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Discussion Starter #1
What's your relationship to Type 4 like? Do you know any Fours? Did you once think you were a Four? How does it feel to disintegrate to Four?
 
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Discussion Starter #2
Gee, this place really is dead...
 
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I recently become friends with a guy who is supposedly a 4, at least the description fits him perfectly. It is a very positive and enjoyable relationship, and I am happy about it.
As concerning the feeling of being desintegrated to a 4, I believe that I simply lack this experience.
 

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Im a 648 and I identify as six but have four as secondary, my heart fix.

Im a hysterical meglomaniacal sadomasochist apparently. Any questions let me know.
 

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I would like to know if there are 1's out there who once believed they were 4's, or 4's who once believed they were 1's. I am very curious to learn about your experience finally deciding which type you were.
 

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I noticed that this thread was kind of old, but I thought I'd re-stimulate it!

I'm a type 4w3 in a relationship with a 1w9. We have been together for 6 years, not married (yet), and are resilient as hell. When figuring out my type, I knew instantly that I was a 4. My boyfriend took a bit longer, but didn't really associate strongly with any other types.

At any point of disintegration, he takes on the melancholy and creativity of a 4, but because this takes place simultaneously with the abandonment of his values, the majority of art he's created in his life is pessimistic and cynical. However, the experience of that dark depth provides an expressive reference and he occasionally writes political punk rock songs when he's in his relaxed state. I actually consider you ones to be equally creative as fours, just not quite as moody. A lot of people say Bob Dylan is a 4. I disagree. He may share traits with fours that he picked up through disintegration but he's a solid 1 in my book. Every song he writes he's advocating. And his love songs are beautifully simple and oftentimes objective, like observing beauty from afar. When fours write love songs they're usually melodramatic and slightly selfish, with a stronger emphasis on the four's associated feelings of the subject than the subject itself.

That was a bit of a tangent, sorry.

But to anyone who's still curious, our relationship at its best is beautifully balanced and secure. We understand and appreciate each other on such a deep level. I integrate to a one, so he's quite the role model to me. He teaches me to be objective, to not let my emotions get the best of me. I think I help him to see perfection in chaos. I teach him spontaneity, show him how to let go and stop being a responsible adult all the time. Occasionally (it's actually quite funny), I'll integrate to one and we'll both just sit around and nitpick things. We both feel like something is missing in the moment. It can get ugly, since I can be equally intolerant as he can and our fights escalate drastically. His anger fuels my emotional outbursts, which feed his anger, and so on and so on. But no matter how bad it gets, we both have a strong memory and vision of how good it can be. This keeps us moving forward. We're visionaries in our relationship. We believe that we will achieve perfection.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Bump.
 

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I've dated a Four for a year. Online, I have to say. I'd date one again, but really, I fall in love with people, not types. :3

Ever since I've started getting interested in Enneagram, I've met Fours online here. I'm not sure if I've bumped into Fours IRL before that. Statistically speaking, I probably should have, but none come to mind whom I'd label Four in an instance and without a doubt.

I never thought of myself as a Four. Well the first description of Fours I read in-depth was Maitri's in her Passions and Virtues book, and while I could relate, I knew quite immediately I wasn't a Four.

Disintegration is... well. It feels ugly in hindsight xD

Not while I'm actually disintegrating. At such moments, I'm simply OCD-ing about suffering and it feels great and crappy at the same time. It feels like I'm the only one who can truly see and sense suffering, my own and the universe's suffering, a warped sense of being unique in that way, being proud of it and sickened by it at the same time. While rationally I know otherwise, the intuition that I'm alone in this creeps up on me, but then again I embrace this loneliness wholeheartedly, while wanting so badly for others to see what I'm seeing and perhaps more importantly, see that I'm seeing.

It's hard to put into words. It's the spiritual kind of suffering that I then experience and see so clearly. Not just physically or mentally, it's more of a profound seeing, knowing, feeling and being un-wholeness, imperfection. At those moments, I believe I am the only one who's able to perceive this with all of his five (or experientally, six) senses.

Illusions of melancholic grandeur.

Needless to say, I need a good bitchslapping at those moments. I barely talk about it or open up my mouth about it while I'm disintegrating, for reasons that strengthen and amplify each other. One, feeling unique is addictive, encountering somebody who could actually understand would undo me. Two, in such moments I want people to come to me, I don't want to have to go to them. Three, rejecting the idea somebody could ever understand me, any attempt at sharing is futile.


Nyeaaah...

 

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But no matter how bad it gets, we both have a strong memory and vision of how good it can be. This keeps us moving forward. We're visionaries in our relationship. We believe that we will achieve perfection.
^ ^ Lovely. "Visionaries in our relationship" - beautiful really. It's important to be proactive and work to achieve your vision. People usually think of 'the perfect relationship' as something that just happens. It doesn't. The potential has to be there for connection, but something that lasts takes work. I love this outlook, and the fact that you've found someone to share this outlook with is exactly what I would want! Truly, this gives me hope.
 

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I never thought of myself as a Four. Well the first description of Fours I read in-depth was Maitri's in her Passions and Virtues book, and while I could relate, I knew quite immediately I wasn't a Four.

Disintegration is... well. It feels ugly in hindsight xD

Not while I'm actually disintegrating. At such moments, I'm simply OCD-ing about suffering and it feels great and crappy at the same time. It feels like I'm the only one who can truly see and sense suffering, my own and the universe's suffering, a warped sense of being unique in that way, being proud of it and sickened by it at the same time. While rationally I know otherwise, the intuition that I'm alone in this creeps up on me, but then again I embrace this loneliness wholeheartedly, while wanting so badly for others to see what I'm seeing and perhaps more importantly, see that I'm seeing.

It's hard to put into words. It's the spiritual kind of suffering that I then experience and see so clearly. Not just physically or mentally, it's more of a profound seeing, knowing, feeling and being un-wholeness, imperfection. At those moments, I believe I am the only one who's able to perceive this with all of his five (or experientally, six) senses.

Illusions of melancholic grandeur.

Needless to say, I need a good bitchslapping at those moments. I barely talk about it or open up my mouth about it while I'm disintegrating, for reasons that strengthen and amplify each other. One, feeling unique is addictive, encountering somebody who could actually understand would undo me. Two, in such moments I want people to come to me, I don't want to have to go to them. Three, rejecting the idea somebody could ever understand me, any attempt at sharing is futile.
It's interesting to see the other side on this... The bolded is veeeery familiar as a 4.

I can relate strongly to some 1 aspects (average levels too), but certainly knew I was not one. That being the integration point for 4 was one thing that helped me settle on my type.

This articulates pretty well the downsides of 4ness, stuff which can almost define you when less than healthy. It's very strange how this will exist in someone so outwardly different.
 

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I think the first person I was ever in love with was a 4 (though she could be a core 7 with a 4 fix). She was independent, different from the "norm", eccentric in her way of thinking, strikingly intelligent, poetic, and dark/melancholic. I'm not in love with her anymore (we're still friends), but when we first met each other (at the age of 12), there was this magnetism between us that made us inseparable. And I notice that even today I'm always attracted to people with the qualities I've listed above. I don't know if it's a "4" thing or not. But if it is, then I tend to get along rather well with the 4's that shares the same characteristics:)
 

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I swear to God..I wish I were a 1 just so I could breathe some damn life into this dead ass forum. :dry:
Activity here comes and goes, it used to be more active at one point with a small group of 1s posting, then that group dissolved. One day it may reform again and this place will be more active.

Type 1 is poorly represented in the enneagram -- too many stereotypes and flat narrow depictions -- as a result many of the less anal 1s type themselves as 4s, 5s, and 9s and can be found boosting activity on the corresponding forums.
 
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