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As the title says these are just my mixed up thoughts and emotions of today and might not actually benefit anyone or even myself but my feeling when I left the building was that I wished I remembered what everyone had said so why not give it a shot to commemorate it here :proud:

We sat in two rows and had to give each other positive compliment for 30 seconds in the end of the day I barely remember anymore what people said since it all mixed together which made me sad that no one really saw anything that spoke to me. I had some people I gave serious compliments I had thought through in my head but all i got in return was equal to people that had barely spoken to me.

"Du verkar vara en schysst kille som alltid är glad vilket är kul jag ser dej aldrig arg du verkar vara öppen och trevlig" Which is swedish for

"You seem to be a nice guy that is always happy which in return is fun since I never see you angry or upset. You seem open and nice/comfartable."

This pretty much repeated from like 20 peoples mouths out of 24 some complimented shoes and styles and I cannot blame them since most of them I had not spoken to so much. It wasn't bad things to hear and I think people meant them but the fact that when I didn't know what to say often ended up with me saying the same to them which in the end made it all seem shallow when they just "bought" it. I don't know I had hoped more people could see through me in a deeper manner. I might have appeared creepy or weird when I admitted to seeing one person had a lot of posts with her mom on Facebook and said it seems like you have great connection and by so like a secure backbone for who you are as a person. I don't know I probably sounded idiotic. To another I said something I had been thinking from the first time I saw him ( he resembles my cousin that I had for a long time as a friend and by so i said that you are probably equally nice ) Apparently he seemed to have taken it very positively which he should that cousin of mine is like a childhood best friend but it felt weird how well he accepted that compliment.

In any case when a friend that I had deeper connection with said not the exact same but something along the similar tunes it's not as though she said everything else but what other had said and so I thought. Maybe it's true then? Maybe I really am that nice open guy from outer cover to inner side. If you have read my earlier posts it's sort of the way of perfect I want to be. Not impossible to be friends with not unfair I wanna be just and nice but I also have a pride that I want to be respected the same as I always want to give others this respect for themselves.

My head is sort of empty now after letting all that out but something that sort of stayed with me is in a blindfolded situation the "presentator" we'll call him, said: "So who acted differently from usually?" Did you take responsibility as leader or act an passive part or as mediator" And I know I want to lead because I have many great ideas and I want people to listen be amazed and relieved that there is a simple solution. You know happy. But I don't want the blame for wasting peoples time when there always is other people that don't want to listen but rather lead themselves even if their idea suck and after it has gone to hell they still wanna but I don't really have that self confidence or what you wanna call it. I don't wanna be wrong or responsible if either I fail or people can't understand and act upon my ideas.

Yeah, so just ramblings i got kinda lost now and don't have energy to go through all this but I'll save it for funzies :tongue:
 
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