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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone. I've not been on here for a while but I find myself in need of some advice from fellow INFPs.

I am not enjoying my job. At all. It probably isn't the best job for an INFP as it involves a lot of motivation, networking, and presenting. I thought it was something I would just get used to and better at but instead I am in a constant state of stress and anxiety.

I also work in a large team with other people who do the same job as me. The people who are doing my job are doing it much better than I am, and I feel like everyone else in the team likes and respects them more. A lot of the team have turned against me after a misunderstanding which left me looking bad and I often do or say little things impulsively which are never meant to be rude or disrespectful, but are interpreted that way by others. The more this goes on, the more anxious I feel at work and I think it causes a negative spiral.

The jobs I had before this were all in the same sector but paid less, but I enjoyed the work and I was good at it.

Now, the situation is I don't enjoy my job and it doesn't play to my skillset. I'm also deeply insecure about my abilities and I am convinced everyone in the team despises me. I am completely miserable and dread going into work each day.

My questions are:

Do other INFPs have these problems at work?
Is there any way I can come back from this and make this job bearable?

Thank you x
 

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I've faced the two sections of your problems but in different jobs. And I'm quitting tomorrow, but in the end it was mostly because work has slowed down way too much. I'm a locksmith. What do you do for work? Knowing the answer to this question would probably help me flesh out my answer.::

Yes, I, an INFP have faced most of your problems at work.

Yes, there's probably a way to make it work. What was the misunderstanding? What do you need work to do for you and what do you wish it to do?
 

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Ah, come on, I'm sure you are both doing better than you imagine yourselves to be. We have a tendency to be our own worst critics when in reality we can be doing a completely acceptable standard of work. These problems can just blow up in our heads while the reality is others are thinking about them very little if at all.
 

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I had a job that I hated. For me, it was in a career that I was absolutely motivated to do, but this particular place was not a good fit. I guess I was bullied. The only solution was to leave that place, and now I am so much happier. I am still in the same career, but at a site where I can direct my own path.

If I was in your position, I would only stay at your job if I had a family to take care of and was the main breadwinner. If there's nothing tying you down to this particular job, I think you should go. Life's too short to dread going to work. I've been there, and I still get the flashbacks, mood swings and intrusive thoughts. I'm healing since I'm somewhere new. I was not myself when I was working there. I'm able to be me again.
 

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Just avoid extrovert jobs and employers who are intolerant of introverts otherwise this will pop up again and again. Introverts are increasingly facing discrimination in the work place by their coworkers and their employers.
 

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Do other INFPs have these problems at work?
Yes, I took a job that I knew wasn't right but paid very well and I got fired a year later XD. Funny thing was people liked me in the office, due to it being a serious place I guess I brought a sense of needed silliness. But the actual job just did not do it for me, day in and day out doing something I don't care about for a cause I don't care about, I just had no motivation to put in the effort.


Is there any way I can come back from this and make this job bearable?
So is it the job itself, office politics, or a mixture of both?

If it's just office politics that's a shame and should not get in the way of you being employed, but I don't know you situation and if you are posting about it I imagine it is becoming unbearable. if you can't reconcile with these people somehow then if there is a way to have less engagement with them that could be an option before just leaving.

If it's performance then yea you should definitely look elsewhere.
 

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@luna222,

1. Yes, I have had very similar situations. Both in terms of a specific job being a problem even though the work itself was good and then also being in a sector that just wasn't good for me.

2. If you feel like the problem is more your environment than the position, yes, I think you can turn it around. Minor misunderstandings happen and probably it feels bigger to you than other people. With time it will fade. But it sounds like you're also having a problem with the specific role itself, and did better in other areas in that sector. I think perhaps your best move would be to try to engage in some stress-relieving techniques while at work - deep breathing, mindfulness, finding small things you really enjoy and making them regular parts of your day - while also searching for a different position in your sector.

Good luck, I hope it gets better soon!
 

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Being authentic all the time isn't the best path towards social harmony, especially in a fast paced environment where people don't take the time to really explore each other.

If anything, I might suggest you try to keep more authentic expressions to close friends and then give your team a little less personal information to misunderstand.

Think more about what people want to see, and keep your authentic self for those who deserve to see it (the people you trust as your close friends, who you know appreciate you).

I've worked with a lot of feelers over the years, and I've seen INFPs get into trouble with being misunderstood. Authenticity is essential for intimacy and creativity, but presenting and social harmony (to a degree) requires you to pay more attention to your audience and what they are looking for.

I don't know--I imagine there are worse jobs for INFPs but I don't know the specifics of your job or situation. If it's something you feel very uncomfortable with, then I think you should look for another job (there can be so many issues with jobs--sometimes it's the role, but sometimes it's also the environment and people you work with, or how the company is run). If you're unhappy, you should look for something better.
 

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Return to why and what you are working for. If you have any particular dreams in mind, write it down, think of it often, sing it. Do not forget it. Look at your outgoing and incoming gross earnings, calculate the net earning after all expenses monthly. Spent time researching what it takes to get closer to which direction your dream wants to go to meet itself. See how many months you must work to have sufficient funds to see momentum toward the dream. Now you have an allotted time to be at this work focus your attention on just surviving emotionally, mentally, physically.

Out of the 3 aspects physical is the most straight forward to satisfy. Eat well, balanced, organic foods with the odd high calorie meals. Do physical exercise to relieve tension in your body. Treat yourself to a message, sauna, or a pampered bath to further undo stagnancy in your body. Emotional and mental activity are inter-related and operate like a hand that play the strings attached to a puppet (your body). Draw your attention in and forget what others at work above and below you are doing for now; give complete attention at the tasks given to you. Do not let paranoid thoughts get the better of you, let them enter and pass but do not give them attention to grow allowing this negative spiral you describe to have its own space in your being. Keep attention on the task at hand. You will find emotional and mental patterns untie themselves with a detached attention towards your thoughts over time. As a consequence what others think or do toward you matter less, as you see what state they are operating from because you, yourself have elevated your own. All thoughts carry a weight to them, aim to be weightless to know which weights to take on that are right for you. Life is what you make it, misery is a self imposed state. Horrors may happen around you but know you always have the choice to decide how to meet them. Find the strength that has always been with you through silence, whenever in doubt.

I'm working 60-70 hours a week traveling 300miles each turn, this is all possible because i refuse to let inferior thoughts get the better of me, simply out of the love i have for myself which when explored into has no barrier to world around. You are the world and the world is you. Feed and cultivate of this energy and all will be well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Hello everyone:wave: Thank you so much for your replies and your support. It does help to know that other people have these problems, although I wish we didn't.

I've faced the two sections of your problems but in different jobs. And I'm quitting tomorrow, but in the end it was mostly because work has slowed down way too much. I'm a locksmith. What do you do for work? Knowing the answer to this question would probably help me flesh out my answer.::

Yes, I, an INFP have faced most of your problems at work.

Yes, there's probably a way to make it work. What was the misunderstanding? What do you need work to do for you and what do you wish it to do?
I work in a company and my role is all in-house, but it is a large company spread out over different sites and as part of my job I have to train people. The other part of my job is more office-based and high-pressure. I'm sorry you have to quit your job :(

The Edwardian Spirit said:
Just avoid extrovert jobs and employers who are intolerant of introverts otherwise this will pop up again and again. Introverts are increasingly facing discrimination in the work place by their coworkers and their employers.
I think this is very true. I feel like the extroverted parts of the job are the parts that get the praise. I am much better at other parts of the job than my colleagues, the parts which take imagination, detail and knowledge, but I don't really get any recognition for that. It often feels like people think there is something wrong with me.

Yes, I took a job that I knew wasn't right but paid very well and I got fired a year later XD. Funny thing was people liked me in the office, due to it being a serious place I guess I brought a sense of needed silliness. But the actual job just did not do it for me, day in and day out doing something I don't care about for a cause I don't care about, I just had no motivation to put in the effort.


So is it the job itself, office politics, or a mixture of both?

If it's just office politics that's a shame and should not get in the way of you being employed, but I don't know you situation and if you are posting about it I imagine it is becoming unbearable. if you can't reconcile with these people somehow then if there is a way to have less engagement with them that could be an option before just leaving.

If it's performance then yea you should definitely look elsewhere.
I am sorry to hear you were fired. I was actually fired a long time ago from a job I hated and didn't stay at for very long, for similar reasons. I just didn't care enough about it.

It's a mixture of the job and the people. There are parts of the job which are stressful and make me anxious. And some of the people are difficult to work with. One person in particular is always trying to take my work and my contacts (we don't work in sales or on commission...) and we don't communicate well. I am trying to improve the communication but she always misunderstands me.

Being authentic all the time isn't the best path towards social harmony, especially in a fast paced environment where people don't take the time to really explore each other.

If anything, I might suggest you try to keep more authentic expressions to close friends and then give your team a little less personal information to misunderstand.

Think more about what people want to see, and keep your authentic self for those who deserve to see it (the people you trust as your close friends, who you know appreciate you).

I've worked with a lot of feelers over the years, and I've seen INFPs get into trouble with being misunderstood. Authenticity is essential for intimacy and creativity, but presenting and social harmony (to a degree) requires you to pay more attention to your audience and what they are looking for.
I think you are right and it's something I have thought of before, however I find it almost impossible to not be myself. No matter how many times I try to think before I talk or just not say anything, I fail. In my previous jobs I felt comfortable being myself but they were much smaller teams and less stressful work environments.

I forgot to mention before that sometimes my anxiety in this job is so bad I have to take anxiety medication, despite never needing it before.

I have been thinking about it all week and I think I have decided that once I move house I will give up the job. That will take about six months, which is a long time to stay somewhere I don't like, but I badly need the money...after that I guess I will look for a lower-paid but more 'me' job where I will be happier. It's sometimes hard to know what jobs will really suit me though, because when I see a job I fantasise about how great it would be for me but with a very idealistic version of myself:tongue: In my head I could be the head of a bank or in the army, although in reality I think both of those would be terrible for INFPs!

I do wish the world wasn't so tough for INFPs :( I often think about running away from everything and living in the woods somewhere :laughing:
 
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