[Way of the Sword]

Which one would you rather receive from people and why?

I've put a lot of thought into this, and why I do not believe they are mutually exclusive I do believe it's difficult to receive both from people. Thinking about my personality type, naturally I move towards the like because I seek harmony within relationships. However, when my toes get stepped on too much, I may go into rage mode and that like is quickly transformed into fear and respect. It's here though that people follow me, and because I only want the best for people...it's here where I feel at times I am the most influential in helping people even if it seems counter productive.

My questions are, why or why not respect and like appear to be mutually exclusive to you, and which would rather have if you had to pick just one...

 

[CptKickerCutleg]

To like somebody, you have to respect some facet of their personality, their achievements, actions, mannerisms, something about them which makes them better than the others in some way.
However, you don't need to like somebody in order to respect them. As an example, I give you the game company Rare, I respect that they make amazing games, and that they're a ma-hoo-sive money maker, but I don't particularly LIKE them, because they refused me for work experience so many years ago, on the basis of the school I went to.

Therefore, I'd rather be liked than respected.
If you are liked, it is easier to gain respect anyway, because you're noticed just that little bit more.

 

[Llamarider]

Hmm, well, I think that I'd prefer to be respected. If I only seek to be liked, than I feel that that can give way to being "stepped on" when feelings are insincere. Example: I could be liked by my friend, but then she could easily use this bond to ask me excessive favors even though she does like me.
Example: My friend, in fact one of my closest friends, loves me but we can never work together because she can't respect my perspectives and ends up attacking my opinions.

To be respected to me is quite significant. It represents other people's trust and higher opinion of me. Even if I were to be disliked, that trust means that my opinions and actions were not ignored. My insights would not be tossed to the side, but seriously considered. And I feel that if I were to be respected, then that in itself is also a form of social harmony, for that means there is room for agreement, there is thought, trust, and less disconcert among the group. There would be a sense of open-mindedness among us.
EDIT: Example: There is this organization that I find quite snobbish and arrogant, but the fact that they had been so successful in their fundraising is a feat that I highly respect. As a result, I trust their advice, and I have an admiration of them that allows me to get along fairly well with them even as friends.

But I'd also like to point out that "respected" and "liked" do have their ties that connect the two ideas.

 

[CptKickerCutleg]

It's an interesting thought to think that those that like you would abuse that bond by asking excessive favours, but even more surprising (to me) would be that you think of it as abuse.

I regularly go out of my way to help people with no thought for reward, as their satisfaction, a smile, or even just a thankful nod, is all the reward I seek. I don't see it as abuse of my friendship, because I know that by helping them, I feel useful for once, as well as the fact that I may learn something new.

As an example:
One of my friends on an old forum was going on holiday and would have limited Internet access, and I was the only person she trusted enough to give her email address to so she could talk to somebody.
So we'd chat and I'd ask how she was feeling, and it was all very open and friendly, and as soon as she got back, that stopped, and she found a new set of friends, and we stopped talking.
I'm not going to lie and say I was unfazed, but I wasn't offended either.

I'd done my task, I had been there for her when she needed me, and when she didn't need me, who was I to cling on and force her to acknowledge my help? No, I let her be, and I wish her the world, because in all honesty, I'm little more than a deadweight anyway.
She experienced my friendship and moved on, she asked me to go out of my way and I did it for her, not for her respect or her friendship, but out of my respect and friendship towards her.

I could quote dozens of similar stories, but none are abuse of friendship or lack of respect, only humanity's drive to be stronger than it already is.

Friendship comes with respect, otherwise, do they really see you as a friend, or just a tool?

 

[Llamarider]

@CptKickerCutleg I find your thoughts quite interesting as well, especially that one bit: "If you are liked, it is easier to gain respect anyway, because you're noticed just that little bit more."

You see, I'm far more stubborn. I don't like being taken advantage of. Though I also tend to go out of my way for the sake of others, I do not appreciate when they take these loyalties and ask for more. I mean, if they're perfectly capable of doing it themselves, but they choose not to because they're "lazy" or anything of the sort, I'm not so willing to do the task for them. I enjoy helping others, don't get me wrong!, but if they're going to rely on me for something they can do just as well, then I see it as unnecessary. However, this does not change the fact that they like me or that I like them.

Besides, just because someone likes you and gets along well with you does not mean that they will respect your opinions all the time. Some people are rather biased and refuse to see from others' perspectives, even those of their closest friends.

But it makes me wonder. Perhaps, because our views are opposite, but both seemingly connect one choice with the other, maybe indeed "respect" and "like" are tied. If you are liked, you can be respected. And in my case, if you are respected, you can be liked. Maybe the question needs to be reworded as in "respected but feared, vs liked but disrespected" haha. Just a thought.

 

[Zech]

Interesting questions.

Consider these four:

1. "I like him and I respect him"
2. "I like him but I don't respect him"
3. "I don't like him but I do respect him"
4. "I don't like him and I don't respect him"

I think all these can happen apart from 2. Is it possible to like someone but not respect them?

3 is certainly possible. You can imagine a situation in a war where a general has great respect for a general of the opposing side. Or two political opponents who don't like but do respect each other. (Plus many other examples).

Liking is perhaps an emotional response, partly (or even mostly) unconscious.

Whereas respecting (in the absence of liking) is deeper, more considered.

If you've ever stood up for anything important you'll most likely have made enemies. It's probably therefore a bad sign if "everybody" likes you. Whereas if you take a stand on something people may well respect you even if they disagree with you and don't like you because of it.

So....

If i'm right that 2 above isn't possible then it's better to be liked because that will automatically include being respected as well.

But in that you can receive respect from your enemies (as well as from people who like you) maybe respect is the more important.

However it's bad if people respect you but no-one likes you. (Eg we can imagine a formidable, powerful leader who lacks warmth and is unable to connect with his people. He's repected & feared but not liked).

Conclusion: For now I'll go with better to be liked - but am not convinced. I need to think some more plus read what other people say here.

 

[jenecis]

Respect.

I'll put a different spin/way of reasoning to this, just to make it interesting.

If you make it your life's mission for everybody to like you, you will sooner or later become a doormat and you lose your sense of self. (E.g. disregarding your own feelings and values just so someone can like you).

However, if you make it your life's mission for everybody to respect you, it entails you doing great and wonderful things in order to command such a level of reverence, contributing to society as a whole, and, in the process, achieving a higher level of self (articulation). (E.g. think about the kinds of people that the world respects (and this is just my personal opinion, feel free to conjecture others): Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs, Gandhi, JK Rowling etc. etc.)

[Of course the above assume that 'like' and 'respect' are mutually exclusive, when, in reality, they are not].

 

[Raain]

I am not sure if society respects people for the right reasons, people with money or power or untalented celebrities for example.

Think I'd rather most people just thought of me as 'a nice guy' and yeah what @Zech said makes perfect sense you can't like a person and not respect them so if you are liked you must be respected to some degree.

I think I feel negative connotation's to the word respect anyway.

 

[Coil]

The word respect seems to hold two meanings to me. One would be to have respect for a person because of their qualities. This usually entails seeing the person as an equal or perhaps even a superior. So can you like someone and not see them as your equal? I suppose... there's always the lovable fool that isn't really admirable in any way, but is a delight to be around. Some people might even like you because you don't overshadow their abilities. In most cases I expect people will respect the persons they like though.

The other meaning I was thinking of was to treat people with respect. In theory, it's possible to treat everyone with respect, even though you don't regard them to be admirable at all. So I might think you're the biggest idiot in the universe, but I'll voice my disagreements in a civil manner. This kind of respect is what I would not want to live without, since it would allow people to walk right over me, never consider my opinions, etc. I don't need people to admire me though.

I think I might have lost track of the question for this thread.... Basically, I think it's hard to separate the concepts, but it's more important for me to be liked than respected, as long as people treat me like a human being.

 

[unico]

Being liked is more important to me, though I do get angry when I'm not respected. And I agree that *true* liking includes at least a bit of respect for the person. I mean, I like my cats and I have basic respect for them. So even for non-humans I think the respect is somewhat innate to liking.

 

[jenecis]

I am not sure if society respects people for the right reasons, people with money or power or untalented celebrities for example.

Yeah, but it could be equally said that not everybody likes people for the right reasons too

(E.g. liking someone because they make you feel better about yourself, liking people because they are perceived as the 'cool' kids at school, liking people because of the way they look etc. etc.)

[Not that I'm disagreeing with you - just playing the devil's advocate]

 

[Vivid Melody]

Well I like my dad but I don't respect him one bit and never have so it's definitely possible. My husband feels the same way about him. I like him as a person...he's just a petty, insecure and therefore controlling man - this type of person I could never respect. If he were to change, he could gain my respect but he doesn't even know I don't respect him. Just because I don't respect him doesn't mean I don't respect his emotions and rights as a human being etc. That is a different thing entirely (respecting the person vs. respecting their needs). I am still sensitive to him even when he does something insensitive. I try to be patient and loving.

As for me, it's impossible for me to not like someone I respect. I can't respect someone I don't like. The two go hand in hand for me except in the last case but that is the opposite.

As to which I would rather, would it be selfish of me to say I desire and NEED both? Because I don't want to choose lol. One is empty without the other. All right, if I had to choose one, I'd choose respect, only because people usually like SOMETHING about the people they respect.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Respect!

I don't care if people like me.

 

[Ramysa]

I'd go for the respect too. Being disrespected can be more hurtful ( for me, at least) than not being liked. I don't expect everybody to like me, that's impossible, but i do wanna be respected just as i am being respectful .

 

[Raain]

Yeah, but it could be equally said that not everybody likes people for the right reasons too

(E.g. liking someone because they make you feel better about yourself, liking people because they are perceived as the 'cool' kids at school, liking people because of the way they look etc. etc.)

[Not that I'm disagreeing with you - just playing the devil's advocate]

Damn ye see this is what I hate about this forum it's like trying to argue with yourself :tongue:, I was actually going to mention that people might not like others for the right reason either, but decided against it. :laughing:

Most people probably do like others for the right reason though and by like I don't necessarily mean they have to be great friends but just like the person because he is a friendly nice person. The ones that do only like people who are cool or because they look good or any other stupid reason I couldn't really care if they liked me or not.

You can see though that people don't respect people for the right reasons like if a soldier dies in Afghanistan and a famous celebrity dies at the same time few care about the soldiers death.

 

[Llamarider]

Though I still prefer respect, it seems many of us agree that the two are not really mutually exclusive. :tongue: