[birdo]

lately i've been noticing it more but i very rarely say no..

i found myself making myself available to people when i much prefer to be alone/have a quiet one


i think somewhere underneath i don't want to disappoint people (and will put people before myself) so a lot of the time i'll hang out or do things that i might not necessarily feel like doing at the time

this is ok most of the time but i find very quickly that i become snappy and on some occasions a hint of cocky-ness (which i absolutely hate!) . at this point i realise that ive over done it and need time to be introverted and alone


its a weird balance of wanting to be alone yet still having this need for people and not disappointing them


anyone (/other infj's) relate?

 

[vocalist]

This is me, too. But I've had to start making myself say "no" more, to take care of my health. It's hard, though.

 

[waterviolet]

There is strength in being able to say, "no". Just don't get stuck in the habit of always saying no.

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I can relate to this sentiment very well. I have trouble asserting myself and voicing my needs, thus I feel as if I am constantly compromising what I desire in order to please people. And many of these people would, in all likelihood, understand, and probably not even care. Some do though. Some get upset and take it personally, when it is anything but personal. Denying it is like asking me to breathe water.

While I have no trouble catering to the needs of others, it is impossible for me to say, “hey, I need this!“ I have learned to passively get want I want, through excuses or other means, but I often feel so guilty that I end up “accomplishing” nothing, and my battery remains drained. Sometimes, if I am able to secure a few hours of me time (after several hours or days dedicated to others), I nevertheless feel the impending end of that time, and cannot relax. And I feel guilty for wanting this time. I feel as though I am neglecting others.

I have an intense need for personal time, lots of it. It is not something that can or needs to be cured, it simply is. It is woven into my DNA, as deeply integral to my being as my bone-marrow. I need days alone, not a few mere hours, and if I do not get it I become irritable, sometime sI even develop nervous tics. I need to dictate when I am around others (and there is really no reason we should not do this). For me, that is the balance. I spend time in isolation, until I have reached the point where I can handle anything more than superficial contact with others of my species, and this is true for everyone; acquaintances, friends, family, loved ones, etc.

I was recently deployed for six months, during which time I was in close quarters with a number of people, most of whom I did not much care for, and definitely would not have chosen to spend my time with. Many were loud, aggressive, annoying. I lived with them, ate with them, worked with them, etc. All day, every day…I was smothered. There was never a time when I was truly alone. And it nearly drove me insane. To be honest I still have not quite recovered. It is a bit strange, the deployment itself did not bother me, it was only this total lack of privacy. I have not had a real break from people in at least year.

I do wonder if perhaps it is all a bit excessive. I often feel as though I could exist in my little bubble; isolated, content, observing…until I simply float away, lost in my own world. The thing is, no one has the right to demand any more of our time than we are willing to give. If they are not satisfied they can fill their time with others. We have every right to say no. We are not all tied together at the hip. We are each of us independent beings, more than capable of functioning on our own. We were separate creatures when we came together, we will be separate again once we have parted.