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Hi, so I'm a 17 years old guy and I think I'm an INTJ or an INTP.

There is this ISFJ girl which I think she likes me, but things are kinda complicated and I don't know what to do next.

So this was the "love at first sight" mode, if you don't believe in that just assume we liked each other instantly. I would talked to her and she would be very interested in the conversation, I'm not normally a people person but I got to know her, and from discussion about school we started making jokes, talking about things we like, movies, music and so on, while flirting with figuratively words at the same time. One day I actually told her I like her making some kind of poetry. She told me that she's sorry (for figuratively flirting), she rushed out of curiosity about my feelings towards her, told me that she would like to know me a little bit better. We keept talking like that and after a while. I asked her out, none of us really used the word "date" and I don't know whether this can be called a date or not but it was a date at a pub. After the date she said she enjoyed it and she actually talked about us at the date. This was a year ago and lasted 5 months.

After that she turned cold, she would stop texting me so often, she would take her time with the text and everything went suddenly downhill. She would sometimes and to talk to me, and sometimes wouldn't, but never actually saying that, I would just see in her texts the lack of interest to keep the conversation going. We keept like this for 3 months, very cold situation then I confrunted her, and she said the for the moments the only want to be friends, she doesn't know what's going to happen next. I was like ok. We hardly talked after that for a week, then never talked for 2 months. Until she saw me once and texted me again, then we start talking again, and again. Situation made that we started having some courses together so we would keep talking again. We didn't taked as romantically as before this time but we kept in touch, she texted me but it was because of school. I invited her again on a pub to drink something with the ocasion of my name day (not alcohol) and she accepted.

Then we had an important exam, her mother was there to support her, I talked to her (the girl). The next day, she was more open to me than she ever was before, she wasn't so open since we being talking for the first time. And two weeks after that we went on a date at a pub again. But it didn't lasted long, about a week after we stoped talking to each other, so we had like 3 weeks of open talk didn't had no "conversation" we just stopped, I saw nothing from her anymore, not even texting first and I was kinda awkward texting first for like 3 times in a row given the fact that we knew each other for like a year at that moment. It wasn't vague texts like "k" or "I'm doing fine" but she wasn't making any effort to keep the conversation going either.

Then the new year came. Then after two months after a long pause of talking, on my birthday, she gave me this very expensive gift, I didn't had no party or anything. The story again, we started talking for a week, then we went to a date, this time on a mall. And then we stopped talking. I have to mention that in this time she never texted me first a single time (except for when she told me if I want to meet with her in a park to wish me good luck for some competition I had, there she gave me the present.), the last time was one week after the day in the last paragraph. I made her a present too with the ocasion of a public holiday for women from my country on march.

As I mentioned, after a while we stopped talking. Until she texted me to wish me good luck for an exam, then she asked me how the exam was after that through text and the conversation started. But after that, I was the only one to text first again, and I don't think she looks that interested to keep the conversation going, again. So, the situation is kinda compliated and I don't know what to do, we don't really have anything in common, we just like each other for some reason.

So that's it so far, we hardly to no talk right now, and I don't know what to do. I have this friend who also likes her, he told her she likes her and she told him that she's sorry but she doesn't feel anything, she never told me that, only that she wants to get to know me, twice, I asked twice. I'm not sure whether she likes me or not but at least she looked interested once, she blushes when I talk to her, a lot, but this could mean being nervous because you know someone likes you, not necersarly because you like him too.

I'm a nice guy (and no, I don't want someone to like me for being a bad boy, or a though guy, and I don't think this is the case) but I don't have a saint reputation, and my assuption is that her mother found out that, from her sister, and she wouldn't want her to date with me, until when she got to know me a little at that exam and she probably realised I'm not a "thug" or something like that at all.

Now the girl, as she got to know me, she might has have developed some inferiority complexes around me, she has some confidence problems. She's an A+ student, I don't really care about that, and there was a literature content at our school where I bested her. But it's not just that, she's like not confident at all in what she doesn't know. She's a religious person, not very religious like fanatic but religious enough. Recently I asked her if she wants to meet up in person somewhere in private where I asked her whether she's afraid of me or something, and I told her that she can trust me, she said no in a kinda surprised way. So the situation is kinda blocked, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if she likes me, likes me as a friend or she's annoyed by me, I'm ok with all versions I just want to know it too.

Sorry for the long text. So what do you think the situation is like and what do you think I should do ?
 

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I'm sorry that this post is going to be a short one in response to such a detailed explanation of the circumstances, but if someone isn't paying you the attention or genuine interest, they're really not worth so much of your time and effort...
 

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Sounds like she's unsure ... so yeah, find someone else / move on with your life. Or... ask her to be more consistent in her communication with you.

Typically, if I really like someone I WANT to talk to them and stay in communication with them. It's the people I don't care about much that I don't keep up constant communication with.
 

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I had a very similar experience a while back, but I actually did date them for a short time. From an ISFJ perspective, there's something obviously holding her back. No offense but there must be something your doing that brings her to not communicate enthusiastically with you. I wouldn't bother asking her about it though because there's a very slim chance she'll tell you the truth (or at least that's how it was with me because I didn't want to hurt his feelings lol). Honestly it's probably in your best interest to move on to different people whether she's an ISFJ or not. You should have your feelings reciprocated by someone, you know?
 

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If somebody likes you, they have an irresistible urge to be around you. They will find ridiculous reasons to call you, text you, be around you, meet up with you, just so they can spend time with you. They like you so they want to spend as much time around you as possible.

Everything in this story says this girl has no interest in being around you. She doesn't call you randomly, she doesn't ask you on dates, she doesn't invite you over to hang out.

Sorry, she is not interested.

Move on and find a woman who is worthy of your time.
 
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Do you all have a common friend or do you know someone she is friends with? Maybe you could ask them what's going on. If she seems interested and then backs off there are two possibilities.

1) she really just wants you as a friend
2) Something is holding her back-maybe something you did, or an insecurity she has.
 

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Hi! I'm a young boy aswell, and a INTP too I guess.

It's weird, because I have a similar situation, but I'm the one who aren't acting interested and never start talking. I do have a girlfriend, but has really lost interest in her, but I'm really thankfully of getting her as probably one of - the very few - best friends. However I don't feel like I can love her no more, and as an INTP I don't feel for having a long relationship sort of thing. I'm not asexual, but what I really want is just friends.

I'm currently a bit depressed and trying to figure myself out. It's difficoult to do that with people wanting attention for you, and it's strange, but sometimes I don't have the energy to do stuff. Maybe you see some of theese patterns in her, and if so what I suggest is that you take a 'step back' and waits for her to get fine before going anything seriously. She might not be keen on a relationship, but if you tell her that 'neither do I' then you might keep a very good friend. Be nice and friendly with her at least, and tell her she can trust you. :)
 

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She's not interested. She is a typical adolescent girl who enjoys occasional male attention, and you seem to be a temporary fix when she has self-esteem issues. You are 17 years old. This isn't a grave matter. You'll find someone more mature in another year or two.
 

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Sounds like she's unsure ... so yeah, find someone else / move on with your life. Or... ask her to be more consistent in her communication with you.

Typically, if I really like someone I WANT to talk to them and stay in communication with them. It's the people I don't care about much that I don't keep up constant communication with.
That seems normal, lol.
 

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I've noticed in my life that the people I care about most, I answer first.

I get e-mails from some people, and it takes me days to respond. Others? I have to type off a response that minute, because I'm so excited to be talking to them. :)
 

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I can't give you any advice. We, as people, seem to have the need to come to conclusions on our own.

But I will re-iterate most suggestions: move on. I am rather late bloomer when it comes to this type of thing, so I understand how you feel, but don't really identify with it anymore. Stop making an effort for someone who isn't making an effort in return. If she does like you, she will try and get you back once you stop bugging the hell out of her. Give her space. Respect her feelings. I know the whole 'vagueness' in situations, but leave it. Leave it as a 'well, maybe someday. but for now, I'm looking for someone who actually wants to spend time with me' . There are SO many goddam people, and they are ALL fucking amazing. They are literal bolts of grease lightning.

I really used to think that if you are able to move on from someone, you never really liked them... but that isn't the case at all. It just means that you can like other people as well, and you aren't limiting yourself to something that may or may not work. You might make her lonesome when ya go. And that might not be the case, and you guys may never see each other again. It doesn't matter. people come and people go.
Appreciate them for the times you've had. And let them go.

One final thing, like I said. I can't give you advice. And that's because in situations like yours, I would never listen to the advice. I'd say "Oh, you don't get it" and fair enough. Everything works different, for different people. I get it. But, the conclusions I have posted, came from me, and my experiences. I've been born again. People are so fucking beautiful, and they deserve to be where they want, and with whom they want (and you will find someone else you want, and someone who wants you)
Just ease up on being so needy.

Keep listenin' to Pinkerton, though. That shit's righteous!

 
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Is it possible that she is religious enough that it would affect her dating choices? I just wonder if she is torn between kinda liking you but feeling like she should not date someone who isn't of the same religion. Not that it ultimately makes a difference, I was just curious. Whatever the case, I have to agree with others that moving on is the thing to do. Sorry. :(
 

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Is it possible that she is religious enough that it would affect her dating choices? I just wonder if she is torn between kinda liking you but feeling like she should not date someone who isn't of the same religion. Not that it ultimately makes a difference, I was just curious. Whatever the case, I have to agree with others that moving on is the thing to do. Sorry. :(
That's actually a good point, as well. I was religious through-out highschool. Hence, my late blooming in this area of life. It doesn't control EVERYONE, but there are certainly ones that will stick to the rules (And ISFJ nature, may be a factor as well)
 
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Hello!

I'm hoping some ISFJ's could give me some insight into my partner!

So im an ENTP lady and I am very lucky to have landed myself a really sweet ISFJ man!

Heres the thing, early in the realtionhip (were only 7 months in) I went on a new pill and it sent me hormonal and I critized my ISFJ parnter alot during this time, too much.

At first he would stare at me, want to spent every min or everyday with me, when we where together he wanted to touch and be close and that has all gone now, he definitly dosent stare, he wants a fair amount of time to himself and I feel like physical affection is rare and he dosent inniate.

Now ive asked him every week for months now if hes sure he still wants to be with me, and he says yes everytime, hes unwavering in this. When I ask him if he wants us, if he sees us as long term, if he could love me on day. its always a yes, there potential for feeling to devlop, yes theres potential for a future. He even sobbed when I suggested breaking up saying its not what he wants. But its all changed so distracicly from the man who would do anything for me 6 months ago, to this new version who seems very distant.

I feel like his words and his actions dont add up.

But ive been doing alot of reading and ive read that critisim is the most damgaing thing to an ISFJ (wish id knew that in the beggining I knew very little of the type) and hes also having a pretty bad time at work, hating his job etc.

So yes basically I cant decide weather to trust his words or his actions, it feels like hes pulling away but when I ask he says he wants us and the relationship?

Im wondering if my critisim hurt him and if I just need to give him time and appreiate him and maybe things will come back, or maybe ISFJ's just dont show there emotion as much, like he does subtle little things for me like buying all my favriote things when he does the food shop and I dont know if I should be taking those as the gestures than mean he still has feelings but as an ENTP im more big gestures led. He used to tell me I was pretty all the time at the start of the relationship and he never does now. I dont know how to read this.

I'm so confused because as an NT I need evidence, and I have two lists the things hes done that make me think he dosent want to be with me anymore and they things he says when I ask him.

I know ENTP/ISFJ is always going to be a difficult one, but this guy is worth it, and I honestly will do anything in my power to make this relationship better for him, but I'm not sure how to, so any ISFJ advice would be usefull?

Thanks for any and all help!
 

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She's not interested. She is a typical adolescent girl who enjoys occasional male attention, and you seem to be a temporary fix when she has self-esteem issues. You are 17 years old. This isn't a grave matter. You'll find someone more mature in another year or two.
That might be true, and I had similar experience more or less at the same age, and not for that it hurt less, in fact I remember it as being extremely painful. I'm sorry to say but this is part of the experiences that make you stronger in life. I'm sorry for stating it.
 

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as an ISFJ myself, it seems there is something that is holding her back. for me personally, if i like someone, i will do whatever i can to try to talk to them
 
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