Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello lovely people!

I've been in a relationship with an ESTP man for a while now; and honestly, it's probably my first healthy (romantic) relationship ever, and it feels nice.

Like any relationship, it definitely has its ups and downs. He pushes me to be more assertive and enjoy the here-and-now, and I push him to look at the big picture and consider his options before diving into something, although I do admire the way that he goes for what he wants without second-guessing it. While things have been going great for the most part, it sometimes feels like we don't speak the same language at all. It struck me this week just how often we would argue over something, only to realize after (a lot of) explaining that we've been saying the same thing but in completely different ways. And while we have a lot of fun together, our conversations turn pretty one-sided, pretty fast: he loves commenting on our surroundings and discussing the nitty-gritty details of tangible things, while I enjoy brainstorming story ideas, discussing dreams and indulging in the possibilities.

I'm curious to hear about other ENFPs who are or have been in a relationship, good or bad, with Si- or Se-doms (so ISxJs or ESxPs). What do/did you enjoy about them? If the relationship is going strong, what are your struggles, and how do you work around them? If the relationship failed, what triggered it, or what made you realize that it would fail?

Looking forward to reading about your experiences! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,151 Posts
And while we have a lot of fun together, our conversations turn pretty one-sided, pretty fast: he loves commenting on our surroundings and discussing the nitty-gritty details of tangible things, while I enjoy brainstorming story ideas, discussing dreams and indulging in the possibilities.
I'm not in relationship with Si/Se dom but it's easy to see that we don't speak and think in same language even without that. I can easily see that while communicating those types of people as friends, family members, colleagues and so on. I suppose there's not much to do about that either as people are indeed different :) For me it works the way that if I can't change the world around me, I'll adapt to what it is - but it's not always the best approach in long term.

My previous long term relationship was with Fe-Si and I missed the depth in thoughts and communication, experienced similar which you mentioned in quote above.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,259 Posts
That’s an odd question- si and se doms are entirely different from one another - polar opposite May even .
No experience with Si dom but I am married to an istp whos Se aux


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
  • Like
Reactions: NaughyChimp

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I'm sorry if the question seems strange. I've only started reading about the cognitive functions for a couple of months, so my understanding might be flawed.

I understand that Si and Se are quite different. Although my understanding was that the polar opposite of Si was actually Ne, not Se, which is why I was curious to hear about other ENFPs' experience with Si-doms as well. I've never been in a romantic relationship with an ISxJ myself, but it would be interesting to know what people who did have enjoyed or struggled with in their relationships with them (especially since ENFPs and ISTJs are often presented as natural opposites, for example).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,259 Posts
I'm sorry if the question seems strange. I've only started reading about the cognitive functions for a couple of months, so my understanding might be flawed.

I understand that Si and Se are quite different. Although my understanding was that the polar opposite of Si was actually Ne, not Se, which is why I was curious to hear about other ENFPs' experience with Si-doms as well. I've never been in a romantic relationship with an ISxJ myself, but it would be interesting to know what people who did have enjoyed or struggled with in their relationships with them (especially since ENFPs and ISTJs are often presented as natural opposites, for example).
Istj are very grounded - enjoys familiarity over novelty , tends to plan things in advance , stereotypically they enjoy routines - orders , are very detail oriented and factual - their mind works like a computer - I’ve never dated one because the perceiving in me is way too high- however think they’re great for enfps who needs somebody to take care of them or ground them
Se are more impulsive than Ne- so esxp are often time very action oriented - enjoy living in the moment ( though they bc more future oriented as they ages) tends to live out their 5 senses - needs novelty and most do not enjoy routines or orders .
Enfp estp can be a match made in heaven or hell depending on the energy level and if their values align or not.
I imagine estp and enfp - full of adventure- passion but would have to work harder on maintaining stability

Istj and enfp - boring - predictable but comforting or it could be turbulent bc they’ll view your strengths as weaknesses and vice versa


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
734 Posts
(Note before proceeding with story: we are getting divorced for reasons I won't discuss here only because I'm done discussing.)

Gosh a lot of that sounds familiar, lol. Well, my ESFP and I have never had problems with casual conversations turning overly sensory detailed like you describe, and I did my best to not overwhelm him with talks about the future and whatnot. It took time for me to adjust to him being so present-minded that he genuinely couldn't tolerate long-term discussions in high frequency. Meanwhile, I was raised by an INFP mom and had no clue that was really a thing.

I think the part that bothered me most type-wise was his belief that "the first answer is always the right answer". It often causes him to throw semi-important things in the trash before *really* checking to see if it's still needed, for example. And then sometimes he has to come to me and ask about the most trivial things, even after I already had my input, just to be sure he's doing it right. And I'm like, you're doing this all backwards, dude. XD

Another problem was him having more financial anxiety than certain situations called for. (Not entirely type related, but sort of.) I would often have to carefully go over each detail about why everything was at least relatively okay, or how things worked out in the past so they'll be fine now (before I learned about MBTI and understood my Si tendencies). To be honest, learning about MBTI helped us both quite a bit in those areas.

I'm just not good at noticing "stuff" around me, and he has had to redirect me a lot. XD He remembers directions to everything, usually on the first try, whereas I could have been there eight times and still keep forgetting when to turn left or something. It's pretty amusing to learn about local gossip from him because he overhears EVERYTHING that other people talk about. (Meanwhile, I was sitting next to those same people and only heard two words while I was playing Solitaire on my phone. XD)

One of the major ways we get along is through our shared sense of spontaneous adventure and love of art. He is definitely a performer.

And because it seems to come up in ESFP x ENFP relationship discussions, yes, the sex is legendary. And yes, the ENFP comes up with most of the ideas, and yes, the ESFP eagerly goes along with (almost) all of them. XD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I hope you're doing OK. :(

Also, thank you for your response! The point about "the first answer is always the right one" is very relatable. My ESTP does the same thing and will be really stubborn about it, especially when it comes to immediate problems. He'll get some kind of sudden "insight" on how to fix the problem, act on it without thinking, and completely tune you out while you try to make him see that it's actually not a good idea. :s I've learnt to just back off and let him do his thing when he gets in that "automatic" mode (unless what he's doing could get someone injured).

The relationships are definitely fun, as you described (adventure-wise and sex-wise). Maybe a little bit chaotic? xD
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top