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I've been caught up in some boyfriend vs. ex-boyfriend drama lately. I just told my boyfriend the whole, honest truth about it all, and apart from hurting him badly, :sad: he doesn't trust me much right now. I want to get it back.. Trust me, I know I did a shitty thing by this, and I have felt awful for it ever since it began. But I'm trying to do the right thing now even though I got caught up in a whirlpool of wrongdoing. I posted a similar thread over in the ISTP forum, since that's my boyfriend's type, but I bet you guys would have some good advice for me as well.

About a year ago, me and my ISTP boyfriend's relationship wasn't in a good place (it's a long distance relationship, by the way). And I got to know a guy pretty well who actually gave me the attention I needed, so I broke it off and ended up with this new guy for a bit. It didn't work out, and I went back to my ISTP guy and asked for forgiveness. He was smitten over me and I still cared about him, so we got back together. However I lied to myself, and thus, to him that I didn't have any more feelings for the other guy. But I shut him out of my life completely so he wouldn't pose a problem to my relationship anymore.

And then, I went back to school, and the guy was there still. Because of how badly it ended, I was freaked out every time I saw him or his car, and my friend suggested I talk to him to clear the air. So I did. And here's the bad part. He asked me if I was single and I said yes. It was kind of a knee-jerk thing. I remembered how much he hated my boyfriend, and how he got pissed off about anything related to him. My lie was originally intended to protect myself from being hated by someone that I liked. And then I found out my ex wanted me. He of course could tell I felt the same way, so I had to keep piling up lies as to why I won't be with him. And he kept finding ways to go around my excuses, and I had to make new ones, so this lie has built up to be incredibly huge.

I told my boyfriend about all this and he wants me to tell the guy the truth. But at this point, I just can't. I was trying to avoid the hate and disharmony in the first place, and if I told the guy now, it would be a thousand times worse. I would much rather just walk away without a word, let go of my feelings for this guy that way, and never allow myself to get close enough to another guy that this would happen again. Because my boyfriend is the one I want to be with. I know how to completely avoid this guy so I promised my boyfriend that I would not talk to or see this guy ever again. But even if I do this, I still violated my boyfriend's trust and hurt him really deeply. Since I'm with him long distance, I have no ideas as to how to make things better. So I was wondering what you guys think and what your ideas are, if you have any. Thank you.

Much love..:sad:
 
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