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You guys are the best, and I want to hear your INFP-specific thoughts. I know we can be so idealistic, it can hurt us.

Some relationship background information on me: I fell in love, hard, when I was 14/15. I was convinced that he was the love of my life and that I would never find anyone better. I never even considered that there might be someone else for me. I never had one doubt in my mind that I wanted him and only him in my life forever. He moved away, and at our young age, the long-distance relationship lasted six months until I broke it off. I don't remember why I did this. It had nothing to do with anyone else. I think I just missed him too much and there was no way we were going to see each other at all for a couple years. I guess I thought it'd be less hard to stop talking and try to move on with our lives than to continue the relationship. I was completely heartbroken, and depressed to the point of becoming emotionally numb. My missing him continued for a very long time and I still find myself comparing things to him/our relationship, more than a decade later (although seldom).

Anyway, I dated a guy in high school around age 16/17. That relationship was filled with fighting and was generally very unhealthy. I knew he wasn't someone I wanted to be with, but for some reason stuck it out for awhile anyway.

When I was about 18, I entered into my first very serious relationship with my best friend. I loved him and we had a lot of passion and physical chemistry, but I was filled with doubts in the beginning. He had a new baby with his ex, which contributed to my doubts and reluctance to continue the relationship. I ignored it though, and we moved in together, which turned out to be a nightmare for many reasons. The relationship became incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive, and very difficult to leave.

Once I finally left that relationship, I was mostly single for the next five years. I dated a fair number of guys, but very briefly, as I lost interest in them. I met one much older man who I felt incredibly passionate for and who I felt like I loved so much. I remember thinking that I couldn't believe I found someone I felt so certain about, the way I felt for my that boyfriend when I was 14/15. But, there were complexities here and it ended up not working out, and I got over it and him so quickly that it scared and worried me. There had also been a few guys I felt very strongly for when I first met them, two to the degree that I thought I might have met "the one" (I hate that term for some reason). But I lost interest in these, as well. Which also scared and worried me. Over these years, I became extremely comfortable and happy being single.

So yeah. Which leads me to my concerns. I am currently in an on-again, off-again relationship for about a year now. Each off-again, of which there were about five, has been me breaking up with him. The things that we broke up over, he has worked on and the relationship has grown stronger. This relationship has certainly gotten better with time, and seems to continue to do so. He is a wonderful person and I love him so much for how wonderful he is. But for some reason I'm here writing this, because sometimes I feel doubts. I didn't fall head-over-heels for him, and I am not 100% convinced he is the right person for me, which worries me. But at the same time, I was 100% convinced in the past that certain guys were right for me, and I was wrong. So now I don't know when to trust my instincts, or when my instincts are really just my emotional and mental scars flaring up from past relationships and making me scared.

I just want to mention something I've been noticing lately that might be contributing to my incredibly overthinking this. Not that I'm itching to get married or have babies, but my Facebook is now flooded with everyone I went to high school with getting married and having babies, and it's a form of peer pressure that I am feeling the effects of. Everyone seems to be finding their partner, and sealing the deal on big things such as marriage and children. It has me wondering if I would do that with my current boyfriend. Because I do eventually want to do that. So why be with someone unless I can see that kind of future for us?

I am almost always really, really happy with my relationship. But he hasn't "swept me off my feet", and for some reason I am scared and hesitant about something, and my mind and heart are not entirely at ease. Sometimes I get feelings of "I know he is not right right guy". But other times, and most of the time, the relationship is so blissful and I feel so lucky and incredibly happy. I'm also moving overseas soon, without him, and I guess is another reason why I'm putting so much thought into this. I know this is a complex situation, but I would love to hear your opinions. Thanks!
 

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I am almost always really, really happy with my relationship. But he hasn't "swept me off my feet", and for some reason I am scared and hesitant about something, and my mind and heart are not entirely at ease. Sometimes I get feelings of "I know he is not right right guy". But other times, and most of the time, the relationship is so blissful and I feel so lucky and incredibly happy. I'm also moving overseas soon, without him, and I guess is another reason why I'm putting so much thought into this. I know this is a complex situation, but I would love to hear your opinions. Thanks!
Wow, gemofgreen, this could be me! Except I've been married to Mr. I'm-Not-Sure-If-He's-Mr-Right for 17 years. We have a lot of shared interests and agree on pretty much all the major issues (finances, kids, religion, pets, household chores, etc.) which is not always easy to find in a partner. I never felt head over heels in love with him, nor I'm sure he ever felt that way about me, but there are all kinds of love. Ours is just not the passionate head-over-heels kind. Do I regret not holding out for someone I could love passionately & who felt the same about me? Frankly, sometimes yes I do. But I've seen many instances of passionate love burns out and leaves wreckage. It's kind of like living with the seasons, or living somewhere where the temperature doesn't change that much throughout the year. You either experience the highs & lows of the changing seasons, or have the comfort and consistency of the stable temperatures. Everything is a tradeoff.

I'm not sure exactly how old you are, but I'm figuring you're in your 20's, right? If so, you're still quite young, and even if everyone you know is getting married, you don't need to be in a rush. I suggest you hold off on committing to anything with him, especially since you're moving. Let the move and the separation help you clarify what you want to do about the relationship. And, think long & hard about what kind of feelings you want to feel when you are in a relationship with your beloved. Sexy? Safe? Joyful? Content? Adventurous? Does your boyfriend evoke those core feelings when you are with him? If not, don't be in a rush to commit. Better to hold out for someone who makes you feel those core feelings than to rationalize why you want to stay in a relationship that doesn't evoke those feelings. And if he does evoke those core feelings when you're with him, then he's a keeper. Just my little .02. :kitteh:
 

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It seems to be just completely what you want for yourself, and different people with different thoughts or values might choose differently. All I think I can say is that neither is wrong and neither is right, it's just whatever your heart and mind tell you or what you simply decide you're going to make for yourself. I can imagine a person relieved to have chosen either way, based off who they are.

Perhaps try some devil's advocate in deciding in your mind one direction or another, that you have a lifelong future with this person or that you don't, and see what it feels like and what the arguments you present to yourself about it feel like. Then decide on the opposite stance and see what it feels like and what the arguments you present to yourself about it feel like. I don't think you have to make any decisions right now. It's something you can mull over as much or as little as you feel like at your own pace.
 
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