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So the girl I was with, I think she has been cheating. Let me explain,

She started out as just a roommate, had a room adjacent to me own. I got her the room, she had been a very close friend to me, for over a year. When we became roommates, things changed quickly, and she started sleeping in my room and we were having sex (not something I do, but we had a long time of being friends, really close so it wasnt a random hook up). We officially became an item. after several months, the owners of the building wanted to clean house, due to some dramas I will not mention here, in any case, she was one of the people getting evicted. She had came up with the idea that her and I could go and move into a room back at the house I was still paying for, which allowed my mom to have somewhere to live.

I did not like the idea, but she convinced me that it was a good idea. I figured, what the hell, I'll be with her, so it will be alright. A couple of weeks go by and she is apprehensive about going to a place where my mother would live, even though I am paying for everything. But she had no other option so okay. Some stuff happened and she needed some money, so she reached out to an old friend, an older guy, who had helped her and her babies father out when they were struggling. So they met up, and I knew what was going to happen, that somehow this guy was going to offer her a place to stay. And she comes back home and tells me that he offered her a place to stay. I mentioned how I knew that was going to happen, and I mentioned to her, if that is what you are going to do, then I have to find some other place to go myself, as I am not going to live with my mom, as I get really depressed there Lol. So she says, this is why I didnt want to get into an relationship, now I feel like I made a commitment with you, and I want to honor that. But her first words in that statement, made me think, o no, I am not going to be the bad guy in this, if she really wants to go, then she can. I told her that. She immediately tells me that.. well this is what we will do, I will move all my stuff to his place, but I wil come to stay with you at your moms house, definitely the first week or so and will come over to stay every so often.

Then she started to move her things, she would come to our apartment room and stay with me for like 3 hrs, and then leave. I wondered why she was leaving though, because more could have been accomplished if she stayed. Anyways, this continued, but eventually the time she stayed decreased. And after a week, I realized that she wasnt going to do this week thing. So I asked her, so you are just going to leave with that guy now, she said I dunno what I am going to do, I dont really have a plan. So the days between seeing her became longer. She had again said to me, and I did not ask her, that after she moves everything into the guys place she will hang out with me and spend time with me. The place we were staying, the owners didnt want to kick me out, they actually wanted to move me up into an even better apartment that I would have all to myself. But she asked, your not staying here are you? Cause im not coming back to this place.

At that point, FOR HER, I decided to do the thing which I was totally against, go back there by myself, just so that she could feel comfortable. So helping her with her stuff and mine, as im moving it into my old house (mind you a whole month has passed, I've not really spent any time with her, and we havent had sex and she is an nympho), her and the guy are talking and she says she has to be back by the 15th... and he says yeah we'll be back before then. Before that I was going to ask her if she wanted to hang out for new years... but when I heard that, I asked, you guys going on a trip? And she says yeah. I ask o to where, he says <insert place>. She says, yeah just getting away from <insert where we are from>. And they say their leaving tomorrow, which was the 31st.


I got my stuff out the truck, and got into my house, and I was so fing mad. This girl has been baiting me for nearly a whole month, and every time we get to the point of hanging out something comes up. And I get so mad that I text her and pretty much break up with her. But we texted a little longer, and things werent as bad, but I was so mad at her I had more things at the old place, which before all that, they said they would make another trip to help, he has a truck. But at that point, I didnt want any help from them. She texted me asked about getting my stuff, I told her thats okay, dont worry about it, its cool. And she asks me to call her. So we are on the phone, she is saying how nothing is happening, nothing changed, she just wants to help, etc. I begrudgingly say okay. I dont talk to her none the way to the apt. After coming back into the truck, I figured I'm not going to be an asshole, so I talked to her. So I'm moving things into my house, she and the guy helps. So when thats it, I say goodbye to the guy, and she runs over and gives me a big hug and doesnt want to let go. I hug her back and tell her I dont hate you, okay, I never could. Then she says tanks for a gift, (got her a rare gift that means something very deep) and she says, when i come back from the trip, I will hang out with you. I said, im going to hold you to it, and she says, I want too, you dont have too.

So now we are good again. While she is there, I barely text her, but she text randomly how are you. I answer, and the texts are short. One day she asks me to call, we talk for 3 hrs. And then I dont hear from her for 3 days. So I text her, how are u. She tells me not good. And tells me about another guy from her past, who was her old boss, somehow, they got into a conversation, where she had the 'It's over" talk with him. Mind you, this situation had been over for over a year, but i guess he still had feelings for her. She told me it was complicated how the conversation began, which means she doesnt want to tell me. But he said to her that he still liked her, and was even going to take her on a date before she left, she is moving away and she wanted me to come with her, so I was getting prepared for this. But she is all devastated now, that he said that, she said he took it really hard.

I told her I was confused, why mention this to him all of a sudden, what changed now? She wouldn't answer. So I asked her, let's be adult here, what do you feel about me? And where do I fit in all of this? She says, she is too physically out of it, to think about relationships, it all is bleak to her now. So I just let it go, and I told her that she isnt the only one suffering, and I have been really depressed for a week, being so alone with no one to turn too, and being with my mom now, this is really the lowest I have felt in years. but I assured her, that I have a really deep and sincere love for her. I told her that I will see her around sometime, and that she is loved regardless. And I said take care.

I plan on not seeing her again, and having nothing to do with her anymore. I feel she has been cheating in some way, or something. I cant get passed that. Besides this whole new thing she has said, I'm not willing to be played with more than I have been, despite how much I like her. I sort of left the conversation as though im not going to see her again. Her and I met at this sort of psychology club that meets every weds and has workshops. But I dont plan on attending them while she is here. Sure I am probably being a baby about it, but I am fed up and I'm done with her.

Thoughts? Am I right or wrong?
 

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I think you are right in avoiding her. It's times like this that you need to listen to your intuition. You are probably just feeling some of the initial hurt and guilt that happens after a relationship is over. You know that you deserve better, but I'm sorry that you had invested into this relationship.

If I had known what I know now, I probably would have cut my relationship with my ex boyfriend a lot quicker. He was still hung up on his ex girlfriend before we started going out, and as much as he tried to hide it from me, I still felt like something was "off" while we were together. Many times I gave him a chance. When I found pictures of her in his phone, computer, emails, texts from her throughout our whole relationship... even right after we had broken up and I found that they were still friends/followers on Instagram. It was then that I realized that I should have just listened to my gut instinct, and let the guy go. We were together for nearly two years and were even talking about marriage. We finally ended it last October, and I still feel a little hurt from what happened...
 

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Discussion Starter #3
xlyka;bt67082 said:
I think you are right in avoiding her. It's times like this that you need to listen to your intuition. You are probably just feeling some of the initial hurt and guilt that happens after a relationship is over. You know that you deserve better, but I'm sorry that you had invested into this relationship.

If I had known what I know now, I probably would have cut my relationship with my ex boyfriend a lot quicker. He was still hung up on his ex girlfriend before we started going out, and as much as he tried to hide it from me, I still felt like something was "off" while we were together. Many times I gave him a chance. When I found pictures of her in his phone, computer, emails, texts from her throughout our whole relationship... even right after we had broken up and I found that they were still friends/followers on Instagram. It was then that I realized that I should have just listened to my gut instinct, and let the guy go. We were together for nearly two years and were even talking about marriage. We finally ended it last October, and I still feel a little hurt from what happened...
Yeah, I wanted to avoid her, I thought it would be healthy for me, but the workshops and meetings I attend, I ended up going anyways. She wanted to talk to me, so I did, and things were cool, she spoke about how much she cares for me, how she is sorry that things went this way, that she is sorry. That she still wants to be with me, but she needs time to heal (mentally),, she really does want me, but she knows that she is messed up. She isnt cheating, Ishe is messed up due to what she experienced when she was a toddler, really bad stuff. For me she confuses me too much, going back and forth on what she says, and I really am starting to not like her anymore, which is the worst thing, because I really start not to care. And the sad thing is she will regret this.

I totally understand what yo saying, and I really am sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes I think relationships are just a waste of time, and better to focus on what one can do to make change in the world, than waste it on people who do not value your love. This girl asks me to move down to florida with her, and all this stuff. She brings up randomly.. she actually was bringing this up at the workshop this week. She knows the type of person I am, I say what I mean and I mean what I say, if I agree to something, I'm going to do it, without exception, period, unless the person says, they dont want to go in that direction anymore. But she kept mentioning it, being all emotional about it, etc But randomly a day later when I mention how about something relative to work and moving down to florida, she's all talking to me like I should look for other options. And I'm like, wtf is wrong with her. She then says, well its scary how affirming you are towards it, be flexible, saying that you are going to stay true to your word, etc. I'm like, wtf are you talking about, YOU are the one asking me to go. At this point I am starting to not like her anymore, she maybe just a little too messed up and maybe right that she should probably be alone, since she knows what she wants but is afraid of it
 

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xlyka;bt67082 said:
I think you are right in avoiding her. It's times like this that you need to listen to your intuition. You are probably just feeling some of the initial hurt and guilt that happens after a relationship is over. You know that you deserve better, but I'm sorry that you had invested into this relationship.

If I had known what I know now, I probably would have cut my relationship with my ex boyfriend a lot quicker. He was still hung up on his ex girlfriend before we started going out, and as much as he tried to hide it from me, I still felt like something was "off" while we were together. Many times I gave him a chance. When I found pictures of her in his phone, computer, emails, texts from her throughout our whole relationship... even right after we had broken up and I found that they were still friends/followers on Instagram. It was then that I realized that I should have just listened to my gut instinct, and let the guy go. We were together for nearly two years and were even talking about marriage. We finally ended it last October, and I still feel a little hurt from what happened...
but honestly, all this is probably my karma, because I really broke someones heart in 2014, she meant a lot to me, but just not in the romantic way and I took the relationship way too far before I had the courage to admit this. It took an old romantic interest of mine coming back from the past and telling me their feelings about me, that made me realize to what degree I had not gotten over her.... and how i wouldve so quickly throw this girl i was with to the side, just to be with this woman from the past. so i had to have integrity and break it off, for her own good, as I was staying in the relationship because having someone you do love but arent in love with, is better than being lonely with no one. so i cant really act like, i myself, have not hurt others. your post just made me feel a little remorse of conscious, as i feel i did something similar to your ex. It's not something I am proud of, and I wish, but you learn, thats the most important thing.
 

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Oh my.. when mental issues are involved, it can get pretty unpredictable. I don't know, but as for me, unpredictability can be quite uncomfortable, and I'd rather not put up with uncomfortable situations like that. Like, if I can't see myself in a long term relationship with someone, I just want to end it before I invest too much emotionally and I get too hurt. About the Florida thing, if I was in your situation, I'd probably lose my temper!!

I really broke someones heart in 2014, she meant a lot to me,
Oh dear.. I guess it happens. I mean, who wants to be lonely? And if there's someone who is so willing to give you everything, it can be tempting to take from them... It would have been nice if you had let her known about it sooner, but I'm glad that you dealt with it. And yes! As long as you take something constructive away from a situation to improve yourself, then that's good news already.
 

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xlyka;bt68090 said:
Oh my.. when mental issues are involved, it can get pretty unpredictable. I don't know, but as for me, unpredictability can be quite uncomfortable, and I'd rather not put up with uncomfortable situations like that. Like, if I can't see myself in a long term relationship with someone, I just want to end it before I invest too much emotionally and I get too hurt. About the Florida thing, if I was in your situation, I'd probably lose my temper!!
Yeah she has PTSD and has some serious depression at times. I have never been with a person quite like that before, but at the time I was willing to put up with it, because im a protector and I wanted to care for her. I told her I would die for her. But you know, I realize now, how misguided my feelings were in that circumstance. but yes she has mental illnesses, so I can understand her patterns, I dont blame her, it's okay. but i cant help but to feel sad about it. buts its fine. this is life, ya know. Yeah I loss my temper too, I sort of went off on text to her. something I never did, I regret it lol, but iI didnt call her names, just said how could she do this to me, i fing loved her, etc. But people change their minds, lol, it happens.



Oh dear.. I guess it happens. I mean, who wants to be lonely? And if there's someone who is so willing to give you everything, it can be tempting to take from them... It would have been nice if you had let her known about it sooner, but I'm glad that you dealt with it. And yes! As long as you take something constructive away from a situation to improve yourself, then that's good news already.
Yes. That was very much the circumstance, I didnt want to be lonely and she was great, although we didn't quite have the right type of chemistry, but we were there and we found solace in that. yeah it shouldve been sooner, but I was afraid to be alone, and I couldve been with her long term, but I didnt want to drag her along, when she can find someone else who could love her in a way i never could. I never took advantage of her, like, I never had sex with her, because of my feelings, and I cared about her enough to not let that happen, until this was resolved, as it would have really hurt her otherwise, as she had never been with anyone. I wouldnt want someone to do that to me, and I loved her enough, to do that for her.

Yeah I learned a lot, boy lol. I learned so much throughout all of these things, its incredible. Like that saying from the lama, If you lose, dont lose the lesson.
 
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