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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I think what fascinates me the most in life is relationships. Parent/ child, best friends, and lovers. But especially lovers :tongue:. So this is my question to throw to the gallery: ENFPs (and other types are also welcome to answer, but I'm curious to know how I stack up in comparison with my peeps) what do you bring to the table when in love? And what can you not live without in a relationship?

Let me start off with a huge, long, emotional and disorganized list to prove my ENFPness... :crazy:. (NT's, SP's and J's feel free to throw tomatoes at me).


Love. What love looks like to me:
Gentle, patient, romantic, caring, I'll-do-the-dishes, kiss-me-till-I-don't-remember-my-name love. I want to feel the connection. yes feel. feelings. If I don't feel the connection, then I can't be in the relationship. I need to see that you love me. Be proud to be with me. Kiss the top of my head when I'm feeling unsure of myself. Notice when I paint my nails or cut my hair. Rub my back when I'm feeling sick. Tell me ten times a day (preferably, or at least once) if I make you smile or you can't stop thinking about me at work. Introduce me to your friends as "the best thing that's happened to you". Give me space when I need it. Tell me I'm smart, funny, sexy, cute, gorgeous, silly, loving. Clean my knee when I scrape it. Stop and randomly kiss me on the mouth, and when I ask you why you did it, shrug and tell me it's because you love me. Sing me to sleep, even when you can't sing. Be willing to go to the moon for me if I asked, and do it cheerfully. Make me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick. If I can't feed myself, feed me baby bites of mac and cheese, and wipe my chin when I get sauce on it. Tell me your secrets and laugh at my jokes. Bite my nose. Surprise me at 3 am with a picnic basket and ask me to a moonlit picnic. Never let go of me when I cry. Let me bawl up on your lap and dig my head into your shoulder and sob mascara everywhere. Let me bare my soul to you. Let me cry out my fears. Never look down on me for loving people as much as I do, or for caring too much that someone else is in pain. Those are qualities that make me myself and I love them. Challenge me to give more, do more, love more, laugh more, care more, to be more optimistic and to never ever get bitter from life.

Communication:
Let me shut down if I need too. I swear that once I can internalize and figure out what it is that I'm feeling/ upset about I will open up and share it with you. Never shut down on me without eventually opening up. I will be patient until you do. Always be honest with me. Never tell me a half truth, unless it's to spare my feelings:mellow:. Tell me when your mad and give me a chance to explain my side of the story. I will apologize when I'm wrong. Fight for me when I get stubborn. Share your day and ask me about mine. Tell me your passions, your peeves, your dreams, your doubts and that one funny story about you and your best friend fishing. Tell me when I'm being arrogant or impatient, but do it out of love and a belief that I can do better. Stick up for me when someone trashes my name, even if it means you have to kick a few asses. Wink at me from across the room at a crowded party. Continue to use cheesy pick up lines on me. Make me laugh till I fall of my chair, gasping for air. Debate me. Never spare sarcasm. Tease me. But never push too far. Tell me you love me often, because I like to hear you say it. Don't wimp out. Don't flake out. Don't check out. Never say goodnight without telling me you love me. Believe the good for me when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and tell me it will be okay. Tell me I can do anything and be there for me if I fall. When I'm upset, sit me down and face me, place your hands on my knees and let me talk till I lose my voice. Listen to me attentively, interested, and hang on to my every word. Listen to me gush my dreams, and my plans to take over the world. Just listen. And talk. When you're wrong, own up completely, before I bring it up if possible, and sincerely and fully say you're sorry. never make excuses for your misbehavior. And expect that I never will for mine.

Affection:
Kiss my forehead, nose, eyelashes, chin, ears, mouth, bruises, scrapes, and broken heart. Just kiss me. Tell me I taste like chocolate:tongue:. Hold my hand when I look nervous. Give me a massage when my back hurts. Tuck my hair behind my ear when a piece falls in my face. Put your hand in my back pocket of my jeans when you kiss me. Wrap me up in your arms as if it's the last time you'll ever see me again. Fall asleep holding me. Offer to sleep on the couch when I can't sleep next too you because you move too much. Trace your finger tips on my ribs, arms, and neck.... just because you like too. When you kiss me, cup my face in your palms. Poke me. Tickle me till I beg for you to stop. Pick me up and throw me over your shoulder when I mess with you too much. Plan secret adventures. Race me to the car, and let me win. Place your hand on my heart when you tell me you love me to feel if it beats any faster. Dance with me slowly. Never refuse a dance with me. Bite me. Let me sit on your lap. Pick me up so I don't have to walk through puddles. Just pick me up. Make me feel small in your arms.


Patience:
When I can't decide what to wear and change my clothes ten times. When I forget my phone. When I burn our dinner because I was day dreaming and lost track of time. When I'm late. When I can't decide what to order. When I'm indecisive. When I'm cold. When I'm too independent. When I don't know what I'm feeling. When I cry. When I cry over the polar bear that died during the nature tv show. When I leave my clothes all over your room. When I laugh too hard. When I'm a perfectionist. When I'm messy. When I lose things. When I obsess. When I talk too much. Just be patient.

What I'll bring to you:

I will never expect someone to do something to me/ for me that I wouldn't do for them. So everything I mentioned in the above paragraphs I will openly and lovingly do for you. I will be playful, loving, caring, understanding, silly, passionate, affectionate and will move heaven or hell for you. I will fight for you until you tell me to let go. I will gush over how cute you are and shower you with loving acts and kindness. I will treat you like a king, if you treat me like a queen. I will surprise you at work by leaving notes on your car. kiss your windshield with red lipstick. bake you cookies and gourmet dinners. I will massage your sore back and bite your nose. I will challenge you to be a better person. I will be loyal and stay with you till the end of my days if you treat me lovingly. I will call you out when you're not acting kind because I believe you can do better. I will buy you flowers because I always thought it wasn't fair that only girls got them-- everyone loves pretty things. And I will respect myself enough that if I don't get those things, I will leave you.

**edit** by NO mean is this a personal add. NOR is this meant to be viewed as "why can't more men be like this" argument. It's just my take on relationships, and I want to hear the global connection and comparison to your take. So please no pity for me! I'm totally fine in life :happy:.
 

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Don't you just wish someone would read this and come swooping out of the woodwork to scoop you up and declare "I am exactly this person!" before carrying you off to some romantic destination? -_-;;; I'm so ridiculously romantic. >.> If that did actually happen, I don't know if I'd laugh or be terrified for my life.
-hug-
Don't give up! Someday you'll find someone...and even if they don't meet your standards to perfection, you'll love them enough to compromise (and they'll love you enough to compromise a little too)
 

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You listed most things I look for in a relationship but I'll give my own take on it I guess.

What I cannot live without in a relationship?

Handsome, intellectual, personable, confident, are very important to me, but if the most important thing is missing, the relationship could be doomed. Usually I'm attracted by physical attributes, the most obvious being built and height. I subconsciously look for things that compliment my deficiencies since I am completely attracted to my opposite. I know I sound a bit superficial, but if there is no sexual attraction between me and my partner, then I consider that relationship extinct.

If the physical features meet my needs, then my emotion begin to take over in the form of strong desire. This desire becomes merely an attachment and a clinging. I have had a number of horrible relationships in the past so that is probably one reason I am so clingy. Of course, this contributes to my communication needs as well. I need to freely express my thoughts and feelings to someone who I can trust and listen. So if communication fails, then I will not pursue a relationship with that person.

What I bring to the table when in love?
Respect, compassion, fun – all rolled up into one - and that one very important aspect that is the most important in a relationship . . . "Unconditional Love." If I have developed unconditional love towards a person, it is deeper than merely lust or attachment. It is me willing to jump off a bridge and diving head on to the ground. That may be exxagerating it a little, but you get the picture. :p
 

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The Doer King
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Look I know this is going to sound like an insult but it isn't. I feel really sorry for ENFPs You guys are truly attractive people and what you want is admirable. In fact I think many men CAN give you guys what you need BUT just for a few months. I can't speak for the NF side of the fence but the world is dominated by Sensor men I belive. We do feel and give emotion to the people we love but we cannot do it on a constant basis. Maybe SF can more but i think you would just get annoyed by seeing the emotion and not FEELING the emotion. I was dating/married to my ex wife for 17 years and so much of this you both mentioned has been said by here on multiple occasions. It isn't that I didn't love her or feel a huge attraction for her, it's just that I think many of us sensors lack the capability to do it on a consistent basis. I've read other stuff about you not liking men sometimes Charlie. Maybe some of them are assholes maybe not, but I think ENFPs need to come off their high mountains of hope and love and meet us somewhere in the middle.

Oddly enough my ENTP friend is similar in some respects. What she needs isn't unending love but it is still very precise and hard to live up to. Again, I am really attracted to your guys personalities and you can be great friends but I just don't envy you one bit.

Please don't hurt me :mellow:
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Look I know this is going to sound like an insult but it isn't. I feel really sorry for ENFPs You guys are truly attractive people and what you want is admirable. In fact I think many men CAN give you guys what you need BUT just for a few months. I can't speak for the NF side of the fence but the world is dominated by Sensor men I belive. We do feel and give emotion to the people we love but we cannot do it on a constant basis. Maybe SF can more but i think you would just get annoyed by seeing the emotion and not FEELING the emotion. I was dating/married to my ex wife for 17 years and so much of this you both mentioned has been said by here on multiple occasions. It isn't that I didn't love her or feel a huge attraction for her, it's just that I think many of us sensors lack the capability to do it on a consistent basis. I've read other stuff about you not liking men sometimes Charlie. Maybe some of them are assholes maybe not, but I think ENFPs need to come off their high mountains of hope and love and meet us somewhere in the middle.

Oddly enough my ENTP friend is similar in some respects. What she needs isn't unending love but it is still very precise and hard to live up to. Again, I am really attracted to your guys personalities and you can be great friends but I just don't envy you one bit.

Please don't hurt me :mellow:

Thanks for your candidness! Honestly, thanks. :happy: But I don't think what I want is unrealistic in either this post or the "why men suck" post. Which is alright. I'm aware that I have insanely high standards, but definitely not impossible (otherwise I wouldn't have been in love a few times previously ha). I would just like a guy who can keep up with me. And I don't expect perfection because I'm not perfect. I just would like someone who can love me like I love him. And please don't take this the wrong way when I say that I most likely wouldn't ever date an ST man. I think you guys are awesome and fun, but honestly you guys wouldn't want to date me either hehe. And if I don't find this than I'm okay with that. I'd be alright being single forever and being married to my art. But in truth I just need one guy who's willing to do this... and I'm sure there's at least one guy, somewhere. :happy:

And I like my mountain... I just want to see if there is anyone willing to climb it halfway... I'll climb down to meet him there and we can travel the world together. :wink:
 

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The Doer King
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Thanks for your candidness! Honestly, thanks. :happy: But I don't think what I want is unrealistic in either this post or the "why men suck" post. Which is alright. I'm aware that I have insanely high standards, but definitely not impossible (otherwise I wouldn't have been in love a few times previously ha). I would just like a guy who can keep up with me. And I don't expect perfection because I'm not perfect. I just would like someone who can love me like I love him. And please don't take this the wrong way when I say that I most likely wouldn't ever date an ST man. I think you guys are awesome and fun, but honestly you guys wouldn't want to date me either hehe. And if I don't find this than I'm okay with that. I'd be alright being single forever and being married to my art. But in truth I just need one guy who's willing to do this... and I'm sure there's at least one guy, somewhere. :happy:

And I like my mountain... I just want to see if there is anyone willing to climb it halfway... I'll climb down to meet him there and we can travel the world together. :wink:
Nicely said Charlie. Some ST are willing to climb up half way believe me. It just seems hard for you because there are so many people like me in the world. You arne't likely to meet many nice INF men out there. They are stuck in their houses. Shit I wish the INF women would go out more!

Damn you introverts!! Damn you!!!!!!!!
 

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Look I know this is going to sound like an insult but it isn't. I feel really sorry for ENFPs You guys are truly attractive people and what you want is admirable. In fact I think many men CAN give you guys what you need BUT just for a few months. I can't speak for the NF side of the fence but the world is dominated by Sensor men I belive. We do feel and give emotion to the people we love but we cannot do it on a constant basis. Maybe SF can more but i think you would just get annoyed by seeing the emotion and not FEELING the emotion. I was dating/married to my ex wife for 17 years and so much of this you both mentioned has been said by here on multiple occasions. It isn't that I didn't love her or feel a huge attraction for her, it's just that I think many of us sensors lack the capability to do it on a consistent basis. I've read other stuff about you not liking men sometimes Charlie. Maybe some of them are assholes maybe not, but I think ENFPs need to come off their high mountains of hope and love and meet us somewhere in the middle.

Oddly enough my ENTP friend is similar in some respects. What she needs isn't unending love but it is still very precise and hard to live up to. Again, I am really attracted to your guys personalities and you can be great friends but I just don't envy you one bit.

Please don't hurt me :mellow:
I think...that people in general have this idealized version of themselves that they believe is who they really are. It's entirely subjective and not always accurate....and ENFPs, in our quest to be genuine, likeable, and everything wonderful, try to morph ourselves into this perfect person. Especially girls. There's already enough pressure for girls in society to behave/look a certain way... and usually that's the outgoing yet demure woman who is a complete sex fiend...but only with one guy. The ENFP blinks and looks at this epitome of womanhood and goes "OMG I could totally be that! I'm fun and flirtatious, but I'll save something special for that one special guy." >.> And so, by either making ourselves into that character...or perceiving ourselves to be her equal, we sit and wait for the romantic hero to appear and whisk us off to adventure. After all, we've got all these wonderful attributes just waiting to match up to "THE ONE"
If you really think of romance novels, romantic comedies, etc...the heroine is almost always played off to be a very stereotypical NF. >< Disney's whole princess genre is built on the NF princess waiting for prince charming (with a few exceptions)
 

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You arne't likely to meet many nice INF men out there. They are stuck in their houses. Shit I wish the INF women would go out more!

Damn you introverts!! Damn you!!!!!!!!
we are damned. damn it.
 

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Charlie, your post identifies alot with me. If you don't mind, I would like to "Man-if-y" it a little. So, I'll fill in those gaps, but again, its almost the same. Just so you can see the correlation between on ENFP and another, I'll use the same sections.

Love:
Playfulness is the key to my heart. By being playful you can turn the key which open up my heart and soul to reveal almost anything you wish. By consistently acting cold, insensitive, and preoccupied, you can just as easily turn the key the other direction. Love is about connecting and feeling each other on a deep, intensive level. Love means acceptance of who I am. Its fine to disagree, but I often need to know you still love me when you disagree. Love is also about respect. I need to know that you admire me (to a healthy degree), are proud of me, and that you think I am leading well. Tell me (I can't read everything you know!) [Insert Charlie's description of love]

Communication:
I like my food salty, but my girl to be sweet. [Insert Charlie's description] Challenge me, if you must, but do so in order to make me better--and let me know off the bat you aren't attacking me, because I might not see it that way otherwise. Try to confront me in a calm manner: I don't want to yell at you, and I don't want to say anything that I would regret another day.

Affection:
I like a variety of pet names. If you don't like one, tell me and help me find another 4 to replace that one. Again, playfulness will gain you brownie points--and that's always good for both of us when I give you brownie points. If you're going to kiss me, kiss me with everything within you. Playful kisses can be used.... well, I guess almost anywhere :wink: Don't be afraid to touch me, hug me--crap, even hold me often. A hug speaks what words sometimes cannot even fathom. When the world outside is going to hell, I need to know that my girl is there for me to hold on to, even if for a minute. Affection comes in many forms, not just physical. Time is a way to show your affection--but its time where we are each other's focus (or at least each other's company is the focus). Another way is encouragement. I am optimistic, but sometimes I don't believe that the difficult is possible. That kind of support is needed, and sometimes often. Uhm... bacon is good. (Yeah, Charlie, though I think we had somewhat similar ideas here, I had to translate it into the Manish language :crazy:)

Patience:
I believe in growth--more than most people, but I'm still human. I'm not everything I want to be yet. I won't be everything you want me to be either. I will try. I will put effort, but life is a journey and I promise I will have more to offer on the table as time goes on. Be patient, please. When I'm more laid back than you'd prefer. When I laugh I see a(n) [insert animal] either get run-over or die in a humorous manner. When I become mildly dependent. When I second guess myself. When I come home and want to rest for a few minutes before talking (depending on the day). When I keep talking--and NOTHING flows together because its all random crap. When I want to be alone (its rarely a long time). When I just don't know. When I'm having a guy moment.[Yeah]

What I'll bring to you:
[Insert Charlie's description........except for the red lipstick :dry:] I will love you. I will hold you. I will be creative. I will lead you romantically,( and not resist you, supposing you choose to initiate) personally, and spiritually. I will give God the first place in my life, and you a close second.

So there it is, Charlie--hope that helped! :happy:

(Come get'm ladies :wink:) (jk)
 

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The Doer King
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This thread made me so fuzzy and warm... :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Nicely said Charlie. Some ST are willing to climb up half way believe me. It just seems hard for you because there are so many people like me in the world. You arne't likely to meet many nice INF men out there. They are stuck in their houses. Shit I wish the INF women would go out more!

Damn you introverts!! Damn you!!!!!!!!
Any NF will do. I'd be very very happy with a fellow loving ENFP or ENFJ. Or INFJ or INFP. :laughing:

*licks Charlie* you taste like chocolate :blushed:

ps. What if ones not a good dancer? Im quite clumsy.
It's okay. dancing skills are sometimes cuter when they are awkward.

Charlie, your post identifies alot with me. If you don't mind, I would like to "Man-if-y" it a little. So, I'll fill in those gaps, but again, its almost the same. Just so you can see the correlation between on ENFP and another, I'll use the same sections.

Love:
Playfulness is the key to my heart. By being playful you can turn the key which open up my heart and soul to reveal almost anything you wish. By consistently acting cold, insensitive, and preoccupied, you can just as easily turn the key the other direction. Love is about connecting and feeling each other on a deep, intensive level. Love means acceptance of who I am. Its fine to disagree, but I often need to know you still love me when you disagree. Love is also about respect. I need to know that you admire me (to a healthy degree), are proud of me, and that you think I am leading well. Tell me (I can't read everything you know!) [Insert Charlie's description of love]

Communication:
I like my food salty, but my girl to be sweet. [Insert Charlie's description] Challenge me, if you must, but do so in order to make me better--and let me know off the bat you aren't attacking me, because I might not see it that way otherwise. Try to confront me in a calm manner: I don't want to yell at you, and I don't want to say anything that I would regret another day.

Affection:
I like a variety of pet names. If you don't like one, tell me and help me find another 4 to replace that one. Again, playfulness will gain you brownie points--and that's always good for both of us when I give you brownie points. If you're going to kiss me, kiss me with everything within you. Playful kisses can be used.... well, I guess almost anywhere :wink: Don't be afraid to touch me, hug me--crap, even hold me often. A hug speaks what words sometimes cannot even fathom. When the world outside is going to hell, I need to know that my girl is there for me to hold on to, even if for a minute. Affection comes in many forms, not just physical. Time is a way to show your affection--but its time where we are each other's focus (or at least each other's company is the focus). Another way is encouragement. I am optimistic, but sometimes I don't believe that the difficult is possible. That kind of support is needed, and sometimes often. Uhm... bacon is good. (Yeah, Charlie, though I think we had somewhat similar ideas here, I had to translate it into the Manish language :crazy:)

Patience:
I believe in growth--more than most people, but I'm still human. I'm not everything I want to be yet. I won't be everything you want me to be either. I will try. I will put effort, but life is a journey and I promise I will have more to offer on the table as time goes on. Be patient, please. When I'm more laid back than you'd prefer. When I laugh I see a(n) [insert animal] either get run-over or die in a humorous manner. When I become mildly dependent. When I second guess myself. When I come home and want to rest for a few minutes before talking (depending on the day). When I keep talking--and NOTHING flows together because its all random crap. When I want to be alone (its rarely a long time). When I just don't know. When I'm having a guy moment.[Yeah]

What I'll bring to you:
[Insert Charlie's description........except for the red lipstick :dry:] I will love you. I will hold you. I will be creative. I will lead you romantically,( and not resist you, supposing you choose to initiate) personally, and spiritually. I will give God the first place in my life, and you a close second.

So there it is, Charlie--hope that helped! :happy:

(Come get'm ladies :wink:) (jk)
*beats off the other women with a stick to talk to you* wow. way to manify that rushing. But I honestly think you're selling yourself short.... a red shade of lipstick would look really great with your skin tone. (I would know, ya know....):crazy:

This thread made me so fuzzy and warm... :unsure:
Thank you I aim to be a warm and cuddly teddy bear. Or at least make other people feel that way. Do you have anything to add to what you give/ need? love to hear some more ideas.
 

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*beats off the other women with a stick to talk to you* wow. way to manify that rushing. But I honestly think you're selling yourself short.... a red shade of lipstick would look really great with your skin tone. (I would know, ya know....):crazy:

Thank you I aim to be a warm and cuddly teddy bear. Or at least make other people feel that way. Do you have anything to add to what you give/ need? love to hear some more ideas.
1) back off, jerkette

2) I thought you aimed to be a warm and cuddly cat? :confused:
 
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