[Clonester]

In general, ISFP's want and appreciate close relationships. You want to be with someone who you can be happy with and enjoy your life with. You feel intensely and are caring people, and that plays a part in your relationships. At the same time, you have a desire for freedom. This is a very interesting and intriguing mix. It's left me curious since it's different from myself.

How does this need/desire for freedom manifest itself in your relationships and marriages? Do you have trouble committing because you want to be free? Are you often close to your partner but need a "freedom day" once in a while? Do you need some space to wander and do your own thing?

If not these ways, then any other ways?

 

[iDane]

I would assume the ideal definition of freedom will differ from person to person. For me, it has nothing to do with personal relationships more so then is does with having a deep rooted desire to escape from societal ties, and immerse into my own world at times. I am not sure if that is the case with other ISFPs; but I need that freedom to wander, and I need that time for myself. If I don't have it I feel trapped and can become very distant.

Committed relationships do not frighten me away. I would just as soon stay single then to be in any sort of short-term or casual relationship though. Ideally, I would love to be with someone who shared, or at the very least, respected those deep rooted desires within me. Someone I could share my wanderlust with, but who also respected the fact that I need time for myself every now and then (and not take offense to it)... it is just something we need to do to stay true to ourselves- if that makes sense?


Again, I am not quite sure if this is the case with other ISFPs or not... just my own personal perspective.

 

[Maron]

For me the need of freedom is mostly expressed in being spontaneous. While I like to plan especially travels and meetings I also like a certain amount of spontaneity in my life. Sometimes I just want to go on a small trip out of the blue or go out. While this can happen while being on my own it can just as well be with my partner. I just enjoy getting out so to say.

If I can't have that freedom sooner or later I will get very cranky and depressed. I'll start worrying too much about everything and get even more depressed, it's like a viscous circle.
On the other hand I wouldn't want to miss a close relationship.

 

[Sanity]

Yeah, for me the need for freedom is a must, it has caused a lot of pain in my previous relationships, since i wasn't aware of my need for freedom and i just unconsciouscly started to find exit routs in my relationships for example start fights, ignore etc.
Been three years single now and i love my freedom, though i really feel very lonely at times and i can say that my soul is empty, i have all these walls around me. Maybe it's because of the freedom i crave, im an Aquarius(the most freedom loving sign) and i have alot of other freedom loving signs in my chart, so freedom is like an essential thing. I love my freedom, but at the same time, i love close intimate relationships, it's contradictory, and it's causing a lot of inner battles that never seem to end. I have become more aware of my need for freedom, i realized it all about a 6 months ago, im 23 now. Fucking long time. I'm glad about my awareness and i have learnt a lot about myself in the lonely days of solitude and i'm continuing to grow more, til i die. But still, it is nothing without someone by your side. I could end up with all the worlds knowledge and still feel empty. Love is what really fills our soul.

 

[letsride]

I like to have long term relationships, but I've found that it simply doesn't work for me if it means sacrificing my freedom. Of course I enjoy spending time with my significant other, but I also need plenty of space to myself. It is a difficult balance.

When I'm lucky enough to have someone who understands my need for space, I get the best of both worlds. I can understand what Clonester is saying, because my needs seem to be polar opposites of each other! It is confusing.

I feel like as long as I am making the most of my time spent with my significant other, I can satisfy my (and his) need for an emotional connection, and then switch it up with solo pursuits, to satisfy my need for freedom. Like other ISFPs have mentioned, I get cranky when I don't have my alone time. For me, I take the alone time that I need in order to be happy. If a boyfriend starts requesting that I spend more time with him, I may try to compromise, but it essentially leads to disaster. I just get cranky, and then no one's happy.

I think it requires an understanding person to be with an ISFP, and I've learned to be upfront with potential partners about my need for space. They are usually surprised, because I seem so warm and fuzzy. . . they just don't picture me as being so independent, I guess?

 

[Darner]

Wow. This is typical! That's a good thing to remember.
I was in a relationship with a ISFP and the relationship+freedom thing was the weirdest part of it. We were on-and-off for two years (with a whole-year-long breakup) and after both breakups she was really really sad and depressed, she was writing me a lot of messages of love and I know that also after her previous relationship she almost committed suicide. But both times that we got together, she started to post messages on a forum (where we met) that she feels "suffocated" already the first week. It was so weird for me, we saw each-other about 3x per week and I'm an introvert too so I still don't know, what exactly was the problem.

 

[dizzygirl]

I just don't like being tied down and that usually manifests itself in little things- like not being told what to do; not being shouted at; not wanting to stay at home just becoz someone else wants me to when i have the impulse to go and do something. Most importantly, with me at least, my freedom is in my beliefs and ideals. it may sound contradictory in it's stability but that's how it is. I like being left alone at times. i like being given space. i like to feel the cold marble tiles under my feet or the wind in my hair and the blue blue sky above me and rolling fields beside me....and not share that with anyone at times. I like doing things for myself, even when in a relationship. and if i don't get to do that and get caught up in "duties" and obligations, i feel like im going crazy and end up hurting people, myself and losing something or the other (like peace of mind, balance, friends, jobs or lovers). So in a way, despite my love towards commitment, i love freedom. And that difference somehow ends up making me high maintenance in a way. :dry:

 

[Clonester]

I've been dating an ISFP exclusively for 6 months. She's a wonderful person, as caring and kindhearted as she is beautiful. We're really close and enjoy quality time with each other when we're doing things together. At the same time she does have this need for freedom that manifests itself. She will have a day to do whatever, or she'll take a drive somewhere just to think and be alone, or head to the gym and clear her mind from the stresses of life. We have fairly long phone conversations, though our communication is less intense than my past relationships. It's taken communication on our part. Her recognizing that I like to keep in touch and chat (as an ENFP), and me recognizing when she has a day where she needs space (as an ISFP). We talk on the phone most days when we don't see each other, and text occasionally too, so it works out well for both of us.

She appreciates that I keep an active social life, and I keep us both busy doing interesting activities. Sure she may be busier than she might on her own, but it keeps her life interesting. We both hate the boring and mundane. So she does need her down time sometimes, but she likes to socialize and have fun too. We've struck a good balance. I can't stress enough how important good communication is in dating an ISFP. My girlfriend will do things I don't understand why (relating to her need for freedom) and it will seem inconsistent to me. But when I ask her and see where she is coming from, it makes sense and I can understand her better.

 

[MissNobody]

Hi, just to let you know that I am aware this thread is for ISFP's and that I'm trying to work out what my type is. I know that to left and below it says INFJ, but I'm stopping by various threads just to see how my opinions fit in etc and to see if I really am INFJ. Thanks.

My instinct is to help others and I often feel like a part of me keeps a watchful eye on what others are doing so that I can offer support etc. Sometimes I can resent this part of me because there are times when I just want to do my own thing and not worry about my responsiblities! Even when I don't have to be responsibile for others, for example now that I am living away from home, this sense of responsiblity follows me around and I start applying it to new relationships that form.

I need space to do my own thing, I can't be around people for long periods of time because I find it too draining!

 

[ReuBurn]

For me I liked to spend time with a close friend, I usually won't say no to things. But I may become distant in communication after some time. It's good to give her some freedom as it's important to us

 

[ilphithra]

For me the need of freedom is mostly expressed in being spontaneous. While I like to plan especially travels and meetings I also like a certain amount of spontaneity in my life. Sometimes I just want to go on a small trip out of the blue or go out. While this can happen while being on my own it can just as well be with my partner. I just enjoy getting out so to say.

If I can't have that freedom sooner or later I will get very cranky and depressed. I'll start worrying too much about everything and get even more depressed, it's like a viscous circle.
On the other hand I wouldn't want to miss a close relationship.

Sorry to pop on your thread guys, just want to say a little something.

Maron is my girlfriend and as you see by my type (INTJ), we're complete opposites. I must say that at first it was hard for me to handle her "randomness" and spontaneity, sometimes it still is. I also know that sometimes it's hard for her to deal with my lack of spontaneity.
However, we try to get a balance and give room to each other. Sometimes I'll "jump the gun" with her, sometimes she'll get along with my "plans", most of the time I let her do what she wants because I know that if I don't, I'll have a sad panda and I don't want that.
For example, the other day we were coming home and she felt like going out for dinner. I was tired but I went along, ended up slightly drunk and by the end of the night, she was happy and in turn, I was happy (because she was happy).

Over time I started noticing the symptoms what she posted above and I started thinking that maybe I should "open up" a little more to her spontaneous personality. In exchange, I asked her to give me some room to be alone with my thoughts, something that I was finding hard to do due to her being very "cuddly" so to say.

To have a relationship means that concessions have to be made by both ends. It's impossible to keep on living as if you're still alone and if concessions aren't made, the relationship will turn into hell and probably end in failure.
We all lose a bit of our freedom in a relationship but it doesn't mean we have to lose it completely. It's a matter of finding balance between the two people in it.

 

[ReuBurn]

One day try to be that crazy person who does anything and everything and see how much she'll love you. Just for one day :crazy:

 

[Coccinellidae]

Oh..wow..I can relate a lot to this thread..

 

[GiGi]

I think my marriage works so well because my husband works a job that takes him out of town half of the year. I have a certain amount of freedom. Also, he is the type of person that does not require me to be around him constantly or that I must tell him my every thought. He likes it that I am independent, though he is worried that I am too adventurous and might forget to look before I leap. Committing has never been a major problem for me. I find that in the past it has been harder for people to stay committed to me.

My motto use to be: They always want me until they get me.

Meaning guys would chase me like hounds on a hunt but once I decided to commit to a guy he would be in heaven for a while until he realized I am my own person. Not to be confused with a trophy wife, arm candy or any type of girlfriend that he can mold. Finally, I was lucky enough to find a nice guy that was happy with me.

Some of you may already know this, but my husband is an INTJ.

 

[Le9acyMuse]

Congratulations, GiGi. I'm wondering more and more about how INTJs work since today, it seems. And I love that quotation from Nietzsche in your signature. wow

Freedom in relationships... I haven't really had anything romantic goin' on. If I did, and this will go for friends too, I love that independence of there being two separate worlds, but being parallel. It takes an interesting combination of personalities to make it work for me. "Friends" and acquaintances I've got these days over here...I'd rather suffer torture and humiliation than be united with them as a friend or acquaintance. I guess I seek my own eyes' perfection. Like...they get it and understand already what needs to be done. Unique, perceptive and an achiever. but I'm weird like that...

 

[FuzzyWazzy]

What was said on this thread is really true from me as an ISFP. I absolutely love close relationships and I get a sad empty feeling when I don't have one but freedom means a lot to me. I have broken up with a few bfs to get freedom. I like spontaneous freedom. I like to know I can be alone whenever I want to be and my partner won't be offended. Yea its fleety and unpredictable but I hate boring mundane planned out things. Let life take its course...

 

[GiGi]

Congratulations, GiGi. I'm wondering more and more about how INTJs work since today, it seems. And I love that quotation from Nietzsche in your signature. wow

Freedom in relationships... I haven't really had anything romantic goin' on. If I did, and this will go for friends too, I love that independence of there being two separate worlds, but being parallel. It takes an interesting combination of personalities to make it work for me. "Friends" and acquaintances I've got these days over here...I'd rather suffer torture and humiliation than be united with them as a friend or acquaintance. I guess I seek my own eyes' perfection. Like...they get it and understand already what needs to be done. Unique, perceptive and an achiever. but I'm weird like that...

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Kahlil Gibran

 

[pinkrasputin]

In general, ISFP's want and appreciate close relationships. You want to be with someone who you can be happy with and enjoy your life with. You feel intensely and are caring people, and that plays a part in your relationships. At the same time, you have a desire for freedom. This is a very interesting and intriguing mix. It's left me curious since it's different from myself.

How does this need/desire for freedom manifest itself in your relationships and marriages? Do you have trouble committing because you want to be free? Are you often close to your partner but need a "freedom day" once in a while? Do you need some space to wander and do your own thing?

If not these ways, then any other ways?

Wow. I've personally related to all the ISFPs responses and need for freedom. Can't you as an ENFP? I know ENFPs also like a certain amount of freedom within relationships or we can feel stifled and die. We are the most introverted extroverts.

Freedom and not being controlled is extremely important to me. Perhaps you are just focusing and analyzing your partner so much, you are not realizing how badly you need the freedom as well? I know that can sometimes happen to us.

 

[letsride]

I know ENFPs also like a certain amount of freedom within relationships or we can feel stifled and die. We are the most introverted extroverts.

Freedom and not being controlled is extremely important to me.

Wow, this makes sense to me. My ENFP boyfriend is the most easy-going guy I've been with, especially when it comes to freedom. I was a bit confused at first because he's an E, but he seems to be totally okay with giving me space. In the beginning he worried that I might be out with some other guy, but now that he trusts me (and has learned that I'm just a loner:wink, he seems to enjoy doing his own thing as well.

 

[Promethea]

Maybe you isfps can give us some tips on how to know when you need space, why you need it etc. I have noticed that many times in order to keep peace, an isfp might not be direct about what they -need- from their partner.

I had a falling out with the last isfp I dated and I'm pretty sure this is related. Basically, everything seemed perfectly peachy. I mean we were getting along great, having lots of fun, and it was really all even-keel and wonderful.. then he realized he was in love with me, and completely freaked out and pushed me away to have space to himself. O_O For me, I felt like 'cool, I love you too.. this is a good thing, yes?' But it really freaked him out to the point he ran. He admitted that I'd done nothing wrong. He even said that things were perhaps -too- good, and he was afraid that he had become dependent upon me. All things that blew my mind. Well, he ended up yelling at me, telling me to fuck off, then threatening me that if I didn't leave him alone a few days and stop asking whats wrong, he would completely break it off. Wtf.. :crying: