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Discussion Starter #1
As intp male in early stage of relationship with infj female, I've realized that it's hard for me to be a dependable person (being intp) for someone who knows exactly what they want in life (infj). Nonetheless, she often shows that she needs someone mature and dependable in her life, and I would like to know how I can show her that I'm someone that she can rely on. I realize that I'm going out of the way to be a completely different person just to be more compatible with her, but it's because I really think she's the one I want to get serious with, and I see nothing wrong with adapting for the person you love.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have helpful tips for me? Also any relationship tips in general between intp and infj are appreciated :) Thanks so much!
 

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There's a difference between adapting and changing something fundamental about yourself. The former is healthy and can even be seen as personal growth, the latter is basically an incubator for resentment and/or misery. Be sure to know where that line is.

Anyway it might help to ask the INFJs how you can show that you're there and dependable. I imagine a big no-no would be disappearing as is our wont.
 

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I'm an INTP, female (asexual) and my best friend, almost my partner, is an INFJ.
You, brave Python, are going to need to explain to this person what you are like, but you will first need to figure it out yourself. Are you ACTUALLY reliable, emotionally? Are you ready to sacrifice your peace of mind to try to adapt for this person? She will get depressed or will run away if communication fails at any point. The girl won't understand your ways at first, so you need to keep going over and over again until she gets that it's not that you don't care about her, but that you're not as expressive.
All INFJs I know love talking about feelings. Let go the occasional feeling related word, explain some emotions to her or something. Dammit, it's hard, now that I think of it. If my INFJ weren't an intellectual, logical and listening kind of person, I'd have gotten rid of'em so long ago...
And they totally know I'm not reliable, and that I suck with feelings, and that I won't change to adapt.
That's the important thing. Heeehe...

Just talk to her a lot. That, or run away now that you can, or tell her to do the same.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
There's a difference between adapting and changing something fundamental about yourself. The former is healthy and can even be seen as personal growth, the latter is basically an incubator for resentment and/or misery. Be sure to know where that line is.

Anyway it might help to ask the INFJs how you can show that you're there and dependable. I imagine a big no-no would be disappearing as is our wont.
You're right. I think that being someone more mature and reliable is something I would also want for myself, but I just never had the motivation to change.

I'll definitely also make the same post on the infj forum :) Thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I'm an INTP, female (asexual) and my best friend, almost my partner, is an INFJ.
You, brave Python, are going to need to explain to this person what you are like, but you will first need to figure it out yourself. Are you ACTUALLY reliable, emotionally? Are you ready to sacrifice your peace of mind to try to adapt for this person? She will get depressed or will run away if communication fails at any point. The girl won't understand your ways at first, so you need to keep going over and over again until she gets that it's not that you don't care about her, but that you're not as expressive.
All INFJs I know love talking about feelings. Let go the occasional feeling related word, explain some emotions to her or something. Dammit, it's hard, now that I think of it. If my INFJ weren't an intellectual, logical and listening kind of person, I'd have gotten rid of'em so long ago...
And they totally know I'm not reliable, and that I suck with feelings, and that I won't change to adapt.
That's the important thing. Heeehe...

Just talk to her a lot. That, or run away now that you can, or tell her to do the same.
Wow, thanks for your advice wise Wae :) I will make sure to be more expressive and try to make sure that my feelings get through to her.
 

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There's a difference between adapting and changing something fundamental about yourself. The former is healthy and can even be seen as personal growth, the latter is basically an incubator for resentment and/or misery. Be sure to know where that line is.

Anyway it might help to ask the INFJs how you can show that you're there and dependable. I imagine a big no-no would be disappearing as is our wont.
Exactly, there is a fine line between the two. You have to be true to yourself while also realizing there is room for balance, adaptation, and growth. A person dating an INTP that is suppressing his true self is in for a rude awakening once the veil is torn!
 
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