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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My father is somewhere on the asperger's syndrome spectrum. He is an ENTP and can seem normal at times. On a good day he is sarcastic and witty and loves a good debate, but then he must always be right and must always win. He doesn't let you talk until he is finished. It is kind of scary talking to him as an adult even. He didn't like my emotions as a child, so I wasn't allowed to have them. All he wanted was to get his point across and to be heard. He watches the history channel and discovery channel all the time, so I'll watch it with him to spend time with him. He talks about his work all the time. Most of the time our conversations can be really one sided and all about what he is interested in at the moment. He leaves the room a lot during family get togethers and has a really hard time reading people's emotions. He used to yell about the smallest things, like leaving one thing out on the counter. The counters had to be clean. I left my deodorant on the counter once and it was like I had killed a kitten.

Anyway, I'm 27 and I just found out that he has it, although I suspected for years that something was wrong with him. I haven't even begun to uncover some of the traumatic things from my childhood in therapy yet. I'm wondering if anyone else was raised by an Asperger's Syndrome parent or if they think they were. I feel weird talking about it, but that's what I've got. :unsure:
 

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If my dad had some level of aspergers it certainly wouldn't have surprised me, though I don't think so. It can be difficult to differentiate between people who legitimately don't understand, and people who understand and don't care. Funnily enough people say I am like the latter, so maybe not, but as I say, if he did have it I wouldnt at all be surprised but am not prepared to diagnose it.
 

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Supposedly my mother has it (according to her), but she is also an overly emotional wreck (BPD), plus I had an ISTP father so no healthy emotions in my house growing up. Curious that your father is an ENTP, I wouldn't have thought an ENTP could have that disorder due to our higher Fe, and our distane for rules and regulations. As for myself I do have ADD (ADHD-PI Officially for you psychologist out there referencing you DSM) and am a ENTP, so this is twice as interesting to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Supposedly my mother has it (according to her), but she is also an overly emotional wreck (BPD), plus I had an ISTP father so no healthy emotions in my house growing up. Curious that your father is an ENTP, I wouldn't have thought an ENTP could have that disorder due to our higher Fe, and our distane for rules and regulations. As for myself I do have ADD (ADHD-PI Officially for you psychologist out there referencing you DSM) and am a ENTP, so this is twice as interesting to me.

Wow sorry about your mom. Was she treated? Sounds kind of stressful with your dad too. I was fortunate to be in an all 'N' household, so I don't know what it is like to have an 'S' parent or sibling.

I found the fact that my dad is an ENTP interesting/confusing as well, because he would have his huge cold logical anger burst where he would yell to prove a point, then would completely forget about it like it hadn't happened. So I would think, well surely he is a heartless person and I couldn't believe he had any Fe. Then I would bring up the fact that he hadn't bought me a birthday card and he would get really emotional, say sorry, then we would hug and be near tears. He has Fe and he is def and ENTP. He collected Life and Time magazines as a kid. < just random felt like sharing that.

There are times where we can have a great debate too. I am an INTJ, so we really can click on an intellectual level, which is nice. But yeah like you say, it is weird about the rules and regulations. He definitely doesn't like those, like when he was a kid, the teachers hated him :p One teacher got so frustrated that he took the two chalkboard erasers and bopped him on either side of his head. lol

Yet, it seems he *needs* routine and structure in his life and and this weird attention to detail that caused him to impose rules on me and my sister growing up that were really strict and bizarre. I haven't fully analyzed it yet. I'm sort of just coming to terms with it.

If I'm honest. This is super sensitive timez. I should probably stay off the forum >.< Thanks for listening :)
 

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I have mixed feelings about whether or not my father really has ASD. I'm of the belief that it's at least partially genetic, I'm high-functioning Aspergers, and my dad's whole family is quirky with one other undiagnosed but fairly likely ASD case. My dad is socially anxious, bright and sensory-oriented. But he's also a typical type 5, which makes me think he's just on the far bell curve of a particular personality type.

I just would keep in mind that even though your dad may not show his feelings, he's most likely a wellspring of emotion just as much as anyone else underneath. Remember, a lot of us take love as a given and don't feel the need to remind people that we care about them. We just assume they should know.
:happy:

EDIT: I'm going to add, everyone in my immediate family except my dad is Fi crazy, including myself. He's definitely a Fe dom.
 
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My father is somewhere on the asperger's syndrome spectrum. He is an ENTP and can seem normal at times. On a good day he is sarcastic and witty and loves a good debate, but then he must always be right and must always win. He doesn't let you talk until he is finished. It is kind of scary talking to him as an adult even. He didn't like my emotions as a child, so I wasn't allowed to have them. All he wanted was to get his point across and to be heard. He watches the history channel and discovery channel all the time, so I'll watch it with him to spend time with him. He talks about his work all the time. Most of the time our conversations can be really one sided and all about what he is interested in at the moment. He leaves the room a lot during family get togethers and has a really hard time reading people's emotions. He used to yell about the smallest things, like leaving one thing out on the counter. The counters had to be clean. I left my deodorant on the counter once and it was like I had killed a kitten.

Anyway, I'm 27 and I just found out that he has it, although I suspected for years that something was wrong with him. I haven't even begun to uncover some of the traumatic things from my childhood in therapy yet. I'm wondering if anyone else was raised by an Asperger's Syndrome parent or if they think they were. I feel weird talking about it, but that's what I've got. :unsure:
Same here, I have long suspected that my father might have Asperger's. The environment you are describing sounds similar to the one I grew up in, although my father is more introverted than what you describe your father to be like. Mine keeps to himself a lot. He has mellowed out with age (now in his 70s), but when I was growing up I recall little to no emotional connection with him (lack of empathy/ intolerance for emotions) lots of strict (but not clearly communicated & what came across as bizarre) rules, seemingly "little" things setting him off. He also grew up in post-WWII Poland, so times were rough for him when he was a child as well, and I think that had a lot to do with shaping his personality. It took me a long to weed out what behaviors of his were maybe a result of cultural differences & childhood trauma, and which couldn't be explained away by that. But I do remember even as a kid knowing he was 'different' somehow.
 

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I don't have a parent with the disorder but my brother has it. His tantrums were very explosive and dangerous. He's ESFJ which is an unusual type for someone with Asperger's. I really didn't like dealing with that in my day-to-day life. People expected me to be the perfect older sister and piled all these responsibilities onto me, thinking I could handle more thanks to him.

On the other hand, he's very loving and sweet. He gets angry and explosive but he's gotten a lot better than he was as a child and as a teenager. He seems to have settled. He's not quite ready for life outside of my parents' house but we're confident he will be independent one day.
 

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I have been reading about narcissistic parents lately, and I wonder how much an aspie parent can have the same effect on their children - because oftentimes aspies have the same tendencies with a huge lack of empathy. An aspie -can- work on this though if they realize they're an aspie and put forth the effort.
 

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Wow sorry about your mom. Was she treated? Sounds kind of stressful with your dad too. I was fortunate to be in an all 'N' household, so I don't know what it is like to have an 'S' parent or sibling.

I found the fact that my dad is an ENTP interesting/confusing as well, because he would have his huge cold logical anger burst where he would yell to prove a point, then would completely forget about it like it hadn't happened. So I would think, well surely he is a heartless person and I couldn't believe he had any Fe. Then I would bring up the fact that he hadn't bought me a birthday card and he would get really emotional, say sorry, then we would hug and be near tears. He has Fe and he is def and ENTP. He collected Life and Time magazines as a kid. < just random felt like sharing that.

There are times where we can have a great debate too. I am an INTJ, so we really can click on an intellectual level, which is nice. But yeah like you say, it is weird about the rules and regulations. He definitely doesn't like those, like when he was a kid, the teachers hated him :p One teacher got so frustrated that he took the two chalkboard erasers and bopped him on either side of his head. lol

Yet, it seems he *needs* routine and structure in his life and and this weird attention to detail that caused him to impose rules on me and my sister growing up that were really strict and bizarre. I haven't fully analyzed it yet. I'm sort of just coming to terms with it.

If I'm honest. This is super sensitive timez. I should probably stay off the forum >.< Thanks for listening :)
My mother feels as if she must abide by theocratic rules, rejects science, has knee-jerk reactions to set backs, does not like someone like myself challenging her in any way she feels she is always right about everything, lacks empathy, rejects gender roles, and has no social life. She is the epitome of narcissism, probably an ISTJ. She never shuts up, has an idealized view of things and is frustrated when those things don't come to fruition, has built her life around the idea that she must protect me from the outside world.
 

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I have been reading about narcissistic parents lately, and I wonder how much an aspie parent can have the same effect on their children - because oftentimes aspies have the same tendencies with a huge lack of empathy. An aspie -can- work on this though if they realize they're an aspie and put forth the effort.
Yes I believe you are right, Promethea, the effects can be pretty similar. At least for me they were.
 

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Aspie father, Aspie self (although it seems to be a milder form (maybe because of gender?))

I can tell you, being constantly compared to my dad by my mum grates on my nerve at times. Just because I have no interest in playing the social game does not mean I am a failure in life or unhappy.
 

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I'm 28 and recently came to terms with the fact that my father and brother exhibit AS symptoms, though neither has a diagnosis. The fall out from my rearing is extremely low self esteem, severe depression, no sense of self importance/significance, severe anxiety, inability to express sadness or anger, and for a long time a deep need for male attention.

I know now that my father loves me, but he was unable to fulfill some of my basic needs as a growing child. I am in and out of therapy trying to move through a lot of the issues this has caused.

My dad exhibits moderate behaviors associated with AS, and the more stories I read, the more I realize both he and my brother are quite mild comparatively. He is quick to anger, quick to withdraw and disappear, takes everything in the world personally, is very literal, has very little compassion (though inconsistently can be compassionate), has been violent towards myself (but no one else that I know of), has an epilipsey disorder, is isolated from his extended family, slightly sexually inapproriate towards me as a teenager (inapproriate kissing/fondling when I was sleeping.....fortunately that never progressed, strong preference towards brother (I felt scape goated a lot as a child/teen). He also forgets important things like my husbands name. He also doesn't communicate well .... I found out my grandfather died through an email from my aunt, and when I asked about it he was aloof and said oh yes...I knew that.

The good stuff: He's scholarly, reads a ton, likes to listen to baseball games, worked hard to support the family, has a decent sense of humor (we'd watch the same stooges over and over....and over again...hah)


My brother exhibits a lot of AS qualities too. I felt like an only child growing up, as he did not interact with me....really at all. That was hard. He has had a few friends his entire life, but has difficulty making new ones. I lived in the same city as him while I was in grad school and he completely forgot. He has never been in a romantic relationship that I know of (he's 30). He does well in his office job, likes routine, likes an extremely clean living space. He only eats fast food. This is all I know of, since we don't interact often at all...
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm 28 and recently came to terms with the fact that my father and brother exhibit AS symptoms, though neither has a diagnosis. The fall out from my rearing is extremely low self esteem, severe depression, no sense of self importance/significance, severe anxiety, inability to express sadness or anger, and for a long time a deep need for male attention.

I know now that my father loves me, but he was unable to fulfill some of my basic needs as a growing child. I am in and out of therapy trying to move through a lot of the issues this has caused.

My dad exhibits moderate behaviors associated with AS, and the more stories I read, the more I realize both he and my brother are quite mild comparatively. He is quick to anger, quick to withdraw and disappear, takes everything in the world personally, is very literal, has very little compassion (though inconsistently can be compassionate), has been violent towards myself (but no one else that I know of), has an epilipsey disorder, is isolated from his extended family, slightly sexually inapproriate towards me as a teenager (inapproriate kissing/fondling when I was sleeping.....fortunately that never progressed, strong preference towards brother (I felt scape goated a lot as a child/teen). He also forgets important things like my husbands name. He also doesn't communicate well .... I found out my grandfather died through an email from my aunt, and when I asked about it he was aloof and said oh yes...I knew that.

The good stuff: He's scholarly, reads a ton, likes to listen to baseball games, worked hard to support the family, has a decent sense of humor (we'd watch the same stooges over and over....and over again...hah)


My brother exhibits a lot of AS qualities too. I felt like an only child growing up, as he did not interact with me....really at all. That was hard. He has had a few friends his entire life, but has difficulty making new ones. I lived in the same city as him while I was in grad school and he completely forgot. He has never been in a romantic relationship that I know of (he's 30). He does well in his office job, likes routine, likes an extremely clean living space. He only eats fast food. This is all I know of, since we don't interact often at all...
My sympathies. :-\ I know it is hard. The only thing that has helped me is therapy and lifestyle changes, although I take 2 meds at a low dose for bi-polar. I relate to wanting attention from males. I don't want a relationship, just attention, although I've always been in one.

Idk, I also try to get to know my dad on his terms and have accepted that is the only way we will have a relationship. Maybe you can stay connected with your brother in that way. Take care and be strong. <3
 

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I have been searching the web for any information I can get on children raised by a single Asperger parent. I have been babysitting for 2 children (6 and 7 girl and boy) being raised by their single father. It has been 4 years. Mother is not in the picture. Everything I noticed points to their father having AS. I could have those children for months without returning them and I don't think he would care. The little girl is starving for affection and clingy. The little boy went from very sweet, touchy and affectionate to quiet, nervous and just tries to disappear into a hand held video game. When they come back to my house after dad days off work the boy has been chewing or sucking on his lips so much that they are chapped, raw and often bleeding. I do not believe he is violent but he is seems extremely disconnected and distant from them. I want to help them in any way I can. If anyone on here knows where I can get more information on this please let me know.
 

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One thing that resonates is not being allowed to have emotions in the home; albeit, my father doesn't have Aspergers. He would dismiss anything that seems remotely emotional and not purely based on logic. Also, things had to be impeccable and we even had to pick stuff off the carpet if the hoover missed it by getting down on our hands and knees to pick it all up even if it took 20min to get it all done.

In some ways, now that I'm older, I can see my father's frailties and think it was this inflexiblity that has solidified the whole idea that he didn't know how to cope any other way. And, I forgive him even though I know we will never be close.
 

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One thing that resonates is not being allowed to have emotions in the home; albeit, my father doesn't have Aspergers. He would dismiss anything that seems remotely emotional and not purely based on logic. Also, things had to be impeccable and we even had to pick stuff off the carpet if the hoover missed it by getting down on our hands and knees to pick it all up even if it took 20min to get it all done.

In some ways, now that I'm older, I can see my father's frailties and think it was this inflexiblity that has solidified the whole idea that he didn't know how to cope any other way. And, I forgive him even though I know we will never be close.
ahh, i know that too. particularly, he doesn't allow me to have negative emotions, especially towards him. anything related to negative feels has to be done in secret, my mom and I sometimes have to devise complex plans and excuses just to be able to do something about them without him noticing.

and all the time, this hypocrisy hits me. because he's a most emotionally unstable man himself, very quick to anger.
 

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As an adult male with Asperger's, I tend to absorb the feelings of people around me. Being in a negative emotional situation or environment increases my anxiety and quickness to anger as I prepare to defend myself by the unperceived threat. This all happens subconsciously. I am rarely aware of this in the moment. I have only become aware of this through introspection.

EDIT: I tend to get angry a lot. I believe this is the result of being in a perpetual state of anxiety. Also, I'm not sure if "absorb" is the correct word, but "sensitive" would work just as well.

EDIT2: After thinking about it some more, both absorb and sensitive are apt. When others are angry, my anxiety goes up. When others are agitated, I'm agitated. I more often respond directly to tone rather than content of words.
 
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