[scorpion]

Does anyone else feel that typing someone is some what an invasion of their privacy and can actually harm your relationship with them?

I've come around to the conclusion that I shouldn't type people and that if a person knows their type and tells me then it's a different matter but otherwise typing = bad.

This is hard though because my curiosity gets pleasure from knowing someones type, but then it spoils the fun of getting to know someone later on in many ways. Not totally but in . ..many ways.

Does any body else have this problem?

 

[SharkT00th]

I have yet to find this to be true, helping others type themselves opens up a whole new perspective to them. Typing someone is not an absolute measure, it's really a guideline of how they operate. Everyone is unique and different and if typing others takes the fun away, then perhaps you need to learn to open up and see how everyone else is unique. If you do this with typing, then what else are you doing it with?

 

[scorpion]

I have yet to find this to be true, helping others type themselves opens up a whole new perspective to them. Typing someone is not an absolute measure, it's really a guideline of how they operate. Everyone is unique and different and if typing others takes the fun away, then perhaps you need to learn to open up and see how everyone else is unique. If you do this with typing, then what else are you doing it with?

Hmm. Well I guess it could be in part do with me being closed minded I won't deny that but, just for example I recently typed a friend as an ISFJ. And you know how ISFJs are loyal? Well, later on he said something to the effect of I never leave people and instead of really appreciating the true meaning of these words, the fact I knew he was an ISFJ and ISFJs are supposed to be loyal just kind of ruined it. Like by no means is it the end of the world let alone the relationship but idk it just bothered me is all.

 

[Meadow]

It's just more information, such as noticing someone is fat, skinny, withdrawn, noisy, has blue eyes, is trustworthy, has a degree, etc. Information leads to greater understanding of any subject, and personality typing itself is neutral, any good or bad use of it being something we create. The fact that I know more about people than they know about me is their choice, since I'm always talking about personality typing and how it can be used to better understand each other. It doesn't take away any of the fun of relationships for me or I likely would stop using it.

 

[JungyesMBTIno]

Ohmygod, yeah, I would never use MBTI on someone IRL (the closest I've ever come to using MBTI on anyone IRL would be with JCFs - I never dared go farther - you really don't want to convince yourself that what a person is showing to the world isn't what they want you to see - it is always what they want you to see - your mind is not playing tricks on you, everything they show is pure organic Mr. someone, or Ms. someone). I mean, in a way, it almost accidentally kind of helps you to really get to know people better for who they really are when you just end up noticing how much the person doesn't have anything to do with the stereotypes, but unless you have social relationship issues, it's not really necessary to try to unearth people this way (and DO NOT let them know about that either - that will be the nail in the coffin). I let people's personas speak for themselves - you could very well have two people of totally different types with the exact same persona. The enneagram is way better for actually "typing" people - it has observational credibility - MBTI is definitely crude here. The only functions whose activity tends to stand out to me much at all would be how people direct their judgments - this is where people tend to appear a little more archetypal - perception is not very obvious - it seems like a know a lot of Pe doms that don't clearly ring Ne or Se easily and the Ni doms tend to keep it to themselves a ton to the point that they might be the absolute masters of almost escaping typology. I frankly, just try to notice trends about people on my own - why even both with a ready-made classification system if you've got your own powers of observation to go by (in line with Jungian ideas).

 

[electricky]

A little bit of typology, used wisely, is sure a whole lot better than not asking those questions and going back to just dismissing that person as crazy when they think differently than you.

 

[Death Persuades]

I came here thinking that maybe I was harming my relationship because I wrote her on the computer too much... :S

 

[magi83]

Does anyone else feel that typing someone is some what an invasion of their privacy and can actually harm your relationship with them?

I've come around to the conclusion that I shouldn't type people and that if a person knows their type and tells me then it's a different matter but otherwise typing = bad.

This is hard though because my curiosity gets pleasure from knowing someones type, but then it spoils the fun of getting to know someone later on in many ways. Not totally but in . ..many ways.

Does any body else have this problem?

Hmmm, I could be wrong but it seems like you are seeing behaviour as a consequence of type theory concepts rather than seeing type theory concepts as a mere theoretical explanation as to how different individuals function cognitively.

Although I am still only have a rudimentary grasp of MBTI and the underlying concepts developed by Jung, what I can see is that there is a lot of distracting nonsense around on the internet. The type descriptions need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Generally speaking, I find type theory to be very useful in my interactions with others. It has already allowed me to develop strategies for interacting with people who see the world through different lenses who I may previously have bumped heads with.

 

[Donovan]

the personas shouldn't be a problem if you actually know the person though, if you can get a sense of drives the persona (although being "correct" is hard to prove to others or even yourself)

i have had a person that got... upset for lack of a better word. i say that because he usually doesn't get upset or show emotion, except for irritation, before he removes himself from a situation (Ti-dom). he never came out and said it, but i could tell that he felt as if i had "sneakily" pried into something personal that he'd rather have kept hidden--but to me, it wasn't something he was truly hiding, and if anything the only thing he hid was that particular bit of knowledge from himself (the fact that he thought he was hiding anything)... i was kind of shocked and felt bad, so i just dropped it all together. i saw it as a "cool topic" that i thought he'd enjoy, but that experience has kind of turned him off of it.

i think the "typing" would only be harmful to the degree of how narrow your own view is when using it (in any sense of the word, whether through believing that MBTI/Keirsey got it spot-on and being unable to see how one base [certain dichotomy] can lead in more than one direction, or in not taking into account the impact the information or the mode in which it's delivered can have on a person). but if approached "correctly", why would it be bad to open someone up to this? or to even try to type someone, as long as you keep the thought in your head that what you're seeing will need to be constantly evaluated and tweaked.

 

[Meadow]

I should add... When I type people I've learned to say that they're acting like this or that type. It took quite a long time to see that my mother likely wasn't ISFJ but an ISFP responding to life with an unhealthy Enneagram 8 ESTJ husband.

I take what people give me, see the pattern and respond to that, sometimes understanding later their type is different than what they show. Even understanding their behavior in more depth is helpful, and some of the typing methods I've read about, such as Kolbe Conation, go entirely by behavior.

Edit: As celticstained said in more depth as I was typing this up.

 

[SharkT00th]

If you treat the types as a collection of cognitive functions which are tools there is no problem. The way in which a person uses those tools is what defines them.

 

[All in Twilight]

I think this is a good question. I do tend to type but only if I am absolutely sure. An ex of mine is an ISFJ but when I was dating her, I was not familiar with the MBTI. I think it would have helped me somewhat to understand how she processes information.
We had a bad break up but today we talked to each other again after a year. I was so happy when she apologized! Sorry, I had to tell someone I dislike bad break ups and leaving things unsaid.
Coincidentally she started investigating the MBTI as well and she indeed tested as an ISFJ. I don't think I would ever exploit this information though but rather use it to our advantage if the "normal way" doesn't work. A relationship demands courage and the will to listen and understand each other. The MBTI is just something I see as a bonus but should never be the foundation.

The lady I started seeing after this ex mistyped me (she thought and probably hoped that I was an ENTP) and because she valued the knowledge of the MBTI too much, she misunderstood me. She acted in such a way sometimes that I am still asking myself what the hell she was thinking....oh well. Not my problem. I hope she has found the ENTP of her life

 

[scorpion]

A little bit of typology, used wisely, is sure a whole lot better than not asking those questions and going back to just dismissing that person as crazy when they think differently than you.

what? I would never think someone crazy for thinking differently than me. :S

wait a second . . .is this post ironic or what. XP

 

[JungyesMBTIno]

I can deal with typology okay - I think where I get hung up is making assumptions from it.

 

[scorpion]

All I was saying is that it takes away some element of surprise and being an ENFP or just someone who likes to be surprised whatever I don't especially like that. :/ But at the same time finding out their type is a surprise that I so easily fall for? for lack of better term.

 

[scorpion]

Hmmm, I could be wrong but it seems like you are seeing behaviour as a consequence of type theory concepts rather than seeing type theory concepts as a mere theoretical explanation as to how different individuals function cognitively.

Although I am still only have a rudimentary grasp of MBTI and the underlying concepts developed by Jung, what I can see is that there is a lot of distracting nonsense around on the internet. The type descriptions need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Generally speaking, I find type theory to be very useful in my interactions with others. It has already allowed me to develop strategies for interacting with people who see the world through different lenses who I may previously have bumped heads with.

@first pragraph: what's the real difference between the two?

@second paragraph: I could not agree more about the type description thing.

@thrid paragraph: see I have difficulty with this. Would you mind sharing some of your strategies for dealing with other types?

 

[Raichu]

For me, I always think about everyone's type. >.< I mean, not everyone's, but I find myself talking to someone in a store or in class or something and wondering "Hmmm, well they seem like a J..." or "Let's see, I'm definitely getting some Ne from them..." I just can't help it sometimes. But for me, I don't see typing as taking away from people. I see it as adding on to them. Like, if you identify someone's type, you can either think "I'm taking away other possible characteristics," or you could think "I'm adding on characteristics." For me, I don't ever think knowing more things about people is harmful. I mean, unless it's a bad thing. But there aren't bad types, so we're good there. But like, if your friend tells you their favorite music genre, you don't think of it as restricting. You think of it as adding more dimension to them.

typing someone is some what an invasion of their privacy

I can see what you're saying with this, but I don't think it's invading anyone's privacy to take what you already know about them to infer more. Like, if someone is actively trying to hide something about themselves-- like if they're really insecure about their brown hair, and it reminds them of their abusive uncle who also had brown hair so they dye it blond or something, and then you find a box of blonde hair dye and start snooping into their past to find out what their real hair color is... I'm trying to give an example of how learning about someone would be an invasion of privacy, and it's a bad example, but I hope it makes sense. If someone's trying to hide something, it's not your right to dig deeper behind their back. If you just notice things about someone, though, things they're not trying to hide, that's not invading their privacy. Like, most people don't try to hide that they're an extrovert or a feeler or whatever, so it's not rude to acknowledge it. Or like, one of my sisters, the one who introduced me to MB in the first place, types herself as an ENFP. And even though sometimes I doubt it, and I really think she's more Fe/Ti than Te/Fi, I kind of feel bad digging deeper into it and analyzing her and stuff, because I wouldn't want my siblings questioning my type behind my back. So I guess I think it's a different story if someone's already decided what type they are. If they have, then you shouldn't question it, even if you think they're wrong. If they haven't, though, I don't think it does any harm to figure it out for yourself. And I admit, I do sometimes think about whether my ENFP sister is really an ENFP, but the reason I think she's not an ENFP is because of the functions, but she doesn't know hardly anything about the functions. It's not like she's telling me she's Te/Fi and I'm just ignoring her, you know? I think if she did get the functions, she'd probably agree with me. That's the difference, though, that's why I think it's okay sometimes and not other times.

he said something to the effect of I never leave people and instead of really appreciating the true meaning of these words, the fact I knew he was an ISFJ and ISFJs are supposed to be loyal

It sounds like this is a problem of assuming too much about someone because of their type. Like, giving in to stereotypes and stuff. You know what happens when you assume, right? When I type people, at least, I almost never accept it as absolute unless I've talked to them about it and they agree with me. Even my sister, who I really think is an ESTJ, when she read the description she wasn't really sure it was her, so I respect that. We both agree that she's ExxJ, and the Ne is just so obvious. She's got a lot of Ne. Sometimes I do wonder if maybe she's an ESFJ, because I do seem to get Te and Fe mixed up sometimes. :\ But I don't think I did this time. And sometimes I wonder if I got it wrong just because sometimes the Ne is just so much and so obvious, like she's like NEEEEE and I'm like "ugh am I sure that's tertiary?" Especially because she's only 17, she shouldn't have so much of her third function, right? Anyway, I don't like to ever think of someone's type as set in stone, and especially not without their input, so I don't assume characteristics specific to their type. Like, if I guessed someone was an ISFJ, and then they said "Yeah I'm like super loyal," I wouldn't think "Uh yeah duh cuz I already think you're an ISFJ," I'd probably think "That's cool to know, and reinforces my idea that you're an ISFJ." And like, if I thought my friend was an ISFJ but didn't know whether or not they were loyal (well, for one, loyalty doesn't really determine type,) but also, I wouldn't just assume they were loyal because they were an ISFJ. I'd just leave the loyalty thing a question mark until it was confirmed or denied, and then use that new knowledge to reexamine their type.

it spoils the fun of getting to know someone later on

Like I said, there are so many other things that go into someone's personality, and there are so many things that can't be determined by type. I know it sounds stupid and cliche and stuff, but everyone's different and special in their own way. I think if you think you know things about someone that you really don't, just because of their type, then you're doin' it wrong.

Guys, I just realized I've been working on this post for hours. Literally. I need to learn to shut up and just post already.

 

[Blacktide]

I do not have this issue, in fact I prefer talking to people through text before I talk with them in person. This is due to me being an INTJ and needing a lot of depth in my friends and lovers. I am also an introvert so my social energy is precious and typing helps me get a broader social exposure without tiring me out. Also I have a lot of depth myself and I do not run out of topics of conversation easily.