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Discussion Starter #1
I'm trying to. . patch up my relationship with my ex, who is an ENFP.

Basically, he said when we broke up that we should keep talking to each other, and we've not been doing much of that lately. And I miss it.

Anyway. Back to the question.

How would yall respond if someone, a friend or an ex, told you that they missed talking to you.

Would you try talking to them more, or would you end up talking to them less after that.
. . . would you be annoyed at the statement? Would you accept those words?

Also. Does anyone have any tips on things that would get him back to talking to me?

I'm sorry if none of the above ends up making sense. I tend to ramble when my emotions are all out of whack.

. . . I really value this person, and would like to share my feelings with him, but I'm afraid of how he will react. I'm hoping on getting some reassurance that saying "i miss talking to you" won't push him farther away from me.

I appreciate those who are willing to help.
Thank You
 

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I think if he expressed when you broke up that he wanted to keep in contact with you, then he would be happy for you guys to start speaking again. However, it's important that you show him that you're willing to make an effort to do so. I don't know the details of the situation, but he may feel that it's your responsibility to reach out to him at this point, and saying that "you miss talking to him" may be slightly offensive if he feels you're using it to make him feel bad for not talking to you, rather than just an honest expression of how you feel. But in general, I think if you reach out to him, talk to him, and then say, "I've missed talking to you," that would probably flatter him, especially if he feels the same way.

Granted, I'm not psychic, but that's just how I'd react to the situation.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
However, it's important that you show him that you're willing to make an effort to do so. I don't know the details of the situation, but he may feel that it's your responsibility to reach out to him at this point
I do reach out to him. . . that's whats troubling me so much.
If I text him once a day, I'm lucky to get a response every other day, and if I do get a response, it's usually 1 to 5 words. and then that's it until two or more days later.

The lack of talking could also be due to him being in his first-year at college. . . taking in all the new experiences and all the new people. Basically being his ENFP self (<---sorry if that offends anybody. didn't mean it to.)
But still. . .

You'd think he would make time for old friends every once in awhile. . . Would you?

I'm wondering what he would do if I stopped talking to him.
Have been contemplating doing it for awhile now. but I have a out-of-sight out-of-mind complex so. . . bit afraid to do that.

Thank You for giving me your opinion, by the way. It is very helpful, running stuff like this past someone with the same personality type
 

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Personally, I love keeping in touch with my exes, they're among my best friends. As viva said, if he expressed the desire to talk to you in the future when you were breaking up, then he probably means it. I think 'I miss talking to you' would be perfect and actually make him realise he means a lot to you.

As for getting slow replies, that's just too ENFP. I do it all the time. If he's in a new environment, he's probably preoccupied exploring it, meeting everyone and making friends. Having that in mind, I think it's not something you should worry about. However, the shortness of his answers is a bit puzzling. Maybe he's stressed or feeling a bit down? I don't see another reason for him not to be talkative. Maybe ask him if he's doing okay?

How long did your relationship last and when did you break up?
 

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There's lot of things going on in his life I'm sure that are taking up his attention. If you're not in that immediate environment of his, it's unlikely you'll be a focus when he's juggling so many other new experiences, people, possibilities. This does not mean that he's not thinking about you or has forgotten you.

Like others have said, I don't know the details so I don't have a clear image of how it is so I'm giving you a broad scope of how it might be. If he's like me, he's aware that he's not consistent with replying to your texts or communication in general; he might be suddenly reminded of you and try to commit to responding, but, like everything else in an ENFP's world, follow through is poor.

So, to answer your question, I'd respond with genuine care and interest if someone of importance in my life told me they missed talking to me. Don't be afraid to say it clearly and elaborate. He'll completely understand, as I know I would. But.. we're all different.

Don't expect him to keep up with communication though. You can maintain a good steady conversation and flow of messages (if we're talking via text) and it can suddenly just stop.

We ENFPs generally suck at maintaining connections - the whole networking business. If we lose interest in a topic or something in our immediate surroundings distracts us, we'll just forget to text back. This isn't personal, usually. Maintaining a focus can be so hard!

But, yeah.. if you guys ended on a good note then he'll be understanding and receptive with what you have to say. Address it. Hell, write an entire letter if you want. Better yet, surprise him with a phone call. If it's that important to you to patch things up, make it clear to him. All I can really say is his Ne's busy and caught in the whirlwind of newness and novelty. You're going to really have to catch his attention.

Can't say I really know what to tell you since the context is vague. I'm basing this off of my current experience with a really good online friend who I haven't had an actual conversation with for a little while. I really value this person and have great care and interest for them, but we don't seem to be getting online at the same time to actually talk. So, we have texting.. which works in short bursts and I'm very happy to receive/reply them, but I can never guarantee consistency with things around me drawing my attention, demanding my interest, etc (chores, job hunt, other people, the occasional shiny foil in my peripheral vision).

BUTTTTT.. I do reply if it seems they're really aiming to talk.

This is an ex you're talking about, so depending on how things ended, I really can't say for sure. I hope this helps in some small way.
 

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Why did you guys break up? That would help me understand things a bit better.

Don't take it personally about him not responding right away in a new environment. However, I do think you need to focus more on yourself. Be willing to take that risk. ENFPs usually don't go away forever, especially if we say we don't want to. He has told you he wants to remain in touch.

Giving him his space whether he asked for it or not, may be the best way to go. But only do it if it's for the sole purpose of taking care of yourself. Maybe he is trying to create some distance so there is no confusion as to your current status of being broken up?

However, if I really care about someone, and one day I notice *poof* they are gone, it can be one of the quickest ways to get my attention. And yeah... I hate admitting that. But you have to be careful about this. If I get even the slightest hint that someone is not talking to me on purpose and because they are hoping it will get me to respond, it will piss me off to a point of dropping them completely. I can't stand passive aggressive stuff. I would prefer the direct "I miss talking to you. I wish we could talk more" over that.

But be prepared for what you might here afterwards if you say this. Remember, you two are broken up. Make sure you take care and mend your broken heart. This is important, because no matter what-even if you two ever get back together, you will have gone through a transition. You need to honor that. You need to honor your current grieving over the relationship you once knew. Give yourself some time. Let go a little more. No matter what, things have changed. You can only get something back if it wants to come back. So try not to hang on too tightly. Allow the process.

Tell us more, tell us more........
 

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Discussion Starter #7
However, the shortness of his answers is a bit puzzling. Maybe he's stressed or feeling a bit down? I don't see another reason for him not to be talkative. Maybe ask him if he's doing okay?

How long did your relationship last and when did you break up?
I'll ask if he is doing in okay in a couple of days. . probably. If I don't hear from him today (today is my birthday ^^ )
He's usually very good at wishing all of his friends "happy birthday" and if he doesn't then. . . well.
Something must be wrong.

As to how long we've been dating? We were always a bit foggy on that. . . 3-4 months perhaps?
He told me when we were dating that he's liked me for a couple of years already.
I wonder if that is relevant
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Why did you guys break up? That would help me understand things a bit better.
We broke up because he's attending a college 3 hours away. . .
He doubted our ability to carry on a long-distance relationship (especially with neither of us really having access to a car right now) . He was afraid that it would strain the relationship to the point of breaking us apart entirely. . or something like that. . . which is ironic, as that is pretty much what is happening now.

I'm sorry.
It's been about a month since we've had those conversations so I don't rightly remember all that was said.


Giving him his space whether he asked for it or not, may be the best way to go. But only do it if it's for the sole purpose of taking care of yourself. Maybe he is trying to create some distance so there is no confusion as to your current status of being broken up?
Maybe I should give him more space. Focus more on my own college stuff and such. Maybe if I began making new friends he'd. . . ^^
Yeah. I'll lessen our contact more. Hopefully that will help.

I can't stand passive aggressive stuff. I would prefer the direct "I miss talking to you. I wish we could talk more" over that.
And I am the Queen of Passive-Aggressive-ness. Get the most grief for acting that way. Trying to change that as best as I can.Along with the weaknesses that come with being an INFJ.

Make sure you take care and mend your broken heart.
How does one go about mending a broken heart? This is the first time I've had one so. . . I'm afraid I'm quite clueless ^^;

Thank You again.
 

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How does one go about mending a broken heart? This is the first time I've had one so. . . I'm afraid I'm quite clueless ^^;

Thank You again.
You said it yourself: Focus on your own college and stuff. Do one thing every day that you really enjoy doing. Take yourself out on the best date you could ever imagine. It's also okay to take time and reflect and to cry too.

I find that time is the best healer of a broken heart. That and sticking to your schedule and following through on every detail of all your personal goals. Get busy with life. Before you know it, you will find your happiness again. And you will be stronger because the happiness came from within.

Good luck.
 
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Discussion Starter #10
Was able to talk to him about 3 hours on and off yesterday. . . Which is good.

bad news is, i believe that I am going through a sort of withdrawal now
and it sucks.
As an immediate cure to the withdrawal would be to talk to him again. . . but that wouldn't help much in the long run. -sigh-
 

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Hi there,
I am not sure the details of the breakup but he may have said "He wanted to keep talking to you" to spare your feelings. The best thing to do is not contact him until he contacts you first. This works really well for ENFP's. We begin to wonder if the other person really didn't value us and makes us miss the relationship after we have had time to be away from the distractions and reflect. When we are in the midst of a situation we tend to get distracted by everything around us. We need away time to make accurate evaluations. We are givers so we automatically try to give people what we think they need (even words). Space is the best.
 
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