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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
** Have a conflict with an ENTJ acquaintance, friend, relative, significant other, co-worker, or boss?

** Curious about whether or not your MBTI or Enneagram type is compatible with ENTJ?

** Hit a stumbling block in your relationship with your ENTJ girlfriend or boyfriend?

** Wondering what that ENTJ you just met thinks about relationships?

** Trying to figure out why your ENTJ isn't calling or has gone silent?

** Something else you'd like to talk about?

Feel free to ask us anything about relationships with ENTJs that you are curious about or is troubling you.

Here in the ENTJ forum, we get asked these types of questions quite a bit - so much so that we've dedicated this sticky to them.Please do not open a new thread in our main forum. If you start a new thread there, one of us will most likely redirect you here.

We would prefer that you ask your relationship question here for two reasons:

There is a lot of overlap in the types of questions that get asked. Having all the questions here in one thread makes it easier for people to read through it and find answers to their questions and dialogue with each other.

Having multiple open threads on the same relationship topic clutters up our forum and makes it hard for us and others to find general topic discussions. Please keep in mind that as Te-doms, we dislike this sort of thing. Your cooperation is appreciated.

We'll be happy to answer any questions you might have.

Please post your relationship questions here
.
 

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What is your formula for balancing your work/student life with your personal life?

Can you give us an insight into the inner workings of an ENTJ's mind and how an ENTJ makes their priorities?
 

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What is your formula for balancing your work/student life with your personal life?

Can you give us an insight into the inner workings of an ENTJ's mind and how an ENTJ makes their priorities?
No formula. Just make sure everything is healthy by checking up on the people in each area, making sure everything is done, etc. It's more a feeling than something I plan.

If you specify a little more what that means, sure.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #4
What is your formula for balancing your work/student life with your personal life?

Can you give us an insight into the inner workings of an ENTJ's mind and how an ENTJ makes their priorities?
At times over the course of my career, I've had to work long hours. So sometimes, my time with my Hubby has been limited by that.

What I've learned to do is think of my home as a sanctuary. The second I cross the threshold, everything but my focus on my relationship with my husband is left at the doorstep.

Even if I've had a long, frustrating day, I don't talk about work, I don't bring work home with me. Traffic was a nightmare? It's over. I'm here now. Shake it off. I don't answer my phone in the evenings. Leave me a message. Whatever it is, it's not as important as my time with Hubby. I allow nothing to violate that sanctuary.

I see more value in being completely focused on our relationship for a few hours in the evening than getting home early and spending half the evening venting about work. Once I'm through that door, it's Hubby time.
I give our relationship 100% of my focus.
 

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What is your formula for balancing your work/student life with your personal life?

Can you give us an insight into the inner workings of an ENTJ's mind and how an ENTJ makes their priorities?
Probably more an Ni/ hunch thing; I have a strategy; set the parameters in place to ensure successful execution of that strategy; then use Ni to spot- check see that things are going well. As necessary, Te kicks back in with contingencies as needed.

What that looks like:

My plan: have a partner for the obvious benefits a relationship brings (intimacy, share of entertainment bills, past time), have a good relationship with family (ie call home to check in once in a week), make sure personal and professional priorities are in place for efficacy reasons (ie pay bills/ make arrangements to squash debts, work out, eat clean and even pursuit of higher education) and make sure the career is solid and things at home are well.

That's all I would argue, Te.

Then along the way, get a feel for how those connections are going... How am I fostering each of those relationships? Do I sense any breakdowns? Does it 'feel' right? What clues are each of these players exuding to demonstrate how they perceive the state of the relationship?

That's all, I would argue, Ni.
 

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What problems do you (especially the ladies) often face while dating? How do you deal with them?
 

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What problems do you (especially the ladies) often face while dating? How do you deal with them?

-do they stimulate my mind? (Big one)

-am I attracted to them?

-do they challenge me and satisfy me?

Now for the less- immediate stuff:

-trying to figure out if I see them fitting into my long term gameplan;

-trying to figure out if they fit into my short term gameplan;

-is what I want to take negotiable equal to what I'm willing to give;

-is it fun;

-is it feasible?

Usually problems fall along the lines of the issues addressed in these questions. I am more than willing to work through them; I see them as challenges, until it's not worth my time or energy and I discover that it just isn't a good fit. Then I move on.
 

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The past 15 years or so, I've been mostly focused on my son, parents, and business...I think I'm ready to make time for someone. So I ask again...other than a male ENTJ what personality type works well with a female ENTJ in a long term romantic relationship?
 

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The past 15 years or so, I've been mostly focused on my son, parents, and business...I think I'm ready to make time for someone. So I ask again...other than a male ENTJ what personality type works well with a female ENTJ in a long term romantic relationship?
I went through 120-ish pages of the old ENTJ relationship and advice thread, and here are the types I found:
INFP: 23
INTP: 12
ENFP: 9
ENFJ: 6
INFJ: 6
INTJ: 4
ENTP: 4
ISTP: 2
ISFP: 1
ISTJ: 1
ESFJ: 1

Keep in mind, these are people usually asking for relationship advice, which means the relationship had some bumps. There are also certain personality types that are far more likely than others to ask for advice on a personality forum (the INFPs are everywhere on the ENTJ forum and INTP forum, for example).

I'd just look for someone who keeps you interested and makes you happy- type doesn't really matter that much if they're healthy. I usually end up fond of INTPs, but I'm much younger than you so that might not happen as much as I get older. Remember, you're looking for an individual, not a type. Studying for that won't do you much good (believe me, I've tried. I was set on an INTJ until my INTP friend basically hit me in the face). "Just go with the flow" and all that.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
The past 15 years or so, I've been mostly focused on my son, parents, and business...I think I'm ready to make time for someone. So I ask again...other than a male ENTJ what personality type works well with a female ENTJ in a long term romantic relationship?


Something that I find interesting is that the married female ENTJs, or those in stable, long-term relationships here in the forum have introverted partners.
(sorry if I forgot anyone) :blushed:

me: ISTJ
stiletto: ISFP
Elistra: INTP
Tea Path: INTJ
Duo: INTP

All introverted. Anecdotal and small sample, but might be something to consider.
 

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If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.
 

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If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.
Not married but have in my dating track record: INTJ, INFJ, and currently an INFP

Edit: the successful ones have been with introverts.

The painful dramatic ones were with extroverted thinkers: 2 entjs and an ESTJ
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #13
If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.

I forgot about @Duo. :blushed: Yes, I think she's with an INTP.

Thank you.

***edits post***
 

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Also L'Enfant Terrible has referenced her Introvert boyfriend in several threads; don't quote me on the current marital status or his other three letters.
 

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The past 15 years or so, I've been mostly focused on my son, parents, and business...I think I'm ready to make time for someone. So I ask again...other than a male ENTJ what personality type works well with a female ENTJ in a long term romantic relationship?
Let me ask you this:

What do you value in a partner? Your triage of core values? Start with that, then seek to bring men who value that into your sphere of influence.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
Not a question, more of an observation about how ENTJs relate to others in a work environment. Feel free to comment if you care to:

I think the older and more experienced you get, the more you learn to be flexible, get better at dodging bullets, and gain more confidence that you can handle what gets thrown at you. It becomes less false bravado and arrogance and more true confidence and wisdom. For me, it was somewhere around my mid 30s or so when that really started to gel. (I'm in my 50s now)

At about 35, I started to feel this weird sense of calm about my life. I really think it's the Fi getting more and more fine-tuned. You have a sort of epiphany somewhere around then where you just sort of wake up and realize that you haven't been blazing a trail, you've just sort of been indiscriminately using a flame thrower.

What you've really been doing is playing defense, slogging it out in the trenches, fighting over stuff that really doesn't matter ... and now that you've figured out what really matters to you, what's truly worth fight for (and about) - have gotten your priorities in line - it's time to get your shit together, kick it up a notch, chart a course, and start playing offense - to truly lead.

I watch some of the younger members here struggle with that. I see my younger self in them. I see their attempts to step up and flex the muscle to lead manifest with all the subtlety of Hitler invading Poland. Spoiler: It ultimately doesn't end well. For you or anyone around you.

We all go through that, my own journey wasn't pretty to watch, and sometimes the lessons come from the last place you expected them, but eventually it all falls into place and just sort of becomes the ultimate "AHA" moment. Watched a fellow ENTJ have one of those this morning.

:happy: Made my day. Well done, Grasshopper. Godspeed.
 

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True words MBP, hard part is being able to pull your head out of your ass far enough to see the bigger picture. For me that has been a long struggle as when you are in the midst of it, forcing yourself to try and see if there is another perspective is very tough. Couple that with the ENTJ need to execute the solution once the "solution" has been determined makes taking this step back counter intuitive.

The thing that helped me a long time ago was a book called the "Lucifer principle." Book is rather controversial but the take away I got from it was maintaining an uncrossable line in the sand takes effort, so make sure the cause matters.

For example as teenager, I would not associate myself with anyone who had ever had a cigarette. If you had had one we couldn't be friends. I wish I was joking, but that's how I was. So that took a lot of effort to weed these people out of my life and then bar them from ever being a part of it. I even got actively angry at them for the mistake/choice. For what? Why was this so important that I spent so much energy on it? In the end I realized it wasn't it was stupid. I was stubborn and just had to have everything black and white. I couldn't let myself compromise on anything. Yes, I still don't date girls who actively smoke cigarettes, but that's because I don't like kissing an ashtray, but as just a friend, hey it is your life you do what you like.

I learned to let things go that don't matter, to not get as fired up and STAY fired up about the little shit as all it did was take time and energy away from things that would really matter to me that I should be more focused on.

I was also a lot happier as I wasn't fighting mini wars over a billion different lines in the sand.
 

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Not a question, more of an observation about how ENTJs relate to others in a work environment. Feel free to comment if you care to:

I think the older and more experienced you get, the more you learn to be flexible, get better at dodging bullets, and gain more confidence that you can handle what gets thrown at you. It becomes less false bravado and arrogance and more true confidence and wisdom. For me, it was somewhere around my mid 30s or so when that really started to gel. (I'm in my 50s now)

At about 35, I started to feel this weird sense of calm about my life. I really think it's the Fi getting more and more fine-tuned. You have a sort of epiphany somewhere around then where you just sort of wake up and realize that you haven't been blazing a trail, you've just sort of been indiscriminately using a flame thrower.

What you've really been doing is playing defense, slogging it out in the trenches, fighting over stuff that really doesn't matter ... and now that you've figured out what really matters to you, what's truly worth fight for (and about) - have gotten your priorities in line - it's time to get your shit together, kick it up a notch, chart a course, and start playing offense - to truly lead.

I watch some of the younger members here struggle with that. I see my younger self in them. I see their attempts to step up and flex the muscle to lead manifest with all the subtly of Hitler invading Poland. Spoiler: It ultimately doesn't end well. For you or anyone around you.

We all go through that, my own journey wasn't pretty to watch, and sometimes the lessons come from the last place you expected them, but eventually it all falls into place and just sort of becomes the ultimate "AHA" moment. Watched a fellow ENTJ have one of those this morning.

:happy: Made my day. Well done, Grasshopper. Godspeed.
Yea that's me.
Damn.

Good stuff though; there's hope.

Cheers to silver linings and shit-togetherness!

EDIT:

I'll leave my snarky response up. Because that's how I get... Defensive. Sometimes most defensive in front of a mirror of well-worded advice and observation.

With this, yes; I mostly agree. Up to this point, I've been described as 'fair....BUT, opinionated, bitchy, snarky, cold, bossy, heartless; and otherwise not one to take any bullshit.'

By colleagues and family alike. Hell; even my mom called up one day:

"So I got called a cold bitch at work today! Figured I'd vent to you, as you have experience with that.'

That's not exactly the legacy I want to lead.

I want to be viewed as a pioneer; trailblazer. But I don't want to get there leaving a pile of dead carcasses in my wake.

Shoot first; ask questions later... But what good does that do if the gun is pointed at my foot the whole time? Destroying my foundation isn't leadership; and you're right.

And I am in my early 30s and can relate to that. But that it's evident there's a pattern, it's up to me to do something about it. To listen, more and talk less, as @lordmercurio said. Or to not exactly put myself out there if I can't handle the backlash, as @scelarat has eluded to a few times.

So yes, there's being defensive; but there's seeking truth, and not being afraid to stand behind it.

Proactive, not reactive.
 

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-do they stimulate my mind? (Big one)

-am I attracted to them?

-do they challenge me and satisfy me?

Now for the less- immediate stuff:

-trying to figure out if I see them fitting into my long term gameplan;

-trying to figure out if they fit into my short term gameplan;

-is what I want to take negotiable equal to what I'm willing to give;

-is it fun;

-is it feasible?

Usually problems fall along the lines of the issues addressed in these questions. I am more than willing to work through them; I see them as challenges, until it's not worth my time or energy and I discover that it just isn't a good fit. Then I move on.
Thanks :kitteh: Thinking back, I don't actively look for a smart/intellectual guy, but with guys I can't at least have a pretty decent conversation with I get bored quickly even if they're nice.

Do you reckon we do better with "challenging" partners? Might just be me personally (parents have a horrible relationship) but I tend to go for guys who are as nice and low drama as possible, even "boring" I guess you could say.

MsBossyPants said:
Something that I find interesting is that the married female ENTJs, or those in stable, long-term relationships here in the forum have introverted partners.
(sorry if I forgot anyone)

me: ISTJ
stiletto: ISFP
Elistra: INTP
Tea Path: INTJ
Duo: INTP

All introverted. Anecdotal and small sample, but might be something to consider.
Interesting. Not married by a long shot, but though I'm really extroverted, most of my guy friends are extroverts, and I have more hobbies in common with extroverts (team sports, etc.), I've always found introverted guys more attractive as an ENTJ. Wonder if there's a reason?

Also, thanks to you and @myGTI for the advice on picking battles at work.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Discussion Starter #20
... Up to this point, I've been described as 'fair....BUT, opinionated, bitchy, snarky, cold, bossy, heartless; and otherwise not one to take any bullshit.' ...
I would take the first part of that as a positive. "Fair" implies that your conclusion is viewed as correct and your reasoning, sound. You just need to work on the delivery system. :wink:
 
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