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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm pretty sure most of us failed at something whether it being a test in school, a post on PerC, or your intentions that you executed to your optimum ability. Whatever it was, you failed.

As for me, I do feel a little disappointed initially, but I don't dwell over it. When it comes to school subjects, I know that given a little more thought, I can succeed. And I will put forth my efforts constantly regardless of time because rational concepts are always within full reach because anything rational is capable of being solved.

However, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, it's a different story. You can't manipulate people in the same manner you can manipulate your thoughts to overcome something. So, if a relationship gets out of hand (after I tried making amends), I usually drop the connection, set the hiking stick forward, and move on from there.

Call me a quitter, but, honestly, most relationships with people are irrational and can not be understood. Therefore, I see it as a waste of time and struggle to fix, unless it's my family (in which case, I compromise like a sucker to almost any demands). Of course, interpersonal skills and healing-time is a tactic when making amends. But as an introvert, that doesn't come naturally.

I don't know if failure is a big part of your lives but I realized that I can tackle any matter easily if I set my expectations low to begin with. That way, when I do fail, it doesn't come as a shock and can effortlessly solve the matter given time.

So,how do you respond knowing that you failed? Do you feel discouraged and give up quickly or do you tackle it again with confidence? Now, I know that I'm being vague so you can narrow your personal experience to anything that's relevant.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I. Hate. Failing.
The process is usually a pendulum between intrapunition and extrapunition:

Self-criticism (Fuck Me) > catastrophizing (Fuck My Life) > misanthropy (Fuck the World) > rationalization (Well, Fuck!) > defeatism (Fuck This Shit!) > affirmative action (Fuck Yeah!)
Excellent post. That describes my warped mind after failing as well. Sometime, it's so frustrating, I'm like,"what's the point?". The sad thing is, it's hard to block out and is usually inevitable no matter how insignificant the task was.
 

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I. Hate. Failing.
The process is usually a pendulum between intrapunition and extrapunition:

Self-criticism (Fuck Me) > catastrophizing (Fuck My Life) > misanthropy (Fuck the World) > rationalization (Well, Fuck!) > defeatism (Fuck This Shit!) > affirmative action (Fuck Yeah!)

exactly this, except I've never reached the affirmative action side. what is this, and how can I get there?
 

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I dwell on my failures big time. I analyze everything I did wrong, what I could have done better....and it just sits and twists in my gut until I finally get distracted by something.
 

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I realized that I can tackle any matter easily if I set my expectations low to begin with. That way, when I do fail, it doesn't come as a shock and can effortlessly solve the matter given time.
Hmm. It may work for you, but I found if I regularly used this method, I barely get anything done at all. There are times, I believe, where you actually have to say to yourself "I can do this" and set about it with a positive "win" attitude.

Yeah, I hate failure. Yeah, I cut myself up with it. There have been many times when I've wished the ground had swallowed me up. But if I set too low an expectation on myself, I am no use to myself or people around me. I can think of a time where if I had quit, or said "I'll just have to see how things go"....I would have lost my job. (I was basically on a final warning. Three strikes, I would have been out)

Maybe it's maturity, but although I don't like failure, I don't fear it. I don't think about failing, but if it comes (and maybe a temper tantrum with it) - I recover, I learn from it, I move on...

And I rarely make the same mistake.
 
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exactly this, except I've never reached the affirmative action side. what is this, and how can I get there?
Well, it involves kicking our three primary functions (Ti Ne Si) in the nuts first. Then manipulating them instead of the other way around.

So: obtaining a pragmatic perspective after realizing that it is not dismal from every angle/after considering other aspects [of reality], despite contraindications of past experiences; not overanalyzing, and finally flowing with things as they move forward.


(I apologize for any inconsistencies in this drug-ridden/written post.)
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Hmm. It may work for you, but I found if I regularly used this method, I barely get anything done at all. There are times, I believe, where you actually have to say to yourself "I can do this" and set about it with a positive "win" attitude.
Let me clarify: I and everyone else should set their expectations to the highest when working towards success and, as you said, give 100% attitude. It's when I'm predicting the outcome is when I keep my expectations low. Of course, I hope the outcome to exceed my expectations, but if I don't, then I get tangled up in a intrapersonal conflict that makes me unstable (self-critical,doubtful) and discouraged to crack-back at what I failed on. I don't know if it's wisdom or lack of maturity, but it really sets me in the right direction with my "response to failure".

I think this clears up what I was trying to get at in my original post.
 
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I procrastinate, or run away if I can. If I can't, I can usually adject things so that the failure would not be so crushing.
 

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Let me clarify: I and everyone else should set their expectations to the highest when working towards success and, as you said, give 100% attitude. It's when I'm predicting the outcome is when I keep my expectations low. Of course, I hope the outcome to exceed my expectations, but if I don't, then I get tangled up in a intrapersonal conflict that makes me unstable (self-critical,doubtful) and discouraged to crack-back at what I failed on. I don't know if it's wisdom or lack of maturity, but it really sets me in the right direction with my "response to failure".

I think this clears up what I was trying to get at in my original post.
Get your drift - still can't agree with you - but thanks for clarifying. It may change as you get older.:happy:
 
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