Personality Cafe banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
547 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I think I have reason to doubt my sanity.
Haha, okay, it's not that bad yet, but I have a horrible habit of getting infatuated with guys who are sort of strangers. I want to see if you ENFPs experienced this before.

I first became infatuated with my friend's brother - but I had hardly spoken to him, apart from once, for a bus ride, where he seemed nice but I also found him very attractive. Not only was he physically attractive to me, but also was a sort of "lone wolf" kind of guy, which I really dug.
The infatuation lasted on and off for 4 years, which is ridiculous, as I had minimal interaction with him, until the fourth year, where I started talking to him more. And then it disappeared because I started liking a guy (who I knew better).

Now, it's happening again; I met this guy at a music competition audition over the weekend and I literally interacted with him for a total of like 5 minutes. He was good looking in a rough kind of way, he sings and he smokes, which I (unfortunately) find attractive. We'll both be in at the music competition's finale and I'll see him again, but my silly brain has decided it will be infatuated with him, and now all I can think of is all the possible scenarios in which we will meet. The same symptoms were present in my first infatuation.

my infatuation symptoms include:
- listening to a lot of Muse, because songs like "hysteria" and "time is running out" kind of encompass the feeling of obsession that happens in my head
- thinking about the guy for the whole day (not very healthy, especially if I don't actually know him)
- thinking of all the possible scenarios in which we would meet again, and what we would say and do (that's Ne for you)
- running through our interactions again and again in my head
- being convinced they are attracted to me

On the other hand, my general confidence has spiked since my first infatuation, meaning that I might be able to get more out of this current one.....
but honestly, this is a kind of disturbing part of my mind, forming a faux emotional bond so quickly to someone I don't know well.

Have any of you fellow ENFPs experienced this? What happened?
Does anyone know why this may happen?
What can or should be done about it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
Oh yeah. Be careful though, I've realised by now it's your fantasies of who this person could be that you're really in love with, rather than the reality of who they are simply because you don't know what the reality is yet! Infatuation is to an extent an enjoyable feeling, so don't worry about it so long as you don't do anything stupid... besides, initial attraction is how relationships start, but you then ought to try getting to know them to see if there's anything there worth developing :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,437 Posts
I did this a lot in middle school and a bit in high school. Eventually you will have a real relationship, understand what it's like and stop crushing on strangers but rather just ask them out and find out whether or not they really have potential. Crushes like this are based on your hormonal compulsions and your idealization of someone's shallow characteristics. You might be thinking, "No, but I see his soul!" That may be true, but his soul isn't going to be what makes or breaks a relationship - that will be his habits, choices, beliefs and desires. And you can't really know those until you get close with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
547 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I did this a lot in middle school and a bit in high school. Eventually you will have a real relationship, understand what it's like and stop crushing on strangers but rather just ask them out and find out whether or not they really have potential. Crushes like this are based on your hormonal compulsions and your idealization of someone's shallow characteristics. You might be thinking, "No, but I see his soul!" That may be true, but his soul isn't going to be what makes or breaks a relationship - that will be his habits, choices, beliefs and desires. And you can't really know those until you get close with him.
HAHAHAHHA yep, the hormonal thing is completely it!!!
I'm aware that I haven't "seen their souls" but it's just kind of like an OH MY GOSH HE'S SOOOOOOOOOO GORGEOUS. But getting to know them can put an abrupt end to it all, as it happened with my first infatuation-person, who wasn't the kind of guy I would like to date.
Urm, I'm going to sound like a jerk....but I'm in a relationship right now. 10 months long, was going nice and strong, he was the perfect-est in the world, and now BOOM. But I think if I don't see music-smoking-guy (and fyi I DO know his name, if I don't know much else, haha) for a while the infatuation I have with him will die out.

@chimeric (nice suggestion about the writing/arts/music fodder) and @damiencoold yes, I'm pretty young. I'm 17, so I guess that explains my silliness :3 Why does it go away when you're older?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,611 Posts
Why does it go away when you're older?
I've gotten more confident and don't see people as Out Of My League anymore, which means turning them into epic heart-throbby superheroes is less likely to happen. Also, my hormones have mellowed out. When sex is a thing that's currently happening, I get very excited and into it, but my brain doesn't go "SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX" all the time when it's not available, the way it used to. Well... it does sometimes, but way less.

I think it's natural to have crushes when you're in a relationship. I actually find those fun to talk about with an SO. An obsession is a different beast, though. Not going to tell you it's a sign you should reevaluate whether your relationship is working for you, but...it might be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
ENFP romance the idea of what could be. I'll be honest i didn't read your entire post, but i got the jest of what you were saying. Your Ne will tell you all sorts of things, don't rule that out either, what you believe is probably right. The problem is this, you might become so infatuated with what could be, raising the stakes so high it might disappoint you in the end. I remember having high expectations from my relationships, and when they didn't come close to my ideals, it left me disappointed. ENFP are dreamers, we imagine what would be ideal in our perfect world, not many people will live up to those expectations.

As you get older you will become more aware of your Ne and how to use it in relationships. Personally i have really high standards with people, and add ideals to the mix -......you won't settle for anything less than you think you deserve. At your age i would be dating lots and having fun, trust me any guy you date over the next few years will probably be history in the bigger picture. Don't stress, guys are a dime a dozen. You will learn from your experiences, ENFP do amazing in the relationship department once we are mature, and well developed. Until then, have fun, explore, learn and don't let these teen relationships define you.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
16,000 Posts
It's a crush. Yes I still get them with women I barely knew. They last years. I have an obsessive mind.

and lol at smoking being attractive. not saying it is necessarily unattractive, but attractive? really?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
547 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Okay, just came back from a date with the guy I'm going out with and POOF there goes my infatuation with the other dude. I just momentarily got distracted, is all. :kitteh:
I think what happened was "what if I went out with this interesting looking person?" and then I ruled it out because there's a high probability the other guy is not as mature and chivalrous as my current boyfriend <3 <3 <3
@FearAndTrembling SHHHHH blame the "smoking-is-attractive" mindset on James Dean and brainwashing from the media. Also I guess it's because I've never associate myself with guys who people say are "bad", so the difference is refreshing (probably not the most suitable word when the topic is about smoking, but oh well). Anyway, I don't think guys like that are very good long term boyfriend material.

Tralala. This 3 day long infatuation is over (fickle me) but any others wishing to discuss it, please do!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
Okay, just came back from a date with the guy I'm going out with and POOF there goes my infatuation with the other dude. I just momentarily got distracted, is all. :kitteh:
I think what happened was "what if I went out with this interesting looking person?" and then I ruled it out because there's a high probability the other guy is not as mature and chivalrous as my current boyfriend <3 <3 <3
@FearAndTrembling SHHHHH blame the "smoking-is-attractive" mindset on James Dean and brainwashing from the media. Also I guess it's because I've never associate myself with guys who people say are "bad", so the difference is refreshing (probably not the most suitable word when the topic is about smoking, but oh well). Anyway, I don't think guys like that are very good long term boyfriend material.

Tralala. This 3 day long infatuation is over (fickle me) but any others wishing to discuss it, please do!
hah, this made me laugh. So typical ENFP ; ) ha!!
 

·
World's biggest INTJ fangirl
Joined
·
2,314 Posts
So sorry to dig up this thread again but I am crushing on this guy SO BAD right now! I mean generally I’ll meet someone (say a patron at work or something), make a good connection, get all excited and giddy, fantasies about him for a day and then promptly forget about him.

This guy however, has stuck around my head for a week now and it’s driving me absolutely mental because it’s completely inappropriate. He’s a regular visitor to my work (at the library) and he is just a really awesome and amazing guy and... twenty years my senior. *bangs head on desk*

He’s intelligent (university degrees, loves to study) yet has this real rebellious streak (tattoos) AND YET he is also a total humanitarian. The connection was instant – as in he definitely felt it too and just... WOW. He has the most incredible blue eyes and he looks like friggin’ Mads Mikkelsen and is around the same age as him too.

ARRGGHHH what is wrong with my brain?!?!?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
I think I have reason to doubt my sanity.
Haha, okay, it's not that bad yet, but I have a horrible habit of getting infatuated with guys who are sort of strangers. I want to see if you ENFPs experienced this before.

I first became infatuated with my friend's brother - but I had hardly spoken to him, apart from once, for a bus ride, where he seemed nice but I also found him very attractive. Not only was he physically attractive to me, but also was a sort of "lone wolf" kind of guy, which I really dug.
The infatuation lasted on and off for 4 years, which is ridiculous, as I had minimal interaction with him, until the fourth year, where I started talking to him more. And then it disappeared because I started liking a guy (who I knew better).

Now, it's happening again; I met this guy at a music competition audition over the weekend and I literally interacted with him for a total of like 5 minutes. He was good looking in a rough kind of way, he sings and he smokes, which I (unfortunately) find attractive. We'll both be in at the music competition's finale and I'll see him again, but my silly brain has decided it will be infatuated with him, and now all I can think of is all the possible scenarios in which we will meet. The same symptoms were present in my first infatuation.

my infatuation symptoms include:
- listening to a lot of Muse, because songs like "hysteria" and "time is running out" kind of encompass the feeling of obsession that happens in my head
- thinking about the guy for the whole day (not very healthy, especially if I don't actually know him)
- thinking of all the possible scenarios in which we would meet again, and what we would say and do (that's Ne for you)
- running through our interactions again and again in my head
- being convinced they are attracted to me

On the other hand, my general confidence has spiked since my first infatuation, meaning that I might be able to get more out of this current one.....
but honestly, this is a kind of disturbing part of my mind, forming a faux emotional bond so quickly to someone I don't know well.

Have any of you fellow ENFPs experienced this? What happened?
Does anyone know why this may happen?
What can or should be done about it?
omg.. this is like the story of my life.. to be honest..I still don't know how to deal with that. I mean, how can I be sure/know.. which one that's real love, and which one is the "infatuation" .. and the thing is, once I'm attracted to somebody, it's like impossible to getting rid of the image LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
So sorry to dig up this thread again but I am crushing on this guy SO BAD right now! I mean generally I’ll meet someone (say a patron at work or something), make a good connection, get all excited and giddy, fantasies about him for a day and then promptly forget about him.

This guy however, has stuck around my head for a week now and it’s driving me absolutely mental because it’s completely inappropriate. He’s a regular visitor to my work (at the library) and he is just a really awesome and amazing guy and... twenty years my senior. *bangs head on desk*

He’s intelligent (university degrees, loves to study) yet has this real rebellious streak (tattoos) AND YET he is also a total humanitarian. The connection was instant – as in he definitely felt it too and just... WOW. He has the most incredible blue eyes and he looks like friggin’ Mads Mikkelsen and is around the same age as him too.

ARRGGHHH what is wrong with my brain?!?!?!
I have the same problem.. idk why.. but tattoo is a big attraction for me (I have none myself, but i found myself totally easily drawn to men with tattoos LOL
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,373 Posts
... aww. The crush of the week thread. Been there, done that.

Imagine a life of submission and obedience. Absolute royalty. Loyalty to society, government and corporate creed. Rebelliousness is hot because it's an affirmation of life. Shame that people haven't mastered the art of rebellion and are self destructive and hurtful of other people in doing so. The real badasses have something of their own, something precious beyond the mandates of society. Everything else is a fashion trend.

But yeah, what was said on the previous page: like the person as they are, not how they exist in your head.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,623 Posts
@Nafatali, please make a new personal issues thread on this subject instead of necro-posting an old one. This one will be closed.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top