[MisterD]

Directed primarily at my fellow ENTJs...

I got caught up in a deep & meaningful over the long weekend. During the conversation I was asked what my type of women were, what my views on women were & what my views on romance were over the long Easter weekend. When I got home I looked at the ENTJ articles to see if anybody else had written anything interesting.

I was re-reading the articles in the ENTJ forum & came across this

"The ENTj is, deep inside, a romantic (although he will forcefully deny this). He believes in love in a nearly childish way: pure and idealistic. He rarely lets people know about it, but he is rather a sensitive person inside. When he falls in love with someone it can take incredible proportions. He can idealize the other person and put them on a pedestal. The ENTj hides this softness behind a big psychological fortress that makes him look tougher than he really is. Take the time to get to know an ENTj. Once you're in his close circle, you're in for life"'

In all honestly, the description is quite relevant to me. I definitely have a big psychological fortress. I put everyone to the test & can't just let anyone in too easily. As much as I would want to, I just can't do it. My instincts simply do not allow it. There's just a nagging inside of me.

In the context of meeting the right woman..
I don't know about "idealizing the person" & "putting them on a pedestal" but I will value her greatly & she will be most precious to me. I prefer the metaphor of walking the journey along side them.

I believe the main cause of romanticism (for me) was watching Disney movies over & over again during my childhood years. Although I may not be the white knight in shining armour, that most likely describes another MBTI type? I believe I am more a grey knight, I live my own life path & if romance comes my way, I will embrace it. It will be hard to detect because of how I am, but she would have to be able to detect that I do care.

In one of the ENTJ threads I wrote that I did not believe in love. I do not, I believe it is an empty word that has no weight. However, I do believe in romance, loyalty, trust & a few other things (cringing as I write this, oh my!). I'm not too fond of words, but I am fond of action. "Love" at a loss for words, is in my opinion, something that is seen & experienced, not said. What weight does it have to simply say "I love you?" Stupid.

I also related to "once you're in his close circle, you're in for life." To quote an old ENTJ thread "push her off a cliff & if she survives, she's worthy."

My question is, how much of a romantic are you?
What are your views on romance?

 

[Chipps]

Let me start off by saying +1 million to your entire post. I related heavily too it. You took the words right out of my mouth and it couldn't have been said better.

I could go on of course, but in lieu of rambling, and getting off on a tangent, I'd just rather answer the questions:


My question is, how much of a romantic are you?

Well, I'm only 22 and have had a grand total of 2 relationships in my short time on this earth so I don't think I have enough of a history to gauge how romantic I am, but I do have a lot of potential to be pretty romantic. If I care about someone, they become the most important person to me and I really go out of my way to make/keep them happy and comfortable. I'm really good a gift giving and will remember some small obscure thing you mentioned in passing while watching a movie and then go out of my way to acquire it for you. I try to be pretty cognizant of the persons needs and desires and try my best to fulfill them.


What are your views on romance?

Someone once told me that men were the true romantics, and that women didn't understand what true romance meant. Well my masculine normal female brain says poppycock. I think romance, love etc have all been watered down. I certainly don't like the modern examples of any of them. Romance, like love, can't really be put into words. I think it is conveyed to another person through a series of actions, signals (glances, touches), and I want to say there is an energy or vibe about it that is projected outwardly.

Hmm...talking about this is making it painfully honest how inferior my feeling function really is. I want to say: "Romance is an energy that comes from my gut.", but I feel like that would be too simplistic. I'll stop rambling now.

 

[MisterD]

Let me start off by saying +1 million to your entire post. I related heavily too it. You took the words right out of my mouth and it couldn't have been said better.

I could go on of course, but in lieu of rambling, and getting off on a tangent, I'd just rather answer the questions:

My question is, how much of a romantic are you?

Well, I'm only 22 and have had a grand total of 2 relationships in my short time on this earth so I don't think I have enough of a history to gauge how romantic I am, but I do have a lot of potential to be pretty romantic. If I care about someone, they become the most important person to me and I really go out of my way to make/keep them happy and comfortable. I'm really good a gift giving and will remember some small obscure thing you mentioned in passing while watching a movie and then go out of my way to acquire it for you. I try to be pretty cognizant of the persons needs and desires and try my best to fulfill them.


What are your views on romance?

Someone once told me that men were the true romantics, and that women didn't understand what true romance meant. Well my masculine normal female brain says poppycock. I think romance, love etc have all been watered down. I certainly don't like the modern examples of any of them. Romance, like love, can't really be put into words. I think it is conveyed to another person through a series of actions, signals (glances, touches), and I want to say there is an energy or vibe about it that is projected outwardly.

Hmm...talking about this is making it painfully honest how inferior my feeling function really is. I want to say: "Romance is an energy that comes from my gut.", but I feel like that would be too simplistic. I'll stop rambling now.

speak your mind freely!

 

[MsBossyPants]

Great thread idea, @MisterD

Romance and the right person?:

Like MisterD wrote: walking the journey along side them

Exactly. Hubby and I are together, have been for a long time, and are in it "for the duration" We know each other well, know what the other wants and needs and think like a unit, rather than as individuals. Where will I be 5 or 10 or 20 years from now? We'll see. But the one thing I'm sure of is that, if we're able, we'll be beside each other. I find that to be the most romantic thing possible.

Romance for me is defined like this: It's like when you see a couple in their 70s or 80's who been together for longer than you've been alive and you see them calling each other pet names and still holding hands after all that time, you see how happy they are, and you smile and think "I want to find someone whom I can love and trust that much. Someone who has got my back. Someone who can make me laugh, and make me feel that good even after all that time."

@Chipps , agreed. It's a vibe. It's something you can feel and something others pick up on.

What's romantic to me?
You know how it feels when someone who is interested in you or someone you are in a relationship with calls up the florist and sends you a dozen red roses? To me ... a nice gesture, but not romantic.

For me, this was romantic: Hubby knows I like yellow roses. He also knows that I work from home and spend a great deal of time in my home office. One day, he surprised me by planting a bunch of yellow rose bushes just outside the window of my office. His comment? I know how much you love them, now you can see them everyday.

Knight in shining armor with a lance and a white steed? No. Middle-aged married guy with a shovel and Honda with a roomy trunk for picking stuff up from the garden center. But, yeah.

*sniff* ... great ... now I need a Kleenex

 

[Chipps]

Romance for me is defined like this: It's like when you see a couple in their 70s or 80's who been together for longer than you've been alive and you see them calling each other pet names and still holding hands after all that time, you see how happy they are, and you smile and think "I want to find someone whom I can love and trust that much. Someone who has got my back. Someone who can make me laugh, and make me feel that good even after all that time."

You know, I'm scared that people don't think like this anymore. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hate and for any reason it seems. Its like a damn marry go round. Hop on hop off at the end of the song. I never wanted a wedding or rings or all that fancy crap. I just want to commitment, the loyalty, the devotion etc.

Maybe that attitude is too old fashioned though.

EDIT: In a perfect world, I'd be in one of those happy 50+ year long marriages. Sigh.

 

[MsBossyPants]

You know, I'm scared that people don't think like this anymore. People get married and divorced at the drop of a hate and for any reason it seems. Its like a damn marry go round. Hop on hop off at the end of the song. I never wanted a wedding or rings or all that fancy crap. I just want to commitment, the loyalty, the devotion etc.

Maybe that attitude is too old fashioned though.

EDIT: In a perfect world, I'd be in one of those happy 50+ year long marriages. Sigh.

Because you think that way ... you've got a shot at it.

 

[Starting0ver]

I was married for 25 years but definitely to the wrong person. When it was good, it was awesome. When it was bad, and it often was, it was hellish. I divorced about 5 years ago and have been dating, but it's been hard since I'm a rare bird of sorts (ENTJ + Mensan). Add in the trust issues (yeah, you have to be let in or climb the wall first!) and I realize I don't have much of a chance.

Still, I want romance; I'm a very romantic and thoughtful lover myself and would love to have the same attention I give to my partner (when I have one). The problem is I think that for an ENTJ woman over 50 it's probably not a realistic option. I do what I can to add romance to my life in other ways.

 

[MNiS]

I'm not really much of a romantic. Although I used to have idealized notions of love and romance when I was younger, I believe that companionship and reciprocity are much more important than loving words or romantic acts.

Although, if I really like a woman I'd probably write and read poetry or do things I would otherwise consider too embarrassing to do under normal circumstances. She'd have to be really damn special though. In terms of every day romance though, I think something as sweet as seeing two old people still happily together and obviously in love to be the greatest romantic gesture a couple could show toward each other.

 

[n2freedom]

I relate to much of what you have written and the description. However, I don't put people through the test. I gauge trust more from instincts and observation. I do tend to idealize the person and put them on them on a pedestal if I truly love them and have bonded with them. I'm totally guilty as charged.

This is why I am overly cautious about who I allow myself to bond with. And, bonding is very, very rare for me. Also, can't say that those who do make it to my inner circle are in for life. I will cut people out of my life under certain circumstances irregardless of how I feel about them and/or how close I am to them and/or their relationship to me.

But to answer your questions.....
My question is, how much of a romantic are you? I'm a die hard romantic when I am head over heels in love. And, I am consistently romantic as long as the fires in my heart burn hot and intensely.

What are your views on romance? I think romance keeps the "juice" in the relationship and it lets the other person know that your thoughts and feelings toward them are renewed constantly. I don't always think of romance in the "fairy tale" type of way.

I think romance is the little creative, thoughtful, meaningful things you do for someone else because it makes your heart light up when you think of the smile your gestures will bring to your love interest. Romance for me is individualized and it is expressed differently and is contingent upon my observations and gut instincts as it relates to my love interest.

 

[hello HELLO]

"The ENTj is, deep inside, a romantic (although he will forcefully deny this). He believes in love in a nearly childish way: pure and idealistic. He rarely lets people know about it, but he is rather a sensitive person inside. When he falls in love with someone it can take incredible proportions. He can idealize the other person and put them on a pedestal. The ENTj hides this softness behind a big psychological fortress that makes him look tougher than he really is. Take the time to get to know an ENTj. Once you're in his close circle, you're in for life"'

Yeah, wow. I've done all of this.

I often wonder why it is this way. Since we are extroverted, it is just strange how we go to extraordinary lengths to keep this part of ourselves hidden. Up until a point, at least.

I'm quite bipolar when it comes to the opposite sex, haha. I am usually not "warm" towards people I don't like/respect. But when I really like/respect someone, it becomes so, so obvious, as the words of affirmation just start pouring on. And it's like a switch has been flipped, all of a sudden I'm acting like a girl.

I really, really go out of my way to make them feel like the most special person in the world to me. I'm constantly doing things to show them I care, even "sacrificing" myself at times, and it all just makes me happy knowing that they are happy. Die hard romantic, very, very deep inside.

But this happens very rarely. I often find myself wishing that I can like people more to really try. I like that side of myself, but I don't feel that everyone is worth my time or that everyone "deserves" it.

 

[Kyandigaru]

My question is, how much of a romantic are you?
-I'm very romantic. I love pleasing my partner, which is why I dread being single. I love the messages, candle lights, giving small little thoughtful gifts and writing little love notes every once is awhile. Just to see him smile.

What are your views on romance?
-Romance is something that needs to be done by BOTH parties. Not just the man, but his woman as well. If the gestures are over looked then the romance could potencially die over time. Its gazing into each other's eyes, the rubbing on the back and the stroking of the face is all needed... lol

 

[Miso]

This is me, being an ENTJ and not wanting anyone to know about it.

Okay, fine-

Deep down inside, I'm the girl who reads Pride & Prejudice and gushes over idealistic romances. Idealistic as in: Without conflict, some anxiety, and the chase - romance isn't quite as intriguing. The Darcy & Bennett romance story is my idealistic version of a romance story.

 

[2eng]

Ok let me start by answering the questions.
1.) How romantic are you?
I like to think that I am very romantic. One of my favorite things to do us surprise my wife with little romantic gestures, whether it be flowers, chocolates, lingerie (obviously this one weighs heavily in my favor, lol), or just a "you look beautiful" comment when I walk in from a long day at work. I love to talk love and future. I love to make plans of romantic getaways and vacations. To me taking a candle lit bath and just holding my wife and talking about anything is amazing. I have had some of the best sex this way. You can be extremely connected both physically and mentally, just looking deep into her eyes gives a sense closeness and passion. I also enjoy the dinner out just sitting and catching up with a nice glass of wine or martini. We have this restaurant we go to where we sit at the same location (kind of a tradition when we go there) and just fully enjoy each others conversation. The feelings that rush over me when we go there just throws me back to fantastic memories. Anything can be romantic if you just sit, listen, talk and simply enjoy each other.

2.) I think you may know my views on romance by now :blushed:. I believe romance is a necessary part of relationships. I believe it helps to spark passion and love. I believe, simply it let's the person your with know, "After all the years and all the experiences we've shared, given the chance to go back and re-write the past I would still choose you! "

 

[wiarumas]

Romance for me is mostly internal. Its "love" as I know it. Its dedication, respect, thoughtfulness, etc. Its acting like a gentleman and submitting yourself to another person. The white knight thing resonates with me a bit although its more of an ideal in my head.

In reality though, it comes out different. I'm not that romantic even though it exists inside.

I think a good example of this is that I hate buying cards for people. Its somebody else's words, not mine. And that means something to me.

 

[Enfpleasantly]

Ok let me start by answering the questions.
1.) How romantic are you?
I like to think that I am very romantic. One of my favorite things to do us surprise my wife with little romantic gestures, whether it be flowers, chocolates, lingerie (obviously this one weighs heavily in my favor, lol), or just a "you look beautiful" comment when I walk in from a long day at work. I love to talk love and future. I love to make plans of romantic getaways and vacations. To me taking a candle lit bath and just holding my wife and talking about anything is amazing. I have had some of the best sex this way. You can be extremely connected both physically and mentally, just looking deep into her eyes gives a sense closeness and passion. I also enjoy the dinner out just sitting and catching up with a nice glass of wine or martini. We have this restaurant we go to where we sit at the same location (kind of a tradition when we go there) and just fully enjoy each others conversation. The feelings that rush over me when we go there just throws me back to fantastic memories. Anything can be romantic if you just sit, listen, talk and simply enjoy each other.

2.) I think you may know my views on romance by now :blushed:. I believe romance is a necessary part of relationships. I believe it helps to spark passion and love. I believe, simply it let's the person your with know, "After all the years and all the experiences we've shared, given the chance to go back and re-write the past I would still choose you! "

<3

10char

 

[2eng]

<3

10char

Don't worry, I won't let you fall :tongue:

 

[Angelus]

Lol, I asked my ENTJ boyfriend if those things were true. I didn't paste the topic or anything (he never reads any links I give him, in fact he despises if I link psychology stuff haha), so instead I just "modified those into my own words" and asked him.

His reply:
"Probably not...I mean...That would be embarrassing.

Awful questions.
I don't know how to answer that!

SOB I just want to watch my anime"






...SCORE MUAHAHA. I mean uhh... ^^' I know I caught him by surprise because normally he would answer very differently haha. This thread made me happy.

 

[Chipps]

Lol, I asked my ENTJ boyfriend if those things were true. I didn't paste the topic or anything (he never reads any links I give him, in fact he despises if I link psychology stuff haha), so instead I just "modified those into my own words" and asked him.

His reply:
"Probably not...I mean...That would be embarrassing.

Awful questions.
I don't know how to answer that!

SOB I just want to watch my anime"






...SCORE MUAHAHA. I mean uhh... ^^' I know I caught him by surprise because normally he would answer very differently haha. This thread made me happy.

Yea, he is definitely lying. Lol. Don't expect him to admit to it openly, but if he's ENTJ he can probably relate a lot to what we wrote.

 

[Angelus]

Yea, he is definitely lying. Lol. Don't expect him to admit to it openly, but if he's ENTJ he can probably relate a lot to what we wrote.

Haha yeah I know. I could see that it was secretly true. ^^ Purr <3 Now I can let it go...For a while. :crazy:

 

[MNiS]

Lol, I asked my ENTJ boyfriend if those things were true. I didn't paste the topic or anything (he never reads any links I give him, in fact he despises if I link psychology stuff haha), so instead I just "modified those into my own words" and asked him.

His reply:
"Probably not...I mean...That would be embarrassing.

Awful questions.
I don't know how to answer that!

SOB I just want to watch my anime"






...SCORE MUAHAHA. I mean uhh... ^^' I know I caught him by surprise because normally he would answer very differently haha. This thread made me happy.

It sounds like he's never really thought about it more so than him lying about it. If he hasn't thought about it though, it's likely he's not very romantic. That's a little "Guys 101" for you.

Yea, he is definitely lying. Lol. Don't expect him to admit to it openly, but if he's ENTJ he can probably relate a lot to what we wrote.

And I thought chivalry was dead. Believe it or not, while I relate to what's been written by other ENTJ here I don't do the "Knight in Shining Armor" thing anymore. Maybe when I was younger, but now? Nah.