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Well, after being mistyped for years as an INFJ, I feel comfortable with the ISFP type, feeling snug inside of it. But I'm always questioning and going back to the things that make me feel snug.

I signed up here back in April, but my internet access is sporadic and I mostly lurk when I'm actually here, just absorbing the environment and taking in what people have to say.

Now I'm here again and I figured I'd fill this out to see what any one of you might have to say about my responses. Do I read as an ISFP? Perhaps INFJ really was more accurate? Who knows. It's all man-made science attempting to apply structure to organic and fluid behavior, IMHO. But I like it! We can't understand behavior at its true source, I don't believe. All we can work with is what we got: flighty human brainmeats.

HERE GOES I GUESS.

0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.

Well I'm avoiding work on my résumé right now. The environment is extremely distracting and I am very ADHD. I work front end for a grocery store that's going under and the stress of working close to full time shifts when I've only ever been part time, in addition to the sudden stress of needing to find new work, is resting one arm gleefully on my shoulder, whispering doubts that I'm finding it hard to ignore. Facebook and this forum have seen more progress than my résumé or my stack of job applications.

1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.

Well um. It's being really annoying about letting me post this post without links. So. Type the address for Flickr into your web bar and then copy/paste the rest of this to it? Sorry. :|

/photos/andrecarbon/9485831765/in/explore-2013-08-11

I...actually adore photography, hold it as a hobby, and this picture has a lot of what I love: people as a subject matter, non-posed and candid, conveying some sort of emotion in their pose and expression. Love how the girl in the foreground has motion blur. I get the feeling that she's anxious and impatient and I wonder what about. I linger on it, trying to imagine where she may be going and what is on her mind. The woman in the background, too, though she gives off a different vibe altogether. She seems...discontent, worn out on something or someone. Again, I wonder who or what over?

2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?

Oh my God, I would cry. My favorite artist is Björk. I've been waiting since I was twelve to see her live. I'm now 28. There's always something getting in my way that makes me have to skip out. This would be nothing short of a significant moment for me. I would fucking CRY. Like a baby with a stubbed toe like it's the worst thing in the world. But then I'd force myself to get it together and reflect on my location and cell phone service. I'm out in the boonies but can I access 3G? I'm hardy and relatively fit; can I walk to the nearest home or gas station? Once able to calm myself down, I'd direct all my attention to these sorts of questions. Probably forgetting all about Björk, until I'm out of crisis.

3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?

Depends on what I have going on the next day. Am I staying in town for a while? I probably am if I'm driving through the middle of nowhere to attend. Why waste that kind of gas money on a day trip? If so then YEAH sure why not. I met my ex-girlfriend of two years by attending a random afterparty.

4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?

... Depends on the friend, what claim xe is making, and how strongly I hold these beliefs. I prioritize my responses to clashing attitudes according to dozens of variables.

5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?

Previous beliefs? I don't actually hold these beliefs anymore? This question is worded a little confusingly. However, I see things that clash with my established experiences and habits every day. For the most part, I roll with it. It's arrogant to think that my experiences, beliefs, or habits, past or present, can actually define anything about how life itself should be.

6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

Compassion. It's a long and complicated explanation requiring time I don't have. But I beat it into my own head to be compassionate.
CHALLENGING ASSUMPTIONS AND BELIEFS. All the time. Revisiting and reevaluating why I think what I do, or feel what I feel, are opportunities I take constantly, and I find it very aggravating when people refuse to do the same. I was born loving variety, and I feel as though I've grown surrounded by those with the exact opposite preference. It...just strikes me as intellectual suicide to deny that anything more can exist outside of one's currently established preferences, tastes, and ideologies.
Perfectionism. I seek for the highest quality in everything I put my mind and efforts into. Lately, it's been food. Again, I just feel like I've grown with people who are too quick to settle for what's comfortable and familiar. In the interest of compassion as a continuing value, though, I have to remember to step back every now and then and remind myself that people come from all sorts of different backgrounds and experiences, lest I become too judgmental and callous...and it can be easy for me to do so.

7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?

I was born with my mother believing that I'd never move out of her place. I'm an alphabet soup of psychiatric diagnoses. I don't and never have believed half of them. I've fought so hard to change people's perceptions. I have my own apartment that I share with my boyfriend. It took me a while, but I finally entered the work force and began earning money for myself outside of the social security checks I get for being labeled as crazy. I long to be off of SS entirely and earning a living independently. Mum says I've defied all expectations and then some. Hey! Belatedly, I realized that this could be an example of a way I'd respond to a claim that clashes with one of my beliefs. When she tells me things like that, I kind of just smile and nod because I don't want to start a conflict with no resolution in sight. In my head, though? It's a flurry of curse words and anger. I can't even form a coherent thought. Like, dude, you're my mom...why couldn't you believe that I was capable of defying expectations in the first place? Why does this surprise you?...The fact that it has to be a surprise is angering and depressing.

Back to this question, though. Right there, I guess, is perhaps the most notable aspect of my personality. I rigorously rebel when anyone tries to tell me that I can't do anything, that something is out of my reach, that I'm not good enough. And I've become very good at being my own best advocate. I have to be careful, though, as I can be overly defensive and quick to argue if I perceive any sort of invalidating tone to a person's words, especially if it's a false perception.

8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

I follow them religiously. Life itself triggers them. It's like I'm answering to a higher power when I follow my instincts. (And, yes, I am also actually religious.)

9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

Pursuing a creative hobby. I love to cook right now, and it's become an all-consuming obsession. No one taught me how to cook growing up. And it goes beyond the cooking, too. I love the search for the best ingredients at the lowest cost, of finding the best places to go for my stuff (I currently bounce between three different supermarkets, in addition to friends who grow their own produce and are willing to share with me, as I can't do it myself in my current apartment), and of stocking my refrigerator and cabinets. I make dirt but my kitchen is overflowing. And I'm not compromising my budget to make it this way - it's the direct result of careful planning and spending. It's my biggest source of pride right now.

I love people and I love to work servicing them in some way. I have several options of career paths I'd like to pursue. Among them, I'd like to consider becoming a professional chef or a geriatric nurse. I thrive in the front end of the busiest supermarket in my city. Sucks that we're going under and I'm going to be laid off by the end of the month. During the busiest day of our half-off-everything sale, I received numerous compliments from customers on my ability to stay smiling, calm, and patient in light of the news of my job loss as well as the craziness of the day. However, when it comes time to punch out, I find myself having to practically run from coworkers offering me rides. Even that is too much by the end of my shift. I love people, but it comes at an expense to my energy levels. After too much time with others comes an overwhelming urge to retreat. I like to think of it as a yin yang cycle. A desire to serve is constantly chasing after a desire for solitude is constantly pursuing the desire to serve. And there's a little nugget of each desire embedded within the other. It's an odd sort of harmony I have.

10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others Why?

Instincts to judge, qualify, and quantify based on my preference for high quality and perfection. I hold back my numerous, intense opinions about everything tangible and consumable, from food to music to methods of exercise, because I don't want to hurt or alienate those around me with them.
 
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