[MissNobody]

I am typing this from my halls accommodation at University. I share a house with 6 other students. We are all between the ages of 19-23.

I am ill, I have flu and I am pretty much bed bound. All I've done the last three days is constantly blow snot from my nose (yes disgusting!), take Paracetomol to help with the fever, the headaches and the body aches. Last night I started coughing and I haven't been able to sleep properly and to top it all off I now have conjunctivitis in one eye.

I feel miserable and all I want to do is cry. My mum is worried and wants to come and get me and take me home and so far I have turned her down thinking I'll start to feel better the next day but so far this hasn't happened.

So anyway, whilst all this is happening I have been forcing myself out of bed to get food. I figured there's no point adding starvation to my list of symptoms as well.

When I go to the kitchen I will often bump into my housemates and they will say, (in a sympathetic voice), "How are you?" and I will reply "Still not good." or I'll just shake my head because it's too much effort to speak. And they will say "Oh no, I hope you feel better soon." And that's it. One girl even said to me "Still not better? Must be Flu then." and I replied "That's what the Uni nurse told me two days ago."

I'll trot off back to my room and that'll be the end of it. None of them have come to my room to offer help. I could be in here dieing for all they know. I'm running out of painkillers and I really could do with something to help this cough. I'm either going to have to drag my mum here (just over 2hr car journey) to get me the things I need or I'm going to have to ask them. And seeing as they have completely ignored my existence so far, apart from when they see me in the kitchen, I feel that by asking them I am being a burden to them.

Sorry for the long rant, I just felt like I had to post this somewhere otherwise I might just go insane!

Any thoughts? :crying:

 

[The Vizier]

Survival comes first. Being young, your housemates are probably clueless about how to help you. Sometimes if you want people to help, you have to be direct and tell them, nicely of course, how to help you. This way, you get the help you need and those who want to help will be happy knowing how to do so. You can always repay the favour when you are better.

 

[vel]

there seems to be some kind of nasty flu going around :S ... you're the 3rd person I hear about who is really really sick

They might not want to intrude on your privacy. Just ask them to bring you a few things if you are running out. If you are really burdening them, they have the freedom to refuse. Afaik roommates assume that if you are really dying and feeling unwell that you will tell them or call your parents. I had a roommate who once had a full-blown allergy breakout to the pint where she was having trouble breathing, so she called me and then I called the campus clinic. Otherwise people assume that if you are not asking for anything that you're doing fine.

 

[MissNobody]

Good points.

I just know that if I could see that one of my housemates was suffering I'd be checking up on them. Not all the time, but I'd knock on the door once a day and ask if I can do anything to help.

I suppose I can see how they'd think I want my privacy, we all seem to be quite private people. It's just frustrating because the last two weeks they have been all about 'building friendships' and doing things together that when it comes down to one of us being ill 'friendship' doesn't see to matter anymore.

I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting because I feel so miserable.

 

[PaulH]

Sorry to hear this - flu really is the pits :sad:

I am with Vizier- I suspect that many people that we think of as thoughtless or selfish (I am talking in general terms here) actually don't really know how to help or are embarrassed in some way. Perhaps in this case they feel that if you are resting you don't want to be disturbed.

Above all, get plenty of rest and get yourself better - we want you back in tip top posting form!

 

[MissNobody]

There is only one housemate who has helped me so far and she got me some painkillers when this whole thing first started, but she has gone home for a few days hence the problems I'm having with the rest of the house'mates'.

Ok well, I'm not very good at asking for help so I plucked up the courage and asked one of my housemates. Turns out the other two i would have asked are also away today.

So I asked her and she said "Well, I'm not going out today, but I might tomorrow, so if you ask me then I will get you what you need. I have these if they will help" - hands me 4 paracetomol and 3 ibuprofen.

So at that point I was thinking. OMG do I have to spell it out to you? I need to take painkillers every 4 hours because I have a fever...hence why I asked if you could go get me some, I am ill! At that point I just gave up. If you want something done, do it yourself...even if you're dieing!

In the end I forced myself out of bed, got dressed and popped to the campus shop to see if they have any painkillers and they do. So I got the stuff I needed for myself.

I still could do with some cough medicine as my cough keeps coming and going but the shop didn't have any and there is no way i'm going into town. I asked someone for help and it didn't work. So called 'student services' are only open Monday-Friday so fat lot of good they are.

I know I sound ungrateful and pathetic and whiney but I've never felt so ill in my life! I have an assignment due next week which I'm going to have to have an extension on because of the lectures I've missed and I'm going to miss. I know things will turn out ok in the end I just had to vent somewhere.

:sad:

 

[The Vizier]

It's alright to vent. There is no need to feel bad about it. I hope you get better soon. :happy:

 

[Null]

they're just letting you rest lol, if you ask them to get some meds and whatnot for you they won't mind.

 

[penchant]

 

[Filigeedreamer]

I'm sorry to hear you are sick,

I got very sick like that at university several times, I felt like I was constantly ill for a while. The worst was when I had a chest infection, and as you say, no one I lived with did anything to help. Even my then boyfriend was utterly useless. I was very giving to all of them, and I actually looked after one of them while they were ill a lot (though that's a slightly complex and sinister story)...my boyfriend was prone to really bad migranes, and I couldn't do enough for him. Even if I knew what I was doing wouldn't directly fix the problem, I got him things or did thing to distract him and cheer him up...but as soon as I break down, or I have a problem? Suddenly nobody wants to know.

That is when you rant about this to your INFJ friend, and they come down to see you from the other end of the country, to make sure you are ok. She dragged me off to a doctor, and got me all the meds I needed and throughly chewed out my ex for his negligence...and I also got scolded for not getting treatment earlier, but I am the sort that thinks I can beat my own body with sheer will power.

You need looking after, call somebody that cares, go home to stay with your mum for a bit...or maybe she could visit you for a day or so? She could get you some food maybe and make sure you had all the meds you needed. Unfortunatly, even now, the only people I can 100% count on when I am in need are my INFJ and my mum (ENFJ). Finding people who will really care for you and give as much as you will is not easy for F types, it can be quite dissilusioning. (I'm changing my type to ENFP, I think) When my INFJ friend has been sick, ect, I look after her. She has a circulation issue and does not feel the cold much, her hands will start to go blue and she wont be bothered by it. I used to keep an extra pair of gloves for her in my bag. I am actually going to see her next week to check in on her, as she is at uni and not well.

I don't understand people who don't do this sort of thing for others, I understand not wanting to get overly involved, but especially when you are all alone together, without your usual suport network, it just makes sense to look out for each other, at least if you are on friendly terms. I know my INFJ puts out a "don't talk to me/touch me" vibe, as she does not want interfearence from anyone but...well, but me, actually...so it would be understandible not to get too involved then, but I don't imagine you would, I always think of you as being more unasuming then as activly radiating anti-social waves.

Don't worry about your uni work, just consentrait on getting better...(and when you are sick you are alowed to be whinny if you need to be,:wink: )

 

[curious0610]

I don't mean to come off as harsh, but I don't understand what the problem is. You had a bad flu? Instead of taking painkillers and a cocktail of different medicines, I advise you to take the taxi to see a doctor. especially seeing that this has been going on for a while. And on the way back, you can pick up some food.

To be frank, I think your housemates' actions are completely acceptable... it's not like you broke a leg or had a surgery or something. It's a bad flu, we all come down with it, sometimes once a year sometimes more than once a year. I've gotten severely sick while I was in college and though i appreciated people's concern, I always felt better when I took care of myself no matter how bad things got. I know I tend to "mother" people when they get sick, and offer them my help/bring them things, but for myself, I don't like to impose myself on others, especially if it's just a flu.

I agree Vizier, survival comes first. And i believe that survival also entails taking care of yourself. Feel free to whine and vent, but in the world we live in, nothing gets done by expecting others to do something for you. I've learned that in order to get things done (including getting better from a flu), one needs to help oneself.

At any rate, I hope you feel better.

 

[MissNobody]

I've seen a doctor and I've seen a nurse and they say all I can do is stay in bed and rest.

I was merely commenting on the fact that none of my housemates who are also supposed to be my 'friends' had not bothered to check up on me that's all. They were very quick to make sure that we all became close friends in the beginning, going out places together building a 'bond' and then as soon as one of us is sick they don't care anymore. I just found it hypocritical and if you think I'm wrong by feeling that way then that's your opinion, but I don't feel wrong by feeling this way I feel pretty peed off. It just confirms why I don't have friends in the first place.

 

[MissNobody]

they're just letting you rest lol, if you ask them to get some meds and whatnot for you they won't mind.

I finally gave in and asked one of my housemates if she could pop to the shop to get me some painkillers and she said "I'm not going out today, but I might be tomorrow so you can ask me then"...then she handed me 3 ibuprofen and 4 paracetomol.

The campus shop is less than 5 mins from my halls. I have a fever so I need tablets for that, no question, so I forced myself out of bed and walked the less than 5 mins myself and got myself some painkillers. I know you're probably thinking well you managed to get to shop so it can't be that bad...well it is that bad and I felt worse after going out.

I'm actually starting to feel a little better today for anyone who wants to know.

NO MORE COMMENTS THANKS I THINK ENOUGH HAS BEEN SAID. ANYONE KNOW HOW TO CLOSE THIS THREAD?

 

[Null]

I finally gave in and asked one of my housemates if she could pop to the shop to get me some painkillers and she said "I'm not going out today, but I might be tomorrow so you can ask me then"...then she handed me 3 ibuprofen and 4 paracetomol.

The campus shop is less than 5 mins from my halls. I have a fever so I need tablets for that, no question, so I forced myself out of bed and walked the less than 5 mins myself and got myself some painkillers. I know you're probably thinking well you managed to get to shop so it can't be that bad...well it is that bad and I felt worse after going out.

I'm actually starting to feel a little better today for anyone who wants to know.

NO MORE COMMENTS THANKS I THINK ENOUGH HAS BEEN SAID. ANYONE KNOW HOW TO CLOSE THIS THREAD?

Nay!

Living with people can be tough at first, though that is kind of a dick thing to do to your sick roommate. It's easier when you ask the whole group instead of 1 person, they'll more likely do it:tongue:

Just endure it for now I've been in living situations that started off really awkward, we didn't really click. They tend to work themselves out over a little time. And it kind'ove seems like you worry about impressions a lot, stop doing that you'll be fine!

 

[MissNobody]

I'd just like to say that I feel embarrassed and stupid for starting this thread.

And that I can see now why my housemates kept there distance from me, as others have said they probably thought that I would rather be just left alone, and I have just realised that I do give off this vibe a lot – even though I try to be very open in other ways.

I'd also like to say that whilst I've been selfishly focusing on the negative they have actually been very kind in other ways. For example they invited me to watch a film with them (in the kitchen) the other night for one of our lectures and invited me out to the cinema with them tonight (although I’m still not well enough to go). So they are thinking of me. Plus they have said they will give me a copy of their notes from the lectures I've missed.

So yeah I was behaving crazy and selfish and I shouldn't have started this thread based on assumptions and heightened emotions. I guess I just felt so miserable and out of control that I started harbouring negative feelings. I'd like to delete my posts but it won't let me so I guess they will stay here forever with me looking like a right idiot.

So now you've experienced one of my darker moods. And this is why I have a hard time having friends because I always end up feeling negative towards them for my own selfish reasons. The usual, "nobody understands me" rubbish comes to mind.

*Sigh*

 

[MissNobody]

Nay!

Living with people can be tough at first, though that is kind of a dick thing to do to your sick roommate. It's easier when you ask the whole group instead of 1 person, they'll more likely do it:tongue:

Just endure it for now I've been in living situations that started off really awkward, we didn't really click. They tend to work themselves out over a little time. And it kind'ove seems like you worry about impressions a lot, stop doing that you'll be fine!

People's impressions of me? Yeah it's all I ever think about. I can't stand anyone thinking negatively about me, or making assumptions about the kind of person I am, which is why I should have kept what I was thinking to myself.

Now I sound like the hypocrite because that's what I've just done to my housemates.