Personality Cafe banner

1161 - 1180 of 1204 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,716 Posts
Well, I'm not going to put words in Wisteria's virtual mouth, but she did say from personal experience and I find that asking a girl out for coffee can mean something vastly different in Europe. I've seen guys (not me or any of my friends) basically pressure a gal into having sex in a coffee shop with no support from any of the guys in the shop.

That was several years ago though and I would think things are better now than they were then.
I guess it vastly depends on what kind of coffeeshop you're speaking of, especially when talking to a Dutch guy, but I get your point. From my experience those days are probably long gone so I saw this statement as a mean generalization without any basis to it.
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
I guess it vastly depends on what kind of coffeeshop you're speaking of, especially when talking to a Dutch guy, but I get your point. From my experience those days are probably long gone so I saw this statement as a mean generalization without any basis to it.
Yeah, hope so. What I was observing happened in the UK as that was the last leg of my trip before I returned to the US. Why don't you ask Bad Bunny yourself? :laughing: Sorry but that name makes me laugh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,716 Posts
Yeah, hope so. What I was observing happened in the UK as that was the last leg of my trip before I returned to the US. Why don't you ask Bad Bunny yourself? :laughing: Sorry but that name makes me laugh.
Perhaps @Bad Bunny likes being scolded for being a Bad Bunny™ and that's why she made this kind of statement in the first place?
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
Perhaps @Bad Bunny likes being scolded for being a Bad Bunny™ and that's why she made this kind of statement in the first place?
If I'm remembering correctly, I'd guess she has her reasons. Also, I guess I should say it was the last leg of our trip. It was a group of us heading back to the US at the same time. Those were some fun times. One of my friends caused a pretty big ruckus with some drones he had bought and we almost missed our flight because of that. Being stuck in the UK with no means of returning home while also being accused of disturbing the peace would not have been fun times, imo. :shocked:
 

·
Registered
INFJ less than 1%
Joined
·
6,994 Posts
What's wrong with asking someone out for coffee?

Also, what the heck does "putting an x in a message" mean? That's weird and I feel like is purely an idiosyncratic thing.
You don't know that x means kisses? Wow

Theres nothing wrong but it's a pattern I've noticed. You can ask for coffee for so many reasons, and that includes the type of guy in my red flags post who isn't ready for a relationship or doesn't want to be upfront with what they want, where its going, etc.
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
You don't know that x means kisses? Wow

Theres nothing wrong but it's a pattern I've noticed. You can ask for coffee for so many reasons, and that includes the type of guy in my red flags post who isn't ready for a relationship or doesn't want to be upfront with what they want, where its going, etc.
I do know that x and o means kisses and hugs. It's just the way you wrote it didn't make much sense to me.

Yes, I know, it just seemed like such a random thing to single out. In my experience, asking someone out for coffee is asking someone out to something casual and non-specific but I suppose that's what you don't like about going out for coffee. :p To each their own, I suppose.

Mm well maybe you'll change your mind when you're in a committed relationship. I enjoy going on coffee dates with my wife. We can plop our daughter on a couch with a book or tablet and just catch up if we haven't seen one another in a while. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,716 Posts
Theres nothing wrong but it's a pattern I've noticed. You can ask for coffee for so many reasons, and that includes the type of guy in my red flags post who isn't ready for a relationship or doesn't want to be upfront with what they want, where its going, etc.
Please tell me, for what other reason would a guy ask you out for a coffee other than wanting to know you better? How would the guy know "where its going" if he wouldn't have the chance to know you better? I guess you just like easy guys that are committed from the get go. Saves you the trouble of proving yourself.
 

·
Registered
INFJ less than 1%
Joined
·
6,994 Posts
Please tell me, for what other reason would a guy ask you out for a coffee other than wanting to know you better? How would the guy know "where its going" if he wouldn't have the chance to know you better? I guess you just like easy guys that are committed from the get go. Saves you the trouble of proving yourself.
There are plenty of reasons for asking, it could a date, getting to know you better, or catching up because you haven't talked in a while. I've already said I'm talking from personal experience, they're the kind that give mixed signals or only want to hook up, but never actually tell you that.
 

·
Registered
INFJ less than 1%
Joined
·
6,994 Posts
I do know that x and o means kisses and hugs. It's just the way you wrote it didn't make much sense to me.

Yes, I know, it just seemed like such a random thing to single out. In my experience, asking someone out for coffee is asking someone out to something casual and non-specific but I suppose that's what you don't like about going out for coffee. :p To each their own, I suppose.

Mm well maybe you'll change your mind when you're in a committed relationship. I enjoy going on coffee dates with my wife. We can plop our daughter on a couch with a book or tablet and just catch up if we haven't seen one another in a while. :)
When did I ever say I didn't like coffee? I'm literally just saying I've had bad experience with it and it has always turned out the same. It's indeed casual but casual what? Hanging out as friends, casual sex? Read my post and you'll see that it's red flags for guys who aren't ready for relationships. They often ask for coffee because it's casual.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,716 Posts
There are plenty of reasons for asking, it could a date, getting to know you better, or catching up because you haven't talked in a while. I've already said I'm talking from personal experience, they're the kind that give mixed signals or only want to hook up, but never actually tell you that.
Yeah, all those actions lead to one thing - wanting to know you better. Making such a generalization based off of a few personal experiences seems rather close-minded to me. You spoke of it as if it were a universal rule - that's what bugged me.
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
When did I ever say I didn't like coffee? I'm literally just saying I've had bad experience with it and it has always turned out the same. It's indeed casual but casual what? Hanging out as friends, casual sex? Read my post and you'll see that it's red flags for guys who aren't ready for relationships. They often ask for coffee because it's casual.
You're doing that thing again. I said maybe you'll enjoy coffee dates when you're in a committed relationship because then you won't have to guess the intentions because it'll likely be just that, a date. Hence why I mentioned that I enjoy going on coffee dates with my wife and daughter. It's casual with no pressure and we can just chat and catch up if we haven't talked in a while.
 

·
Registered
INFJ less than 1%
Joined
·
6,994 Posts
Yeah, all those actions lead to one thing - wanting to know you better. Making such a generalization based off of a few personal experiences seems rather close-minded to me. You spoke of it as if it were a universal rule - that's what bugged me.
It's a few personal experiences but I don't why it wouldn't be a common thing - If a guy is genuinely interested in the girl then he will probably ask more than just going for coffee. If he has commitment issues and isn't bad at relationships, what kind of date would he set up with her? - It would likely be coffee, the most casual date there is.

Do you agree with the other red flags at least, or do you also think that is my experience and not a universal rule?

I'm sure most guys know what they want most from a date, they don't just go into it thinking "maybe i'll have sex with her tonight, or we will have a long lasting relationship, who knows!"
 

·
Registered
INFJ less than 1%
Joined
·
6,994 Posts
You're doing that thing again. I said maybe you'll enjoy coffee dates when you're in a committed relationship because then you won't have to guess the intentions because it'll likely be just that, a date. Hence why I mentioned that I enjoy going on coffee dates with my wife and daughter. It's casual with no pressure and we can just chat and catch up if we haven't talked in a while.
My post was about the beginning of a new relationship, when you first start dating a person. Not during a relationship - of course there's nothing wrong with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
A major red flag is if the other person flakes out on a planned date you guys made together to just hang out. Another red flag is if he lets you pay for food. He's telling you your body is not what he was intentionally looking for but he's open to hanging out as friends because you seem like a fun friend and person to just be around and be pals with.
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
Possessiveness stemming from jealousy. A little bit of jealousy is normal, but too much is a pretty clear sign that there's something wrong with the level of trust and understanding with one another. Which usually means the relationship won't make it very long.
 

·
Registered
Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
Delivering intentional misinfo
Hiding relevant info
Delivering partial truths mixed with lying

Jealousy is not normal. It means the part that is feeling jealous is insecure about something. One is ought to feel most secure about ones most intimate relationship. And will if its completely healthy. And balanced.
Outside of work or a professional environment, in the real world, no one cares then. Also, I would prefer if the person I asked replied instead. Outside of agreements to do so, it's rude to try to speak for others.
 
1161 - 1180 of 1204 Posts
Top