What are your moods like? Describe them to me.
My moods change a lot throughout the day even, but they are not overtly expressed or demonstrated. They are subtle to the outside observer, and often appear as mildly pleased to slightly grouchy. Internally, it feels like a change in tides. It's a new mental atmosphere coming over you, that colors your thoughts, but doesn't rule them. It's not dramatic, but it's swing, for sure. Nothing has to happen to cause it. My thoughts can be very removed from what is happening all around me. Occasionally I have random dramatic thoughts or images pop up in my head. I was once driving along on a nice, sunny day, with a good song playing and I thought "I want to stick a knife in my head". Another time, I envisioned driving my car off the edge of a cliff. Stuff like that. It's random intensity. But that fleeting moment may pass, and then I'll laugh at how maudlin it is.
I like to be alone with my more pronounced, lingering moods. I also use various art to stir them intentionally, particularly music and literature; or I use it to soothe or enhance them. I learn a lot from emotional states, so that's probably why. I almost never share these with anyone.
If an actual person/real life experience affects me, then I do my best to put a damper on it until I am alone and can experience it fully without the embarrassment of discovery by another person. This is rather easy, as I don't react a lot unless repeatedly provoked. Unfortunately, this can deepen the sense of detachment & alienation from others. I often feel more "alive" & in touch with my passions when alone.
I also sometimes seek to intellectualize my moods & emotions; I analyze them & what they mean. If I can't make sense of an emotion, it nags at me. I'll try and dismiss it, but it'll pop back up like a bad smell. This is where the subtly moody demeanor comes from. I hate when I don't know why I feel a certain way, and tiny nuances are explored like they're a new kind of species to catalog.
What are you like under stress?
In a work situation, I can thrive under stress and become very creative. The stress is a solvable problem and has an end in sight (often a deadline), so it's an energizing challenge, not overwhelming.
As for other stress, I withdraw to cope with it so I can re-emerge ready to take action to move towards a solution. I become extra quiet, but a subtly moodiness comes through as a warning. I will be snappy if pushed, and if pushed too much, then I may lash out. Again, I give plenty of fair warning. I have to really be pushed to react. Family does this most, on purpose I think because they know my buttons (at least on some level). My family sees me as temperamental, but others see me as pretty calm, maybe slightly moody at worst.
I may also stress eat and drink a little, for comfort. If nothing can be done at the moment, then some escapism may be used, like reading or watching TV. If nothing can be done long term, then I may get depressed.
Do you feel that you have to put your creative touch on everything and how do you feel if someone asks you to conform?
Honestly, yes. I like to add my little creative touch to almost everything. When it comes to "conformity", then it depends on what is being asked. I am not entirely uncooperative, nor do I rebel for its own sake. However, if it encroaches on a freedom important to me, then I will feel stifled, which will lead to resentment, which generally leads to withdrawing from/quitting whatever is asking me to conform. I don't make a big fuss; I usually just quietly & quickly make an exit. If I have to stay, then I may quietly rebel as much as I think I can get away with, but being careful not to garner attention from it (I don't want to get caught!). Other times, I suck it up, adjust my perspective, and decide it's not as important as I thought it was (but sometimes, it
really is important :tongue
. It's still a bitter pill to swallow...
Do you feel like you are misunderstood in life, and if so in what way?
Sometimes. It's hard to describe how. I think it often can be in the form of being underestimated because I don't play the game in the way everyone else does, either out of sheer innocence or distaste for it. Being a quiet, reserved person, I also find people projecting onto me a lot, assuming all kinds of weird things that have more to do with them than me. I don't really make myself that open nor care too much about being understood, so that is part of it. It took me a long to realize how people perceived me because of that.
I admit I occasionally take a perverse delight in being misunderstood; it reinforces some ideas about the people who do it. :tongue:
