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Is it usual for an ENFP to be hung up on (mistakes in) the past? I would think Ne would allow ENFPs to quickly move on/forward.
 

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I'd say it depends. How big were the consequences? I think that would tell you.
 

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For my case I only revisit past memories and get stuck within it when I’m in my worst stage of depression - I would feel as if I’m trapped in the past and unwanted memories would replay over and over again - It’s hard for me to get over the feeling of guilt, in my younger years, I feel as if I don’t deserve happiness until I could do something to fix what was wrong with the past - as I age, I learned how to work through it and avoid putting myself in situations that makes me feel guilt .

It is extremely rare for me to be stuck in the past though
 

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I have made a few decisions in the past I regretted, but I don't dwell on it. I may be upset, but that fades within a short span of time. Heck, I have an INTP friend who dwels on her regrets more than I do. She'll dwell on it for months, or even years. Maybe it has something to do with unfinished business?

I do regret being nostalgic about things, and then revisiting that moment only to regret not leaving the past where it should have stayed. It would've far suited better long term to have happy memories of the past stay in the past, rather than to rehash it, seeing how life changes and nothing ever stays the same.

On the other hand, I do crave those nostalgic moments when you get together with friends and family, and you share on those happy moments of growing pains together. Here's an interesting video on nostalgia:

Overall, I try not to regret. Although, some of the decisions I made in the past could've been better, a part of me still believes everything happens for a reason, whether we like it or not. And life's not perfect. A part of our growing pains is to learn through experience, even if that experience leaves a bitter taste and/or leaves us feeling happier we endured the pain only to find we actually gained perspective from a hard lesson learned (which could have been worse, and thankfully was not! Amen!!).
 

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Are we talking about something I did or was done to me?
When I think about it, I think it is really hard for me to deal with something that was repeatedly done to me. Something I did I usually can come away with wisdom. I can judge myself for it, forgive myself for it, and try to grow. When it is something someone else repeatedly did then I sometimes go into rewind mode trying to figure out why they did what they did. I think we ENFPs don't like judging another person harshly. I personally find it harder to feel peace when judging someone harshly. So when I'm getting abused by a horrible boss, lets say...feeling like that person is a terrible person is tough on me and I'm not going to feel really healed until I've figured out as much as possible what makes that person tick and why they thought the abuse was okay and what their motivations were. It's kind of ironic because I will feel like someone is a terrible person but feel like I want to make peace about why the person is that way.

I wonder if there are more specifics to the question you’re asking. I wonder if there is something you're hoping to understand about someone?

I think most of us ENFPs like to move on. I like to move on because I like to be happy, but I observe that things that I moved on too quickly from are coming back into my mind as things I would like to learn from. They were things that when I moved on, I moved on thinking that my weirdness or my lack of something was what caused the problem. For a long time when I was in my 20’s and maybe even until recently if I didn’t have answers it seemed like my default was to blame myself in some way... and it is always easier to feel guilt and remorse and to try to improve myself actually then it is for me to hold onto anger or resentment. I would much rather take a hit than be left with the mystery of not really believing that a person can just be horrible... and some of us ENFPs are like me with this, I think. Because it is hard to move on and continue to feel upbeat and put my faith in people if I continue to have anger and frustration and no understanding of why someone would be horrible. I want wisdom and healing, so I need to truly understand even horrible people and to be able to take them into perspective.

My mom kind of raised me to always think that there was something that I could have done to improve things.. she never left me judge anyone else, it was only myself that I had to improve.
But if I did that too hastily due to lack of information and maybe even fear. Fear of their judgement. criticism and also fear of confrontation... if all of that stopped me from actually understanding the correct information then lately those old old experiences have been coming up for review for me. I’m reviewing with compassion where other people made mistakes and allowing some of the burden to not rest just on me... go ahead and let it rest on the fact that some people really ARE horrible, although they are horrible for a reason.

I think there are other reasons why ENFPs would review things. We all want to move forward with correct information and perspective so that we can get wisdom. However the difficulty judging others harshly and the strong dislike of confrontation in order to get answers might both be reasons why an ENFPs might want to play something on rewind until we gain perspective and can heal and move forward.
 

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Llyralen makes a good point. We don't want to judge people. And most of the times, we would like to move on, but a part of us holds back because we tend to like win-win situations, where everybody walks away feeling a sense of resolve and insight. We value fairness.

I don't particularly like slamming doors on people, but sometimes when abuse gets way out of line, you have to, for your own sanity.

And sometimes, it helps to look back and analyze the situation. I like to move on, but the hurt does leave a gaping hole in your heart. It hurts when you know you did your best, and you were betrayed.

How I find closure, even if I don't confront the person? I analyze the situation that causes the person to react the way they do. Situational factors can play a huge role how people behave. It doesn't make it okay though. But, we move on, knowing that we did our best and that's all we can do. Every dog has his/her day. And no one's perfect. We make mistakes when we're not paying attention. But at least we walk away in good conscience when we put in forth effort to end the situation fairly. And sometimes, people will insist on hurling insults (that's how toxic some people can be, especially in groups). Everyone's different. Every situaiton is different. We can only hope for the best. Life...

For anyone, lose-lose scenarios are highly un-ideal. But sometimes, you have to do what you have to do in order to protect your own safety. And yes, the reality is there are some people who will hurt others in order to get ahead in life.

It doesn't have to be this way, but the types of hostile environments make it so. We as individuals can change this, and hope for larger systemic rippling effects in society... but sometimes some things in life we have to let go...and hopefully, collectively, things will work itself out later down along the line.. (Sometimes some people have to endure enough hardships to develop a sense of empathy and maybe apologize later as a form of redemption- possibly). With that in mind, it's easier to move on.
 
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