Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
How can I understand if an ESTJ is interested in me?
I knew a few years ago he was, for he was quite obvious about it. He wouldn't stop looking at me and try to carve out some time just to talk with me, and he texted to me everyday. However, I was in another relationship at the time, so between us nothing happened. However, he's in the same classroom as I, and has been for five years now. Now he's giving me mixed signals, and I don't know what to think about it. Sometimes he seems to flirt or say something just to attract my attention, or he listens carefully at what I'm saying. He'll look me in the eye and spend time trying to understand my words as best he can, even if I'm not the clearest or chattiest person in the room. Friday the last he's opened up to me about something which is hurting him, and I think it's not easy for ESTJs to do such a thing with someone they don't trust. However, other times he ignores me or treats me badly. Other people have mentioned he acts mean sometimes around me. Is this an ESTJ thing to attract attention?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
81 Posts
I'm a bit concerned by what you mean by "mean". That could be anywhere from making an off-hand comment about something you're sensitive about without really thinking on it, to doing something to hurt you with pure malicious intent. Assuming this guy isn't some abusive jackass, then I'd council you to just flat out ask him about how he feels about you, and if he's interested in a relationship.

There is seldom a "do they like me or not" situation in which this is not the rightest answer. If he doesn't know how to respond or if he doesn't want to, that's his problem for not knowing to communicate properly; you'll have done the best you can. If he doesn't like-like, you'll have made things awkward for a few weeks, maybe, but that definitely beats out a lifetime of wondering what could have been.

As for the attention thing, this is pretty personal, but if I'm unhappy about something and I think making it known will help it, then I will definitely express my dissatisfaction in the most adequate way. Bottling stuff up ain't healthy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
434 Posts
In my experience, ESTJs tend to be quite charming and very good listeners. I've seen it too many times, people reading too much into ESTJ's polite interest, especially if the ESTJ is intelligent and gives you his/hers undivided attention. They also like teasing flirty banter, which again doesn't have to mean they are actually romantically interested in you.
I'd say the best strategy is being honest and straightforward - ask them out, go on a few dates and see where it goes if you're too afraid of bluntly asking "hey, I'm into you, are you into me as well?". I prefer that to guessing games, saves time and energy but that's your typical INTJ approach, which may not suit everyone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
184 Posts
interesting. I don't know if that means interest. Maybe fascinated by you in some way. I would ask him. If I was actually interested enough I'll just ask out someone. very directly too. Sometimes I do it because what they are doing is just startling, sometimes it's seems like an interesting person but not necessarily romantically. Sometimes I pay attention to someone just to evaluate am I interested in being friends?
 
  • Like
Reactions: genevieve22
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top