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Which one should I choose?

  • Logical, dominant ENTJ

    Votes: 9 42.9%
  • Funny, caring ISFP

    Votes: 12 57.1%

  • Total voters
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi. First of all, I am either an ENFP or INFP. My Ne and Fi are about even, but my Te is very developed so I'm guessing I'm just a reserved ENFP. Lately I've been having some relationship issues. Two guys in particular have taken interest in me and they are both amazing in completely different ways and I feel really torn.

The first one is an ENTJ sx/sp 5w6. He is the definition of what has always been my exact preference. He is without a doubt the most attractive man I have ever seen, and probably the most intelligent. He has a passion for things like history, anthropology, psychology, politics, mysticism, etc. and we can talk about those things for hours, although I can't really match his knowledge or understanding of... anything. I am fairly intelligent, but he has a flawless logical mind. He is dominant, and I have thought of myself as submissive for most of my life so it works well. I had some doubts about him at first but those were due to my troubled past, and he has not given me any reason to distrust him. He lives far away but we could easily meet (I don't feel insecure about meeting like I do with the second guy because this one likes chubby girls). The issue with him is that I am having to pursue him. He does like me, but I think I definitely care more. He also says some things during sub/dom play that make me slightly uncomfortable, but he tells me afterward that he didn't mean any of it and it was just to fit the mood. I don't doubt his sincerity; my only real concern is that he will get bored and move onto someone else. He even told me "I don't want you to love me or anything, I'm not ready for long-term". We sort of want the same things in life... we both want kids and will raise them to think for themselves and succeed in everything they do. He wants more than I do, though, and it's clear that he wants a partner who will take a supportive/passive role while still being strong and competent. I could probably do this, but I'm unsure. Also he is two years older than me, which I consider a perfect age.

The second one is an ISFP (I think) sx/so 7w6, 4w3 or 2w3 (he's not into typology so I'm guessing). We don't have a lot of common interests apart from gaming, but we are so much alike at the same time. We both hate having to be politically correct, are intelligent but bad at expressing it, have a similar sense of humor, etc. When I spend time with him, I get this warm feeling. There is no nervousness or fear that he will choose someone else over me. Just a warm feeling of "this is great. I love this." This guy is not dominant (except occasionally in sexual situations, sorry if TMI) but I don't feel much of a desire to be submissive with him. He brings out a different desire that includes being catered to, spoiled, and worshipped. I call it my "princess" side. He is pretty cute; I would give him an 8/10 on most days. I find it hard to discuss a lot of my deep passions with him, as he doesn't really know much about the things that interest me. Our conversations get sort of awkward sometimes because we can't always find things to talk about. The attraction with him (other than loving to spend time with him) is that he deeply cares for me. Even his best friend who hates me has mentioned it. We have not met (we live very close but I'm too insecure about my looks and my weight to meet him right now) but could at literally any time. He is five years older than me, which is a bit much but I don't really think about it as he has the mind of a young college kid. The main issue with him is that he has a jealousy problem and a bit of an anger problem. He gets very annoyed if I even so much as hang out with my guy friends. He feels bad about upsetting me a few hours later, but he still does it. Still, he is probably the sweetest, funniest, most entertaining guy I have ever met.

So if anyone could offer advice about what I should do, that would really help. Thank you :)


***UPDATE*** I am meeting the ISFP soon. As I am not his physical type, I am almost sort of hoping that he will want to be close friends. I just can't really see myself spending my life with him because he's not intuitive and his jealousy problems conflict with my pro-sexuality outlook. He said that threesomes and the like are not "moral." But at the same time, I am terrified of losing him. He is more important to me than anyone else in the world.
 

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Hi. First of all, I am either an ENFP or INFP. My Ne and Fi are about even, but my Te is very developed so I'm guessing I'm just a reserved ENFP. Lately I've been having some relationship issues. Two guys in particular have taken interest in me and they are both amazing in completely different ways and I feel really torn.

The first one is an ENTJ sx/sp 5w6. He is the definition of what has always been my exact preference. He is without a doubt the most attractive man I have ever seen, and probably the most intelligent. He has a passion for things like history, anthropology, psychology, politics, mysticism, etc. and we can talk about those things for hours, although I can't really match his knowledge or understanding of... anything. I am fairly intelligent, but he has a flawless logical mind. He is dominant, and I have thought of myself as submissive for most of my life so it works well. I had some doubts about him at first but those were due to my troubled past, and he has not given me any reason to distrust him. He lives far away but we could easily meet (I don't feel insecure about meeting like I do with the second guy because this one likes chubby girls). The issue with him is that I am having to pursue him. He does like me, but I think I definitely care more. He also says some things during sub/dom play that make me slightly uncomfortable, but he tells me afterward that he didn't mean any of it and it was just to fit the mood. I don't doubt his sincerity; my only real concern is that he will get bored and move onto someone else. He even told me "I don't want you to love me or anything, I'm not ready for long-term". We sort of want the same things in life... we both want kids and will raise them to think for themselves and succeed in everything they do. He wants more than I do, though, and it's clear that he wants a partner who will take a supportive/passive role while still being strong and competent. I could probably do this, but I'm unsure. Also he is two years older than me, which I consider a perfect age.

The second one is an ISFP (I think) sx/so 7w6, 4w3 or 2w3 (he's not into typology so I'm guessing). We don't have a lot of common interests apart from gaming, but we are so much alike at the same time. We both hate having to be politically correct, are intelligent but bad at expressing it, have a similar sense of humor, etc. When I spend time with him, I get this warm feeling. There is no nervousness or fear that he will choose someone else over me. Just a warm feeling of "this is great. I love this." This guy is not dominant (except occasionally in sexual situations, sorry if TMI) but I don't feel much of a desire to be submissive with him. He brings out a different desire that includes being catered to, spoiled, and worshipped. I call it my "princess" side. He is pretty cute; I would give him an 8/10 on most days. I find it hard to discuss a lot of my deep passions with him, as he doesn't really know much about the things that interest me. Our conversations get sort of awkward sometimes because we can't always find things to talk about. The attraction with him (other than loving to spend time with him) is that he deeply cares for me. Even his best friend who hates me has mentioned it. We have not met (we live very close but I'm too insecure about my looks and my weight to meet him right now) but could at literally any time. He is five years older than me, which is a bit much but I don't really think about it as he has the mind of a young college kid. The main issue with him is that he has a jealousy problem and a bit of an anger problem. He gets very annoyed if I even so much as hang out with my guy friends. He feels bad about upsetting me a few hours later, but he still does it. Still, he is probably the sweetest, funniest, most entertaining guy I have ever met.

So if anyone could offer advice about what I should do, that would really help. Thank you :)
Well, I am close to a couple of ENTJ's guys. As xNFP's we are romantics looking for a soul mate and often try to rescue people. ENTJ's are quite different. Every decision made by an ENTJ is utilitarian. They look at 'is the relationship good for me?' And they can decide that they are going to be in a specific relationship for 6 months or until what they are looking for shows up. They're not trying to be mean but they are calculated about it. They can care about someone a lot, but it is heavily tied subconsciously to their best interest. I'm not saying ENTJ's are bad people; I have two as close friends. But I am saying they are always manipulative to get what they want. If they want you for the long term and only you, then sit back and have fun. But don't bet your chips on one number. ENTJ's have the exact same confidence as ENFP's in their decisions, but they do not respect submissive people. They like submissive people because they are useful, but they respect people that challenge them and display their intellectual dominance. You will never know what this ENTJ wants from you. He will play you like a violin; it's just his nature. If you call him out on it and say, 'This is what I want. What do you want from me?' And you say it like 20 times. The truth may slip out. But you'll have to earn it.

The ISFP has the nice introverted feeling, but it's a bummer theirs no overlapping intuition. For a group of 100 ISFP's and 100 ENTJ's the ISFP is the safer bet, but it really is individual specific.

You mention that you are having to chase after the ENTJ. I'd say that's a bad position to be in for that type. I vote ISFP.
 

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I guess it depends on what you value most in a relationship. I personally value having interesting, deep, passionate conversations more than anything else. The fact that you can do that for hours with the ENTJ, and struggle to do it at all with the ISFP, tells me the ENTJ is the better bet. But again that's what I value.
 

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man thats a tough call... ive never really had a choice of romantic partner lol nobodys ever been interested in me. I hope you make the right call =D

also a reserved ENFP, just try not being reserved at all one day, try being zany and excited and strangely enthusiastic one day, even in public, and see what happens! ^^ maybe you really are an ENFP :3
 

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Well, I am close to a couple of ENTJ's guys. As xNFP's we are romantics looking for a soul mate and often try to rescue people. ENTJ's are quite different. Every decision made by an ENTJ is utilitarian. They look at 'is the relationship good for me?' And they can decide that they are going to be in a specific relationship for 6 months or until what they are looking for shows up. They're not trying to be mean but they are calculated about it. They can care about someone a lot, but it is heavily tied subconsciously to their best interest. I'm not saying ENTJ's are bad people; I have two as close friends. But I am saying they are always manipulative to get what they want. If they want you for the long term and only you, then sit back and have fun. But don't bet your chips on one number. ENTJ's have the exact same confidence as ENFP's in their decisions, but they do not respect submissive people. They like submissive people because they are useful, but they respect people that challenge them and display their intellectual dominance. You will never know what this ENTJ wants from you. He will play you like a violin; it's just his nature. If you call him out on it and say, 'This is what I want. What do you want from me?' And you say it like 20 times. The truth may slip out. But you'll have to earn it.

The ISFP has the nice introverted feeling, but it's a bummer theirs no overlapping intuition. For a group of 100 ISFP's and 100 ENTJ's the ISFP is the safer bet, but it really is individual specific.

You mention that you are having to chase after the ENTJ. I'd say that's a bad position to be in for that type. I vote ISFP.
This is essentially my experience with TJ's in particular. Be very careful not to get really invested if you do choose him.
 

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Why do you have to make a "choice"? This is a false dilemma. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters and see who really clicks with you more.

That said, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing that you're young enough that a five year age gap equals a pretty large difference in maturity. Not that I know anyone involved personally, but that's enough to throw up a cautionary flag in my head.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Why do you have to make a "choice"? This is a false dilemma. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters and see who really clicks with you more.

That said, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing that you're young enough that a five year age gap equals a pretty large difference in maturity. Not that I know anyone involved personally, but that's enough to throw up a cautionary flag in my head.
I'm 18, and I have to make a choice because both of them are pressuring me in different ways. The ISFP gets upset if I talk to other guys and asked me the other day if I wanted to be in a relationship. He already says he loves me and things like that. The ENTJ is starting to really take interest in me. He sends me links to sites that interest him on a regular basis and has started giving me tasks (we're both into the whole dom/sub thing) probably about once a week. The ENTJ is more open minded, but I think he considers me as his submissive. I would be fine with that if I wasn't so conflicted.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
***UPDATE*** I was texting the ISFP last night. I asked him to stay in my life forever, no matter what. He replied with "don't leave me period or f*** me over."
 

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I had a crush on an ENTJ once. He was the best person ever. *wistful daydreaming'*

Of course, he's 2 years older than me, (Hey, I just realized, same as you! :kitteh:) so I rarely see him anymore. Last time was like 3 weeks ago.:unsure:

Oh, wait, I'm off topic.

ENTJs! :crazy:
 

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Hey ! I as a male ENFP , once had the same situation with an ISFP and an ENTJ .
the ENTJ one was in fact a bigger deal , more fun , more attractive and so on ... but the thing that i like about the ISFP was that she was the one you could actually see the compassion and loyalty in her . with her i was sure i will never be left alone , but the ENTJ was a risky one . so i picked the ISFP . i actually wanted to be the dominant in my relationship which she gave it to me and plus she was so caring and loyal . but she too is envious and hates it when i talk to other girls but i kinda understand it cuz i have the same feeling when she does it .
we are together for like 10 months and i know that shes not THE ONE for me , but its been a lot of fun and im happy about my choosing her .
P.S : there will be a lot of fights with the ISFP if you dont act her like the "princess'' !
 

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***UPDATE*** I was texting the ISFP last night. I asked him to stay in my life forever, no matter what. He replied with "don't leave me period or f*** me over."
Not really anything ok with either of those statements.
 

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Just too put in my twopenn'orth... First of all, how is it possible to get into that situation? Two guys? We're the same age and I am trying hard to always look my best and be open-minded, I even try to be friendly, yet everyone runs away. Tell me your secret.

Yet. Everything about the second person you described actually sounds... awful. I understand, you love how me makes you feel, you enjoy being around him etc. But you don't seem to have anything in common apart from that, you stated so yourself. I am sure you'd have a great time with him, but for how long? He seems like a really insecure person or let's say really emotional about the smallest things as for example you talking to other guys.

All I'm trying to say is, does it make any sense to be with him when you don't have anything in common? Nothing to talk about? No deep conversations? You said about the ENTJ that you enjoyed having these times and that he shows you directly what he's into really is a sign that he likes you. I don't think you'd stay with the other person very long but maybe it's just me imagining a life with such a person, I couldn't do that, my logic would make me stop right where you are and run to the ENTJ.

But don't listen to me, I'd prefer marrying an intelligent and successful person over someone I love. I just think that if the only thing that connects two people are feelings, that's great, but emotions will not stay forever. And once they're gone there's nothing left at all. I got off topic.
 

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There's no "reason" in love, that's why its so fascinating. Do what your body tell you miss. Gut reactions, or actually lack of gut reactions never lie. That's the simple truth
 

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I don't see why this is a debate or why the ISFP is winning given that it is.

There's a lot of personal bias in this based on my own preferences in an SO, but this is what I see:

ENTJ Pros
exactly your type, intelligent, attractive, lots of common interests, dominant, makes you feel attractive, is basically your age

ENTJ Cons
you have to pursue him, doesn't want something long term, you're insecure about him choosing other women over you (even though that's what you're doing to both of these guys - go figure)

I think the fact that he isn't looking for something long term is the biggest problem here if you want more than that.

ISFP Pros
similar personalities, makes you feel fuzzy, cares deeply about you

ISFP Cons
few common interests, can't have deep conversations with him, awkward silences, his friends don't like you, makes you feel fat and ugly, immature, jealous, angry, overbearing, too old for you

Yeah, I don't think the ISFP looks good.
 

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Umm. Because you cannot decide between two people means that neither of them is what you really want / need.
While one is expected to make certain compromises (as there are no perfect matches) , i would be very careful to get involved with someone if that level of compromise is too large.
-Ob.
 

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Umm. Because you cannot decide between two people means that neither of them is what you really want / need.
While one is expected to make certain compromises (as there are no perfect matches) , i would be very careful to get involved with someone if that level of compromise is too large.
-Ob.
I was just about to say this, but my fellow INFJ got to it first. Exactly. What is that "a choice" between two people?

Once you have a connection with someone, you don't search for "other" people. Seriously, a connection just happens and that is that.

Besides, if I started dating and the girl had to choose between me or someone else, I'd help her decide easily. I'd tell her to choose him. I'm no cheap solution and I don't want to think I need to be "chosen" out of two people. Sorry, call it pride, but if you have not seen the best in me that far and you need to "choose", then please, choose the other one. I need all or nothing and halfway is not good enough, I'd put it as none by default.
 
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