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I love surveys, and am interested in interpersonal relationships. If you guys like this survey, maybe I'll post it on the other types' forums.

1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
4w5 sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
these go back to gradeschool and are mainly guesses but
entp 8 so, isfp 4 sx, esfp 7 sx, intp 9 sp, infj 1 sx

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
infj - no romantic spark, too safe

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
intp was good except we never got anything done and expressing love was awkward.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
that they make me feel trapped

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
being interesting and different

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
entp 5w4 maybe?

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
mom infp 9, dad esfj 6
they get along fine though my dads a jerk. me and my mom are the same type but i dont know if that is just a coincedence

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
i need need need an sx
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

9w1 and sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

For extended periods of time, two INFJs and an ENFJ. I'm not totally sure about enneagram but I would say a 4w3 so, 4w5 sp, and 3w4 so

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

Longest was with the ENFJ 3w4. Basically ended because of distance, her instability, and never really consistently feeling a deep connection.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

I think the INFJ relationships, both of which I would say were enneagram 4s, were better despite not lasting as long. Best would be with the 4w5. It was just like we saw eye to eye on so many different things, had similar personalities but seemed to process things differently.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

That I'm loyal to a fault, almost need a relationship, have a large dick, avoid confrontation, have a difficult time letting people in.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Loyalty, care, empathy.


7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

I think a relationship with an INFP would be nice. Obviously I don't know and wouldn't specifically choose a relationship based on MBTI but I think I'd love to meet an INFP girl.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

Mother is an ESTJ 3w2, father is ISFP 8w9. Their relationship is and has always been absolute shit. They absolutely have influenced my personality and I think unwittingly made me a strong introvert with trust issues.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

I never really thought about this but I think I'm much like the above poster in that if I'm not with a fellow sx, a relationship will never ever work. I'm fairly certain I haven't been with an sx yet, which very well may be why all my relationships have failed.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
INFP 4w5 sp/sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
INFJ 4w3 or 3w4, so/sx
ESFP 7w6 sp/sx
INTP 5w4 sx/sp (Was more of a romantic friendship)

Ive casually dated a few others, as in, a handful of dates, but those were the most significant.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
INFJ - he had too much emotional baggage from his divorce still, he was deceptive about what he really wanted, he was a bad communicator unable to work through conflicts, and he wanted a cardboard cutout to fit neatly into his life and aims (which involved living with his parents forever and not working).

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
None worked out, so none were a good fit in the longrun.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
Whatever draws people to me is a total mystery. I feel no control over my mojo, which seems weak, and that frustrates me. I attract emotionally damaged men, especially on the rebound; I function as a healer until I notice my own identity and needs have not really been acknowledged.
I can be attracted to wider variety of looks than I ever anticipated.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
intellectual streak, wit, spirituality, moral integrity, kindness, direct pursuit (no games), some shared tastes/interests

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

I dont know anymore. An ENxJ 3w4 sp/sx might seem ideal, but maybe not. The tests usually give me ENxJ. I feel comfortable with 3s who balance serious goals and fun well and generally are not uptight nor hedonistic. I think a matching instinctual stacking is good, but sometimes I am drawn to more social types, as its my blindspot.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
Mom - ISFJ 6w7 sp/so (not sure about instincts, perhaps balanced wings)
Step-dad - ISFP 9w8 sp/so
Dad - ENTP 7w8 sp/sx or sx/sp

Im a product of divorce and a rocky step-family. We had financial difficulties growing up, my mother could be smothering yet dismissive, my step-dad is emotionally comatose, and my dad was mostly absent and disintersted in me.

Im sure this has influenced my personality, yes.


9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
I think sp last is an issue when one doesnt want to be a grownup when it counts, only appear that way for social reasons. Unhealthy sp can mean they want the luxuries and indulgences without the work. Both grate on me, and I would like someone who has their stuff together for once. Im not a super grounded person, so maybe it's because I get frustrated with that for myself. It's hard for me to balance responsibilities and ideals.

I have yet to get very involved with an sx last type, interestingly.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
6w7 sx/sp

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
First boyfriend: 5w6 ENTP
Second boyfriend: 3w2 ESFJ
Current fiance: 6w5 INTP

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
Current relationship with fiance (almost 3 years).

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
Really only my relationship with my fiance was a good fit. He was pretty much the only person I dated who actually liked me for myself, instead of misrepresenting me in their brain as some sort of Manic Pixie Dream Girl ideal girlfriend and then disliking me when I turned out to be weird. He was also the only person I dated who is honest and upstanding and isn't a secret misogynist.

The other two turned out to be douchebags lol. The first one was a coward who broke up with me unexpectedly by ignoring me until I got the hint (which I consider to be even more of a scumbag move than cheating tbh).

The second one...well there was barely a day in our relationship where we didn't fight. He was a very controlling person (even he admitted that) and literally could not let go of a grudge, EVER. Any fight we had, big or small, he could bring up months later when I had forgotten about it. He used all kinds of logical gymnastics to absolve himself from responsibility for anything bad he did/said (usually along the lines of "you provoked me into doing it by being a bitch") but if I did/said something he didn't like, he'd never forget it. He was one of the most manipulative people I've ever met...he knew I had low self-esteem and preyed on that to get me to do things I didn't want to do. Over time, all my friends told me to break up with him, and then he would be like "sorry, but your friends are a bunch of sanctimonious cunts." He convinced me that I was the worst person on earth and that he was only with me because I was some kind of "femme fatale" that he couldn't let go of, or something.

He also did even more fucked up shit that I didn't even realize until later...he made a fake OKCupid profile using my pictures and information, and then confronted me with it as "evidence of cheating" and started this HUGE fight. I didn't even realize it was him who made the profile until a year and a half later...I thought it was my ex-best friend.

I couldn't break up with him because I thought that nobody else would ever be interested in me to the extent that he was. And any time when I did decide to break up with him, or he sensed I was over his bullshit, then he'd suddenly be like "I NEED to see you" and charm or guilt me into getting back together with him. He would always say stuff like "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you," and "I love you, but I don't like you as a person." By the end, my self-esteem was so low that I pretty much only got the strength to break it off when a) he betrayed my trust for the last time, and b) my now-fiance and I started hanging out more and I became interested in him (we started dating like, 3 days later lol).

After we broke up he literally made a fake Gmail account pretending to be two "old childhood friends" of himself, and roped me into a 6-hour-long IM conversation trying to convince me to get back together with him, under the guise of these "old childhood friends". A year later I randomly passed by him on the street and three days later I got a long, sexually explicit email from an "anonymous person who I know" talking about how much he wanted to have sex with me. It was only after I saw the name on the email address he used that I realized he had been the one who made the OKCupid profile and pretty much realized he was twice as batshit insane as I realized.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
That I might have BPD or something similar. My symptoms have gone away a lot (thanks mostly to being in a healthy loving relationship) but it explains a lot of the craziness and obsessiveness I had back when I was single and dating my exes. Besides the ex mentioned above, the guys I've been interested in really didn't know about 90% of the time I spent obsessing over them and literally wanting to kill myself because they didn't text me back or whatever. I had to hide all that stuff because I knew it was crazy, but I couldn't control how I feel.

Also that I am really easy to take advantage of :(

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
Genuine integrity and kindness.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
I am happy in my relationship, so I wouldn't change anything about that. But I do think it would be interesting to date a fellow NF. I tend to relate really well to INTPs for some reason, so it's not surprising I ended up with one.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
My dad is 9w1 ISFJ. My mom is 5w4 INFP. Their relationship was pretty messed up, lots of fighting. My mom had a temper and my dad was passive-aggressive and a pathological liar. I don't think they ever really loved each other. I think they got married out of a lack of options.

I wouldn't say my personality was influenced by them in terms of MBTI/Enneagram, because I was pretty much always the same. But I think my negative traits (like anxiety and moodiness) were definitely amplified by my stressful home environment growing up.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
Maybe? IDK. As an sx-dom, of course I need my relationships to be intense. My fiance is sp-dom but our relationship is definitely pretty intense, ie. we are madly in love with each other. I think we are a good fit partially because he makes me feel stable and grounded, whereas I make him feel free and spontaneous.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

4w5, self-preservation, DAUNTLESS :tongue:

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

ENFJ type 2 or 3, ESTP, ISTP 8w7 self-preservation variant, ESTJ type 8w9 social variant (current)

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

Current is my longest. It will likely ultimately end because we find it difficult to converse verbally.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

None were a good fit. However, the one I'm currently in is a good fit in that we are both reliable and like to show affection through doing concrete things.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

I believe we discover aspects of ourselves through love.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Dependability

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

They'd be an ISTJ with lower S.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

An ESFJ father and ISFJ mother. Still married. Had a chaotic marriage.

No, I believe we are born with a type.


9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

I don't know.
 

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Wow! I wonder why this thread didn't take off when it was first made. Seems like an area of interest for lots of us INFPs!

1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

4w5 so/sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

INTJ 5(w6?) sp/sx, ISTP 5w4 sx/so, ENTJ 3w4 so/sx

[Not as familiar with Enneagram so less sure about wings and instinct stackings, but the MBTIs are definitely correct. Also whoa! is there a 3-4-5 clustering with them and me, huh?]

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

Longest was five years with the ISTP. We really liked and admired each other, had a ton of fun, lots of understanding with our common 4ness... but still fundamentally had terrible communication issues and couldn't solve problems together. He'd try to deal with relationship problems by going on a fun adventure! Saying something sweet! Doing anything that didn't actually solve the problem but just got our mind off it for a hot second! And had terrible reactions when I'd try to make him confront an issue. It's something he's told me years later now that he's working on it. It's likely that he just wasn't very aware of his inferior Fe and how to handle it while we were together. I don't see a need to stay close with exes, but he'll request to touch base infrequently to tell me how things are, and I think sometimes to test the waters to see if I'll let him be closer to me again. I won't unfortunately, but I always hope that he's doing well.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

I'm biased since my relationship with my current SO (the ENTJ) is ongoing... but I think it's definitely a good fit. We have grrrrreat! communication. He's a little wacky (I'm definitely weirder than him though) and a lot witty. He's confident and charismatic, kind of nerdy, can converse about lots of different things with me, and willingly approaches any issue of importance to him as an opportunity to dive in and solve. I notice his little attempts at romanticism and thoughtfulness, and this makes him glow like a gosh darn candle and makes me think he's the most romantic and the sweetest! Look at me idealizing. I think our love languages line up pretty well, too.

I don't think the relationship with my INTJ boyfriend was a bad fit... He was my high school boyfriend (and long time close friend), and I walked away with a significant learning point from this relationship. He'd liked me for a long time, and I loved him as one of my very closest friends and I pushed myself to consider if there wasn't romantic love in there, too. My intuition knew I had it wrong, but the topic of us being together came up often enough (ok, maybe not that often now that I think about it... like once every year and a half or so, but I guess it was an ongoing undercurrent) that I eventually decided that we should go for it. Ultimately, I came out knowing that I would never again force myself to consider someone romantically to make a relationship work.

The ISTP SO was not a good fit. Really wanted it to be for a long, long time though. See above.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

I like having an extroverted partner--who knew! I also never thought I'd like an ENTJ from the type description, so I learned that sometimes it's great to just be open. Other things... I wasn't all that aware of how long it takes me to let someone in romantically. Apparently, it's a super long time, like years--even if we already love each other! Another layer of a wall will dissolve, and I'll be just as surprised as my SO that that was there. And I, like other INFPs, make the health of my relationships central in my life, and I learned that the extent to which this is true in romantic relationships is pretty distracting. But! I've realized in this current relationship that being in a healthy, stable relationship leaves me with less to worry about there and frees me up to go about other stuff well! So it works out that way. I hardly understand myself, and I can't ever expect to understand another person fully, so lots of open communication is really important.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Well, it looks like I generally like thinkers! I've gone on dates with feelers, but it's never really clicked for me with another feeler to make it a relationship. I think I like when my world and my SO's world look a good amount different, so when they come together we have lots to share with each other! I like wittiness, originality, ambition, a willingness to explore ideas/places/perspectives/foods/you name it, and a general awareness of health and fitness (This last one is a looser, long-term lifestyle matching point.).

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

Well... I'd like to keep my particular ENTJ 3w4 SO? Is that an option?

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

Dad: ISTJ 1w9 sp, Mom: ISFP

My mom is particularly unhealthy so I have no idea what Enneagram type she is... My parents have a terrible, rocky, ridiculous relationship that's still on-going.

In terms of influencing my personality, I think maybe my social instinct is favored in my stacking because I had to zoom out and look outside of and past my family for meaning and relationship. It also makes sense that I have sx high up there, too. I think I look for the intense kind of connection with people that I don't experience with family. Generally, yes, I think my family has really influenced my personality. In terms of MBTI? I think that's more of a static structure (at least for me), with a lot of more malleable area in the interstitial space.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

I think having instinctual subtypes match up can make things easier. Dating someone with sp first definitely felt like our priorities were very different.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype? 9 or 4 or 5.. dunno about my subtype..

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types? ESTP, INFJ, and I believe I'm with an INTP at the moment.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it? My longest relationship is the one I'm in now.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
ESTP: He was really fun and sweet, and I miss hanging out with him, but I couldn't see myself with him longterm because he was a pathological liar.
INFJ, very fun to talk to, interesting, our conversations were amazing.. but.. he was a total selfish prick. He took me for granted and mistreated me as a result.
My "INTP" is a good fit because he understands what I want out of a relationship and desires the same himself. He is fun and considerate of my feelings.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
I've discovered that there are more forms of love than I realized..

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
Non-egotisticalness. Respect. Honesty. Intelligence. Wisdom. Warmth.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
I guess he'd be a feeler [or if he is a feeler, he'd use Fi..]

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
I don't know.. I suspect my father is an ISFP or INFP, though..
My mom seems to be an xNFJ, but most likely not.
Their relationship is non-existent. They definitely had an impact on my personality.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships? I don't know..
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
9w1 sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
Major LTR's
INTP 4w5
ISTJ 6w5
ENTJ 3w4

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
ISTJ - wonderful guy... he is still a very good friend but we just drifted apart... we started to see each other as boring and agreed to separate rather than let the relationship devolve.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
Best = so far the ENTJ... we both just seem to "get" each other... our similarities are fairly extensive and our differences are complimentary.

Worst = INTP... he was very emotionally unhealthy and it became abusive. Not a reflection on INTP's as a whole, he is schizophrenic and needed far more help than I could ever provide.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating? I have learned so many things about myself from each of my romantic partners, but the single most important thing I have learned is that I need my partner to be my friend as well as my love interest.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner? Willingness to communicate openly and honestly
Intelligence of some form eg book smarts, street smarts etc
Uniqueness
Creativity

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
Lol... ENTJ 2w3 but I can just see my ENTJ shuddering with revulsion at the idea of being a enneagram type 2 :)

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
Mum = ISFJ 9w8
Dad = ENTP 1w9

They are happily divorced and my father has remarried twice. I prefer to think that they didn't influence my personality but I know they have...

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
Yes... I tend to know instinctively who is interested in me although I can be a bit dense when it comes to the nature of their interest... so I tend to be best friends with my prospective partner for a couple of years before one of us gets up the nerve to make a move.
 
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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
4w5 sp/sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
xSFJ and probably ISFP 9 in high school. As an adult, ESTP (best guess at enneagram would be 7w8 sp) and ENTP 7w8 sx/sp.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
Longest is my current one, ENTP 7w8 sx/sp. If we were ever to break up, it would be due to wanting to go down two incompatible paths in life. I would say we're both equally invested in making things work, though.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
My first relationship, with the xSFJ, was typical first relationship material for me. Instant attraction, getting to know each other while in a relationship, lots of gifts and future plans on his end, then he broke up with me a couple of weeks after the summer holidays ended. >_< It was a good thing though, because our values were incompatible and he was pretty entitled and forceful... A few years later he tried to get me to go out with him again and he refused to take no for an answer. Got to the point where he'd be calling me 3 - 4 times a day and leaving voicemail messages accusing me of being a tease. Ew.

Second was nice. He was that typical Fi-dom peaceful-but-with-very-strong-convictions, and we had similar interests. Again, it only lasted a few months before he ended things, but we actually remained friends for a few years after that, until we drifted apart. It was probably a case of a good solid friendship mixed with teenage hormones.

I still think of the ESTP as one of the loves of my life. I've felt a strong magnetism between us for as long as I've known him, although we haven't always been close physically. The main problems were 1. distance and 2. he isn't ready to settle down. I think in the long-term our different focuses might have driven us apart, but I adore him as a person and he's always had a lot of respect for me.

Current relationship with the ENTP is the longest I've had, and probably the first actual serious relationship. We have our differences but we want similar things out of life and we communicate well, and I think that makes all the difference. We rarely fight because things tend to be addressed before one of us gets to boiling point. We have minimal expectations of each other (and those expectations are made clear). We support each other even though we might not always share the same interests. From time to time we do get the Fi/Te-Ti/Fe clash but they tend to be minor annoyances rather than anything too big.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
I've discovered that love on its own isn't enough. I need compatibility and for both of us to be in a relatively healthy mindset.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
Honesty. Kindness. Curiosity. Intelligence. Creativity. Integrity. A bit of pride in oneself.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
Oh dear, I don't know if I could narrow it down. My limited adult dating experience indicates that I'm pretty happy with Ti-aux and 7w8 enneagram type, but I'm sure there are plenty of other combinations that I'd be equally happy with, for different reasons.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
ESFJ 2w3 sp/so mother and ISFP probably 9w1 (sx/sp or sp/sx?) father. Not much of a relationship; I think their children and business are what keep them together. I think it's made me more suspicious of people, having seen how two-faced my mother can be. She also constantly invaded my boundaries which has made me close myself off even more. From my father I learned the importance of standing up for myself in a relationship, and to not tolerate being walked all over for the sake of love or duty. I also got quite a few insights into certain family members and into how it is to be a parent from him.

Watching my parents I can see how my mother's sx-last makes my father feel like there is a huge lack of intimacy in the relationship. It makes me realise just how much I seek out a stronger sx in other people, although it's not really conscious. It's just that I equate it with "intimacy".

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
I think so. With my current one we're kind of united by the so-last aspect - it can very much have an "us against the world" feel at times. I think I ground him and remind him to take care of the more mundane aspects of living, and he encourages me to let loose more often.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

4w5 Sp

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

I was never in a relationship before my current one with a fellow INFP. Before him, I sort of dated (nothing serious) 2 INTJs and 1 INFJs. No idea about their enneagrams.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

My current one is the only relationship I've been in.
With the other people I sort of super casually dated, things ended because they had gigantic emotional walls, zero emotional intelligence, zero communication skills and lots of fears and issues. I made all the effort until I'd run out of gas and realise they were investing no energy or time. I always knew very clearly what kind of person I would commit to and call the big word "partner" and I didn't find anyone I wanted to give myself to until meeting my current partner. So I would end things with my 'dating buddies' to their dismay, it was frustrating speaking to walls all the time.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

Explained in nº3.
My partner and I work because we are both incredibly honest, emotionally intelligent, have the same core values & we are best friends. People I dated previously weren't my friends really. They said they were, but they didn't act like it. And actions speak more than words.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

You might like someone and someone might like you, but compatibility (which is out of one's control) is 80% of a healthy relationship. I've also learned that I'm really good at communication, I didn't know this before. Also, receiving. This is huge. I'm terrible at receiving anything (help, compliments, material gifts, attention, you name it and I start hyperventilating when somebody wants to give me something). If you want to be showered with gifts such as support and attention and help and you want to freak out and have a crisis, go enter a relationship with an emotionally intelligent creature. My partner is kicking my assssss geez, but it forces me to evolve so that's good.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Reliable. Reliable. Reliable. And kind and sweet and with a strong character to be able to deal with my strong character. Emotional intelligence is a must as well.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

He is who he is and I am with him because I accept him exactly as he is, with everything that melts my heart and everything that makes me angry. He is perfect the way he is, in my eyes. If I wanted him to be another type, I wouldn't even be with him. I have zero intentions of changing people, or even of dreaming of changing people. It's just not how my brain works.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

Yeah of course they've influenced me as a person. How? I've always strived to be the opposite of who they are and behave. No idea about enneagram, but their mbtis are ESFP and ISFJ, a match made in hell. Surprisingly, they stayed married for 35 years, but it was a horrible life tbh, they treated each other very badly. I saw this and vowed at an early age to never have a relationship like theirs. And indeed, I've kept my word :) I never stayed 1 minute in an unhealthy dating game. I always knew in my heart and mind that there was a polite, honest and sweet soul out there looking for me just like I was looking for him. No time to hang out with humans who give me headaches.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

No idea about the people I supercasually dated enn-wise. My current partner is a Sx-dom and I'm a Sp-dom. It made the relationship very uncomfortable in the beginning, but now we understand where each other is coming from, so it's very easy between us.
Being a Sp-dom, I've always been super cautious in every dating scenario + relationship, which made it kinda difficult for them to get to know me, they needed months and years to get to know me. I dunno if this answers the question really. I'm trying to say that I refused to be in a relationship my entire life because being a Sp-dom, my own individual well-being comes first, my finances come first, my own sense of safety comes first, and any potential romantic relationship comes second. A relationship didn't seem as important to me as building my own private life, doing what I need and want to be happy, and I knew that entering a mediocre relationship "just to see what happens" would be a complete waste of my time and energy. I wanted extraordinary and worthwhile or stay single forever.
 
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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
I'm a sexy Five ( why isn't that joke overused???)

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
ESFP 7w6 and ISFP 7w6 have been the most prominent, both sexual variant. The N-types don't hang around me for too long and I doubt that many T's have ever taken an interest in me.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
My ISFP girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. If it were to end I would guess it would be that we for some reason suddenly just wanted something different and more exciting. We never really fight about anything.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
I don't think I've had a bad relationship, but the ESFP girl didn't like that I was young, accommodating and didn't have as compulsive Si as her.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
It's tough on me. Having a girlfriend and keeping her happy is hard work, so it becomes yet another thing I have to recharge from. This has been some of a surprise to me.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
I like those who look like a female mirror image of me, which tends to be those who try to be good persons to the core but struggle with it due to vulnerability. It's like there is a well of emotion and wonder that seethes from within them but could never be expressed in words or action, and you can see it in the way they apologize for being how they are.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
I've never had an NF before so there is something intriguing about them. I always feel stupid in their company though.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
My mother is an ISTJ, probably type 9/1. My father is an ESTJ type 3. They have a good relationship. Well, they're not the best at all the romantic talking and warm expressions, but they show love through actions and dependability instead.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
I'm not sure I would have ever gotten a girlfriend if I were self-preserving :kitteh:
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
5w6, no idea

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
ISTJ, and INTJ

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
INTJ longest and still going (solid and steady for ~10 months)
ISTJ - 1+yr, off and on. Ended because we were very incompatible individuals regarding what we wanted from life, our morals and ambition, and generally where we were in life. Not a very good match at all.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
INTJ is a fantastic fit - very easy, natural, stimulating, just my best friend to whom I'm very attracted and with whom I'm very much in love
ISTJ was not - forced, not natural, boring, lots of conflict of interest. A lot of work and little reward.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
I love being my own person, as part of a couple. I need my space but I love sharing experiences with somebody. I don't need anyone, but when the right person comes along, it's worth it. I've learned a lot about self-worth and self-acceptance, and my own independence and reilience. I need my space, and I require respect.


6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
Calm, respectful, optimistic, patient, adventurous, ambitious, independent, supportive, honest, trustworthy, loyal, dependable, logical, fun, interesting, intelligent, sociable, sexy, forgiving, generous, kind, warm-hearted... Caring. It all comes down to caring.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
I am very much in love with my INTJ SO. I wouldn't change a thing. I like a "loose" I and a "loose" T, as in he is not chronically introverted nor 100% a thinking type. I have a "loose" F. Overally I much prefer introverted thinking types. J and P can be mixed, and the N is very important to me. So ideally either INTJ or INTP.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
They tested INTJ (male) and INFJ (female). The INFJ is loose I and loose J. Their relationship is super long and very strong, and I can only hope they have influenced my personality today.

I have no idea what a subtype is.
 

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1. 5w4, 1w2, 4w5, SX/SP/SO

2. Not sure what the people I dated in the past were, The girl I've been with the past 7 years is an INTJ though.

3. The one I'm in now (Though most my relationships lasted over a year.Only had 2 that didn't make it to a year in my whole life.), we compliment each other very well, we listen to each other and are mature about our disagreements and problems we have. Which are very few and far, we almost NEVER argue or fight in any way including passive aggressiveness. We are direct with each other and have respect.

4. I would never take into account a persons type when dating them, I couldn't care less. If they respect me and my opinions we're good because I'll do the same for them. I'm not super hard to please.

5. No ones perfect, specifically not me. I expected to much of other people in the past and gave them standards to live up to that were just impossible because not even I could. Just because we have disagreements doesn't mean we can't work, I found out how immature I was in dating. I learned the REAL difference between settling for less, and me just being immature and ridiculous.

6. Honesty, responsibility, intelligence, warmth, complexity.

7. No type, excluding any person because of their type is irresponsible and lets you sit in a sea of complacence in fixing your own shortcomings and stops personal growth. I feel like this sets up a framework to ignore personal responsibility in becoming a better person overall. I think when people say things like "Oh all STJ's are assholes, ect" is a cop out and their actually the asshole.

8. Mother (ISFJ) Father (INTP/INTJ *not really sure he hasn't taken the tests seriously. And I won't presume to know 'him' enough to give him a 4 letter label I stand firm that everyone is too complex for another person to just look at them and view a few areas of their life to type them, only they truly know. I have views on function stacking that would cause a ruckus, I'll just leave it at that sorry lol

9. A little, yes. Mainly in taking the easy way out in the past when dealing with other people.

My age: 28
 
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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

4w5 5w4 1w2 sp

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

None.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

None.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

None.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

Never been on a date.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Don't have any.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

No.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

My mother is 8w7. I don't know what is my father, I don't talk to him.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

Probably stopped me from getting into one.
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?

INFP 4w5 sp/sx

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?

I've dated an ExFJ (not sure about his enneagram), ISFP e9 and currently an INTJ (initially thought he was 5w6 sx/sp but I'm not so sure now as he may be 8w9)

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?

My current relationship is my longest and nope, it didn't end. I'm determined to keep it running though, so it's a constant process of improving myself and the relationship itself.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?

My relationship with the ExFJ was not a good fit, mainly because I was relatively immature and I was in an "unhealthy" state of mind. On the contrary he was insanely optimistic, so it was hard because whilst I hardly open up, once I did it really clashed with his opinions. I think he misunderstood me a lot.

The ISFP wasn't a good fit either; we understood each other but he was extremely conflict avoidant i.e. does not bring up issues that bother him and allow them to bottle up until it blows up in my face.

I think my INTJ is a good fit. I see a stark contrast between my relationship now and my previous relationships. It's likely due to my healthier state of mind, but also his ability to deal with an issue head on. He is supportive, understands and accepts me without being controlling or smothering which is what I need.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?

I've discovered that I need to maintain a healthy emotional state of mind in order to maintain the relationship. As the cliche goes, love yourself before you can love another. It's hard to keep the relationship healthy if it's going to be about "me" all the time. But when I do fall into that endless pit of despair, it's essential that I have somebody who wouldn't leave me. Trying to placate me or change me isn't going to work on me and I think the person I'm dating really needs to understand that or the relationship would eventually fall apart. It's better to be supportive and loving, yet leave me to my own devices/ trust that I can bounce back into shape.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?

Loyalty and commitment (I probably have very high expectations when it comes to commitment. Imo commitment = a will to see through the ugly and the good and willingness to make things work), intelligence, integrity, intellectual curiosity, someone who is undaunted by my darker thoughts (I never really considered this an issue until the ExFJ goes running off in the other direction), and as queer as it sounds.. someone who sees me for who I am but chooses to embrace my better side

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

I always thought an ENTJ would be good. Tests give me ENTJ as well. I like no-nonsense and direct with a lot of honesty and integrity.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?

My father is an INTP, and my mother an ISFJ.. Not sure about their enneagram.

Their relationship is fine, but they have been through a lot together. My dad went through a rough period and people can get relatively nasty when they are at a bad place in life. He's not exactly in a "healthy" state of mind either and is incredibly stubborn. My father can be very critical, so my mother has always been tolerating. It can be tough on my mom.. though she is resilient.

I think their relationship has influenced my perceptions on relationships in general.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?

I'm not sure of my exes' subtypes. I can see how my subtype plays a role in the relationships. I'm pretty sure my current SO is an sx/sp and we work well together.

Age: 23 :laughing:
 

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1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
- INFP 5w4. I tried finding out the other one but none of them made sense to me.

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
- Not sure. I'm not good at tying others and I didn't care my exes enough to get to know them deeply. Well, that made me sound cold lol

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
- 2 years and I broke up with them because they were getting too possessive and obsessive with me.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
- My current partner is an obvious ISFJ. We're a good fit. I dated an ESXX once. It was hell :O

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
- That I'm asexual, gray-aromantic and romance repulsed.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
- Attentive, patient and honest.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?
- ISFJs are the best. Can't complain.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today?
- ESTJ and ISTJ. LOL It's annoying sometimes! I'm the opposite of them.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
- I don't get them at all. I tried reading the explanations and whatnot. I don't think I have one.
 

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Great one, me love

1. What is your enneagram type and instinctual subtype?
4w3 sx/sp

2. Which types have you dated, and what were their enneagram types?
a seems to be ISFP for short
and...
Idk seems an INTJ?
And between 1w or 6w.

3. Which relationship was your longest, and if it ended, why did it?
With the seems-INTJ-one. It is just fate.

4. Which relationships were a "good fit" and which ones weren't, and why?
The INTJ or should I say Mr. Te-Fi with Ni alike intuition was somewhat a natural one in terms of fitting...heh.

5. What have you discovered about yourself through dating?
That I am such a wimp. It gradually changed thanks to it.

6. Which traits do you generally appreciate most in a partner?
Loyalty, intelligence, humor taste.

7. If you could "customize" your significant other by picking their type (either MBTI or Enneagram...or both) right now, which type(s) would you pick?

Woow let's make him ENTJ so that he is less with this mysterious air and more boisterous.
And 5w4.

8. What are the MBTI/Enneagram types of your parents, and how is their relationship? Do you think that they have influenced your personality today? ISTJ and ISFJ combined. The influence is that I become an INFP who respect deadline, and stick to Si.

9. Do you think that the instinctual subtypes played a role in your relationships?
Yes. Sx makes me almost like an overly attached person but it is not true... sx instinct makes me prioritize my passion first (it can be the person) instead of thinking of my well being. The output makes me ambiguos.

Thanks a lot. :)
 
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