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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have an ISFJ boyfriend, we get along well, a lot of communication from his part. Although i still find it difficult to come out of my shell. There really isn't any intellectual conversations going on between us (which is something i would want). I try to start something like that, but he doesn't catch my drift. Anyway, i have a few questions..

What kind of things would you want your partner to do for you? Would you feel bad if your partner didn't tell you they love you all the time (or other emotional stuff)? What qualities (characteristics) would make you attracted to someone?

I know intps and isfjs work completely different, any advice (insight) would be helpful. :laughing:
Thoughts, questions, concerns?
 

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Interestingly enough, there have been a number of threads on the ISFJ forum about INTP's asking about them.

Here's one where I gave some of my feedback:

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/29682-isfj-intp-communication.html




I'll leave it at for now since I don't know if I can offer anything too much different than what I said in that first thread...but if you have other questions after checking these out then I can try to answer them.
Here are a few others:

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/6532-intp-isfj.html

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/32285-intp-dating-isfj.html

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/33418-successful-isfj-intp-relationships.html
 
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I have an ISFJ boyfriend, we get along well, a lot of communication from his part. Although i still find it difficult to come out of my shell. There really isn't any intellectual conversations going on between us (which is something i would want). I try to start something like that, but he doesn't catch my drift. Anyway, i have a few questions..

What kind of things would you want your partner to do for you? Would you feel bad if your partner didn't tell you they love you all the time (or other emotional stuff)? What qualities (characteristics) would make you attracted to someone?

I know intps and isfjs work completely different, any advice (insight) would be helpful. :laughing:
Thoughts, questions, concerns?
Here's what I've learned so far:

I don't know how long you guys have been together, but sooner or later you will have to come out of your shell and let him know that you need him. ISFJ's are the "need to be needed" people, and you're depriving him if he doesn't know that. I mean it should be obvious that you do need him. You're with him, right? Why else would you waste your time? But ISFJ's like to be reassured instead of just making the connection and sticking with that. I had the same problem you're having. Luckily my ISFJ was up front with me right from the start and told me that if this is going to work, we both need to open up to each other. It was scary at first, although there was nothing to fear since ISFJ's are very loyal. Still, I had to let go of a little bit of that characteristic INTJ pride that said that I had to be all independent and depend on no one. Just like he's going to have to make some adjustments, you will, too.

As for the intellectual thing, don't you two share any interests? How do the conversations usually go?

Interestingly enough, there have been a number of threads on the ISFJ forum about INTP's asking about them.

Here's one where I gave some of my feedback:

ISFJ <-> INTP Communication
You wouldn't happen to have the INTJ/ISFJ section would you? :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Here's what I've learned so far:

I don't know how long you guys have been together, but sooner or later you will have to come out of your shell and let him know that you need him. ISFJ's are the "need to be needed" people, and you're depriving him if he doesn't know that. I mean it should be obvious that you do need him. You're with him, right? Why else would you waste your time? But ISFJ's like to be reassured instead of just making the connection and sticking with that. I had the same problem you're having. Luckily my ISFJ was up front with me right from the start and told me that if this is going to work, we both need to open up to each other. It was scary at first, although there was nothing to fear since ISFJ's are very loyal. Still, I had to let go of a little bit of that characteristic INTJ pride that said that I had to be all independent and depend on no one. Just like he's going to have to make some adjustments, you will, too.

As for the intellectual thing, don't you two share any interests? How do the conversations usually go?



You wouldn't happen to have the INTJ/ISFJ section would you? :D
This is just what i needed to hear, thanks! :laughing:
 

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You wouldn't happen to have the INTJ/ISFJ section would you? :D
I actually posted it in this thread, on the 3rd page, post 24.

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/20819-isfj-sabotages-relationships-3.html

Expat in Japan and I had a long conversation about the whole thing. I think you posted at the end of the thread, but may have not combed through the walls of text.

Anyway, here's what the book said about INTJ's and ISFJ's:

teddy564339 said:
Here's what it says about what INTJ's need to do for ISFJ's:

-Smile and look lovingly at your partner, especially when you first see him or her.

-Slow down and be patient, particularly when you are discussing new topics or suggesting a new way of looking at old problems.


-Begin by commenting on points of agreement. Emphasize the positive, and don't dwell on the negative.

-Watch your tendency to be critical, arrogant or condescending.

-Compliment your partner on tangible things. Thank your mate for all the little things he or she does to keep your life running smoothly.

-Make an effort to share your feelings, thoughts, and reactions with your partner. Don't shut him or her out.



To balance it out, here's what the book says about what the ISFJ needs to do for the INTJ:

-Maintain constant and genuine interest in your partner's career and professional strivings. Ask about your partner's work and listen attentively.

-Never publicly question your partner's knowledge or competence.

-Seek your partner's advice, especially about future implications or alternative solutions to problems

-Compliment your partner on his or her creativity and on the uniqueness of his or her innovations. Always be genuine.

-Remain calm and try to stay unemotional when discussing new issues or problems with your partner. Try not to repeat yourself.

-Strive to stay open to new ways of doing things. Avoid responding negatively to changes or refusing to consider unusual alternatives.
 

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Thanks teddy :) All those things you (re)posted are so true for me at least. I have an important INTJ in my life and that list was pretty accurate on behavior I wish (or would appreciate) I would get from that person, but even more so the things that I should do for him. I'll definately keep those in mind. Thanks!
 
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