just ask directly. I know, it is the Achilles heel of the ENFP. But fear not, INTJs also have one.hiyaa! okay so im a little embarrassed, maybe i need to provide some context.
Basically i created this account 3 years ago because of a certain person. I jumped here few times whenever i panic or get confused, mainly because this is something i cant tell anyone around me (its a secret, plus to avoid judgment).
So this INTJ and I are online friends, and im not sure why but we both kept our friendship a secret. I started getting confused when he hinted an interest quite a few times but I never knew how to act because i dont really get these stuff. He can be distant, but sometimes he'd be very sweet. Few times he showed a slightly vulnerable side which i found super cute, he'd disappear whenever he did that tho. He asked me back then to "annoy him" often but i honestly couldn't stay consistent because im just too shy and im afraid to be a bother by messaging everyday. Sometimes we wouldn't talk for months but we'd have a little convo out of the blue. He'd throw few nice compliments too.
Here's where things got confusing; after getting into a transitional phase, he's almost completely off social media now. But I can reach him through a certain app. He broke the silence once, and when i tried to keep the conversation up he completely disappeared for another month, i literally started to worry. Then he was back and showed a little warmth again. But then he's distant again aaaaaaa like it confuses and scares me at the same time. I dont understand if he's mad or just busy. and his replies recently are usually brief; okay i know he's always like that but it's been a while now. i cant help but wonder what was all of this about? But i dont want to pressure or anything.
I can't ask anyone or vent because its a secret and i'm trying my best to keep it... thus why this is the only place i can ask for advice. I dont know how to act and im honestly too scared to directly ask because what happens next? it's been 3 years im such a coward aaaaa
If you want someone that "reads between the lines" aka "jedi", you are not going to find that with the INTJ, try an ISTJ. Now isn't this a conundrum? Why would MBTI pair the INTJ with the ENFP? Because they are complete opposites. [And they (INTJ) pick up visual social cues, which comes from the inferior functions (Fi Se or Se Fi rather), needs time to process] And it will force you, the ENFP, to be something else that you are not. You will have to stop, controlling the outcome, and skip the "normal, social nice to have bits" and be direct and not fear the outcome.Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.
This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, people of this type are usually extremely private, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.
[I'm specifically not using www.16personalities.com for this very reason]
Examples of directness:
- INTJ, are you romantically interest in me?
- INTJ, can we go on a date?
- INTJ, go with me on a date. <- just do this.