). So, let the suggestions roll!! :D
 

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I like your avatar! Kitty with a flower hat ftw! :D

I'm glad you've been figuring out how to pull yourself through tumultuous times! Sounds healthy. :)

Did you ever have any "rescuers" in the past? If so, do you know which Enneagram types they were?
Thank you :kitteh:

If anything, it wasn't a specific enneagram type, it was my family members who never tried to distance them away from my when I opened up about my problems to them. I think when I started expressing my more negative thoughts to my friends, I came off as whiny and it was just annoying for them to see. :p
 

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I think the word "saviour" instead of rescuer fits better. Im not a damsel in distress type (thats quite an sp 6 archetype, IMO). So the "saving" is more of an emotional and spiritual thing. It's the idea that someone can fill the void (soothe the perpetual longing for the undefined "missing" thing), heal your defectivensss, and inspire you to spend the emotional energy to be the ideal you hold in your head. I think "muse" is a good word for it too.

Im not looking for someone to rescue me in any practical way, ie. financial support or giving a sense of safety/security. That's the kind of thing my e6 mom desires. I dont relate to that.

I suppose I am looking to be saved from myself, from my own self-loathing, my own disconnect from real life. It seems like maybe enough unconditional love and acceptance of me from someone could do that, because some of the shame may be eased. Its more like you want someone to come along and spot all the beauty in you when you feel you appear grotesque and repellent to others, and they will celebrate it and you can finally blossom. Its the idea of having a partner to face the harsh world with, aka the "us against the world" mentality, especially the social world, as it makes me feel alienated.

I dont experience other types as rescuers though. Its not real. Its only a fantasy, another thing to long for. Sometimes, I may even downplay positive reception from others, and I guess its a way of maintaining the fixation on being uniquely defective and sad for it.

In fiction, I think Mr Rochester is a rescuer figure in relation to Jane Eyre. But she rescues him too. She inspires and enlightens him also. That's an important thing for a 4, because you dont want an unevenness or sense of dependency. Many 4s may seek to inspire pity, but theyre not satisfied by it; rather, it likley just fuels a cycle of self-loathing
 

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I think the word "saviour" instead of rescuer fits better. Im not a damsel in distress type (thats quite an sp 6 archetype, IMO). So the "saving" is more of an emotional and spiritual thing. It's the idea that someone can fill the void (soothe the perpetual longing for the undefined "missing" thing), heal your defectivensss, and inspire you to spend the emotional energy to be the ideal you hold in your head. I think "muse" is a good word for it too.
The bolded, in particular. I'm not fond of the word "saviour" either, though (then again, I am rarely satisfied by summing something up with just one word). More like... fulfillment, perhaps. It's not necessarily another person, either, more like a state of mind that "rescues" or helps me find solid ground, even if only for a while. I hate to say the Quentin archetype from Faulkner's Sound and the Fury fits best, but it sort of does:

“...I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire...I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.”

The annoying aspect for me (and this is rather petty and navel-gazing), would be... the inevitable disappointment. I'm not really depressed (not clinically, anyways); I prefer to do things on my own and tend not to get lonely, but I do get my hopes up and I do fantasize. If I were to choose an epitaph, it would probably be something mildly sarcastic like "well, that was disappointing" rather than the conventional fare.

It's a rather picky way of putting things, but a perpetual pattern for me has been leaning too heavily on some idealized "promised land." I ruminate a lot, and the more perfect the fantasy, the more disappointing the reality, often times.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
I appreciate all the responses, but all I really want to know is if any of you have had an individual full-fill this "rescuer" (or whichever adjective you would like to use) role, and what Enneagram type they were (or tend to be).

You all (possibly) long for something that none of you have ever acquired?
 

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People who've fulfilled the role...well, I've met people who want to be rescuers. Kinda seemed 2-ish or 3-ish...? Oh, there was one who seemed to genuinely want to be my friend, and I feel so guilty that I didn't give her a chance...maybe she was a 2 or 9.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
People who've fulfilled the role...well, I've met people who want to be rescuers. Kinda seemed 2-ish or 3-ish...? Oh, there was one who seemed to genuinely want to be my friend, and I feel so guilty that I didn't give her a chance...maybe she was a 2 or 9.
Thank You!

Ha Ha. I appreciate you responding about which Enneagram types you have noticed taking up this role of "rescuer"! :)

I have not known many Type 2's in real life - - so I cannot attest to that one (although it makes sense!). But the two people who have stepped up in that "rescuer" role in my life before, were a type 9w8 and 3w2.

I find it a little odd that Type 3's might fill this role. Maybe I have not studied the Type 3 in-depth enough, but the descriptions always make them sound really self-focused. & the Type 3's I know are extremely dedicated to their career and achieving "success". So, it's surprising to me that they might be the type to be a "rescuer".

Thank you again for giving feedback about my question! :)
 
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Haha, maybe I'm totally wrong about the 3 thing, but 2 or 9 still sounds right :)

You're welcome, I'm glad if I could help.
Just to clarify (I forgot to add this. . .I was a little tired, Ha Ha), one of the friends who took up a sort-of "rescuer" role in my life was a 3w2. So, I was not saying you were wrong. I just find it odd that Type 3's would (/might) do this? Just peaked my curiosity. :)
 
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For a long time I thought I couldn't relate to the "attract a rescuer" thing, due to the wording I think. I want to be independent, and I CERTAINLY don't want to be SEEN as anything less. The thought of needing to be RESCUED makes me cringe, like........ "might as well just die" kind of "cringe".

HOWEVER.

There is no denying that I've wanted to be seen, accepted, loved, "understood", in a rare and uplifting way, which would sort of be a form of rescue. Relief, opportunity to be myself, to stop carrying this ridiculous weight of image-consciousness driving me into the ground. Bahaha.

And further ----- there have CERTAINLY been times in my life where I craved "parental" figures, growing up. I was desperate for direction and guidance as a kid and an adolescent. I did have two professors I looked up to and who kind of fulfilled this role once I got into college at age 17. One who actually noticed me in the back of the class and asked me to go speak with him in his office so he could ask me if I had an eating disorder, which I did, and how he might be able to help. He became sort of a mentor. So did the other professor, who also knew about all my issues and what I was going through at home.

Now here's the weird thing about type. I really don't know what type they are. It's hard to even speculate. Another weird thing is that when I was 16-18ish, my first boyfriend was also kind of a "rescuer" (co-dependent, abusive and unhealthy hahaha) and I'm PRETTY sure he's a Four but not 100% ... could be a Five ... and I knew him quite well. In his case, it 's because I believe he's a Narcissist and it's hard to type people with personality disorders...

But I don't know what causes the blind spot with my professors. I could see the first professor mentioned being any of the types, except probably 3 or 7 or 9. I guess the second professor is probably a 6, thinking more about it.... but then I struggle to death with their MBTI as well.

So I don't know, I don't think there's been a pattern for me.
 
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