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Discussion Starter #1
Hello All, I am new to the forum and my type for all practical purposes is ISTP (although I sometimes question if I have legitimate NF qualities). My question for the ISTP's here on the forum is whether or not you feel COMFORTABLE reading and responding to another person's body language specifically as it applies to dating and relationships??? How does it change if you like that person back? Can you still TRUST your gut/own interpretations????

I ask because there is someone I like, but because of the context of the situation and because we are both currently unavailable makes me question my own interpretations of this guy's feelings and intentions. I convinced myself he was just being nice and that my own feelings are clouding my judgment when I am reading his.

I was with my SO at the time, but I felt he and I was on a different wave length, sharing subtle non-verbal communication that went completely undetected/unbeknownst to my SO! I also felt as if he was giving me extended eye contact and increased attention. I also felt I was detecting hidden motives and meanings behind the rather neutral things he was saying and that he was doing it on purpose. I wanted to treat the things he was saying as neutral, but part of me wanted him to secretly like me too. This makes me feel absolutely crazy! (but crazy exciting in a way!)

I felt, too, like he was trying to find neutral ways to see me again, but I'm not sure if it was professionally motivated either (I've avoided him either way:crying:). So, you can see how and why I'm confused, yeah? I so desperately want his feelings or what I perceive as his feelings to be real that I am beside myself and am not sure if I'm reading into something more than I should.



I've seen several threads in the Sex&Relationships forum discussing this issue, but because my issue is self doubt, I wanted to know how other ISTP's specifically felt about the issue of "reading other people".

How can you tell if someone likes you??? Do you make the first move?
 

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A single motion, gesture, whatever can be interpreted in so many different ways that there is no point in bothering. So whatev.
 

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Well, I'm usually completely oblivious, unless somebody try to kiss me, or something, that can't be missed. And even then, I would analyse, if my judgement is not, in fact, wishful thinking. Would not trust my interpretation of, how you named it: neutral things. Plus, if you both are unavailable, why to bother? Sound like potentially too much drama.
 

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If I'm paying attention, people are pretty easy to read, however, most of the time I don't really bother looking out for body language/etc.

I also suck at making eye contact, because when I look into someones eyes, want to know what I see?

A pair of fucking eyes. Ergo, there is no social benefit to me looking at that area than anywhere else really.
 

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Usually, my gut and observations tell me if someone likes me like that right away. Just simply pay attention and don't read too much into non-verbal cues. They are either there or they aren't.
 

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non-verbal means nothing to me, the only thing i can read is words(i like you) and even then i can get confused. also i would suggest the old switch-a-roo, your boyfriend takes his girlfriend then yall get together. just brain storming here
 

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I'm pretty in tune with other people's body gestures, so long as it's not flirting/showing interest. I'm completely oblivious to that. But I can easily pick up when people are starting to get agitated or uncomfortable, or anything like that.
 

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Well, I think it's pretty obvious that your feelings are currently clouding any objectivity you might have. I hope you see this.

I personally pay attention to body language. I certainly pick up on posture/face to deduce how the person is feeling - is he tired, etc etc. Particularly the changes as they are the most valuable cues.

Leading from that... I'd say most of the time... the gut feeling about a person is most of the time correct. Unless proven otherwise, of course. Then it's easy to re-categorize that person.

But I think personally I have an issue of trusting that gut feeling and proceeding with relationship/friendship/whatever. But I'd say it's mostly correct.

Since you are female, your job is to make yourself available. Isolate with him. See what happens and reevaluate.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Yeah, I definitely realize I am no longer objective!!! I hate that when it happens. I figured, even if I am doubting my own interpretations at the moment, I should have pursued it to some degree just because at least I know what MY feelings are. Unfortunately, I have missed my shot with the guy......and I really liked him and I don't really feel this way towards many people (maybe 3, my whole life!) It's not like I would have taken the relationship very far anyway since I have a SO, but I would have loved to know more about him and/or be his friend. Oh well, I guess I will have to learn from this and do better next time! Maybe not run away scared from my feelings!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Oh, for the others who have posted regarding being oblivious to flirting....I was half way through a date once before I realized I was on a date! lol. You know.....just thought I was hanging with my buddy......until he started acting weird! lol. When guys are holding doors for me or doing something otherwise nice, I think nothing of it, because I know lots of nice guys, but it was hard to miss "let's share a soda with two straws" thing, lol.


Truly, like others, I need DIRECTNESS. I prefer the guys to put themselves out there so it leaves no question in my mind; the only thing is that I don't make myself very open to others and I realize, now that some guys are just shy to make the first move.....or they THINK they're being obvious, but I need them to be MORE obvious.
 
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