[intrasearching]

Hullo ENFJs,

I think y'all are great. My aunt is ENFJ and she is probably my favorite person. She's so pleasant, compassionate, careful, fun, and even though she's an extrovert I nearly always feel comfortable around her and I feel that she really understands and appreciates me.

I would like to have more female ENFJs in my life. I had a male ENFJ friend last year. At one point it looked like we were going to be a natural JD - Turk friendship, but eventually our differences came between us. We mended our friendship but it was never really the same. I am curious... For a younger ENFJ (early 20's) how can I assure that they know my introversion is not a reason for them to worry? I can be plenty sociable and warm, but oftentimes when there are more than three people, I take a backseat and zone out completely. This caused my male ENFJ friend to feel insecure and eventually call me out on it, which was frustrating and extremely confusing for me, because I was just being myself. When he called me out, he called me out because I went from silent in a group to goofy and enthusiastic when we left and it was just the two of us. He said "Why do you do that, dude?" It was so mind-boggling and awful for me, because I had no idea why I was the way I was. I just was!

I am rambling... What I really am curious about is the INTP-ENFJ relationship, how I can ensure that future ones will be successful, how to keep from being worn out by trying to extrovert myself, how to keep the ENFJ from finding my introversion offensive aaaaaand how/where I can find ENFJ girls my age.

Surely the last question is not something that can really be answered, but I have this funny idea that going out with an ENFJ girl would be very satisfying for me. I have generally only dated introverts, and while I've had some serious and satisfying relationships, there is a deep part of me that desires the nurturing attention of an extroverted girlfriend. This is supposing, of course, that I am still adept in these sorts of relationships (it's been a while).

If you make it through my verbose mass of text, I commend you.

Thanks for your consideration in answering my questions. And if no one does answer this, I won't be offended, because I know I'm sort of asking a lot.

Thank you!

 

[Summersault]

Hullo ENFJs,

I think y'all are great.

Howdy =) I think y’all INTPs are great, too.

I am curious... For a younger ENFJ (early 20's) how can I assure that they know my introversion is not a reason for them to worry?

I’m a 20 year old ENFJ and I have three INTP friends. I’m very close to all of them (and because I know such is not always the case, I’ll add that they’re close to me too). I understand that introversion is just part of who they are. I’ve never worried about it. I guess, though, one way to go about it would be to talk to them about it. We ENFJs seem to really appreciate a good chat where things are made clear.
I know that I speculate about things and it’s energizing to have someone either confirm what I’ve been supposing or to reveal the truth if it’s contrary to what I thought. I like understanding people (I know you’re asking about all ENFJs, but I can’t speak for anyone but me, so… I’m gunna talk about me a bunch). If I’d been upset by one of my INTP’s introverted nature, it would really help if they pulled me aside and just let me know that that’s how they are. Assuming they noticed that I was uncomfortable or made it obvious. If you have an ENFJ who’s being weird about your reserved behavior, I really think it would be best to just explain that you’re not trying to be offensive or anything. This is just how you prefer to interact. This is how you’re comfortable (Or, you know, whatever the case may be. Communication is the key, though. It really is.)

What I really am curious about is the INTP-ENFJ relationship, how I can ensure that future ones will be successful, how to keep from being worn out by trying to extrovert myself, how to keep the ENFJ from finding my introversion offensive aaaaaand how/where I can find ENFJ girls my age.

As for ensuring that you won’t be worn out, I think the ENFJ can meet you half way. It’s only fair that if you’re going to go to the trouble of extroverting yourself, the other person can respect and maybe even reflect a more introverted way of spending time together. As far as INTP-ENFJ relationships… I’ve discussed this a few times with my INTPs and we all kind of agree that ENFJ seems really….very fond of INTP. I dunno what it is about you guys. Maybe the polarity. Maybe it’s magic. I dunno. But I really love you people. And if you look through this ENFJ forum threads, you might see what I’ve seen: There seems to be many threads that are specific to INTP-ENFJ bonds. I can’t be the only one who fawns over you guys. INTP-ENFJ just seems to mesh well. We learn from your Ti and you learn from our Fe and we grow together, kinda. I’m no expert! Just observation that I’ve barely even begun to figure out. If I could give any advice… Be patient with us. I know things get tense when an INTP wants a rational response from me and I’ve not yet worked one out. I have to work through how I feel about something, and THEN how I think about it. It takes me a little longer. Not because I’m dumb, but because I have a feeling cushion. If you want a rational response, be patient. We want to please you. Also, on that note, it’s unlikely that we’ll push your buttons on purpose. Don’t forget that communication is the key of all keys. Skeleton key.. master key… whatever you wanna call it, it’s amazing. If you’re bothered, help your ENFJ understand.

I dunno if I answered your questions correctly or in a way that makes sense. If not, I’m totally willing to fix it. But I do hope this helped =)

 

[intrasearching]

Howdy =) I think y’all INTPs are great, too.


I’m a 20 year old ENFJ and I have three INTP friends. I’m very close to all of them (and because I know such is not always the case, I’ll add that they’re close to me too). I understand that introversion is just part of who they are. I’ve never worried about it. I guess, though, one way to go about it would be to talk to them about it. We ENFJs seem to really appreciate a good chat where things are made clear.
I know that I speculate about things and it’s energizing to have someone either confirm what I’ve been supposing or to reveal the truth if it’s contrary to what I thought. I like understanding people (I know you’re asking about all ENFJs, but I can’t speak for anyone but me, so… I’m gunna talk about me a bunch). If I’d been upset by one of my INTP’s introverted nature, it would really help if they pulled me aside and just let me know that that’s how they are. Assuming they noticed that I was uncomfortable or made it obvious. If you have an ENFJ who’s being weird about your reserved behavior, I really think it would be best to just explain that you’re not trying to be offensive or anything. This is just how you prefer to interact. This is how you’re comfortable (Or, you know, whatever the case may be. Communication is the key, though. It really is.)


As for ensuring that you won’t be worn out, I think the ENFJ can meet you half way. It’s only fair that if you’re going to go to the trouble of extroverting yourself, the other person can respect and maybe even reflect a more introverted way of spending time together. As far as INTP-ENFJ relationships… I’ve discussed this a few times with my INTPs and we all kind of agree that ENFJ seems really….very fond of INTP. I dunno what it is about you guys. Maybe the polarity. Maybe it’s magic. I dunno. But I really love you people. And if you look through this ENFJ forum threads, you might see what I’ve seen: There seems to be many threads that are specific to INTP-ENFJ bonds. I can’t be the only one who fawns over you guys. INTP-ENFJ just seems to mesh well. We learn from your Ti and you learn from our Fe and we grow together, kinda. I’m no expert! Just observation that I’ve barely even begun to figure out. If I could give any advice… Be patient with us. I know things get tense when an INTP wants a rational response from me and I’ve not yet worked one out. I have to work through how I feel about something, and THEN how I think about it. It takes me a little longer. Not because I’m dumb, but because I have a feeling cushion. If you want a rational response, be patient. We want to please you. Also, on that note, it’s unlikely that we’ll push your buttons on purpose. Don’t forget that communication is the key of all keys. Skeleton key.. master key… whatever you wanna call it, it’s amazing. If you’re bothered, help your ENFJ understand.

I dunno if I answered your questions correctly or in a way that makes sense. If not, I’m totally willing to fix it. But I do hope this helped =)

Oh, it did help. Thank you.

You are right about the communication thing. That is also something I greatly value in a relationship. However, generally my Fe is not incited so much that I need communication like that unless I am in a romantic relationship. So, I could really see how a romantic relationship with an ENFJ would be great for me, because most of my relationship problems are due to unhealthy/inferior Fe. I think it would be just amazing to be with someone who understands, who knows what Fe is like and understands how to really use it efficiently/successfully, etc..

Now, I just need to find an ENFJ, haha.

 

[Summersault]

Lol that's the one question of yours that I wasn't sure how to address. I'm pretty fortunate. I've run into two or three other ENFJ women in your age group. I suppose I could recommend that you come here and scoop them up. But that's not practical... Lol. I'm serious about that "ENFJ seems to love INTP" thing, though. Maybe you'll get lucky and we'll just flock to you =)

 

[intrasearching]

Lol that's the one question of yours that I wasn't sure how to address. I'm pretty fortunate. I've run into two or three other ENFJ women in your age group. I suppose I could recommend that you come here and scoop them up. But that's not practical... Lol. I'm serious about that "ENFJ seems to love INTP" thing, though. Maybe you'll get lucky and we'll just flock to you =)

That would be nice!

 

[formal riot]

Ok well as a 21 year old living with a INTP I can say that yes its very possible for the ENFJ-INTP relationship to work fine however it requires a lot of give in take. I have learned to recognize clues as to when my friend needs time to brood and or wants to stay hidden, although similarly I know what gets him excited as well so that I know when he is enjoying himself around others. Also yes I learned calling him out is a big no no as well, although it only took one negative reaction to stop that from repeating.

Similarly though I feel he has learned what makes me happier as well, and I have noticed him break his introverted comfort zones at times to improve my mood or what not. Given how Introverted the guy is when this happens I know it really is a sign as too how strong our friendship is. That being said I have to most arguments with him then any of the others in the house, although that has more to do with him not doing dishes then anything else.

Honestly though since moving in with him I can say that being slightly more extroverted as helped him a lot. Aside from being more sociable and less of a sarcastic dick, he genuinely seems happier so seeing him transform over time, well makes me feel good.

any other questions with this please ask because I feel as if what I wrote is a little all over the place.

As for the romantic side, well cant help you there Im afraid sorry.

 

[SilentScream]

That being said I have to most arguments with him then any of the others in the house, although that has more to do with him not doing dishes then anything else.

Honestly though since moving in with him I can say that being slightly more extroverted as helped him a lot. Aside from being more sociable and less of a sarcastic dick, he genuinely seems happier so seeing him transform over time, well makes me feel good.

Is it wrong that I laughed

Heh .. yah, sounds like a lot of ENFJ+Whatever type relationships ...

An ENFJ can't help but take on the mentoring role and just sit back and enjoy watching people develop .. it's a very satisfying and rewarding feeling as well.

 

[dulcinea]

I'm answering from the point of view of a very introverted person, so I'll probably focus more on the questions that deal with not letting your introversion get in the way of having a lasting relationship with an ENFJ....

I used to do like you said: sit back when there was more than one person, and, on a one on one basis, come alive again. I find things that helped me get out of that habit were: making sure I spend a sufficient amount of time alone before I know I'm going to be at a social gathering, thinking about the people I'm likely going to be with, and things that they're interesting, thinking of things I might say, jokes I might make funny stories I might have along those lines before I go to a gathering with such people. Its really important for me to mentally prepare myself before a social gathering, especially, like I had said, with those specific people in mind. Also, if I'm reasonably sure that there will be people that I don't know there, I try to sit around people that make me feel comfortable, but I also try to make an effort not to hover too much around those people. I find when there's new people in the mix; they don't know much about my personality, sense of humor etc., I try not to pressure myself into trying to entertain everyone. I find it's sufficient to ask the new person, questions that would be inoffensive as possible: "How did you guys meet? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?..." stuff like that; it's a balance to be like that without appearing nosy or invasive though. I find ENFJs tend to be impressed when you take a sincere interest in their friends or family because they usually define themselves by their relationships.

My experience with ENFJs is that they like to socialize and do things with groups a lot, but they're also considerate to the needs of the people they care about; they seem to be more impressed by someone making an effort to take a personal interest in them and also in the people in their lives, when it's appropriate, than intellectual prowess, dashing conversations or anything like that. I find they usually can tell when someone is really making an effort, living up to their potential, or just making excuses or faking it. It's like they have some kind of Radar.

 

[dulcinea]

An ENFJ can't help but take on the mentoring role and just sit back and enjoy watching people develop .. it's a very satisfying and rewarding feeling as well.

I couldn't help but laugh at this reply. I have a friend who I'm pretty sure is a 2-1-7 (mentor triad) ENFJ so I find this is double for him. He treats his mom like a little sister who needs his advice sometimes, lol.

 

[Svensenberg]

Hmmm... I started a thread in the ENTJ forum about compatibility with INTP for a relationship, maybe I was looking in the wrong place!

 

[Pseudowho]

Well ENFJ girls can generally be found giving cupcakes to children, sandwiches to the poor, trying to create world peace (with cuddles) and entertaining themselves with cute things.

 

[Abbysaurus]

I would for sure agree that communication is super important. I've been in a relationship with an INTP for almost 3 years and sometimes it's really hard because he will sit in his mind for long periods of time. If you do happen to snag one of those lovely ENFJ girls just make sure that she always knows in plain terms where she stands with you. Also, don't get offended if she tries to "help" you be more "normal". I must admit with a wince that I'm often guilty of this with my INTP because I sometimes can't comprehend his thought processes.

I also agree about being drawn to INTP... it's just fascinating to watch someone analyze every little bit of their life. It also seems like the ENFJ adds extra energy and silliness to the relationship while the INTP adds quiet analytical thought and all that other lovely INTP stuff :tongue: They sort of balance each other out.