[Molock]

I am a socially shaky INTx in need of opinions. This is awfully out of character so bear with me as I expose my utter incompetence

For roughly a year now there has been a girl that rides the same bus as myself (to campus). She attends the same college but is maybe, one or two years my junior. What is the problem you ask? Well, I noticed that she seems to consistently look at me (sometimes poorly veiled, sometimes directly). Her companion also does this although at least she doesn't try and be subtle. Furthermore, she cannot seem to maintain eye contact with me for more than a split second before she looks away (there is indeed eye contact though). I also noticed that she seems attentive whenever I speak to anyone.

Now, I do pride myself on my people reading skills but in this case I have developed a crush on her (a pretty bad one at that – you know, the kind that actually causes noticeable physiological reactions) so I cannot trust myself to be objective in my assessment. Is it correct of me to assume that she might be interested? In the past women have been considerably more forthcoming so I had little doubts, in this case however I am not certain. Maybe I creep her out? Maybe she is being malicious and trying to fuck with my mind (a possibility that I am simply throwing out there but don't actually believe is the case). Maybe I'm delusional! By the way, from what I have observed, she is clearly somewhat timid and shy although very friendly and kindhearted.

Maybe I'm just over-thinking all of this (not surprising). Nonetheless, I am clueless about what I should do (my Achilles heel). My rational mind tells me to “just talk to her already” (all while trying to piece everything together, as if it is searching for a definitive answer to what is going on). My subconscious wants nothing to do with any of this and literally fights against me at every turn. If it wasn't so damn powerful I would have dealt with this ages ago.

Oh yeah, another question :wink: Is it too late to act? It has been nearly a year that we have been playing this stupid game. I don't know whether at this point, assuming she is (was?) interested, it has been too long. Maybe she would just get pissed off. I mean, I saw her several times very week and never acted (pretty sure that I was painfully obvious however :laughing: ).

Now I am just rambling... I guess all I want is the opinions of the wise members here.

Thanks ahead of time. Don't hold back either!

 

[niss]

Listen to your rational mind. Your subconscious is your Achilles heel. Too late? Who knows? You will only find out by trying to talk to her.

 

[jbking]

Conclusions.....

There is insufficient data to make a reasonable prognosis. I'd suggest going up to her, introducing yourself and asking her if she would like to discuss a few things with you. Those things can vary of course, but the idea is to start a dialogue and stop playing with all the second-guessing and worse that you are probably doing.

 

[Molock]

It does come down to that doesn't it :laughing: I didn't mention everything I could have that makes me suspicious, that would be too long. Anyway...

Any basic advice on approaching a timid girl? You see, I hate having to lead a conversation which, I assume, will be necessary. I don't want to seem too probing or crude (I'm not exactly skilled at dealing with potentially sensitive people).

 

[jack in the box]

i think the fact that she is attentive whenever you speak is one of the more clear indications that she is at least attracted to you. talk to her! :happy:

Any basic advice on approaching a timid girl?

hmm.. the way you described her, i don't know why but i feel like she's an INFx, probably INFJ. i think the best way for you to approach her is to look confident, but not cocky, and be casual. don't ask too many questions, you may overwhelm her. just keep the conversation light and funny. maybe ask her what her major is or something. but like i said before, you don't want to interview her. and try to relate to her.


that's all i can really think of right now. good luck, bro!

 

[niss]

Be open, warm, sincere, inviting; start with a nod and a smile. Keep it light and small talk, but relevant. People talk about the weather (wind, cool, heat, or season) because it is safe. Other safe topics might be the bus ride (long, short, bumpy, whatever). Old fashioned courtesy and chivalry can get you a foot in the door (pick up a dropped item, hold a door open, etc.) After a bit, then you can start talking about more personal things, like where she lives, where you live, clothes she's wearing (be sure to compliment something!), etc.

No matter what you do or what you say, smile. A lot.

The first step is the hardest. Smile, nod and say, "Hi."

You're on your way.

 

[vel]

I don't think it is too late if she is still giving you those glances. Just a simple hi, my name is so-and-so, i have noticed we ride the same bus, btw what is your name, so what is your major, "oh really? i have a friend majoring in that" or something along those lines, find a point of connection, talk a bit about yourself. Companion I assume means she is riding with another girl? Ask that other girl's name too and be nice and courteous to her friend as well. Depending on how first conversation goes can come up for topics for second conversation. To not be overly nervous imagine she already rejected you or told you that she is a lesbian so starting a conversation there is already no hope. This will help you relate more on friendly basis rather that have mind space out.

If she is INFJ whatever slight weirdness coming from your side will be accepted and digested, however not being courteous or overly critical judgements will be repelling. I think INFPs are more easily spooked by saying the wrong thing or may be it is just my subjective experiences that they seem to be more 'flighty' in somewhat uncomfortable social situations.

 

[Molock]

Thanks for the input so far. I'll keep all of it in mind.

I am already quite courteous and polite so that shouldn't be a problem. I will have to censor myself when it comes to being critical though :laughing:

 

[Matchbook]

I am a socially shaky INTx in need of opinions. This is awfully out of character so bear with me as I expose my utter incompetence

For roughly a year now there has been a girl that rides the same bus as myself (to campus). She attends the same college but is maybe, one or two years my junior. What is the problem you ask? Well, I noticed that she seems to consistently look at me (sometimes poorly veiled, sometimes directly). Her companion also does this although at least she doesn't try and be subtle. Furthermore, she cannot seem to maintain eye contact with me for more than a split second before she looks away (there is indeed eye contact though). I also noticed that she seems attentive whenever I speak to anyone.

Typical mating ritual of the young female homosapien, occuring in this fashion more often in those with less developed emotional maturity. Attraction develops, but without proper emotional development to signal the next stage of the mating ritual, a cycle develops in the ritual where both male and female fall into a pattern of superficial glances. For this pattern to be broken and the ritual to develop, the male must gird himself and vocalize so that the female can assess him and determine whether he is a suitable selection. Rejection is possible, but so also is a successful pairing.

Now, I do pride myself on my people reading skills but in this case I have developed a crush on her (a pretty bad one at that – you know, the kind that actually causes noticeable physiological reactions)

What, you blush?

so I cannot trust myself to be objective in my assessment. Is it correct of me to assume that she might be interested? In the past women have been considerably more forthcoming so I had little doubts, in this case however I am not certain. Maybe I creep her out? Maybe she is being malicious and trying to fuck with my mind (a possibility that I am simply throwing out there but don't actually believe is the case). Maybe I'm delusional! By the way, from what I have observed, she is clearly somewhat timid and shy although very friendly and kindhearted.

Maybe I'm just over-thinking all of this...

You ARE over-thinking this. There is no maybe. Stop asking maybes. Maybes are like rabbits that multiply and eat your garden of self-esteem and rationality.

Decide whether this girl is worthy of pursuit to you. If she is and you wish to take the chance, you must stand up and ask her about herself...anything. If she's enamored with you, she'll probably fawn over anything you say, and give you the benefit of the doubt. Approach her as if you are already in the lead. If she feeds you negative signs, well, that's alright, you can lay it to rest.

By the way, if you are feeling like your attraction to her over all of this time has been mainly physical, you need to break that, otherwise it will be your physical motives that will undergird your pursuit and taint your reasoning. That's why you should talk to her and ask her as much as you can about her, with less focus on seeking affirmation from her. That way you have more actual fiber to digest in the interpersonal meal instead of just the sugars and fluff of physical cues and superficial affirmations which only help bolster lust and irrational thinking.

Best Wishes,

Matchmakerbook

P.S. I am an INFP and I have observed and been part of various homosapien mating rituals and social displays, and over time I have come to believe that it's important to break insecure cycles and ruts before they deepen and cause emotional devastation.

 

[The Proof]

would you talk to her if you knew you were dying ?

 

[Molock]

would you talk to her if you knew you were dying ?

No. I'm not so sure that she'd want to know that a dieing man likes her anyway. To her I'd just mysteriously vanish.

What, you blush?

Nope. My throat dries out and my hands tend to shake. I also occasionally lose my appetite.

By the way, if you are feeling like your attraction to her over all of this time has been mainly physical, you need to break that, otherwise it will be your physical motives that will undergird your pursuit and taint your reasoning. That's why you should talk to her and ask her as much as you can about her, with less focus on seeking affirmation from her. That way you have more actual fiber to digest in the interpersonal meal instead of just the sugars and fluff of physical cues and superficial affirmations which only help bolster lust and irrational thinking.

Looks alone have never been attractive to me. I only developed attraction after a few months. It was mainly brought on by observations of her interactions with friends and her demeanor.

To put it bluntly; I am not looking for a fuck buddy. If I don't see some potential for compatibility I don't care.

 

[Matchbook]

Looks alone have never been attractive to me. I only developed attraction after a few months. It was mainly brought on by observations of her interactions with friends and her demeanor.

To put it bluntly; I am not looking for a fuck buddy. If I don't see some potential for compatibility I don't care.

Don't worry, I never thought that was the case. But the question still remains...with all of these replies, have you decided what you are going to do? I want to know what happens when you talk to her. The story of the glancing bus girl must have an ending!

 

[Molock]

Don't worry, I never thought that was the case.

No problem. I just felt the need to make that clear for some reason.

But the question still remains...with all of these replies, have you decided what you are going to do? I want to know what happens when you talk to her. The story of the glancing bus girl must have an ending!

I suppose that I will approach her some day. Turns out that our schedules are not synchronized as well this semester so I don't know when that will be.

There is also the issue of overcoming my nemesis (my subconscious) who always tries to stop me. I wouldn't hesitate to say that there is a power struggle in my mind. Very annoying. It's even worse if she isn't alone.
Anyway.. :laughing:

 

[bluefaerie]

I want to know what happens when you talk to her. The story of the glancing bus girl must have an ending!

I look forward to hearing what happens in the next chapter of boy meets girl, and I hope it is an adventurous one! :wink:

Molock Molock Molock! You've got your cheer squad here. All the best!