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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, I'm still debating if I should create this beast or not, but I figure if it's a bad idea it will quickly die and be buried. Or so I hope. :p

Disclaimer: the point of this topic is not to gain pity or reassurance....I certainly don't feel I'm a "forever alone" type or undesirable. In the past I've dated several great guys who had a lot to offer. The following is just something I've been pondering lately, and wanted to get it out there.

When ya'll picture your future, are you unable to imagine yourself being with another person, in the long-term? Something serious, fulfilling, etc. etc. I decidedly can not, no matter how much mental effort I exert. I feel like I'm being decimated by a tug-of-war between my heart and my head. My heart craves that special someone, someday, somehow -- to love, cherish, understand, protect, etc. (you get the point). My head bitterly contends that no matter how "special", I will eventually grow bored and miserable being with that person (I've never had a relationship that didn't end that way....past experience is a bitch sometimes).

The solution seems to be finding someone so terribly exciting and adventurous (yada yada) that boredom would simply never occur. But I think I would really need to put myself out there to attract that kind of guy, and my deep-seated fear of actually gaining the intimacy I crave prevents me from taking risks to (maybe, if I'm lucky) achieve something I'm scared to death of.

Have any of you experienced or struggled with this conflict between craving intimacy and yet being terrified of attaining it? Have you even tried to overcome this struggle or have you decided to accept it as an immutable part of your personality?

Sorry for the rambling! I just wanted to voice my thoughts; it always helps me clarify what I'm actually feeling. And if I can get responses from this awesome group of people, all the better! :)
 

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I've always been the relaxed type. I do enjoy traveling to different places, camping, white water rafting, etc. of things like that. But in my day-to-day life I enjoy just taking a nap under a shady tree or cuddling up next to that special someone watching a horror movie that'll obviously make me paranoid for the rest of next day.

Someone being my rock and I for them, well, I just don't think that's something I could get bored of. And before I have that kind of trust with someone I'll already know that I'm quite compatible with someone. It happens so few times in life so I like to hold on to something like that (you know, without it being all clingy).

Still, some people were never meant to stay with one person. That's why there's open relationships, people who want long-term for X amount of years but then move on later, and polygamy. It's all a choice and you shouldn't feel pressured by society's standards.
 

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Kid says to mom: I'm bored.
Mom replies: Then stop being boring.

Haven't you noticed that boring people look to the outside to other people to excite them, the next vacation, the next concert, the next episode of real housewives of wherever to distract them from how boring they truly are.

The ones who find wonder and gratitude in living are never bored, never bored with other people, never bored with the current moment no matter how mundane.

The purpose of relationships isn't to have our own personal jester to keep us interested and entertained. Other people aren't there to fill out our shortcomings. Everyone is a fixer-upper and other people are too busy fixing themselves and it's unfair to ask them to fix our boredom, our unhappiness, our lack of fulfillment or whatever we think we're missing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Kid says to mom: I'm bored.
Mom replies: Then stop being boring.

Haven't you noticed that boring people look to the outside to other people to excite them, the next vacation, the next concert, the next episode of real housewives of wherever to distract them from how boring they truly are.

The ones who find wonder and gratitude in living are never bored, never bored with other people, never bored with the current moment no matter how mundane.

The purpose of relationships isn't to have our own personal jester to keep us interested and entertained. Other people aren't there to fill out our shortcomings. Everyone is a fixer-upper and other people are too busy fixing themselves and it's unfair to ask them to fix our boredom, our unhappiness, our lack of fulfillment or whatever we think we're missing.
Undeniably, I'm a selfish person. When it comes to relationships, of course I want to get as good as I'm giving....a lopsided relationship seems set up for failure. Maybe someday I will gain a more mature perspective, but at least for the moment, this is where I'm at.

That said, I don't understand how seeking excitement or stimulation outside yourself is wrong or somehow more boring than seeking it inside yourself. I do both and if anything, seeking it from without makes me appreciate even more my ability to find it within. Other exciting people won't always be there; stimulating external circumstances don't always exist. It's a beautiful thing to be able to keep myself "entertained" (for lack of a better word) only depending on myself and my imagination. But when the external situation is "right", I take full advantage of it.

I completely agree that in a relationship, my partner's purpose is not to cater to my whims and shortcomings. I'm not quite that selfish (at least I hope!). I want to be with someone whose personality, motivations, desires, and values complement mine (either in being similar, or being strong in areas I'm weak....not sure which would be "better"). And that means a willingness, a desire, even a need to seek the excitement, adventure, and external stimulation that life has to offer. I don't want someone to give me what I'm missing, but to seek it with me. In the end, if I'm going to be in a relationship, I just don't want to go it alone. Maybe this is asking too much, or placing an unfair burden on my partner.

Clarification: in my op I probably should have used the word "frustrated" or "disenchanted" instead of "bored". I think the boredom I've inevitably felt in past relationships has been the result of frustration with my partner's lack of desire to pursue life with me and disenchantment because, to be honest, that's really what I want.
 
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