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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Help me out here guys.

While I'm of the opinion that 2 (or more - woot for polyamoury) people of any type can make a happy romantic pairing/group bond - I'm usually smitten by you ENTPs. Your endless ability to generate possibilities and the abstract weirdness that ensues is a better high than I imagine crack to be.

I think I've messed up BIG TIME with an ENTP. She came on scary strong & I kinda freaked & darted back into my shell. But now she's just starting to see someone else. But there is a very small crack open to me - We still tweet & email, flirting and cutsie dimunitve names all over the show (I usually hate, but with her my heart just skips).

Do I let it lie, let her enjoy her burgeoning happiness. Or, do I (finally) open the flood gates and let her know exactly what she means to me.

(I've posted threads about this over the last couple of days, and I still can't decide what's best to do. I want to be a good friend and be happy for her, but would rather it was me making her happy. :rolleyes:

Would an INFJ in an emotional maelstrom fighting to win your affections back make you think "Hell Yeah/Maybe lets see" or "Oh, dear me :shocked: *flee for the hills*"

My inner monologue is mostly made up of "ARGH WTH MEH!" on repeat. & I need a plan of action, somewhat urgently.

What's your ENTP take on the emotional shit storm I'm in?

(I trawled the relationship forums but its a little .... heteronormative and offers little advice/guidance to same sex pairings)


Cheers

G.
 

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Tell her your feelings, but do not expect an immediate response. She may need time to think about what you have just said, and she may be confused since you rejected her earlier. At the very least, you'll have lifted the burden and expressed the want to open the lines of direct communication. She cannot (will not) fault you for your honesty.
 

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dont tell her your feelings. intrigue her somehow and make her come after you. To us ENTP's its all a game and we don't like it when its too easy to win (sometimes). but, im sure you dont wanna be that sometimes if you know what i mean
 

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I kind of find the emotional flood gate thing a little flattering and cute. I'm engaged to a male INFJ who is cautious to letting anyone in, so I also see it as a sign of trust when he opens up to me (he is always open, but sometimes he flings the door wide open and I get surprises) which I am flattered by, because I know that not just anyone gets to see that side of him.

It is also possible to tell feelings without opening the flood gates. Simply saying "I like you in a romantic way. I think you're really awesome, and I really valued the time we spent and the conversations we had together. I got scared, and I pushed you away, and I'm sorry. I would like to work things out" most likely won't scare her off. It's direct and to the point, while still saying your feelings.

That being said, if I were you, I would acknowledge her new relationship without imposing on it. It's her call at this point, and you don't want to be that sleazy girl that tries to move in on her and break them up. =\ Sorry I can't help more with that.
 

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This is one of the few occasions when I would not advise laying it out clearly to your ENTP. If you do, you place a choice before her. And we are utterly, utterly crap at making choices, and there is a small but real chance she'll just decide the easy choice is to the third way: not you or her current squeeze but a totally new woman.

I'm with those who say: keep the friendship going, keep her intrigued.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I got to speak to her yesterday. It was something of a wrenching conversation, for both of us.

It is also possible to tell feelings without opening the flood gates. Simply saying "I like you in a romantic way. I think you're really awesome, and I really valued the time we spent and the conversations we had together. I got scared, and I pushed you away, and I'm sorry.
That kinda is me opening the floodgates :p I didn't mean "OMG I LOVE YOU TAKE ME BACK WAH WAH" -- I forgot that some others that would, or could, be the case. Woops. & your suggested lines are pretty much word for word what I said.


if I were you, I would acknowledge her new relationship without imposing on it. It's her call at this point, and you don't want to be that sleazy girl that tries to move in on her and break them up. =\
Totally, and I think I managed to do that as well. Even apologised for putting her in this situation. Tbh, I do feel a little sleazy, and if their relationship was more concrete there's no way I'd have made these calls. It would have just been Ben & Jerrys Chunky Monkey for a month :/

This has actually cheered me. TY for response,

G.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
There is no way I'd be able to maintain a just friends vibe with her. I have it b.a.d. I'm happy with knowing exactly where I am, even if that's far away on the outside way aways from her. Sure it'll hurt, but nowhere near as bad as watching her build something wiith someone else - without having told her how I feel.

G
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Oh for sure, I gets that.

The convo we had yesterday ended with her saying that she's going to need some space & time. Totally fair and reasonable. So, I'm doing that - no email, tweet, or phone calls. It's killing me, but is clearly what she needs and is the right thing to do. Venting at the interwebz is my release. Otherwise my noggin would have imploded by now.

Thanks, dood :)

G.
 

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If you find yourself darting back into your "shell" early on in a relationship when the ENTP may still be holding back, you should stop now. We only get crazier as you get it know us and eventually the emotional running from us will doom things.
 

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dont tell her your feelings. intrigue her somehow and make her come after you. To us ENTP's its all a game and we don't like it when its too easy to win (sometimes). but, im sure you dont wanna be that sometimes if you know what i mean
IDK if that's a good idea, honestly if it was a fresh relationship then yeah it'd probably be fun and ok but if I feel like I was rejected and jumped right into the same situation I'd run away. Or even accept that we're only going to be friends and look for someone else.
 

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OP, I think you've blown it already. If you're a systems man then you know the initial points are vital to the trajectory. Let it go or, go for it but I feel that the initial connection is often glorified for a reason. That being said, if she was introduced to an aberrant side of you then show her the real goods.
 
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