What's your relationship to Type 4 like? Do you know any Fours? Did you once think you were a Four? How does it feel to disintegrate to Four?
^ ^ Lovely. "Visionaries in our relationship" - beautiful really. It's important to be proactive and work to achieve your vision. People usually think of 'the perfect relationship' as something that just happens. It doesn't. The potential has to be there for connection, but something that lasts takes work. I love this outlook, and the fact that you've found someone to share this outlook with is exactly what I would want! Truly, this gives me hope.But no matter how bad it gets, we both have a strong memory and vision of how good it can be. This keeps us moving forward. We're visionaries in our relationship. We believe that we will achieve perfection.
It's interesting to see the other side on this... The bolded is veeeery familiar as a 4.I never thought of myself as a Four. Well the first description of Fours I read in-depth was Maitri's in her Passions and Virtues book, and while I could relate, I knew quite immediately I wasn't a Four.
Disintegration is... well. It feels ugly in hindsight xD
Not while I'm actually disintegrating. At such moments, I'm simply OCD-ing about suffering and it feels great and crappy at the same time. It feels like I'm the only one who can truly see and sense suffering, my own and the universe's suffering, a warped sense of being unique in that way, being proud of it and sickened by it at the same time. While rationally I know otherwise, the intuition that I'm alone in this creeps up on me, but then again I embrace this loneliness wholeheartedly, while wanting so badly for others to see what I'm seeing and perhaps more importantly, see that I'm seeing.
It's hard to put into words. It's the spiritual kind of suffering that I then experience and see so clearly. Not just physically or mentally, it's more of a profound seeing, knowing, feeling and being un-wholeness, imperfection. At those moments, I believe I am the only one who's able to perceive this with all of his five (or experientally, six) senses.
Illusions of melancholic grandeur.
Needless to say, I need a good bitchslapping at those moments. I barely talk about it or open up my mouth about it while I'm disintegrating, for reasons that strengthen and amplify each other. One, feeling unique is addictive, encountering somebody who could actually understand would undo me. Two, in such moments I want people to come to me, I don't want to have to go to them. Three, rejecting the idea somebody could ever understand me, any attempt at sharing is futile.
Activity here comes and goes, it used to be more active at one point with a small group of 1s posting, then that group dissolved. One day it may reform again and this place will be more active.I swear to God..I wish I were a 1 just so I could breathe some damn life into this dead ass forum. :dry: