Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello NT's :p I just think it's good to get balanced perspective of both feelers and thinkers when it comes to issues like this.

This was a thread I posted in INFP forum:

I was tested as type 4. I suspect it is a time of my life that I need to be even much more open to constructive criticism/advice regarding my weaknesses.

So feel free to help me/mould me however you want/can.

I desire a more practical, grounded personality for myself because I need it or else I might forever be stuck in lala land.

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Fours

* Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves" (Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
I don't know how else to understand myself better as a whole than my own deep feelings? I guess the issue is I find it hard to sometimes make a more objective analysis of myself because my feelings have often gotten in the way.

I would feel as though I had drowned many times after fighting for dear life. 'That the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves' I get guilty too easily. What if I have hurt people more than I realized and that has been a major cause for so much destruction in my life?


* Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world.
I honestly don't know how to work too well without inspiration. I always need some love, spark, X-factor motivation, I can't help it. How do I remind myself to be consistent without having to rely too much on that ''inner'' inspiration?

* Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you.
I always need more time than expected, because what if I make the same mistakes again?

I don't want to undergo positive experiences without enough of my personal meanings attached to them. I cannot help it. I wouldn't feel like going out with friends or even meeting new people unless I feel that it is meaningful and deep enough to do so. I admit it's quite unhealthy and it has resulted in me wondering if my idealism is destructing me and getting in the way of my social needs, but I pay too much attention to meaning, value and avoiding past mistakes. I want my interactions to almost never be superificial. My expectations are complex at this point of my life.

* A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.
Excessive fantasizing just creates such a nice reality to escape to :blushed:

I guess I have to try and eat, sleep more healthily, but what if I end up over thinking?

* Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.
I often play very dramatic ''movie scenes'' in my head, some that would make the public laugh to tears. This dramatic side of me has undoubtedly made me a highly idealistic charismatic lover, interesting friend and creative philosophical writer over the years, but it has also been a source of unhappiness and instability in many other parts of my life.

I am now completely open and honest about my flaws.

Help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,541 Posts
I always need more time than expected, because what if I make the same mistakes again?

I don't want to undergo positive experiences without enough of my personal meanings attached to them. I cannot help it. I wouldn't feel like going out with friends or even meeting new people unless I feel that it is meaningful and deep enough to do so. I admit it's quite unhealthy and it has resulted in me wondering if my idealism is destructing me and getting in the way of my social needs, but I pay too much attention to meaning, value and avoiding past mistakes. I want my interactions to almost never be superificial. My expectations are complex at this point of my life.
You need to accept that life is going to be a balance of deeper and more superficial experiences. You'll never have to let go of valuing deep relationships, you don't have to lower your expectations, but you need to broaden them. Life is about learning how you can find happiness in your environment.

What past mistakes are you trying so hard to avoid? Mistakes are important, they're how we learn, but they shouldn't limit us. If your past mistakes are limiting you, you aren't learning from them at all, you're surrendering to them. NT-style thinking would be helpful for you here. So you've made a mistake - what was wrong with your approach? How can you adjust your approach to promote a better outcome in the future?

I guess I have to try and eat, sleep more healthily, but what if I end up over thinking?
You're over-thinking now. Maybe there isn't an answer you can find by worrying and analyzing. And sometimes you have to get roughed up a bit in life in order to find what you want and follow your dreams. See, I can be idealistic too. But the best thing is being idealistic and then applying that to your real life and living it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
You need to accept that life is going to be a balance of deeper and more superficial experiences. You'll never have to let go of valuing deep relationships, you don't have to lower your expectations, but you need to broaden them. Life is about learning how you can find happiness in your environment
I see your point there. Although I value what I define as 'depth' personally, I need to also ''let go'' from time to time and attempt to find the happiness that can easily be found in some superficial experiences, for example the small things in my environment.

Perhaps I should also be ''living more'' in the present moment rather than just romanticizing the past and worrying too much about the future.

I'm sorry if I sound incoherent. I am aware sometimes that NT's have trouble understanding what I say. I have a way of not being able to communicate literally.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top