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Hi everyone,

I came to my fellow INFP's hoping they would maybe relate to this a bit more though I'm sure others pursue the same thing.

I've come out of what I guess you could say a rough patch, well that would actually be an understandment but I don't want to dive to deeply into it. Though I have come out of a dark place and it was a life changing situation and i've come to accept it and appreciate it.

I've learned many things through the experience and many things about who I am. A big theme of what happened was that I totally lost myself in a way. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it but from what I can gather now my naive idealistic ways combined with not having a strong sense of self and worth to begin with I kind of got lost...lost myself...became others expectations, things I never thought I be.

Anywho! Heh heh, what I'm hoping to accomplish is to internalize what I've learned and kind of solidfiy the person I've learned myself to be. I thought I good route would to be to formalize and write out my ethics,values and princples and I don't exactly know how to go about it. Maybe some of you have done the same or maybe have a good outline? Or any other advice? Thanks in advance.
 

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Find what you love about yourself, then love yourself with more confidence and combine self love with humility, not arrogance. Be moderate in many things, don't go to too extremes. Consider other people's perspectives but don't let them drown out your inner voice. Fulfill social expectations but don't push yourself until you forget who you are. I can go on, but really it's a journey that belongs to you and you know better.
 

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This would be pretty uncomfortable for me, I don't like the word "formalize" to begin with. :tongue:

It sounds like you want to lock yourself into this position, make it so you don't change, which to me is terrifying. Improvement is a change, and can't exist without it, I wouldn't want to be locked down. We're always learning, developing, evolving, and I think that's a good thing.

If you really wanna do that then by all means, don't let me stop you!

I understand your fear of being "lost" like that (again). I had a similar experience, maybe more than one depending on how broadly you define it (each was in a different way).

I guess this is where I should offer an alternative, but I'm not sure I have one. I don't think it's so much about the specific values, but something underlying. When I feel it going on, I try to take time to recharge, surrounding myself with the most positive things I can. Things I wouldn't mind learning from, taking on aspects of.

Something I think is important to remember (which I tend to have problems with) is that there's more than just being anti-negative, there's being pro-positive, which is a very different thing. Rather than trying to eliminate something (like with bad habits), it's almost always better to replace them with something better. To flood it with something good, rather than trying only to eradicate the negatives.

Like with dealing with people, trying to be completely flawless just doesn't work anywhere near as well as having something good to offer (avoiding making tiny mistakes vs allowing them and making them insignificant when a "loss vs benefit" type comparison is made).

I probably went way off-track, don't mind me, just ridin' the tangents. :confused:
 
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