[curious0610]

OK so lately I've been getting really annoyed by certain things...

I've had people who contact ME to meet up sometime, but when I email them back with some general times I am free (since they asked), they don't respond. I don't understand?

Example: Sally emailed me: "Hey, I heard you are back in the area! Let's go get lunch or hang out sometime. when are you free? i can't wait to see u!!" I replied: "I'm usually free on Tuesdays/thursdays for lunch and most weekends. =) just let me know what works with u and i cant wait to see you too!" When it comes to meeting times, I like to give a time range, rather than a specific time, so it gives the other person the flexibility of choosing/figuring out what works with their schedule. I changed this though...Before, like a year ago, if someone contacted me, i used to say something like "Awesome. How does 5pm on Wednesday sound?", but that was when our lives were slightly less complicated without as much work, stress, life. And I figured people would appreciate me giving them this flexibility. I know I would.

I feel kind of annoyed I guess because I'm EXTREMELY introverted, and I went out of my way to open up my schedule for that person. Even if I were free on Tues/Thurs lunch time, I wouldn't be free if it's someone not important in my life. And I now have that sense of "waiting" vaguely for this person to reply back, even though I'm not consciously waiting, it's always at the back of my mind as "things to do - figure out when we are meeting up" because the moment that person contacted me to meet up, it became a to-do for me. Most of these people are extroverted types if that helps. Specifically, one is ESFJ and one is ENTP. Blah, maybe its because i didn't get enough sleep last night, but I feel cranky and pessimistic

 

[water]

OK so lately I've been getting really annoyed by certain things...

I've had people who contact ME to meet up sometime, but when I email them back with some general times I am free (since they asked), they don't respond. I don't understand?

Example: Sally emailed me: "Hey, I heard you are back in the area! Let's go get lunch or hang out sometime. when are you free? i can't wait to see u!!" I replied: "I'm usually free on Tuesdays/thursdays for lunch and most weekends. =) just let me know what works with u and i cant wait to see you too!" When it comes to meeting times, I like to give a time range, rather than a specific time, so it gives the other person the flexibility of choosing/figuring out what works with their schedule. I changed this though...Before, like a year ago, if someone contacted me, i used to say something like "Awesome. How does 5pm on Wednesday sound?", but that was when our lives were slightly less complicated without as much work, stress, life. And I figured people would appreciate me giving them this flexibility. I know I would.

I feel kind of annoyed I guess because I'm EXTREMELY introverted, and I went out of my way to open up my schedule for that person. Even if I were free on Tues/Thurs lunch time, I wouldn't be free if it's someone not important in my life. And I now have that sense of "waiting" vaguely for this person to reply back, even though I'm not consciously waiting, it's always at the back of my mind as "things to do - figure out when we are meeting up" because the moment that person contacted me to meet up, it became a to-do for me. Most of these people are extroverted types if that helps. Specifically, one is ESFJ and one is ENTP. Blah, maybe its because i didn't get enough sleep last night, but I feel cranky and pessimistic

I have noticed that sometimes, people do this "lets meet" as a courtesy, not a commitment. ( Like a way of saying... hello, you were missed.) It can be troubling for us because we "by design" are wired to meet our commitments. -- It can appear to be mean or even backwards to us, althought it was never intented that way.

And yes.. the sleep will help. My entire family is testimony to that one when it comes to me and my moods. :happy:

 

[curious0610]

Yes, sleep... It's interesting how pessimistic and cynical and cranky I am without sleep. It tends to stretch minutes into hours, and I spend seemingly more time being grumpy, cranky, and yeah....

And Im glad someone relates - I definitely agree, I feel that I am wired to meet commitments, so if someone mentions they are going to email me for a task and I say I can do it(another example), I find myself vaguely waiting for the instructions to fill that commitment. I just end up feeling worse if they never get back to me, because I feel that one of my commitments goes unfulfilled and I can't keep my word on things even if it's not my fault really.

About the courtesy thing - I understand and view it as a simple sign of courtesy when they keep it vague like, "are you here, let's try to meet up or something!" But when they make it specific - such as asking for times when I am free or asking me to do something specific like "let's go do this" or make explicitly directed statements such as "i want to see you!!!! are you back yet woman?! CALL ME when you are here to hang out!" <- then I start seeing it as a commitment.

 

[Gaminegirlie]

Lol.

I feel your pain.
I actually travelled all the way sometime ago, so i could meet-up with someone, and i never got a call back after calling and saying 'Hey i'm now in so, so'. I don't understand how people behave like this.

I've told myself now, i'm not going to arrange any meet-up...or go out of my way to meet anyone..except it is a dire situation.

 

[INXX]

Lol.

I feel your pain.
I actually travelled all the way sometime ago, so i could meet-up with someone, and i never got a call back after calling and saying 'Hey i'm now in so, so'. I don't understand how people behave like this.

I've told myself now, i'm not going to arrange any meet-up...or go out of my way to meet anyone..except it is a dire situation.

Um, this is off topic for a sec, but I just wanted to say that I like your avatar. Did you paint it yourself?

Okay back on target. I find it very disconcerting when people don't respond to messages that clearly require a response, if only as a courtesy. Ugh.

 

[INXX]

It's also disconcerting when you ask someone a civil question and they don't say anything back even though you're pretty sure they heard you. Wow, that is really uncomfortable for me. It makes you feel so shunned.

Incidentally, I see what Water is saying too. I've finally learned to speak certain other type's language. I've learned that if I want to maintain contact with certain people (even some family members) I've got to force myself to regularly and cheerfully spout short communiques about insignificant crap in order to stay in touch.

 

[Gaminegirlie]

Um, this is off topic for a sec, but I just wanted to say that I like your avatar. Did you paint it yourself?

<offtopic> Obvious eh.lol, yeah. I was trying to draw an Elf </offtopic>

@topic, i also hate when they see you some other time and act like nothing happened.

 

[yellowbritt]

Lol.

I feel your pain.
I actually travelled all the way sometime ago, so i could meet-up with someone, and i never got a call back after calling and saying 'Hey i'm now in so, so'. I don't understand how people behave like this.

I've told myself now, i'm not going to arrange any meet-up...or go out of my way to meet anyone..except it is a dire situation.

This happens to me regularly. I now never make plans unless 1) I plan to meet at a place I won't mind going to myself, and 2) I take a book, just in case my wait is long or indefinite.:dry:

 

[Iraneken]

Certainly annoys me no end when people behave in such a fashion and it really grates on me as i've been criticised for being unsociable, so after many occasions where i've been let down now i'm simply not interested, i'll meet up with people when i feel like it which isn't often.

 

[INXX]

<offtopic> Obvious eh.lol, yeah. I was trying to draw an Elf </offtopic>

@topic, i also hate when they see you some other time and act like nothing happened.

It's fabulous, very expressive.

 

[Female INFJ]

curious0610 - hello, I like your topics. may i ask your age range? for planning and girl friends, things change based on what is going on in life, this may also help me post in a more relevant way, as I see you have many threads going on. I'm assuming with these topics maybe late 20s but I could be wrong.

well, i am the 'planner'. I am the primary person that handles all of the outing plans for my friends. I tried to delegate the task, however i've got all the ideas of where to go, which restaurants are good, which aren't etc. others can't be bothered, and i'm the best at it. I can understand some frustration over making arrangements, but there is no need to have any frustration at all. so the first thing to do would be to determine the days / evenings you are free. and then determine the days free that your friends have, and find a match of likes and dislikes. you see sometimes people may decide to go out with you, but it is not in their budget to say dine out, etc. but most people will not say 'i don't have money this week', they'll just flake out.

once this is determined, also know what type of communication the other person likes, e-mail or text is usually best. and always make a deadline for yourself. so lets say i'm gong to see my friend on Fri, I tell her to let me know by Thurs morning if there is a 'problem' with the plan. also i wouldn' t keep the 'meet up' ideas in your head, put a couple of ideas out there, while inviting your friend out, then less time is taken, because when they reply they will state a preference for which activity they want to do.

now your friends, just like you, because you are you. They aren't saying, well she's an 'introvert' let me call her so that she is less uncomfortable. NO! people really only care for themselves usually, and they have a list of priorities also. so, some people may say 'hey, let's meet' and not mean it necessarily. if a person wants to do something they will take initiative. now how to deal with these feelings of 'needing someone to reply': always have a plan B and plan C if necessary. so that if the person you are interested in hanging with does not reply to you by your 'deadline' then, move onto someone else, or another activity.

once people see your pattern, they'll get themselves organized fast to see you, because they know they'll miss out if they don't reply to you before your 'deadline'. hope this helps, it is my method and has worked for several years. also e-mail and text is better, so people are not disrupted when doing other tasks, feeling they are bothered by the 'planner' and not able to make decisions on their own time. people often have to look a their full monthly calendar, plus check out their budget before even making simple dates these days.

i am likely like you - I make time for people I care about, but often this is not appreciated (watch out for this, if it is a pattern), having expectations on others just bring stress. have a back-up plan, and be firm with your deadlines, then stress will be eliminated for you.

don't play the waiting game. they are likely not waiting to hear from you. also let others take the lead sometimes, let them 'plan', that will take stress off of you. i hope some of these ideas help you in your 'planning'. whatever happens, don't take it personally - I would only hold close friends more accountable if they are flaky with plans. everyone else is kind of 'casual' que sera, sera.

 

[water]

Yes, sleep... It's interesting how pessimistic and cynical and cranky I am without sleep. It tends to stretch minutes into hours, and I spend seemingly more time being grumpy, cranky, and yeah....

And Im glad someone relates - I definitely agree, I feel that I am wired to meet commitments, so if someone mentions they are going to email me for a task and I say I can do it(another example), I find myself vaguely waiting for the instructions to fill that commitment. I just end up feeling worse if they never get back to me, because I feel that one of my commitments goes unfulfilled and I can't keep my word on things even if it's not my fault really.

About the courtesy thing - I understand and view it as a simple sign of courtesy when they keep it vague like, "are you here, let's try to meet up or something!" But when they make it specific - such as asking for times when I am free or asking me to do something specific like "let's go do this" or make explicitly directed statements such as "i want to see you!!!! are you back yet woman?! CALL ME when you are here to hang out!" <- then I start seeing it as a commitment.

I believe it's our Extroverted Feeling thing. --- We are pretty huge on the social graces!
Glad, your going to get some rest. Everything seems better after sleep :wink: