Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together about five months now. He's amazing. Probably one of the best people I've ever come across while wandering this world. We get along very well. I rarely get upset with him, and if I do, its very minimal and we usually resolve it right away. We are in a long distance relationship, and only get to see each other for about a week each month, but I've never trusted someone like I do my ENFJ, so my worries are pretty much nonexistent. We Skype every night, text during the day, and are always in constant contact. He never fails to reassure me of his love, and never lets a day go by without showing some sort of verbal affection.
Now, I'm an XNFP... I know that might seem weird to some of you, but I relate so well to both INFP's and ENFP's that it really just depends on the day or who I choose to socialize with. This may or may not have to do with my INFP sister... but thats another story. When I'm around my ENFJ lover, I tend to be more introverted, which makes sense because we find a sort of balance, but I have my extroverted days. He's usually the dominant one (which I've heard is quite frequent in ENFJ males) and I tend to like him taking the lead... which is very unusual because with most others I'm always seen as the leader. Its a nice and relaxing change for once. He's very protective. Whenever we go anywhere he's always touching me in some sort of way or holding my hand and leading the way.
The only issue I find us having is that of conversation and depth... and even then, I don't think that's the right words for it. Let me explain:
I love deep conversation. I live for it, especially with the person I love the most. For those of you who are well versed on enneagram types, I'm a 4w3. I'm also a classically trained violinist, and literally live to emote my life through my instrument. For me, finding that inner passion and trying to explain it is crucial. I look for a deeper meaning in everything (which sometimes, I find, leaves me feeling very unsettled)
My ENFJ lover, on the other hand, loves to talk! In the beginning of our relationship he did it all for us, and I just contently listened. He still does, but more recently, since I'm now completely comfortable around him, I tend to want to do more of the conversing... basically about anything that catches my interest, haha. That's a total ENFP trait... I get so excited about things and become obsessed and need to share my excitement with him... which is where my problem begins. We're great communicators on most levels except one's that require a deep and long assesment.
He does listen, don't get me wrong, but most of the time, since it's over Skype I can tell he just zones me out after a few minutes and it really hurts my feelings! He'd rather watch a movie than talk about life and passionate topics. This goes for more important matters too. I've been going through a rough patch for the past year, trying to figure out what to do with my life and pick a different college, and its caused me some major anxiety and depression. I've been having the worst panic attacks lately, and just needed him to be there emotionally... and when I finally told him (I've kept it in a very long time) he listened for a moment and then fell asleep! That kind of caused an emotional breakdown in me. I'm a very private person and don't ever tell people how I'm feeling inside, and when I finally told the one person who I thought I could completely count on, I got shut down.
Trust me, I told him how much he'd hurt me the next day. He said his usual, "I love you, I'm here for you... yada yada" but it never made me feel any better. He hasn't asked about my depression since. This has been going on for a while now. Whenever I try to talk about deeper things, he shuts down! It's like he expects all of life to be sunshine and rainbows, or black and white! We rarely skim below the surface. It is only on the rarest occasion that he lets me in to see the less superficial side of him. I know most ENFJ's only do that with their lovers, and I hold that in the highest regard, but how do I get him to listen to me more? Do we just need more time as a couple? Am I going about things the wrong way? I never feel unloved, but I do feel so alone sometimes.
Okay! Rant over.
Also... if this helps in a way, if it wasn't already kind of obvious haha, I'm definitely a Quality Time lover, while he's more of a Physical Touch. I need that eye contact and conversation while he's content just being next to me watching a movie.
Thank you for your time my lovely ENFJ friends