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Discussion Starter #1
I've heard bad things about some people's interactions with ESFJs. I know relationships differ for everyone and the MB type doesn't cover all the little things but I'm just curious. Thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter #2
That is for me, an ENFP.
 

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Thank you! It's just a girl I'm interested in. From what I've picked up she's an ESFJ.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
It's very interesting, thanks again!
 
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Generally-accepted wisdom states that two healthy people of any Types can have a successful relationship, as long as they're willing to communicate and work. Also, there are many other important lenses through which to look at a potential mate, besides MBTI, such as whether you share similar life experiences, goals, spiritual beliefs, etc. In other words, please don't place too much emphasis on what you read here!

I've never been romantically linked with an ESFJ but one of my best friends while growing up is this Type and we love each other dearly. We are very different but have respect for each other's strengths and abilities.

I have found my greatest romantic successes to have all been with other iNtuitives and quite a few others here at PerC seem to find that the N/S divide is the most difficult one to navigate. However, one expert (sorry, I forget which book it came from) believes that the J/P difference causes the most arguments in long-term relationships. You two differ in both of these areas. Absolutely, you could make a relationship happen but it mightn't flow as easily as it could with, say, an INFJ.
 

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Complete relationship chart between psychological ("personality") types Try it.
socioconic personality types are the same as MBTI types as long as the type is an extrovert, and that is the case for you.
MBTI and Socionics types have no direct correlation. If you want your socionics type, do some research. MBTI defines personality through a study of behaviors, actions, and tendencies. Socionics defines personality through thinking patterns, neuroses of thought, and mental structure.
 

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I have a disproportionate number of female ESFJs in my life (or so I think they are). Some annoy the hell out of me, some are okay, some are great. I've had interest in a few of them, but it's always died out after a few months. It's kind of hard to really say whether or not it'll work out, because it really is dependent on the rest of their character. Some are super dramatic, some, not so much. Some are extremely hypocritical, some are not (didn't mean to list off two bad traits there).

However, I can point out a few patterns I've had with ESFJ gals. They're a ton of fun to talk to, until the two of you start to talk about deeper ideas/getting attached. I might not have met the right ones yet, but they have a really hard time understanding what I say and mean. A lot of times, they grasp an idea on what they *think* I mean, and hold fast to it. I can try to explain, but it's no use, until they've calmed down later. I've never been able to find an ESFJ that thinks the way I do (dealbreaker for me).

More importantly, never ever let yourself get taken granted for. ESFJs as friends are great, because there's mutual respect. But sometimes if they think they're "taking care" of you, or take an authority position (happens sometimes in relationships), you're trying to climb an infinite well. If it happens, make sure you draw your lines, because losing your freedom is no fun :p

However, take what I say with a slight grain of salt, because this is just my experience. Additionally, with the exception of my mom, all the other ladies are ~18 years of age, so emotional maturity is sometimes iffy (not that I would call myself completely mature xD)
 

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Hmmm... Well, if you haven't looked too hard into cognitive functions, that would probably help you in a relationship. ^^ Or at least put a finger on potential issues. But anyways, you ought to think of a relationship not between two types, but as a relationship between two individuals. ESFJs have the nastiest, completely false stereotype around, so you might want to be careful about that. :)

There's some super nice ESFJs who'd be willing to help you with this question on the ESFJ forum, I'm sure. ^_^
 

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My longest relationship was with someone who I'm fairly certain was an ESFJ. I doubt I will ever be with someone again who is that attentive to my needs and that devoted to making me happy. He gave and gave and gave and is one of the most kind, honest, ethical, and hardworking people I have ever known. We don't talk anymore, but I still have a deep love and admiration for him. That won't ever change.

There was a lot about me that he did not understand (although I could tell he really tried, which meant a lot to me). I found him stubborn, inflexible, and narrow-minded in places where I'm sure he found me impractical and completely wrong-headed. There was no opening his mind on issues or getting him to see a new perspective, so I buckled down and reigned in parts of myself to make him more comfortable and our relationship more peaceful. When an xNFP does this, resentment/discomfort will slowly build up. I was young and didn't have as much self-awareness, so I found myself feeling frustrated without grasping why.

I suspect if your ESFJ studied typology, learned about the difference between Si and Ne, and respected that not everyone made judgments based on past experience, you'd be in a better boat. Likewise if you have a stronger sense of self than I did at the time. Even so, you will undoubtedly have some turbulent waters to navigate from time to time, but with determination and mutual respect, it's doable.

But sometimes if they think they're "taking care" of you, or take an authority position (happens sometimes in relationships), you're trying to climb an infinite well. If it happens, make sure you draw your lines, because losing your freedom is no fun :p
I experienced this issue too.

As I said, I was young when we got together. It felt like going from one set of parents to another.
 
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