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176 Posts
I have really terrible self-esteem problems, as the title above indicates ^^. I have little self-knowledge and a lack of self-worth. I judge/measure myself based on the people I hang around. Either I'm an underachiever, an overachiever, loose, uptight, weird, or boring. I have no balance. I don't know what to do with my life and I feel like although I am proficient at most things, I'm not truly good at anything. I'm afraid to write poems and stories in case they're not good enough. When I do look back on my writing, I think it sucks and feel ashamed. My friends make fun of me rather cruelly when I attempt to be funny or creative (and conversely call me boring and uptight if I don't try) causing me to retreat further into my shell.
I'm really confused about what I want and what I should do. I'm scared of trying new things and other people's perception of me. I'm terrified of telling people my secrets of having them figure out I'm a mean person and a liar (I was a bad person in the past, by my own standards. I'm not sure if y'all will consider it that serious.) I'm always worried that I'm not cool or interesting or honest enough. If I do something perfectly, I don't feel proud of myself because I always expect perfection from myself, but every failure hits me like a bullet in my gut. I find myself feeling jealous of other people for no reason, and but still feeling bad if they fail while I succeed.
The only thing I'm not insecure about is my body and appearance. But what good does that do in the end?
Even now, I feel kind of ashamed of writing this post, and I'll feel stupid if no one replies. X( What do I do??
I'm really confused about what I want and what I should do. I'm scared of trying new things and other people's perception of me. I'm terrified of telling people my secrets of having them figure out I'm a mean person and a liar (I was a bad person in the past, by my own standards. I'm not sure if y'all will consider it that serious.) I'm always worried that I'm not cool or interesting or honest enough. If I do something perfectly, I don't feel proud of myself because I always expect perfection from myself, but every failure hits me like a bullet in my gut. I find myself feeling jealous of other people for no reason, and but still feeling bad if they fail while I succeed.
The only thing I'm not insecure about is my body and appearance. But what good does that do in the end?
Even now, I feel kind of ashamed of writing this post, and I'll feel stupid if no one replies. X( What do I do??