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So me and a co worker (we are both substitute teachers) we flirted alot almost every day for like a month , alot of eye contact , he would nervously giggle at shit I would say even though it wasnt funny at all, we would do alot smiling, I could feel him stareing at me from across the room a couple times , I could feel and see him kinda checking me out (he was only one eye so its a little obvious when he turns his head to.look.at my direction) he has waited and caught up to me before just to talk to me alot of flirting, we had alot of intresting and nice conversations he had asked what I got planned for the weekend so I thought for sure the guy hinting to me that he likes me.So I finally got the courage to ask this guy to hang cuz I was like 95% sure he liked me..so I thought ..so on a thursday I asked if he was intrested in hanging out sometime outside work before I finished the sentence he smiled and afterwards he said yes and he asked if I had his number I shake my head no and he gives me his number. The next day he acts distant towards me. I didn't think too much of it but it felt off well the Weekend passes on monday at work after school he tells me to text him so i did and he never responded back the next day I ask him about it and he tells me "he been wanting to tell me he kinda talking to someone else and he don't want to lead me on" &i tell him "i understand well that's too bad I wanted to hang out this weekend"(but he didn't let me finish I was also gonna say "I understand its bad timing lets just be friends") he didn't let me finish and he tells me "he will let me know cuz he wants to see what happens with that other girl"...so being the intuitive that I am my heart broke immediately cuz I know I'm just his "second option" and I got the vibe he is kinda fickle&just wanted to flirt to stroke his own ego" but screw that I deserve to find a guy that's crazy about me and makes me his first option I'm hurt cuz the guy shouldnt have flirted that much with me and he shouldve said no from the beginning (so poor other girl too if he was that crazy about her he shouldnt have been flirting with me or saying yes to me,that's why I think he is fickle just my gut tells me so ) I felt so humilated. When I'm not intrested in guys I don't flirt with them and tell them "i have a bf" anyways that same day im so sad and the guy kept passing by my class alot which I felt he was doing on purpose he couldve gone around to avoid me , also later in the day he would look at my way alot I could catch him from the corner or my eye...ive kept.my distance.from him even i kinda avoided him he has told me good morning and has waved hello at me from a far . But yet of.course its a little awkward between us. 2 days ago he passes by the room he knew I was in and I know he purposely went the long way just to turn his head and look into my classroom he waved at me &i waved hello back(this I dreamed and it came true). me of course I try to avoid him as much as I can but if I bump into him&if he waves at me ill be nice and say hello back. Today he seemed all distant . We talked more than the usual but its kinda awakward at times ..my problem is why do I feel so hurt still? How do I let it go because everytime I see him my heart drops , I want to stop hurting&dreaming of him. No one better tell me will at least he told you the truth.. the guy flirted&, humilated me&still.kinda
 

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@shasha001

You probably pictured a future with him. You might have given him some amazing qualities in your head that he doesn't actually have. This would explain why you feel like you've lost so much. In reality you haven't.

And since you said you don't normally flirt, you might feel like he's taken a scared piece of you - like you gave it away to someone and he threw it away. That would explain the feeling of humiliation.

You might either want to talk it over with him (it is likely he won't understand and dismiss you) or you could continue to avoid him. By avoiding him, you are giving yourself time to heal. I would recommend avoiding him.

You also aren't going to stop dreaming of him cold turkey, no matter how many times you tell yourself to stop. Substitution! Continue your day dreams, just make up an imaginary character. The imaginary character can't hurt you because it doesn't have free will.
 

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So me and a co worker (we are both substitute teachers) we flirted alot almost every day for like a month , alot of eye contact , he would nervously giggle at shit I would say even though it wasnt funny at all, we would do alot smiling, I could feel him stareing at me from across the room a couple times , I could feel and see him kinda checking me out (he was only one eye so its a little obvious when he turns his head to.look.at my direction) he has waited and caught up to me before just to talk to me alot of flirting, we had alot of intresting and nice conversations he had asked what I got planned for the weekend so I thought for sure the guy hinting to me that he likes me.So I finally got the courage to ask this guy to hang cuz I was like 95% sure he liked me..so I thought ..so on a thursday I asked if he was intrested in hanging out sometime outside work before I finished the sentence he smiled and afterwards he said yes and he asked if I had his number I shake my head no and he gives me his number. The next day he acts distant towards me. I didn't think too much of it but it felt off well the Weekend passes on monday at work after school he tells me to text him so i did and he never responded back the next day I ask him about it and he tells me "he been wanting to tell me he kinda talking to someone else and he don't want to lead me on" &i tell him "i understand well that's too bad I wanted to hang out this weekend"(but he didn't let me finish I was also gonna say "I understand its bad timing lets just be friends") he didn't let me finish and he tells me "he will let me know cuz he wants to see what happens with that other girl"...so being the intuitive that I am my heart broke immediately cuz I know I'm just his "second option" and I got the vibe he is kinda fickle&just wanted to flirt to stroke his own ego" but screw that I deserve to find a guy that's crazy about me and makes me his first option I'm hurt cuz the guy shouldnt have flirted that much with me and he shouldve said no from the beginning (so poor other girl too if he was that crazy about her he shouldnt have been flirting with me or saying yes to me,that's why I think he is fickle just my gut tells me so ) I felt so humilated. When I'm not intrested in guys I don't flirt with them and tell them "i have a bf" anyways that same day im so sad and the guy kept passing by my class alot which I felt he was doing on purpose he couldve gone around to avoid me , also later in the day he would look at my way alot I could catch him from the corner or my eye...ive kept.my distance.from him even i kinda avoided him he has told me good morning and has waved hello at me from a far . But yet of.course its a little awkward between us. 2 days ago he passes by the room he knew I was in and I know he purposely went the long way just to turn his head and look into my classroom he waved at me &i waved hello back(this I dreamed and it came true). me of course I try to avoid him as much as I can but if I bump into him&if he waves at me ill be nice and say hello back. Today he seemed all distant . We talked more than the usual but its kinda awakward at times ..my problem is why do I feel so hurt still? How do I let it go because everytime I see him my heart drops , I want to stop hurting&dreaming of him. No one better tell me will at least he told you the truth.. the guy flirted&, humilated me&still.kinda

Urgh! I hate those kinds of guys. I've noticed that the ones who act like that toward me are either Aquarius or INTJ or both. It's a guy that finds something about you interesting so he can't stay away but he's not sure or ready to be real with you. It makes you feel crazy because you know that he's acting like he wants something more from you, but he only responds well when you are distant. It's like you're the mona lisa and you're amazing to him but he doesn't want to get to close or that amazing feeling seems plain. I don't know what's wrong with them. The best thing I can say is he will continue to do this to you and you'll continue to be up and down like this. You have to ask yourself if you want to deal with this all your life or if you want to be available for the guy that wants to chase after you. I liked this one guy who was training with me for like 18 months on and off. I tried to go to other guys and went on dates and stuff but for some reason he had hold of me. I think it's because his energy goes to you and he kind of keeps you there. If he feels you getting away he tries to do something to get your attention back. Finally I decided that I was tired of that and I didn't even really like him, I just liked what he represented, the good parts of him. I was ignoring all of the bad parts. With a little time I completely forgot him but now I know what to look for. A guy will do the work if he wants you. Even if you are a feisty, headstrong, blunt girl and you straight out tell him you want to be with him, he'll do what he can to show he's interested. Now, to get over this you should try some meditation. I recommend typing in "meditation music" into youtube and going with the playlist titled that. You have to reprogram your brain a bit to get it to understand that he's not into you and that you deserve better and that you're not losing anything, you're gaining something.
 
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That EXACT same thing happened to me with this guy I met once in a chorus. We flirted a lot, and he asked for my number but never called. So I called him and asked him out, figuring why wait? I asked him out for coffee and he said yes. Two hours later, he called and told me he forgot it was his mom's birthday. And I thought, omg that's just too stupid to be a lie, so I asked to reschedule for the following weekend, to which he responded in the affirmative. Then he called me back Friday and said he wouldn't be able to make it.

I felt so jerked around. Why not just come out and say no in the first place rather than say yes twice and then back out? I still have no idea what that was all about. I do not understand this at all, so I feel for you completely.
 

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Men do this when they are confronted by a kind girl that they fear potentially hurting. Did you come off as timid? Men pick up on this and it could make them feel a little awkward. Also depends on the guy but chances are if he's flirting with you he's attracted to you already. You have many options from here but I don't advise pursuing. In the future remember that woman have a lot of power over men in this department. You want him to want you? Challenge him by not acting like you care and if you really want to drive him nuts, flirt with other guys around him or at least give them more interest than you would him. I know INFJ’s have a hard time in this department but it’s a skill that should be mastered.

At this point the best thing you can do is act like you don't care if he's around you and try to ignore him at all cost. Just don't be rude and if confronted be kind but cut conversations short. Over a bit of time he will start to wonder why you aren't giving him all the attention you were before and start to grow fonder of you. The worst thing you can do is dwell over this. This is one of those lessons in life that are important. Just be strong and find something to do that is productive and makes you feel good.

Relationship's is one long mind game. Human's want to be challenged and want what they can't have. Doesn't matter how genuine the person is.
 

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Men do this when they are confronted by a kind girl that they fear potentially hurting. Did you come off as timid? Men pick up on this and it could make them feel a little awkward. Also depends on the guy but chances are if he's flirting with you he's attracted to you already. You have many options from here but I don't advise pursuing. In the future remember that woman have a lot of power over men in this department. You want him to want you? Challenge him by not acting like you care and if you really want to drive him nuts, flirt with other guys around him or at least give them more interest than you would him. I know INFJ’s have a hard time in this department but it’s a skill that should be mastered.

At this point the best thing you can do is act like you don't care if he's around you and try to ignore him at all cost. Just don't be rude and if confronted be kind but cut conversations short. Over a bit of time he will start to wonder why you aren't giving him all the attention you were before and start to grow fonder of you. The worst thing you can do is dwell over this. This is one of those lessons in life that are important. Just be strong and find something to do that is productive and makes you feel good.

Relationship's is one long mind game. Human's want to be challenged and want what they can't have. Doesn't matter how genuine the person is.
This is probably excellent advice, but it's exactly what makes me not want to play the dating game. I just wanna be meeeeee! I don't want to pretend I don't care or pretend I'm not excited or cover up my feelings. This is probably why I am still (and always) single.

I'm ready to say screw it and just be happy alone. I don't have to hide my feelings from me!! :)
 

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This is probably excellent advice, but it's exactly what makes me not want to play the dating game. I just wanna be meeeeee! I don't want to pretend I don't care or pretend I'm not excited or cover up my feelings. This is probably why I am still (and always) single.

I'm ready to say screw it and just be happy alone. I don't have to hide my feelings from me!! :)
Just be you then and you will find someone who will appreciate your honest qualities. Not every man is the same. Most infact prefer a woman to be honest about what they think and feel so they know how to logically fix the problem. Myself included. However I have tendencies to get bored by those types and I know the problem lies with me. I seem to be attracted to narcissists and sociopaths and so I have learned to play the ugly games these types play. In any relationship you have to balance the power field and the moment you let yourself lose the power is the moment you leave yourself vulnerable to being hurt. The games I play are not to hurt anyone but simply to protect myself from being hurt.
 

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This is probably excellent advice, but it's exactly what makes me not want to play the dating game. I just wanna be meeeeee! I don't want to pretend I don't care or pretend I'm not excited or cover up my feelings. This is probably why I am still (and always) single.

I'm ready to say screw it and just be happy alone. I don't have to hide my feelings from me!! :)
I feel the same exact way......people are full of games when it comes to others, yet I can never bring myself to that level because I abhor when others play with mine/lead me on. When all is said and done, thats just the type of world we live in these days.......if you dont want to play tug-of-war youre pretty much S.O.L.

But im only 23, time is on my side! Ive learned to be patient.......at least when youre single, you have absolutely no one to answer to! Theres a silver lining to everything;)



@Mav, thats an interesting perspective on the issue....never considered it in that fashion. If anything, ive just learned not to give too much too soon so I guess its a slight variation
 
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