Responding to Compliments

like insults... neither one tends to be that constructive.

although I'd rather hear the insults to my face

and the compliments behind my back.

Sure, when dealing with compliments I usually start an insecure smile, and try to explain that "It wasn't that special, really, it's only normal for me to do that. . ."
I get really uncomfortable.

One of the things about MBTI typology of INTP's was that we don't seek compliments or rewards, but recognition of our capabilities.
Sadly not many people know how to make that distinction, including my own ISTJ-boss.

What's wrong with "thanks"?
It's straightforward and genuine.

When I get compliments the first thing I do is question the sincerity and the motivation behind it. I think this makes it difficult for me to act grateful even if the giver is truly being sincere and I come off very awkward in response. It's odd for me because I want recognition for my work and ability but upon receiving it I don't know how to react. Another factor that may play into this is compliments seem to be reserved for the extroverted types that toot their horn while I tend to draw little attention to myself or efforts. Seeing this pattern makes me skeptical of the occasional unexpected compliment and I'm caught a little off guard.

Neverontime said:

What's wrong with "thanks"?
It's straightforward and genuine.

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Because when you give me a compliment it feels like I have been indebted to you for some reason, and we hate being indebted, be it monetary or socially or emotionally, we prefer to give you one more gift than we received, because only that way we can be 100% sure (well almost 100%) that we aren't indebted.

And to top it of : we didn't even ask to be indebted as such, we didn't do X or Y because we wanted thanks or attention, but because we could. And maybe because we realized it could make things easier for you, or just to show off our capabilities (to both others and to ourselves).

THANK YOU! I THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS POST! IT HAS BEEN VERY ENLIGHTENING AND EJUMAHKAYSHUNAL IN ALL SENSES AND ALL JAZZ!!


If I'm predicting correctly, your response would be a stern, cold, answer 'Why are you trolling me? Go away.'

Therefore, responses to compliments should be cold, stern, glare to person "Why are you trolling me? Go away." Toss in a 'please' if desired.

*Superstar!!*

Neverontime said:

What's wrong with "thanks"?
It's straightforward and genuine.

Click to expand...

I tend to mutter a thanks but it's still an awkward moment, that's the point.

I try to appear humble, but I probably just end up making myself look conceited T.T (then again, that thought probably just makes me think that I look conceited).
I also wonder if they're complimenting me sincerely or just making fun of me. The people in my school enjoy mocking people in that way, it's rather annoying.
I rather be told, "You improved!" than "You ____ amazingly!" I don't care whether it's amazing or not, I care if I've improved. What good is being "amazing" if you can't get better?
Talent alone is not a reason for doing something. Improving and enjoyment are much more important.

You guys are all pretty amazing, I’m a big fan of your work. Especially that one time when you did that shit with that thing and we didn’t see it coming, oh yeah, good times. And remember that one post ? Classic stuff.

Sometimes I don't know how to answer and it goes a little like this:
- "Nice shirt."
- "Uh, yeah... it's pretty good, I like it too. uuuhm, yeah... I mean... I guess... Thanks, yeah thank you... your shirt is also nice (what the hell am I saying? change the subject, quickly!)"

Does being complimented also make any of you people feel like you have been put in the spotlights?

While I do appreciate recognition for what I might have done, I'd much rather have it in the form of respect, instead of being made uncomfortable by being made a centre of attention.

I'm an introvert god damn you, I do not like to bask in peoples attentions, it doesn't energize me, it's draining for me.

qingdom said:

If I'm predicting correctly, your response would be a stern, cold, answer 'Why are you trolling me? Go away.'

Therefore, responses to compliments should be cold, stern, glare to person "Why are you trolling me? Go away." Toss in a 'please' if desired.

*Superstar!!*

Click to expand...

I wish that were the case.

I remember one time, I had this girl tell me I was 'super cute' and I ended up making a blank expression before saying "uhh... yeah, okay" after almost a minute of awkward silence. My friend wouldn't stop laughing at my reaction.

BUtheBabyUnicorn said:

I also wonder if they're complimenting me sincerely or just making fun of me.

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When someone compliments me, I look into how they said it. Their tone of voice, facial expression, and timing of the compliment are all factors in determining whether they were serious or not. My usual response either way is just "uhhh... thanks I guess".

Yesterday, someone in my class that I don't really talk to said that he liked my shoes. I replied with, "Oh. Umm. Thank you," I proceeded to look at my shoes, then stare at him for something to say back. The best I could come up with was, "I, umm, like your ... shirt?" To be fair, I did like his shirt.

It depends on who says it, how sincere they were being, what I think their motive is and whether I was expecting it. Oh, and whether I agree with them. Generally, it's easier to just smile and say, "Thank you!" Sometimes compliment back. Depends on what they said to me. Sometimes I go all modest and stuttery because I don't want to appear arrogant. Usually it's, "You're really good at ______!"
"Oh, well, I-I'm not that good at it. I just -. Thanks." That or silence and blushing.

I'm pleased when I get compliments. I just haven't perfected the art of responding to them yet.

Draco said:

Because when you give me a compliment it feels like I have been indebted to you for some reason, and we hate being indebted, be it monetary or socially or emotionally, we prefer to give you one more gift than we received, because only that way we can be 100% sure (well almost 100%) that we aren't indebted.

And to top it of : we didn't even ask to be indebted as such, we didn't do X or Y because we wanted thanks or attention, but because we could. And maybe because we realized it could make things easier for you, or just to show off our capabilities (to both others and to ourselves).

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Ok, just get the world to stop giving you compliments then!

I answered the OPs question with the best alternative i've come up with for myself. Since the whole giving/receiving compliments is (I think, correct me if I'm wrong) mostly Fe, which is also a weakness for my type.

What answer did you want?
I'm confused.

I do have a question that's relative to this...

when someone thanks your post... do you then feel some kind of obligation to offer something in return?

Or when they quote something you said and gave you a compliment... then debating with yourself on whether or not you should thank the comment? (with or without the obligation to do so... so many sides to consider.)

I usually just say "Thank you," and smile.

Rift said:

I do have a question that's relative to this...

when someone thanks your post... do you then feel some kind of obligation to offer something in return?

Or when they quote something you said and gave you a compliment... then debating with yourself on whether or not you should thank the comment? (with or without the obligation to do so... so many sides to consider.)

Click to expand...

I always thank the compliment. It's someone's good intention whether it is accurate or not.
I try to thank things that I smile or chuckle at mostly, but usually end up thanking good posts from posters I enjoy reading.

Iamtp said:

I always thank the compliment. It's someone's good intention whether it is accurate or not.
I try to thank things that I smile or chuckle at mostly, but usually end up thanking good posts from posters I enjoy reading.

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I do some of that too... actually I think I may be a little trigger happy on thanking people.

Even where my question isn't the issue.... those ever pressing determinations of standards of what is actually worthy of praise. I suppose for the better part of it... I tend to "thank" them to shorthand what I could say to them instead.

But I was really heading more to how do you feel being on the receiving end of it.

My occasional anxieties to this is probably relative to being that I'm still new here...

so even as I jumped into everything (avoiding the introduction -- which would have been ever more awkward)... I'm still finding my way in regards to interaction here. Which also extends to most scenes (offline) of where I'm uncomfortable with receiving compliments.

Although It's not so much the problem with the compliment (although I do tend to be dismissive of most) but rather gauging what's the expected or appropriate code of behavior.