[.kismet.]

This is not a post to bash sensors, I'm not saying any one type is better than the other! Just putting it out there, not trying to hurt anyones feelings. I had a strong need to start with that, the thought of hurting innocent strangers feelings makes me cringe internally. ENFP problems.

I spend a lot of time analyzing and reanalyzing my past relationships. Before I became interested in MBTI I had dated a lot of guys for short periods of time. Each relationship would last about a month of so, but I would eventually find myself completely misunderstood. Kind of like If thinking were colors they were thinking in terms of blue, red, yellow, ect. I would be thinking in terms of periwinkle, cornflower, violet. Talking to them became unsatisfying. In retrospect, I never had any deep conversation that led to a better understanding of the others thinking. An insatiable desire to think "what if..." that was never shared. Eventually i would get bored, then leave.

After becoming interested in MBTI I have realized that the only guys I have "officially" dated have been sensory. And all of the guys that I have talked to (had interest in), but refused to date have been intuitive. but with each intuitive, I was obsessed with exploring their mind, then when I understood them as a person I would realize that a relationship wouldn't work because of reasons x, y and z. Still fascinated by their intuitive thinking, I would try to keep them as friends, unrequiting their love. Of course time and time again this fails.... EXPLODING in my face. :shocked:

I guess what I'm trying to get at is... am I the only one? I'm fascinated by all types to an extent, but sensory people are too easy to decode for me, they leave me wanting. I constantly find sensors being attracted to me (ironically a surprising amount of ISTJ's). I feel guilty always turning them down, but I know that my attraction to them would be limited before I became distracted with something newer and interesting. I love people, and meeting new people; it makes me feel alive. Being in a relationship seems like being put in a box though. The closest thing that I have come to feeling love in a relationship was with a "sort of" relationship with an INTJ who actually introduced me to MBTI. It was one sided though, give and take was not equal. In hindsight, I was more obsessed with the idea of him. I was all like "la la la I want to know know every thought you have ever had and why!" It was scary, and he made me feel irrational and crazy all of the time. JEZUS. Eventually it didn't work out and I felt like my soul was raw. I have never been so obsessed and fascinated by a person before. But I digress...

Have any other intuitive types found a relationship that doesn't feel like it's closing in on you? Or any sensors that have any insight? Or anyone that can relate or shed some fricken light on the subject.

I didn't really pinpoint anything with this post, just constantly feeding my inner monologue :tongue:

Thank!
xoxox
<3

 

[SharpestNiFe]

In college, I got Sensors left and right. It was rather simple. Then, about when I hit 21, I just didn't want to do it anymore. I'm no longer into the hookup scene, so I dated an ESFP. Started off beautifully, ended up horrifically. Long story short, she sucked.

I am so lost when it comes to other intuitive types, but I'm willing to learn. I'm tired of girls wanting me for the sole reason that "I'm hot." I got a pretty good mind too. I want a relationship based on both body AND mind, and even more so with the latter than the former. I think intuitive types take more work, but it's worth it in the end.

 

[.kismet.]

Yeah!
That's kind of where I am now. I'm transferring colleges, and I'm hopeful for the future. I know that I can only have a future relationship with an intuitive, because I crave good conversation. My friends and family often say that I have unreasonably high expectations.

 

[frenchie]

I've discovered this sensor / intuitive divide does not exist. There are supposed intuitives I know that I do not have anything in common with and personally find very stodgy. And then there are sensors that I am absolutely best friends with and understand them to the core.

I tried figuring this out and I found that this is better answered by the instinctual variant flows. Being a contra flow I find the opposite odd and somewhat weird.

Read about the flows here, but there are individuals I can't really connect with at all on a personal level. This explained it a lot more effectively than just S/N divides.

http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/133-Instinctual-Stackings

Take a look.

 

[Nordom]

Although part of the INTP guide describing our auxiliary Ne, I think it also pertains to Ne-doms in general and could help explain some of your feelings about relationships that leave you feeling empty. While you may not be looking for the consistency and reliability of an ISTJ and are quite capable of having fun on your own, you're looking for some sort of mind mate.


"The experience of anything takes a back seat. The INTP is not interested in experiences themselves but is far more fascinated by concepts. The drive to understand things that are not yet understood is a very powerful force in the life of an INTP. Where the Ti preference is strong, this drive can override the experiential element so strongly that the INTP will become quickly bored with anything that he has successfully analysed to the point of understanding it. Once understood, it has nothing left to offer, once the satisfaction which comes with achieving the goal of understanding diminishes. Indeed, most primary interests of an INTP are things which he cannot fully understand, usually because they are highly complex or have some exotic, mystical element that does not yield to analysis. This is the real reason why INTPs are drawn to complexity: anything simple is too quickly understood and cannot hold the fascination for long. Similarly, proficiency in any area (which requires continual practice after understanding) is not such a driving force as it might be for NTJs, for example. While a judging NT will often seek to become master of his field, an INTP is satisfied by analysing it alone. The latter is often more of dabbler with ideas which leads me on to his second crucial aspect: detachment."

 

[Snapple]

This is not a post to bash sensors, I'm not saying any one type is better than the other! Just putting it out there, not trying to hurt anyones feelings. I had a strong need to start with that, the thought of hurting innocent strangers feelings makes me cringe internally. ENFP problems.

I spend a lot of time analyzing and reanalyzing my past relationships. Before I became interested in MBTI I had dated a lot of guys for short periods of time. Each relationship would last about a month of so, but I would eventually find myself completely misunderstood. Kind of like If thinking were colors they were thinking in terms of blue, red, yellow, ect. I would be thinking in terms of periwinkle, cornflower, violet. Talking to them became unsatisfying. In retrospect, I never had any deep conversation that led to a better understanding of the others thinking. An insatiable desire to think "what if..." that was never shared. Eventually i would get bored, then leave.

After becoming interested in MBTI I have realized that the only guys I have "officially" dated have been sensory. And all of the guys that I have talked to (had interest in), but refused to date have been intuitive. but with each intuitive, I was obsessed with exploring their mind, then when I understood them as a person I would realize that a relationship wouldn't work because of reasons x, y and z. Still fascinated by their intuitive thinking, I would try to keep them as friends, unrequiting their love. Of course time and time again this fails.... EXPLODING in my face. :shocked:

I guess what I'm trying to get at is... am I the only one? I'm fascinated by all types to an extent, but sensory people are too easy to decode for me, they leave me wanting. I constantly find sensors being attracted to me (ironically a surprising amount of ISTJ's). I feel guilty always turning them down, but I know that my attraction to them would be limited before I became distracted with something newer and interesting. I love people, and meeting new people; it makes me feel alive. Being in a relationship seems like being put in a box though. The closest thing that I have come to feeling love in a relationship was with a "sort of" relationship with an INTJ who actually introduced me to MBTI. It was one sided though, give and take was not equal. In hindsight, I was more obsessed with the idea of him. I was all like "la la la I want to know know every thought you have ever had and why!" It was scary, and he made me feel irrational and crazy all of the time. JEZUS. Eventually it didn't work out and I felt like my soul was raw. I have never been so obsessed and fascinated by a person before. But I digress...

Have any other intuitive types found a relationship that doesn't feel like it's closing in on you? Or any sensors that have any insight? Or anyone that can relate or shed some fricken light on the subject.

I didn't really pinpoint anything with this post, just constantly feeding my inner monologue :tongue:

Thank!
xoxox
<3

You should get into a relationship for yourself not for what the other has to offer, quite frankly. Also you should realize that freedom is doing what you like and happiness is liking what you do. They're not mutually exclusive so the feeling of a "box" is self-induced.
I can't speak for other types but with INTJs if you give them space and don't bother them, it should work out somehow, problems usually arise when the couple starts judging or expecting stuff from each-other.
All the best .

 

[Donovan]

being attracted to sensor types for a dominant intuitive is pretty natural (i would think). as far as you "getting bored", that probably has more to do with your inability to see that person as they truly are--at least in the beginning of the relationship. i mean if you did, the relationship wouldn't have even began.

as the idea goes, and your overall behavior aligning with your type (from this small excerpt you've given us), i'd think you may have been projecting onto this person the image of the "next big thing" for yourself--the next object to immerse yourself in. (and once it's run it's course and everything is seen for what it actually is, boredom ensues and draws your attention elsewhere--pretty typical extroverted intuitive, at least according to a three paragraph excerpt from jung... grain of salt).

you may have even had this person just register with you in some way, and have seen whatever objective sign presented itself as confirmation that this person has to something to offer. if you think about it though, our conscious minds can endlessly offer us "clues" that will invariably fit our unconscious urges--that is, the urge is something we're not aware of, but we can spin some sort of web with whatever "tool" (function, perspective, information source) in order to make our worst fears/hopeful wishes seem true--all the while not realizing that it's that other part of our mind we're not totally aware of that's pushing us one way or the other.

almost like it will supply the starting point for a logical train of thought, and everything that flows from that point makes complete and utter sense, but it all rests upon a link that may be total b.s.; it's just that our conscious selves will usually skip over that little detail, keeping us from actually realizing what would be harmful to our egos overall--even if what the ego sees as harmful is really just a tough period of growth. we've all seen that person who refuses to admit they're wrong, but just by observing their behavior one gets the sense that they actually already know it on some level (they may seem a little extreme or neurotic in general, way more aggressive than the situation calls for, etc)--it's kind of like that, i guess.

i realize i'm speaking directly out of my ass at the moment ms. .kismet, but if any of this does actually fit you... or if none if it fits you, the basic approach to "fix it" is still the same for any extrovert--try to make yourself familiar with that "other half" of yourself, so you can recognize when it takes hold or when it's trying to send a message. it could lead to less wrong turns.

as far as "sensor vs. intuitive" and dating... i know that a pairing of opposites supposedly has the most potential for growth, but then again, it depends on knowing what you actually are before one can determine your opposite. not all people will have a type that's differentiated enough to really need an opposing-function-partner, but more so just someone of the opposite attitude (E/I). with the amount that people fluctuate it kind of becomes impossible to determine what one's best-fit-match would be by type, but if you like intuitives, then that's what you're attracted to at this point in your life--maybe for one reason or another they bring a sense of "otherness" to the equation.

hope some of this was helpful, and not taken as me trying to "tell you what to do" as much as "what this makes me think of".

 

[All in Twilight]

I see an ennegram 4w3 here....go do some digging there, it might be of help.

Sensors start to make sense to me only after they have developed their tertiary and inferior functions and I am pretty sure it works the other way around as well. And that's fine.

I think it's weird that you didn't find out after 30 seconds that these people or just certain people in general are no dating material and I think that has everything to do with you not being objective but you being guided by a craving for affection? You see them how you want to see them (subjectivity) and later you find out that you were wrong. How well do you know yourself? I am basing this on the fact that you have been dating a lot of guys for short amounts of time (one month).

Maybe I'm off here but I think you would stumble upon the same kind of problems if you'd start dating intuitives as well.

 

[.kismet.]

Frenchie: I'll look into it! One of my best friends is an ESFJ, and I love her for who she is as a person. But I don't connect with her like I do with my one of my other best friends who is an INTJ. It's a different kind of friendship, and I respect both of them equally. I just derp around with them in completely different ways.

Iamtp: I agree with you, and that's valuable insight. One of my friends is an INTP and that has been something that we have always shared. The deep analyzation, without needing to "finish" it.

Snapple: I don't know quite what you mean about going into a relationship for "myself". I feel like a relationship should be equal in the give and take, you make them a better person, they make you a better person. I feel "put in a box" because I feel like my potential in life, happiness, experiences is limited by being attached to them.

Celticstained: I am not really attracted to sensors, they seem more attracted to me haha. I find that I am attracted to almost all people (within reason) who find me interesting, and I dated many sensors because initially I thought that they had potential, and maybe I would grow to like them even more, or grow to love them. I found out that that will never be the case. I guess I need a spark, although I have never found it with a sensor. I got to know the ones I dated quite well, and as a person, for what they are, they are great people. I always felt guilty leaving them. Perhaps I intuitively know that it just feels right, and to settle would lead to an average life with average happiness and the thought of that is horrible to me. I know I sound selfish....
The past half year or so after recovering from my INTJ thing, I have been discovering myself more as a person and what I want. It's kind of like an endless entanglement of spirals. But then again I have just had endless free time to think because of a switch in majors and school kind of delayed my typical life.
The tentative conclusions that i came up with are that a NF would best understand me, and be able to empathize with what I feel, because that is what i lacked when I interacted with that INTJ i spoke with. Although no other type other than the INTJ has fascinated me more. So maybe I'm wrong and the timing was off, or it wasn't "meant to be".

I appreciate everyones insight btw

 

[.kismet.]

All in Twilight: You pretty much nailed it on the head in terms of me imagining them how I wish them to be ideally. I do love attention and affection, although I feel selfish admitting it. I know myself very well now, although I didn't at the time I dated all of the sensors.

 

[LadyO.W.BernieBro]

l wouldn't refuse to date the intuitives lol. l prefer N doms for a relationship. Sensors probable prefer sensors and think we're weird. Since they're most of the population that's fine.

Plus you won't figure a good intuitive out that easily

 

[.kismet.]

Hehe you're right. I'm on the lookout for a special intuitive. I believe the reason I was more tentative getting into a relationship with an intuitive rather than the sensor because i got to know the intuitive better as a person, "figure them out" per say and within that I found the deal breaker. Where when i dealt with a sensor I jumped into it because I felt like everything was still on the surface and could potentially be something else. But it always remained on the surface, so when I had that realization I ended it. I haven't dated anyone seriously ever since getting into MBTI and understanding myself better.

 

[Snapple]

Snapple: I don't know quite what you mean about going into a relationship for "myself". I feel like a relationship should be equal in the give and take, you make them a better person, they make you a better person. I feel "put in a box" because I feel like my potential in life, happiness, experiences is limited by being attached to them.

Well, doing something for yourself is doing it because you want a relationship because you feel good about being in one. Which contradicts your current view of "feeling put in a box" by one. Unless that feeling lessens and you start seeing the benefits from being in a relationship without quantifying "give"/"take" and just focus on the "makes me a better person" (doing this for yourself) you'll still be confused for a long time, but that's normal so don't stress over it too much.

 

[.kismet.]

Snapple: Conceptually I think you're right. I probably just haven't found anyone that's right for me yet. And because i love to think about things, and I want someone special, I kind of rush it with the wrong people. >.< haha

 

[dpt727]

Snapple: I don't know quite what you mean about going into a relationship for "myself". I feel like a relationship should be equal in the give and take, you make them a better person, they make you a better person. I feel "put in a box" because I feel like my potential in life, happiness, experiences is limited by being attached to them.

Celticstained: I am not really attracted to sensors, they seem more attracted to me haha. I find that I am attracted to almost all people (within reason) who find me interesting, and I dated many sensors because initially I thought that they had potential, and maybe I would grow to like them even more, or grow to love them. I found out that that will never be the case. I guess I need a spark, although I have never found it with a sensor. I got to know the ones I dated quite well, and as a person, for what they are, they are great people. I always felt guilty leaving them. Perhaps I intuitively know that it just feels right, and to settle would lead to an average life with average happiness and the thought of that is horrible to me. I know I sound selfish....
The past half year or so after recovering from my INTJ thing, I have been discovering myself more as a person and what I want. It's kind of like an endless entanglement of spirals. But then again I have just had endless free time to think because of a switch in majors and school kind of delayed my typical life.
The tentative conclusions that i came up with are that a NF would best understand me, and be able to empathize with what I feel, because that is what i lacked when I interacted with that INTJ i spoke with. Although no other type other than the INTJ has fascinated me more. So maybe I'm wrong and the timing was off, or it wasn't "meant to be".

I appreciate everyones insight btw

@.kismet. I understand how you feel about being "put in a box" I was married to an ESTJ and I often felt that he limited me by only being able to see in black and white or A + B =C...well not always. To an ENFP there is always potential and multifacets to any situation. For us to communicate, I had to restrict my thinking or try to get him to see that there were other options. i.e. Today is Tuesday, we take out the trash. You can see where I am going with this. He was routine, I was possiblities. We can take it out on Wednesday since it will be picked up then...sorry, I digress..,:blushed:

Also, I also have dated people because I thought they had potential. My sister is ESTJ. When she was dating, she had a list of what she wanted and didn't want in a partner. If the new date didn't meet her list. She was able to cut him out. I, on the other had have had a policy of granting a second date, because...well you know...everyone deserves a second chance. Yeah...quite often the second dates didn't offer me any more spark or connection. Most of the dates went into the Friend Zone column.

I agree @frenchie that there maybe more to compatability or lack of than S/N divide. I am going to check out his link too. Oppposites do attract, but they sometimes cause friction vs magnetism.

I have been dating an ISFP for a year. I think for us, the differences make it appealing.
Good luck!

 

[Snapple]

Snapple: Conceptually I think you're right. I probably just haven't found anyone that's right for me yet. And because i love to think about things, and I want someone special, I kind of rush it with the wrong people. >.< haha

Take this with a grain of salt, the biggest problem for NFs is their fantasy. I don't want to burst your buble, but this fantasy causes harsh judgements on the other person that simply cannot be what you expect them to be. Anyways, that's the best advice I can give, I don't want to go into the S/N thing, I think it's on a case-by-case approach, for instance I wouldn't seriously date any extroverted feelers neither S or N, took me a long time to realize this and eventually it will come to you too.

 

[Surreal Snake]

Personally I think its more being disappointed in love than any given personality type.

 

[Inveniet]

Well as an Se aux in a relationship I struggle with the want to have the next Se "female object" to explore sensually.
(Not intended as an insult, just stating the fact)
I think Ne and Se is quite similar in their quest for new externals, and that makes them quite flighty.
Realize that if you want a relationship you better sit down and confront yourself on an Fi level.

Why do you want that relationship in the first place?
Why do you want it to last?
What factors would satisfy you long term?
Are you ready to accept the sacrifice of staying with a relationship that has those factors?

If not accept that you will run from one to the next.
Make a choice! To run from one to the next or to find one that fits certain criteria.
It will not be perfect! Accept imperfection...

Well that is how I have made myself accept my current relationship so far.
See if you can use any of it, or else just discard it...

 

[Hal Jordan Prime]

This is not a post to bash sensors, I'm not saying any one type is better than the other! Just putting it out there, not trying to hurt anyones feelings. I had a strong need to start with that, the thought of hurting innocent strangers feelings makes me cringe internally. ENFP problems.

I spend a lot of time analyzing and reanalyzing my past relationships. Before I became interested in MBTI I had dated a lot of guys for short periods of time. Each relationship would last about a month of so, but I would eventually find myself completely misunderstood. Kind of like If thinking were colors they were thinking in terms of blue, red, yellow, ect. I would be thinking in terms of periwinkle, cornflower, violet. Talking to them became unsatisfying. In retrospect, I never had any deep conversation that led to a better understanding of the others thinking. An insatiable desire to think "what if..." that was never shared. Eventually i would get bored, then leave.

After becoming interested in MBTI I have realized that the only guys I have "officially" dated have been sensory. And all of the guys that I have talked to (had interest in), but refused to date have been intuitive. but with each intuitive, I was obsessed with exploring their mind, then when I understood them as a person I would realize that a relationship wouldn't work because of reasons x, y and z. Still fascinated by their intuitive thinking, I would try to keep them as friends, unrequiting their love. Of course time and time again this fails.... EXPLODING in my face. :shocked:

I guess what I'm trying to get at is... am I the only one? I'm fascinated by all types to an extent, but sensory people are too easy to decode for me, they leave me wanting. I constantly find sensors being attracted to me (ironically a surprising amount of ISTJ's). I feel guilty always turning them down, but I know that my attraction to them would be limited before I became distracted with something newer and interesting. I love people, and meeting new people; it makes me feel alive. Being in a relationship seems like being put in a box though. The closest thing that I have come to feeling love in a relationship was with a "sort of" relationship with an INTJ who actually introduced me to MBTI. It was one sided though, give and take was not equal. In hindsight, I was more obsessed with the idea of him. I was all like "la la la I want to know know every thought you have ever had and why!" It was scary, and he made me feel irrational and crazy all of the time. JEZUS. Eventually it didn't work out and I felt like my soul was raw. I have never been so obsessed and fascinated by a person before. But I digress...

Have any other intuitive types found a relationship that doesn't feel like it's closing in on you? Or any sensors that have any insight? Or anyone that can relate or shed some fricken light on the subject.

I didn't really pinpoint anything with this post, just constantly feeding my inner monologue :tongue:

Thank!
xoxox
<3

Bahaha. You clearly haven't met a "sensor" quite like me :wink:

In fact that's the reason why my best relationships have been with Intuitives. Sensors didn't last too long with me because they couldn't figure me out or I got bored with them.

The sensor/intuitive divide is OVER EMPHASIZED... especially dealing with Fi users. You want a puzzle to solve? Go out with an ISFP. They can't even figure out who they are... lol :tongue:

 

[mirrorghost]

yes i get what you're saying a bit. i feel like this with my ISFP boyfriend sometimes. a lot of "what if?" conversations get cut short, but he has other attributes i admire. it used to bother me more, i guess but the longer i'm with him, the more i realize that his differences are really fascinating and interesting too. he just has interests in other things. sometimes i do long for those conversations with him, and they do happen occasionally, just not the the extent that they do with most of my other friends who are NFs. i have some SP friends, and like him, they get me out of my head and more in touch with reality....i appreciate this. but i really do understand what you're saying and i miss Nish conversations at times.